VOY Caption Contest 112: Restraints, Cows, Kimsanity!

Discussion in 'Voyager' started by Captain Kathryn, Sep 4, 2013.

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  1. Captain Kathryn

    Captain Kathryn Commodore Commodore

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    Location:
    Captain Kathryn
    Hi everyone!!!

    First, I just want to thank Ln X again for asking me to take over the VOY caption contest! What a pleasant surprise! :lol: Wasn't expecting that!

    Secondly, I have absolutely no idea how to Sticky this thread nor make the old one NOT Sticky...so please Mods help me? :confused:

    Now onto the winners and the new contest! Enjoy! :rommie:

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    Just want to say I thought this one was HILARIOUS. :lol:

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    Okay, here are the images I chose for the new contest. Have fun!

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  2. R. Star

    R. Star Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Location:
    Shangri-La
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    Chakotay: I've been waiting seven years for this moment!
    Janeway: Seven years of plotting and this is your plan? Pft... amateur. Tuvok, get the flogging whip ready.

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    Celebrating 12 days without a workplace suicide.

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    Kim: I'm going to be sick.
    Janeway: Ugh...
    Paris: Another typical end of the month when no one has any replicator rations. Leola desert. That hedgehog can ruin anything....

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    When Harry told Tom he had a thing for ground beef, this wasn't what he had in mind. Just another day in the shameful existence that is Harry Kim's life.

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    Kim: She told me to remove my clothes!
    Seven: Afterwards, Ensign Kim insisted we see you...
    EMH: Thank God I'm a Doctor and not a therapist... I'd need dozens of counseling subroutines to even begin to unravel what's wrong with you.
     
  3. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
    Thanks for the Captionated...:)

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    Chakotay: "It's the Heimlich manouevre, honest. She's choking on a bit of leola root. The hypospray is just... Nothing to see here. Dismissed!"

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    EMH: "I'm a hologram. I don't need the Heimlich manouevre!"

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    Paris: "Taste good?"
    Janeway: "Mmm! Oh... wow... You know that bit in the Matrix Reloaded... in the Merovingian's restaurant?"
    Harry: "TMI Captain... TMI!"


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    Cow thinking: "Ewww. I'm gonna need the Heimlich Manouevre after this..."

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    Harry: "Doc, you gotta do something. She tried to self-Heimlich!"
     
  4. Timewalker

    Timewalker Cat-lovin', Star Trekkin' Time Lady Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2007
    Location:
    In many different universes, simultaneously.
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    Harry: "Oh, Bessie... after all the women I've struck out with, I'm so happy to have found you! Let's go find a moon to jump over, and when we get back I'll get my clarinet and we'll make beautiful moosic together!"
     
  5. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    CHAKOTAY: Now that we're home I can finally follow through on my Maquis plan to steal a Starfleet vessel! Now back off or she gets it!

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    DOCTOR: What now the warp core is harmful to photonic matter? I call BS, that makes no sense! I should be able to manually fix the dilithium crystal misalignment!
    KIM: Follow the script Doctor.
    DOCTOR: This script is garbage!

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    JANEWAY: This is some good hedgehog pudding, Mr Suder! But enough eating, we need to find out what happened to Neelix.

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    HARRY: Oh, Seven. OH, SEVEN!

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    DOCTOR: What did the Captain do to you?
    SEVEN: I requested a less revealing uniform.
     
  6. bbjeg

    bbjeg Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 24, 2013
    Location:
    Right here buddy.
    Thanks for the pick!

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    Doctor: But I have to save the ship! I have to save the ship!
    (Yeah, the original caption was good enough)

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    Kim: It's not like I could do any better.

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    Doctor: I said she's fine Kim, I would know.
    Kim: FINE? Does she look fine? She needs to be nurtured, hugged, and stroked.
    Seven: If you don't remove that hand off my shoulder, I'm going to assimilate my foot up your ass.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2013
  7. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
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    Janeway: Shoot him!
    Chakotay: That's right Ensign, scared aren't you? Four years in the Academy didn't prepare you for this huh? That's right wet yourself kiddo...

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    B'Elanna: Not another one of the Doctor's save-the-ship fantasies!

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    For some reason the cream tasted like piss but to spare the feelings of the mentally addled Tuvok, everyone pretended it tasted great.

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    Kim had a thing for cows, he would start with the mouth and finish with the... udders.

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    Kim: No! I do not want that on my conscience!
     
  8. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin, TX
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    Chakotay: Tyler! I'll tell her where you put her nude pictures from her Academy days still if you don't let me pass!

    Tyler: *thinking* How the heck did he know?

    Janeway: *thinking* How the heck did they know? I thought Daddy had them purged.

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    Captain's Log. Tom Paris has been in sickbay for the past two weeks due to a Malon fever which keeps him making wisecracks. Chakotay has expressed concerns that the doctor may snap any time.

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    Janeway: Neelix must have the same cooking teacher as Riker did
     
  9. jazzstick

    jazzstick Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    May 10, 2009
    Location:
    The Darkside of The Moon
    I think the images went bad...This makes me sad.
     
  10. Captain Kathryn

    Captain Kathryn Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2013
    Location:
    Captain Kathryn
    ??? You can't see the images???
     
  11. jazzstick

    jazzstick Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    May 10, 2009
    Location:
    The Darkside of The Moon
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    Chakotay:Back up Crewman, this hypo contains the only cure for the virus causeing the captain to repeatly orgasm!

