Are We Raising a Generation of Helpless Kids?

[Danoz]

Interesting article -- if not a rehash of the dozens that are written every year about how narcissistic and overly privileged attributes of Generation Y (1984-2000?).

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Mickey-goodman/are-we-raising-a-generati_b_1249706.html

I think there's some merit to some of this -- natural competition, letting kids fail, lose, and win -- teaching kids the skills they need to navigate the real world and job market, etc.

Having said that -- I feel like this is generally overblown.

Yes, modern kids have been raised on tablet computers and devices. They spend countless hours image crafting their online personas and "collecting" friends -- but are these not the skills young people will need to be productive adults in the future?.

What about parents on the board? Is this something you think about and worry about with your kids?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Sadly, the stories are all true, says Tim Elmore, founder and president of a non-profit, Growing Leaders, and author of the "Habitudes®" series of books, teacher guides, DVD kits and survey courses. "Gen Y (and iY) kids born between 1984 and 2002 have grown up in an age of instant gratification. iPhones, iPads, instant messaging and immediate access to data is at their fingertips," he says. "Their grades in school are often negotiated by parents rather than earned and they are praised for accomplishing little. They have hundreds of Facebook and Twitter 'friends,' but often few real connections."

wut

Who are these parents who "negotiated" their kids' grades? Yeah, I'm sure teachers just love to bend to the whims of angry parents.

As for the titular question, no.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Who are these parents who "negotiated" their kids' grades? Yeah, I'm sure teachers just love to bend to the whims of angry parents.

Teachers hate it, but, trust me, it happens.

I taught h.s. for one miserable year in the 90's. I was shocked by the "grade inflation" that had occurred since I had last been a student myself. I had parents complain about all sorts of crazy stuff, like when I gave their darlings a B+ instead of the A they were convinced they deserved for good but totally unexceptional work.

And I got no support from the administration.

 

[RoJoHen]

My mother, a high school teacher, is not allowed to use red pens when grading papers...because red is a harsh color that can be detrimental to a student's self-esteem.

So, yes, I think we are coddling our kids too much these days.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

^ I used colors other than red -- usually hot pink -- to correct papers for my adult students (probably the h.s. students, too, but I don't remember). But that was my own choice, not some administrator's. And the students complained just as much about their papers being covered with pink as they would've if it had been red. Students of any age aren't stupid -- they understand the meaning no matter what color it is. Sheesh!

 

[Melakon]

No kids, so don't blame me for how they're turning out.

 

[May 20]

I know that I have intentionally worked to try to encourage my children to not be helpless. They are old enough now that I expect them to work with the other adults in their life to resolve any issues they may have. After they have tried to the best of their ability, if the matter needs my attention, I will step in. But they have to make an honest effort first. We encourage them to try new activities, audition for plays/music groups, try out for sports, etc. When they make the cut, we celebrate and then expect them to work hard while they enjoy the activity. And when they don't make the cut, we sympathize with them, then send them off in search of something else. They both have expectations at home, too. They do their own laundry and take care of the cats, among other chores. Yes, they like their screens, but they also read voraciously.

Are we raising a generation of helpless children? I don't know. I do know that my children's childhood isn't what my childhood was, and their adulthood won't be what mine is. But my childhood wasn't what my parents' childhood was, either. We parents are doing the best we can with very few certainties. I think that if we teach our children to be compassionate, responsible, and productive, we may be able to trust them to figure out the rest for themselves.

 

[Mary Ann]

The simple fact of the matter is that if my generation had had access to the technology my kids have access to when we were their age we'd have acted no differently. It annoys the hell out of me when some people grumble about kids these days with all their fancy gadgets and how in their youth they only had sticks and burnt-out tires to play with and they were grateful about it, dammit. If they'd had smart phones with internet access they'd always have been on them no matter how much they may deny it.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I, for one, am pretty sick of "look how fucked up, lazy, entitled, and worthless millennials are" articles. Seems like the kind of thing people come to believe is true just because old farts with nothing else to do endlessly write about it.

 

[RoJoHen]

If they'd had smart phones with internet access they'd always have been on them no matter how much they may deny it.

All I know is that in my neighborhood, I am constantly trying to avoid running over children with my car because they're all playing in the streets...and that makes me happy. Learning how to not get hit by cars is a valuable life skill.

 

[Leviathan]

Indeed. Fat and helpless they are. I am well pleased. They shall make a mighty feast when the apocalypse comes.

 

[Amaris]

I think kids today will be more capable than our generation. I think technology is a benefit, as long as all things are done in moderation, but that applies to everything.

 

[LordMudd]

Try driving a school bus. The parents are hopeless, and who do you think the kids are watching and learning from? I actually had an elementary parent cuss at me this week, in front of the school with a principle standing behind her.

CCC.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

“We live in a decaying age. Young people no longer respect their parents. They are rude and impatient. They frequently inhabit taverns and have no self control.”

– Attributed to an inscription on a 6000 year-old Egyptian tomb, as quoted in Buckminster Fuller's I Seem To Be a Verb

"I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient of restraint".

