VOY Caption This 95; Beverage

Discussion in 'Star Trek: Voyager' started by Ln X, Dec 21, 2012.

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  1. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
    The weekend starts here with the latest caption contest!!!

    This contest nearly didn't happen today after I bust open my lower lip and chin slamming hard whilst skateboarding a few hours ago... (curse you bs noseslashers!!!)

    http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u487/Orthogonal/skateboarding%20bails/DSCF2129_zps2c898699.jpg

    Damn things are still bleeding, but anyway moving away from all of that we move on to the winners of last week's contest...

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    And now the special award:

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    After a hard day's work, every crew member always goes for a beverage... Though sometimes they don't always get what they want... And this can have violent consequences...

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    Next caption contest 28th of December. Have fun!
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2012
  2. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
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    Janeway: Damn mugs! The replicator keeps putting holes to the bottom of them! You would almost think this is a practical joke on me!

    Chakotay stays silent...


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    Tom: I would bet everything in this quadrant Harry that you could not successfully hitch this beautiful holographic lady...

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    Tom: Can I bite you in the neck Klingon style?
    B'Elanna: You can't be serious!

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    Janeway: The ship may be wrecked, but the replicators sure make good coffee!

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    A typical day for Neelix wouldn't be complete without at least one crew member throttling him for substandard cooking...
     
  3. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    Thanks for the Win!

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    Neelix: It was customary for the inhabitants of Rinax, dating back to the first Rinax landing 1,300 years, to strip when eating soup in a certain way. Let me show you, Harry

    Tom: Wanna get out of here?

    B'Elanna: Are you kidding? I'd rather listen to the doctor signing Bolian Opera.
     
  4. jespah

    jespah Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Boston, the Gateway to the Galaxy
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    Scenes from the next Iron Chef: Delta Quadrant.
     
  5. Violet.Phoenix

    Violet.Phoenix Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2011
    Location:
    A distant corner of the Zeta Quadrant...
    Thanks for the win!

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    Janeway: Damn...B'Elanna still hasn't removed those coffee-eating tribbles from my replicator.

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    Tom: Hey, uh, Harry...

    Harry: Not now, the intergalactic frisbee matches are about to start, and I've got a hundred credits on the Unwinnables.

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    B'Elanna: So...did you hear that Harry go turned down by Chapman?

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    Janeway: Never have I ever...slept with a Talaxian.

    (Everyone takes a sip except Janeway and the Doctor).

    Janeway: Care to explain?

    Kim: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

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    Noah Lessing: What did I say about serving me the squid special?!
     
  6. R. Star

    R. Star Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Location:
    Shangri-La

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    Janeway:
    -sigh- I need to stop ordering coffee mugs 100% full.

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    Tom:
    Harry, there are times I wonder if you have a pulse. She's willing and is programmed to have sex with anything male... or female.
    Harry: I would never fall for a hologram.

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    Tom:
    (singing) You've lost that looooooving feeling. Ooooh that loooving feeling. You've lost that loooooving feeling and now it's..
    All: Gone! Gone! Gone! Oooh ohoho!

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    Janeway:
    When Chell said Nebula soup was on the menu, I thought it was a metaphor.
    Neelix: Miss my cooking yet?
    All: No!

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    Tuvok:
    Happy, happy! Joy! Joy! Happy, happy! Joy! Joy!
     
  7. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012

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    Janeway: Okay, you can have some, if you promise not to tell the crew I got my replicator to make alcohol instead of synthehol.

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    Paris: I'm glad you decided not to put the timeline the way it was supposed to be after all. Now you and I can hang out in Paris.
    Kim: I'll show you a picture of Libby and my new baby if you take off that fake uniform.
    Paris: It helps me get girls.

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    B'elana: So Janeway demoted you for trying to save the environment on a water sphere, just a year after she saved the Borg from extinction?
    Paris: I'm going to go steal a shuttle or something. Janeway's moral lectures are hilarious.

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    The crew suddenly remembered that Kes warned them about the Krenim. And all they can do is sit back and take a shot of whiskey.

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    Neelix suddenly realizes that all the women he'll see for the rest of his life find Talaxians completely unattractive.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2012
  8. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Open the door!
    TFTW, Ln X!

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    Chakotay: Problem with the coffee?
    Janeway: I'll say. I ordered a Screaming Orgasm.

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    Tom: Think of this as the next level of a Ms Pacman game.
    Harry:
    Does she go "Woo-woo-woo-woo?"
    Milfie: I doubt it, but that's never stopped me before.

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    B:
    Know what happens when you put roofies in plomeek soup?

    T: You get to lay long and perspire.


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    Janeway: Like the coffee? I make my own cream.
    <Group spit take>


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    Sorry Mister Vulcan! All I asked was if Vulcans get too tense when you lay under a blanket!
     
  9. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin, TX
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    Janeway: Is the door locked?

    Chakotay: Yes, Captain

    *Starts licking the coffee off the replicator*

    :)
     
  10. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    JANEWAY: You call that a grande? Who programmed this thing?

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    TOM: Nope, she's still not drunk enough to have sex with you.

    HARRY: How is that possible? It's my program!!!!!

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    TORRRES: This is the cool kids table by default.

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    EMH: I wish I could say I come here for the view, ambiance and conversation. I really wish I could.

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    TUVOK: Ah ha! As I suspected. Leola root is made of people!!!!!
     
  11. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
    Thanks for the win!

    Chakotay: "Looks like the replicator had one..."

