TOS Caption Contest #288: The Caption

Discussion in 'Star Trek - Original Series' started by LeadHead, Jul 27, 2014.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Hello everyone! New Contest!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Scientific readings" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Official Starfleet Business" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Proper Storage" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Now what punishment shall be done?" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "You've got to believe me, Nyota!" Award, going to:

    Our photoshop award, goes to:

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    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

    And now, we begin a new contest!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    [​IMG]

    Shatner: Okay, okay! I'll do a "Quit Smoking" PSA! Just stop letting the paramount execs in here at Cigar Time!

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    Kirk: That's a beautiful, tiny bird. So Majestic, so wondrous.

    McCoy: That's a huge bird. So.....

    Spock: The word you were looking for Doctor, was hungry.

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    Kirk: Spock, on a planet run by a sentient computer that makes the inhabitants call it a god, NEVER SAY "May God strike me down!"

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    Spock: We are cut off from the ship and running quite low on Redshirts, Mister Chekov. You will have to take on more dangerous assignments.

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    Kirk: Are you sure it's a good idea to inject Spock with a hallucinogen?

    McCoy: No, but it'll be entertaining!
     
  3. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Kirk: "Relax, Spock! It's just a damp, misty fog."
    Spock: "I remind you, Captain, we are wearing velour!"


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    Kirk: "This reminds me...I have a notice I need to pin on the rec room bulletin board."
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2014
  4. HarryM

    HarryM Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Location:
    Old Earth
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    KIRK: Chapel's Plomeek soup again, Spock?
     
  5. Noname Given

    Noname Given Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 22, 2001
    Location:
    None Given
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    Captain Kirk: "Have you considered a name for this new world yet, Spock?"

    Mr. Spock: "Yes sir. Considering the atmospheric composition, the odor of the surrounding environment, and the fact I have a huge case of the 'munchies'; I believe a suitable designation for this planet would be, 'Cannabis 4-20.' "
     
  6. Nebusj

    Nebusj Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
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    Kirk: ``Gah, look at this print, so muddy, so faded, you can hardly see a thing. I hope they get around to remastering this scene soon --- ''

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    Kirk: ``Oh! That's just about perfect! Good job, Paramount.''
    McCoy: ``Yeah, and now we're gonna have to buy this episode again? Great.''


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    Kirk: ``I just want to know, why am I holding a purple-tipped magician's wand along with my dead crewman?''


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    Kirk: ``Keep ignoring Dr Bashir over there, Chekov, Spock. He just wants attention.''
    Redshirt: ``I'm not Dr Bashir!''
    Kirk: ``That's just what he wants us to think.''


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    McCoy: ``Stupid thorns. Do they know how hard it is to inflate a Vulcan back up to 45 psi with only a hand pump?''
     
  7. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
    YEAH!

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    KIRK: What the hell Chekov's doing?
    LANDON: He wanted to show me his interpretation of that Russian legend called Tarzan.

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    KIRK: Why Gene, why did you make me roast my best fried?
     
  8. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Location:
    Walking distance from Starfleet HQ
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    SPOCK: Are you certain that is Apollo, again?
    KIRK: Mr. Spock, I never forget an "upskirt"!


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    KIRK: *cough* Okay, I guess Apollo does quality as a "gas giant".


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    KIRK: Chapel always said Spock was "smokin' hot" but I didn't think she meant it literally.


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    KIRK: Sorry, Ensign, you'll have repeat that report. I couldn't hear you over Lieutenant Mouth Breather there.


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    KIRK: Dammit, this "Pinterest" things has gotten out of control!
     
  9. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Shatner
    "What kind of aircraft is that Leonard?"
    Nimoy "I believe it a NSA surveillance drone Bill."
    Kelley (thinking) **Damn, did I forget to file that IRS tax extension request last month?**

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    KIRK: "I've said it before, but this time I mean it ..."
    Spock: "No more burrito Fridays Captain?"

    Chekov unobtrusively pulls his phaser.

    :)
     
  10. Dale Sams

    Dale Sams Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2012
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    Lieutenant: "Sir. Permission to shoot myself in the head and get it over with."
     
  11. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Kirk: Lieutenant Redshirt, it a given that you're going to die. I'm giving you a choice of poison, lightning bolt, explosives, major head trama ..."

    Lieutenant Redshirt: "If I have a choice in the matter sir, I'd like Yeoman Landon to fuck me to death."

    :)
     
  12. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Location:
    Walking distance from Starfleet HQ
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    SHATNER: Who the Hell put my bike up there?!
    KELLEY: <whistles>
     
  13. FormerLurker

    FormerLurker Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 17, 2009
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    KIRK: Why Gene, why did you make me roast my best fried?[/QUOTE]

    Underlined officially nominated as best misquote for this round.
     
  14. 1001001

    1001001 I Like the Beats and the Shouting Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Location:
    People's Gaypublic of Drugafornia
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    "Dude! Where's My Starship??"





    Or alternately...

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    "Captain, I do not believe Starfleet would approve of using the Enterprise to follow the Grateful Dead Tour..."
     
  15. 2takesfrakes

    2takesfrakes Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2013
    Location:
    Philadelphia, PA
    ... Thanks for The Win!

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    "Hello strange visitors, this is Vaal, speaking. My "children" use latrines, to do their business. Urinating outdoors is very unsanitary and against our customs. What if someone wanted to sit by that tree and gaze up at the clouds - only to end up sitting in your foul reek?! You know who you are ... That's right: I saw you!"
     
  16. Orac

    Orac Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2007
    Location:
    Ultraworld
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    Nobody warned the Captain about Spock's uncontrollable flatulence.
     
  17. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    KIRK: Wow, that's the biggest bird I've ever seen!

    MCCOY: Second biggest.
     
  18. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
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    BONES: Don't worry Jim, he has no more a fiancée waiting for him on his planet, he'll survive.

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    MARPLE: Toréador, en gaaaaa-rde!
    CHEKOV: Redshirt Choir isn't a Russian inwention.
     
  19. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Spock: "Captain, my readng indicate the desnity of the bong smoke is reaching levels that occur from the source. Logic dictates my alter ego Carl Spock is nearby..."


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    bones: "Damnit, Jim, Spock isn't a Lite-Brite board!"

    Kirk: "I was board."



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    Kirk soon found out the rumor was true: Sulu had a smokin' ass.
     
  20. HarryM

    HarryM Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Location:
    Old Earth
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    MCCOY: Jim? It wasn't Plomeek soup, what happened?

    (Kirk remains silent)

    MCCOY: Were you playing with your Gorn cannon again?

    KIRK: (barely audible whisper) Yes...

    MCCOY: What did you hit him with?

    KIRK: He said it'd be safe!

    MCCOY: WHAT DID YOU HIT HIM WITH?!

    KIRK: (sighs) Candy corn...

    MCCOY: What the devil?!

    CHEKOV: (OC) Invented by a little old lady in Vladivostok.

    KIRK: I thought it was invented in Philadelphia?

    MCCOY: Atlanta?

    SPOCK: (Impatiently jumping up) This is illogical, I am in severe shock and in need of the good Doctor's hocus pocus, and you all argue over a centuries old confection...

    (everyone else laughs...then the laughter slowly stops)

    KIRK: Wait, this show is only half over, crap.

    (Spock slow-claps)