VOY Caption This 98; Con and Conditionality

Discussion in 'Voyager' started by Ln X, Jan 11, 2013.

  1. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
    The weekend starts here with the latest caption contest!!!

    Our winners are...


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    And now the special award:


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    AND, as a bonus we have an 'on theme' award, the theme being 'sense and sensibility'.

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    Our theme is con and conditionality, I'm too tired to explain myself so here's five more pictures below for you to get your captioning mitts on!

    Also up for grabs is a 'on theme' award (and next time I'll provide a nice little picture for this award...).

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    Next caption contest is on the 18th of January!

    Have fun!
     
  2. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
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    How to kill ones captain, give them a 'gift' of a strangulating plant...


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    Neelix: And for some extra merchandise, I'll keep silent about your clan trying to spike the captain's coffee during this meeting...

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    Doctor: He mated with a hologram! Isn't that great?

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    Janeway: A hyper-drive squishy machine? This is a joke right? Right... ?

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    Zombie Borg!
     
  3. R. Star

    R. Star Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Location:
    Shangri-La
    Thanks for the win!

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    Plant:
    Lieutenant Vilix'pran reporting for duty. I'm afraid I'm budding again.

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    Neelix:
    Yeah that's right, I'm Captain Janeway's top negotiator every time she has to deal with a dangerous species that might kill her--- oh, now I get why I got the job.

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    EMH:
    After successfully providing Ensign Vorik with a holographic mate, I took the liberty of programing you one too Captain. He's waiting for you on holodeck two.

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    Janeway:
    TV seven? Aren't you a little more sophisticated than that.
    Seven: Your taunting is irrelevant. I shall assimilate all information on the Sopranos.

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    Borg:
    I wish the Voyager writers remembered we're supposed to self-destruct when we die. That sure would beat sitting here, slowly decaying over the years and I swear that vulture is chewing on my genitals.
     
  4. Honorable Ensign

    Honorable Ensign Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    Janeway: I'm sorry all of the fish in your aquarium died, Seven. Next time, try feeding them.
     
  5. Gil T.Azell

    Gil T.Azell Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Location:
    Gil T.Azell
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    Even the Borg got tired of waiting for the Leafs to win the cup.!
     
  6. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    NEELIX: So...you got any weed?
     
  7. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    The visitor's bullpen
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    Janeway: I'm not Seymour and I'm not going to feed you. So there.

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    Borg: Welcome to another episode of Tales from the Collective Crypt.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2013
  8. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
    Thanks for the win!

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    Have you ever wondered what happens when the Borg tries to assimilate a Talaxian Leola farmer?
     
  9. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
    Thanks for the wins, Ln X!Woo hoo![​IMG]

    Janeway to bridge, I need a volunteer to help me trim my bush.
    ...
    Janeway to bridge, I need a volunteer to help me trim my bush.
    ...
    Janeway to bridge, I need a volunteer to help me get rid of this plant.

    <doorbell rings>


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    Neelix:
    ...but as it turned out, it was literally just a plant.

    Kazon: This kind of thing happens to me all the time.

    Neelix: Oh? Do you have these funny little miscommunications too?

    Kazon: No. I force crewmen to shave my bikini area.


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    The bad news is that Vorik went through three holograms before he could initiate pon farr without crying.

    And the good news, Doctor?

    We've got the whole thing on video.


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    You don't seem shocked, Seven?

    I am not. The Borg acquired knowledge of Smurf porn holography when we assimilated species 3521 on Stardate 23453.4.

    This is no hologram, Seven.

    Intriguing....

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    Chakotay:
    Looks like this Borg died with his pants around his ankles.
    Seven:
    How do you shit in the woods, Commander?
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2013
  10. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
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    Janeway: "I thought the Leola root was disgusting. The Leola plant is worse. Security!"

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    Neelix: "Confidentially, between you and me. Her one flaw is that she keeps on and on about her pecan pie. How can one person be so obsessed about a foodstuff? But she's a fine Captain."

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    EMH: "He's attempting to learn yogic flying. I'll then give him a treatise on homeopathic medicine. I then intend to introduce him to the Church of Scientology. I want to see how much new age bullshit he takes seriously before he realises..."
    Janeway: "And you're doing this why?"
    EMH: "It's a bit of a laugh, really."

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    Janeway: "What is it?"
    Seven: "It is... it is... it's blue."
    Janeway: "You've been spending too much time in Engineering."
    Seven: "Want a glass?"
    Janeway: "Make it a double."

