What If: Captain Riker of the USS Voyager

Discussion in 'Voyager' started by Emperor Norton, Apr 24, 2014.

  1. teacake

    teacake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    If I go back far enough maybe I'll get to Kirk!!
     
  2. Guy Gardener

    Guy Gardener Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    In the lap of squalor I assure you.
    The common denominator of shtupping.
     
  3. teacake

    teacake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Good. I will succeed, I just have to keep schtupping to the source.
     
  4. Guy Gardener

    Guy Gardener Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Unless you're planning on living another 250 years to meet Kirk in his prime and shtup him, or if you are somehow obliged to mount acertain 85 year old north Amrican male... The best you can hope for is that someone you've shtupped, will shtup someone, who'll shtup someone, who'll shtup Kirk.

    And that's how an eskimo sister pays it forward.
     
  5. teacake

    teacake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I've resigned myself to never having his baby.
     
  6. Guy Gardener

    Guy Gardener Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Because David Marcus was a loser?
     
  7. teacake

    teacake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    NO!!!

    That was his mother's doing. She kept her son from the god like influence of his father and her own genes unfortunately had a heyday because Kirk's genes were dormant, unable to be activated because they were never in the presence of Kirk.

    Lucky for me MY genes are all lazy slobs so even if the baby didn't get to meet Kirk due to unfortunate temporal issues I feel confidant that Kirk's genes would prevail and the child would not be a loser OR have that horrible hair.
     
  8. Guy Gardener

    Guy Gardener Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    You'd never disown a daughter for having bad hair?
     
  9. teacake

    teacake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    IN the future there are sonic hair straighteners.

    But I don't have that hair and Kirk doesn't have that hair so I have every confidence our baby would have been beautiful :weep:
     
  10. Guy Gardener

    Guy Gardener Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    So much regret.

    You should have humped your TV Set when you had the chance.

    You can't knock up reruns.
     
  11. JanewayRulz!

    JanewayRulz! Vice Admiral Admiral

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    And a good thing too, or you are going to be one very busy woman at this stage of life. :vulcan:

    Didn't you promise to have Kristen Beyer's baby if she resurrected Janeway? :rommie:
     
  12. teacake

    teacake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I swore to have her baby but she never took me up on it! Despite delivering the goods!

    Really came out ahead there :D
     
  13. Yanks

    Yanks Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Not saying it wouldn't have been successful, but Kate really nailed the part. I can't imagine Voyager without Kate.
     
  14. AgentCoop

    AgentCoop Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    How powerful are these Kirk Genes™ of which you speak? Does Baby cry in a strangely halting manner? Can Baby do a Flying Kirk Kick™? Does Baby's onesie have a habit of getting strategically ripped?
     
  15. Melakon

    Melakon Admiral Admiral

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    Yes, while still in the womb.
     
  16. Guy Gardener

    Guy Gardener Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    His father was the God of Thunder.
     
  17. bbjeg

    bbjeg Admiral Admiral

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    Right here buddy.
    ^And Gamora follows his lead.
     
  18. Guy Gardener

    Guy Gardener Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Gamora?

    That movie isn't even out yet.

    Meanwhile I've been watching Kyle Reese take Terminators apart since I was nine years old.
     
  19. Melakon

    Melakon Admiral Admiral

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    There was nothing wrong with David Marcus that a little Johnny Slash from Square Pegs wouldn't have fixed. A totally different head... totally.
     
  20. bbjeg

    bbjeg Admiral Admiral

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    Right here buddy.
    Hey, Thor came out after 2009's Star Trek yet you can call Kirk his son. I should be able to reference a character in a later movie too.

    Now that I think about it, I'm starting to dislike NuKirk, he helped Khan kill Robocop.