    Crewman:But Commander she ordered me to keep everybody out of her ready room!

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    B'lanna was trying to stop the Doctor when The Diarrhea struck!


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    Janeway: Tuvok, this is amazing!

    Tuvok: Thank you Captain, it was coming out of the ass end of something Neelix had in a cage in the back.


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    Harry Kim found his first beef flavored kiss most enjoyable!


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    Harry Kim: Doc, do you really think she can keep up with the level of Hammyness you project?
     
  12. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Just passing through.
    TFTW & New Contest, Captain Kathryn! You're off to a great start! :bolian::rommie:

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    Chak: Come one step closer and I'll inject her with this random sperm sample!

    Janes: Oh come on now. It can't be any worse than a lizard.


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    EMH: See Kim, this is how to get a woman to touch you. Threaten her ass with a warp core breach.

    Kim: I bow to the master.


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    Janes: Wow, the only way this could taste better is on top of a big, black -

    Kim: Captain!

    Janes: - forest upside down cake.

    Tom: You're too easy, Harry.


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    Cow: No, Harry. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

    Harry: How much for just two jugs?


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    Kim: See where my hand is? This is an appropriate touch. An inappropriate touch is where my other hand is.

    Seven: How many times does Harry have to remind you, Doctor?

    EMH: My bad.
     
  13. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    SECURITY: Put it down, the Captain doesn't need a shave!

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    JANEWAY (oc): Why don't one of you idiots grab his holo emitter?

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    MULGREW: How many takes is this anyway?

    WANG: Thirty two.

    DIRECTOR: Relax, it's not like you all will get fat or something.


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    HARRY: Tom had better be right about this cow turning into a beautiful princess.

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    KIM: Couldn't we just make the uniform larger rather than take out another rib?

    EMH: Who's the doctor here?
     
  14. Captain Kathryn

    Captain Kathryn Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2013
    Location:
    Captain Kathryn
    :lol: Everyone is so funny!

    Just FYI: I'm gonna post the winners and a new contest on 9/10 or 9/11.
     
  15. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Congrats on taking over the contest, Captain Kathryn!

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    Chakotay: Kathryn, please explain to the security officer that you specifically requested that I mainline the coffee straight to your bloodstream.

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    The Doctor: Get off of me, the Warp Core and I ARE IN LOVE!!!

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    Captain's Personal Log: This is gonna go straight to my thighs.

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    Harry: Why do you have Lieutenants rank pips?!

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    Doctor: I can treat you for the nausea after I finish singing my new rap lyrics.

    Seven: I'm going to die.

    Harry: We both are, Seven.
     
  16. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Chakotay: "Back off, I'll kill her, I swear I will."

    Tuvok: "You do realize if you kill her, that makes me Captain?"

    Chakotay: "Back off, I'll let her live, I swear I will."

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    EMH: "... and in the nightmare I was a doctor in the middle of this war at china beach, but it wasn't in china, it was in vietnam, and there was a nurse named McMurphy, and this red headed hooker, and this goofy life guard and I still had no hair and ...."

    Harry: "Sure Doc, now why don't you just ease away from the warp core?"

    :lol:
     
     
  17. Velocity

    Velocity Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    May 19, 2001
    Location:
    In the back of beyond
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    Chakotay: First step in this intervention: hypospray the Captain. Second step: Crewman, go to the holosuites and erase that Irish Village program!

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    EMH: Kim, you are cheating at Twister again and I quit!
    Harry: You can't quit now! You know this is the only way I can get women to touch me!
     
  18. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Just passing through.
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    Janes: Canteloupe! Canteloupe!

    Chak: No, you changed our safeword, remember?

    Janes: Interplexing phase...sinusoidal... - damned technobabble!


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    Damn Paris and his movie ticket lines! I'm going in!



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    Janes: This is wonderful, Tuvok! What do you call it?
    Tuvie: Short and Curly Surprise.
    <Tom & Harry put forks down. Janes keeps eating>


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    Cow: Oh, Harry!
    Harry: Do I make you horny, baby?


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    Harry: Why didn't you warn her about Tuesday's Fiesta Buffet!
    EMH: I figured she'd hurl it sooner or later.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2013
  19. Gil T.Azell

    Gil T.Azell Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Location:
    Gil T.Azell
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    B'Elanna: "OMG that was a holographic fart, my pet Targ ones smelled better"

    Doctor "Hey she who smelt it dealt it"
     
  20. Nebusj

    Nebusj Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
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    Janeway: ``All right, nobody panic, stay calm. What's-his-name here is just over-tired, that's all, and he'll go to bed when he's ready.''
    Chakotay: ``I have a name!''
    Janeway: ``Of course you do, dear little ... I want to say 'Chipotle'? Something? Whatever.''

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    ``Don't try to stop me! I'm escaping this show and ... I'm going into the movies!''
    ``What, like Wagons East?''
    ``Stop me!''

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    ``Someone remind me again why we're eating the models for an Arne Quinze art installation?''

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    ``Hey, Harry! Find that a moo-ving experience yet!''
    ``Grow up you guys!''

    [ Alternate ]
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    And Harry Kim totally believed it when they told him this was the Ambassador from Bovaria IX and that was the ceremonial greeting.

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    ``Seven says she's gonna be fine! Lay off!''
    ``I just ... was a holo-cow somehow?''
     
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