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    Kim: "Who is it?"
    Paris: "Forrestal. A competitor. He was good, very good."
    Kim: "I dunno Tom, this Idaho Smith and The Raiders of the Lost Vinculum program doesn't look as much fun as Captain Proton."
    Paris: "Stay in character, Harry. Besides, we're just getting to the good bit."
    Kim: "I've seen ahead to what happens to the sidekick. It's not a good bit for me."
     
  11. jespah

    jespah Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Boston, the Gateway to the Galaxy
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    That's the last time we recruit a Triffid commander.

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    You ever get that ... not so fresh ... feeling?

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    Captain, we'll be starting another session of Sex Yoga in 10 minutes, if you'd care to join Mr. Vorik and me.

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    Seven: Captain, I do not recommend ingesting the brown acid.

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    Chakotay: Now that we know this about the Borg, time to test our theory about the Pope's Catholicism, Harry.
     
  12. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    The visitor's bullpen
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    Borg: I used to travel the galaxy like you. Then I took an arrow in the ocular implant.
     
  13. NX-01

    NX-01 Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Location:
    Gateshead, England
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    Janeway - How could have I let my bush get so out of hand.
    Paris (out of shot) - Snickering
    Janeway - I don't see what is so amusing.

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    Neelix - Do you have any Talaxian Viagra? ... for a friend...

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    Doctor - I have programed the holodeck to produce a mate for him.
    Janeway (smirking) - That is good.
    Doctor - Captian, this is not funny!
    Janeway - Of course not Doctor (Laughs out loud)

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    Captian- What is that?
    Seven - A Vat of seamen I collected from the crew.
    Captian - You collected?
    Seven - Yes
    Captian - Why....in fact never mind I don't want to know.
     
  14. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Neelix: Be advised that when the Captain offers you her "Pecan Pie" she is referring to her vagina.

    Kazon: Is that some kind of housecat?
     
  15. Bry_Sinclair

    Bry_Sinclair Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2009
    Location:
    Deep Space 9
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    Janeway's first meeting with Ambassador Flora of Triffid IV didn't go as smoothly as she'd hoped.


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    Neelix: What can I get for a two year old Ocampa female?


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    Doctor: My holographic mate treatment worked perfectly, though as I understand it the holodeck was left in a bit of a mess.
    Janeway: Doctor, that's to your 'treatment' regime, I have have five fertilised gelpacks!


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    Janeway: So this is what a Vulcan-gelpack hybrid looks like.


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    Drone: We are the Zombie Borg. We will eat your brains. Resistance is futile.
     
  16. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Janeway: "A considerable amount of ship's resources went into building this thing, what's it supposed to do again?"

    Seven: "According to Mr. Paris, if I stand in front of these ultraviolet rays for several minutes per day, in no time I will take on the appearance of something that is referred to as a California girl"

    :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2013
  17. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    Janeway welcomes the first sentient plant in Starfleet into her crew, and falls madly in love.

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    Kullah's twin sister declares her undying love for Neelix.

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    DOCTOR: I came up with a treatment that will put a stop to Vorik's Pon Farr. I'd give it to him, but I want to see how far he goes first.
    JANEWAY: Make sure the holo-recorders are running.

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    JANEWAY: So that's where we left the Borg baby.
    SEVEN: Shall I commence fumigating the room?

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    Species 8112 was the first race to voluntarily join the collective, because they were tired of other races thinking they were zombies.
     
  18. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Captain's log, supplemental: never ask for an alien tea recipe!



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    Neelix:
    A shipment of aphrodisiac for a database of naked crew pictures. Deal.
    Kazon: How will you get them to ingest the drug?
    Neelix: I don't know. I'll call it some kind of herbal root. Dumbasses.


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    EMH:
    You might be interested to know that Lieutenant Vorik shouted out your name during Pon Farr - before he burst out crying.

    Janeway: I still got it.

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    Seven:
    It is a play about my time in the Borg. I call it The VGer Monologues.

    Janeway: Neelix reviewed it "The hottest existential performance since Bondage Babes of Boreth."
     
  19. hux

    hux Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2010
    Location:
    Hard Sassenach in Moist Aberdeen
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    Janeway: why the hell can't Neelix just make soup for once

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    Kazon: i've literally just met you.....and i'm already irritated

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    Doctor: Whenever i press this button...he takes a dump

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    Janeway: so it's 2 girls and a cup i'm gonna see, right
    Seven: Just keep watching

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    Janeway: keep talking Neelix, it's working
     
  20. Cmdr.Druss

    Cmdr.Druss Lieutenant Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2012
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    Recently leaked onto the internet were JJ Abrahms original plans for next Star Trek movie. A return to the prime universe and cross over with a cult classic, titled 'Star Trek: Day of the Triffids'
     

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