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    Chakotay: "That's an Enterprise D model replicator. It'll throw a tantrum if you don't order Earl Grey tea once every few days."
    Janeway: "I want it off my ship."

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    Harry: "Now?"
    Girl: "Not yet, ma cherie."
    Harry: "Have another drink."
    Tom: "What are you doing? Getting her drunk?"
    Harry: "Drunk enough to go out with me, yes."
    Tom: "It's a holodeck. You can reprogram her."
    Harry: "You don't think I haven't tried?"

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    B'elanna: "One time, at Klingon camp, I stuck a Bat'leth..."


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    Neelix: "Um, danger? Purple swirly thing alert!"

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    Tuvok: "The Jimmy Saville investigation team want to have a word."
    Neelix: "Ocampan... O...cam... pan..."
     
  12. jespah

    jespah Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Boston, the Gateway to the Galaxy
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    EMH: "Now, the rules of the game are, any time anyone says Talaxian, we drink."

    -- they all drink --

    EMH: "I didn't say Talaxian yet!"

    -- they all drink again --

    EMH: "Wait! Oh, to hell with it. Talaxian."
     
  13. Herkimer Jitty

    Herkimer Jitty Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2008
    Location:
    Dayglow, New California Republic
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    Janeway: "Voyager... are we going to have to potty train you?"

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    @harrykim

    still an ensign #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager
    didn't get that promotion today #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager
    still an ensign #voyager

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    Paris: "You're an engineer, so tell me: why do these tables all have a ditch in the middle?"

    Torres: "To drain out the vomit after the lunch special."

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    EMH: "Well, at least they have a Starbucks in Detroit."

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    [Tuvok chokes Neelix.]

    Tuvok: "Refer to me as an elf. One more time. I dare you."

    Neelix: "You're an angry elf."

    [The strangling resumes.]
     
  14. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Open the door!
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    Wait - if this isn't the urinal - where have I been getting my coffee?


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    She said she wanted Sex on the Beach, Harry.

    I know, I'm looking up the French translation for the bartender.


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    - And then he said, "I'm looking up the French translation for the bartender."

    And he wonders why he's still an Ensign?


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    EMH: You all have Talaxian Taint Fungus.
    <Group spit take>

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    What? All I asked was if you like my stir-fry with morning wood?
     
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
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    Open the door!
    [​IMG]

    Damn it!

    Broken replicator, Kathryn?

    Who cares. We need a technology for putting spilled coffee back in a cup.


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    Kim: I'm looking for a good French pickup line.
    Paris: She's a hooker from Toledo.
    Kim: Just a minute, I'm indexing idioms by province.

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    Wanna go get naked?
    Does a Vulcan bricklayer get sand in his crack?


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    Sorry you told Q what a lava lamp was, Captain?
    Shut up, Harry.


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    The secret ingredient in the Number Two Special is plomeek, Mister Vulcan! I swear!
     
  16. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin, TX
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    Janeway: I wish I accepted Commander Sisko's gift before we left Deep Space Nine. I told him I thought there wouldn't be enough time for me to maintain it.

    Chakotay: What was it?

    Janeway: A Raktajino sapling and a brewing machine to go with it. He thought I might like it in my ready room.
     
  17. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Open the door!
    [​IMG]

    - Captain, sometimes I feel that in order to get any attention around here, I should implant a coffee nozzle in my forehead. Captain? Captain!

    Once, a long time ago, I called this replicator a glorified toaster. It never forgave me. Sorry, did you say something about the coffee?


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    Harry, haven't you made up your mind yet?

    Sorry Tom, her price list has more pages than a Chinese restaurant menu. About this number twelve -

    No substitutions!


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    Wanna go stress test a bio bed?

    Does a neurostatic pulse to the secondary neocortex make a Cytoplasmic Lifeform lose bowel control?

    ...?

    Yes. Yes, it does.

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    Janeway: Why did the Vulcan sell his wedding ring in the Delta Quadrant?

    Janeway: He wanted to pawn far.


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    Mister Vulcan, you use the word "Logic" an awful lot. Actually, its root origin, <air quotes> "Cthia," is a deeper Vulcan concept that is merely translated into Federation Standard as "logic." It actually denotes a more complex meaning of "reality-truth." This goes far beyond your throwaway referent of "logic" as a simple-minded catchall idiom. A more sophisticated understanding of Vulcan logic refers to deeper connotations of the psychosocial/ ethno-mythology of logic as objective fact - beyond even perceptual contexts of a given observer - as opposed to your typical rationale. It invokes emotional mastery and the pacifism espoused by Surak, whose epistemological definition of <air quotes> "Cthia" would actually exist in contradiction to <air quotes> "Logic" as you so often bring up. Surak was a famous Vulcan phil-aggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2012
  18. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Janeway: Computer, when I ordered a "grande" coffee, I meant for it not to be more liquid than the cup could hold.


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    Kim: According to the menu, we can't afford anything at this bar.

    Paris: No, You can't afford anything at this bar.

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    Paris: So do you think the crew knows that we're dating?

    Torres: After you put a "If this house is a rocking, don't come a knocking" Sign on my door, I think the secret's out.


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    Janeway: Lets properly thank the chef.

    Everyone throws food at Neelix.


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    Tuvok: My Pon Farr is not your concern, Mister Neelix.
     
  19. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
    The next caption contest will be here tomorrow.
     
  20. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    EMH: I hear Mr. Paris is banging some chick in Engineering.

    TUVOK: Indeed, the rumors are she is a "screamer".

    JANEWAY: So, what have you heard, B'Leanna? B'Leanna? B'Leanna?
     
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