- Attributed to Hesiod, 8th century BC, though origin is dubious

"I mean such things as these: when the young are to be silent before their elders; how they are to show respect to them by standing and making them sit; what honour is due to parents; what garments or shoes are to be worn; the mode of dressing the hair; deportment and manners in general. You would agree with me? Yes."

- Attributed to Socrates about things he considered to be neglected these days, from Plato's Republic Book 4

"What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?"

- Plato, 4th Century BC

“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”

- Often misattributed to Socrates via Plato, but more likely from a more modern --but still old-- (1907) Cambridge dissertation by Kenneth John Freeman summarizing ancient Greek complaints about youth and possibly paraphrasing a quote from lines 961–985 of Aristophanes' (446-386 BC) The Clouds, a comedic play known for its caricature of Socrates.

“Our young men have grown slothful. There is not a single honourable occupation for which they will toil night and day. They sing and dance and grow effeminate and curl their hair and learn womanish tricks of speech; They are as languid as women and deck themselves out with unbecoming ornaments. Without strength, without energy, they add nothing during life to the gifts with which they were born – then they complain of their lot”.

– Seneca, First century AD

"The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress."

- Attributed to Peter the Hermit in 1274 AD, though possibly of dubious provenance.

'There was a time,' Nikolai Artemyevitch resumed, 'when daughters did not allow themselves to look down on their parents—when the parental authority forced the disobedient to tremble. That time has passed, unhappily: so at least many persons imagine; but let me tell you, there are still laws which do not permit—do not permit—in fact there are still laws. I beg you to mark that: there are still laws——'

- On the Eve (1860), Chapter 30, Ivan Turgenev

“What the devil's wrong with these kids today?
Kids!
Who could guess the they would turn out that way!
Why can't they be like we were,
Perfect in every way?"

- Bye Bye Birdie - 1963

In April 1738, the press covered a report from a British Government committee which had been set up to "examine the causes of the present notorious immorality and profaneness."4

In the 1800s, hordes of teens and pre-teens ran wild in American city streets, dodging authorities, "gnawing away at the foundations of society", as a commentator put it. In 1850, New York City recorded more than 200 gang wars fought largely by adolescent boys.5

The Golden Age

"Juvenile delinquency has increased at an alarming rate and is eating at the heart of America"
US juvenile court judge, 19466

In 1992 the Wall Street Journal published two lists, ostensibly of the biggest problems in schools in 1940 and 1990 ("as identified by teachers"). The 1940 problems were listed as: talking, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, improper clothing and littering. The 1990 problems were: pregnancy, suicide, drugs, alcohol, rape, robbery and assault.

By the time the Journal printed the lists, they'd appeared in hundreds of media publications, books and political speeches. In 1994, a Yale professor demonstrated that the "1990" list was from a 1975 survey in which principals (not teachers) were asked about crimes (not general problems). The sociologist, Barry Glassner, points out that when teachers have been asked about problems in schools, they respond with items such as parent apathy, lack of financial support, absenteeism, fighting and too few textbooks – not rape and robbery.7

But the lists "confirmed" common beliefs – that morals are breaking down, that everything is going to hell, etc.

http://www.anxietyculture.com/antisocial.htm

Here, like the OP I can quote a contradictory scare piece citing one freelance journalist's and TV commentator's broadsweeping opinion from a few years ago too:

'We see children as pestilent'

Adults are suffering from ephebiphobia - fear of young people - says psychologist and TV presenter Tanya Byron, and it is destroying a generation's chances

http://www.theguardian.com/education/2009/mar/17/ephebiphobia-young-people-mosquito

This complaint never changes, it just gets passed down from generation to generation. I'm sure on The Cave Wall Times, there's a pictographic article painted in mammoth dung by an old curmudgeon of age 35 about how the young people of today have grown soft and disrespectful with their newfangled spears and wheels, and about how as soon as agriculture and domestication of animals eventually give way to civilization in millennia to come, that society is surely doomed by its current generation's shiftless and reckless youth.

 

[Timewalker]

Each generation adapts to the technology of its time, but it's what people do that matters more. Sure, I think that in some ways life was better decades ago. I didn't have to worry about being outside after dark, for one thing. Now? I wouldn't risk it.

There are improvements now, though, considering (for example) some of the casually racist things people would say decades ago. What was a normal part of conversation then is now considered highly inappropriate and appalling, and that's a definite improvement.

Actually, what disturbs me now about the people half my age or younger is that they can't fathom why they should need to know handwriting. They say, "Why should I have to know that? I write everything on my computer."

Well, what if they don't have a computer? "I'll use someone else's," they say. Questions about what they would do if the computer had no batteries result in the response that they always have batteries. They cannot imagine being without batteries or electricity, ever.

This is the kind of attitude that can lead to illiteracy if something goes wrong and advanced technology doesn't work.

 

[Mary Ann]

Actually, what disturbs me now about the people half my age or younger is that they can't fathom why they should need to know handwriting. They say, "Why should I have to know that? I write everything on my computer."

