TOS Caption Contest #293: Friday's Caption

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to this new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Sometimes it's tough to be the Captain" Award, going to:

[Kirk bursting out of lift]

Kirk: GET THE HELL OFF MY SHIP YOU SONS OF BI... !

[comic beat]

Kirk: What deck is this?

Redshirt Ron: Deck 7.

Kirk: Shit. Wrong deck.

[dejected Kirk gets back in lift]

Next, we have the "Flawless Plan" Award, going to:

Sulu: ``Keep looking. We'll find whoever's going 'peep' at us.''

Next, we have the "Cleanliness Issues" Award, going to:

Spock: "Was it necessary to hit him that hard?"

Kirk: "Hmmmm?"

Spock: "...the blood on the walls?"

Kirk: "Oh, that? That's from when I got stabbed. House keeping's slacking off again."

Next, we had SO MANY AMAZING entries for this next photo that the only reasonable thing to do was to name 2 of them winners here and 2 in the Tribbles Choice.

"...and G'mtok hits a grounder to left...K'vak picks it up, throws to second, he tags ...DOUBLE PLAY! Wait a minute...G'mtok doesn't agree with the call! He's calling the umpire a petaQ! And G'mtok's charging the mound...he's got his mek'leth out...and he's disemboweled the pitcher!"

And...

KANG: Okay, it's decided. We'll meet at the Taco Bell in the food court in two hours.

Next, we have the "Product Endorsements" Award, going to:

STAR TREK, brought to you by Pepsodent. A Pepsodent smile can be seen clear across the galaxy!

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

ALL AT ONCE: Left! LEFT! Right you fool! FIRE! Go right! Left!

Klingon One: "It's asking for a password."

Kang: "Hit clue."

Klingon one: "Mother's maiden name."

Klingon two: "Try Krullea."

Kang: "Not your mother's name, the ship's engineer's mother"

And...

Kirk (bursting from turbolift): "En garde! Oh, shit, they've got phasers!"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

And now, an episode that I can't watch without wondering how they got around the Prime Directive with, well, basically just about everything. It's time to caption "Friday's Child!"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: This will be a short meeting, Spock, McCoy and I have to leave soon. The quickest ever Redshirt death is in this episode and I don't want to miss it.

Kirk: KIRK SMASH!

Spock: Not this again.

Scotty: Ship's Log, supplemental. We have left Captain Kirk, Spock and McCoy on the planet to chase down a very convenient distress call. There's no way this could be a trick to get us to abandon our team. End log.

The Vasquez Rocks FIGHT BACK!

Shatner: Write a tell-all book in 45 years and I'll hunt you down.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: For being from a planet of pacifists, you sure know a lot about making weapons.

YEOMAN BLUESKIRT: It goes this way.

SCOTTY: Y'd think the screen would shift along with the direction!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: What the...? Leadhead doesn't have any pics of Julie Newmar in this contest!!!!

SPOCK: She was pregnant in the episode.

KIRK: Still, Julie Newmar!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Kirk: "Watch this one, Spock! I'm gonna put this one right up that guy's left nostril!"
Spock: "You haven't hit within ten feet of any of them yet."

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Kirk: Anything else, Bones?

McCoy: Well, based on my experience before, if the Maab and his party walk around this part of Vasquez Rocks—well, pretty much exactly like you see them here—then I expect we'll be in serious trouble.

Scotty: What's this?

Yeoman: Nothing important.

Scotty: "James T. Kirk."

 

[Ithekro]

Director (O/S): Okay once again, with feeling this time!

Nimoy (to self): This is the thirteenth take already.

And there goes the budget for the rest of the season.

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the Pepsodent smile of approval!

SHATNER: Seriously, if this is the best ABC can counterprogram us with, we'll have a five year run easy!
DOOHAN: Tammy who?
KOENIG: Wait, that was last season, before I was even here.

KIRK: No, no! It's just a jump to the left, and THEN a step to the right, THEN with your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight!
BONES: Capellans can't dance, Jim.

SCOTT: Status report?
ENSIGN: Restraining order.

BOB THE DISCOUNT KLINGON: Ahh! The planet's going to become a black hole! Just like Vulcan!
MAAB: I told you to stop watching that movie, Klingon!

SHATNER: I think they're coming
NIMOY: Damned Trekkies...

 

[The Hooded Man]

SCOTTY: Game of Thrones sure has gone downhill since King Joffrey's exit!

SPOCK: I am not sure that is how one does the Twist.
MCCOY: Those pointy ears of yours not working today Spock? Jim said he wanted to slam dance!

YEOMAN: Just sign here, here, here and sign and date here, and your subscription to Garbage Scow Quarterly will begin with the next issue!

"New Captain Kirk's Gorn-Away! For all your DIY handcannon needs! Now with the option of pre-mixed black powder!"

Kirk's first try at taking Spock camping wasn't the relaxing time that he hoped it would be.
http://www.trekbbs.com//uk.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Triskelion]

Yeoman: You dot i's with hearts and arrows?
Scotty: Haggis on a stick.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "...it's still buffering."

Scotty: "Ach, I told you the reception was lousy in this sector."

Kirk: "Dammit all!"

Spock: "You did not show this level of irritation when you were trying to download the latest message traffic from Starfleet, but you are upset because you can't stream the latest 50 Shades of Gray trailer in an expedient fashion."

McCoy: "Priorities, Spock!"

McCoy: "Jim, maybe you should let the bouncer go. This strip club looks overrated."

Scotty: "Borgas frat! The captain's piss poor handwriting locked up the data slate."

And now you know why they don't let Hollywood do that stuff anymore at Vasquez Rock.

Kirk: "There's something wrong here."

Spock: "Yes, I have not finished the string yet."

Kirk: "That would be it."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Uhura: "Who the hell is trying to play footsies with me under the table!"
McCoy: "Not me.
Scotty: "Not me.
Chekov: "I don't t'ink any of us have legs long enough to even reach that far."
Uhura (looks under table): "Riley!!!"

 

[Drob]

Kirk's Double Dragon combo: hair pull + knees to face + shoulder throw + walk left + pick up barrel + throw barrel

This week on MythBusters...

 

[Drob]

Yeoman: It was upside down, you drunk scottish eejit.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "I'm confused. She looks like Princess Leia's daughter, yet she's living in poverty on that Tatooine looking planet."

Spock: "Shall I remind you of the Harrison-Singh problem?"

Kirk: "...on second thought, no. I'm good."

 

[CorporalCaptain]

McCoy: Jim, could you hurry this up, we'd like to get out of here. Spock and I both finished off our guards minutes ago.

Kirk (panting): Mine's a tough one....

Spock: Fascinating....

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Now as you all know under Starfleet regulations, we're required to take a quarterly viewing screen course on relations within the workplace. Once the tape is complete, I'll pass out tests for each of you to..."

McCoy: *makes lewd gestures with his fingers*

Scotty: *chuckles*

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Capellan Warrior #1: Look out! That power-cat just coughed up a hairball!

Bob, the Discount Klingon: Wait, I thought those weren't canon!

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "So, Keptin, vhat's our next mission?"

Kirk: "I'm just here so I don't get fined."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Scotty: "Lassie, I know this ship like I know the back of my h--"

Ensign: "Sir, you're holding it upside down."

Spock: "Captain, logic would dictate that is swords were not match for phasers, neither would bow and arrows be."