Well, what if they don't have a computer? "I'll use someone else's," they say. Questions about what they would do if the computer had no batteries result in the response that they always have batteries. They cannot imagine being without batteries or electricity, ever.

This is the kind of attitude that can lead to illiteracy if something goes wrong and advanced technology doesn't work.

Kids still do a lot of handwriting in school. It's not as if all their classwork is done on computers; note-taking is still done by hand. My teens only write longer essays on the computer, often using Powerpoint, but their homework and short assignments are always handwritten. Heck, my daughter has pen-and-paper penfriends, though that's probably unusual. There was a strong emphasis on writing and spelling in the primary schools I worked in, so I'm not sure where you're coming from.

Using computers is a godsend for children like my younger son who have issues with hand control and for whom handwriting is a lifelong chore. A few years back I bought him an iPad specifically to help his hand-eye coordination, and playing computer games has also helped with this skill.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

I think that if we teach our children to be compassionate, responsible, and productive, we may be able to trust them to figure out the rest for themselves.

Amen to that, brother, but alas not every parent acts like that.

I think the author of that HP-article does have a point. If parents remove all obstacles from their childrens' paths and raise them to have a completely exagerated self-esteem, they will not know how to deal with the situation when they encounter their first disappointment.

More often than not what life serves us won't be to our taste. In order to be successful in life, we must know how to cope with that. And there, too, practize does indeed make perfect. Learning how to endure setbacks and to overcome them is vital not just for kids but for every being. Overly protective parents or parents who indoctrinate* their children with a completely unrealistic self-esteem deny them this chance and thus pre-program their failure.

Not related to this article: I notice a growning lack of common sense in the teenagers around me. I wonder if/how this might be related to the problems treated in that article. Telling your future boss that in 18 months you'll have his job is certainly an example for both a lack of common sense (not to mention manners, strategy and self-control) and an oversized ego.



* seems a pretty strong word but I can't find a better one in my dictionary. Sorry. I mean it not in the sense of brainwashing but in the sense of planting a basically right and normal-sized idea into their minds and then making it grow out of all proportions into a monstrousely huge tree that overshades and suffocates everything else. (actually wrote "inseminate" first, but that word didn't seem right either. Please let me know what ideal phrasing might be)

 

[Timewalker]

Actually, what disturbs me now about the people half my age or younger is that they can't fathom why they should need to know handwriting. They say, "Why should I have to know that? I write everything on my computer."

Well, what if they don't have a computer? "I'll use someone else's," they say. Questions about what they would do if the computer had no batteries result in the response that they always have batteries. They cannot imagine being without batteries or electricity, ever.

This is the kind of attitude that can lead to illiteracy if something goes wrong and advanced technology doesn't work.

Kids still do a lot of handwriting in school. It's not as if all their classwork is done on computers; note-taking is still done by hand. My teens only write longer essays on the computer, often using Powerpoint, but their homework and short assignments are always handwritten. Heck, my daughter has pen-and-paper penfriends, though that's probably unusual. There was a strong emphasis on writing and spelling in the primary schools I worked in, so I'm not sure where you're coming from.

Using computers is a godsend for children like my younger son who have issues with hand control and for whom handwriting is a lifelong chore. A few years back I bought him an iPad specifically to help his hand-eye coordination, and playing computer games has also helped with this skill.

Would you like me to link you to the conversations I've had on other forums with people in their late teens/early 20s who have the attitude I described? That's "where I'm coming from."

It's good that your daughter has pen pals. And good for the schools that still teach longhand (aka cursive writing). But keep in mind that school systems are different and emphasize different things, particularly in different countries. Some schools are satisfied if the kids learn to print and don't really care if their handwriting isn't legible. Gotta justify the expense of all those computers and get them using the things!

Where you live, can young clerks in stores make change without needing the till to tell them how much to give the customer? Can they calculate 10% of something without needing an electronic crutch? That's something they have a lot of trouble with here. A clerk was once supposed to give me a 5% discount on something and didn't know how to figure the amount. I told her it was half of 10%. She still looked at me with a blank expression of the sort I reserve for advanced stuff like calculus, which I do not understand.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

Where you live, can young clerks in stores make change without needing the till to tell them how much to give the customer? Can they calculate 10% of something without needing an electronic crutch?

Alas, no
The other day in the electronics shop one clerk called out to another "hey, what's 19 times 19.95?" and I replied 379.05 before the other guy even had switched his calculator on. I think they thought I was a freak or maths genius till I explained that you simply calculate 19.95 by ten (by simply shifting the decimal point to the left), double the result and then substract 19.95

[Well, actually I calculated (20 x 20) - 20 - (20 x 0.05) + 0.05 but I feared the sudden + would have puzzled them.]

 

[KimMH]

Today's kids may not be able to do math in their heads or drive a stick shift car but they will have and will need skills we never dreamed of requiring. People always rise to their times and not only has it worked out ok; it seems to be getting better. While America and Europe may seem to be spinning their wheels, in some respects the rest of the world seems to be catching up which is a good thing for humanity in the long run.