TOS Caption Contest #276: Balance of Captions

Discussion in 'Star Trek - The Original & Animated Series' started by Santa Garrus, Aug 26, 2013.

  1. Santa Garrus

    Santa Garrus Calibrating the Holidays Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Hello everyone! Sorry for the repeated delays, life is busy, but here comes a new contest!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Advanced Technology" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Wishful Thinking" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Only in the 23rd Century" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Personal Technology" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Incomprehensible" Award, going to:

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    Many thanks to everyone who participated! Congrats to our winners!

    Here we go again!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. Santa Garrus

    Santa Garrus Calibrating the Holidays Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
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    Kirk: Do you, Ensign Insert Name Here,

    Rand: (thinking) Dang, I thought he knew who they were.

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    Scotty: Captain, shouldn't we be finishing the wedding ceremony?

    Kirk: Just a minute Scotty...

    Uhura: Now hear this, the Final Score: 49ers 34, Vikings 14.

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    Shatner: Leonard, why are you in my chair?

    Nimoy: According to the recent character popularity ratings, it's OUR chair now.

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    Uhura: My foot will open up hailing frequencies with your butt if you don't stop staring at me.

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    Spock: Although it makes no sense whatsoever, I'm here in the weapons room. Plot hole, anyone?
     
  3. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

    Happy Xmas (War Is Over) Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    If you want it
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    SHATNER: Someone tell that lighting tech he's fired!

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    SHATNER: Damn it. An American team won the Stanley Cup again!

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    KIRK: Out of the chair.

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    SULU: Since when can she drive?

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    SPOCK: And would you say you agree, disagree, strongly agree or strongly disagree?
     
  4. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Kirk: "Kirk to Scott!"
    Scotty: "Right here, Captain!"
    Kirk: "...My God, Mr. Scott, have you upgraded the intercom system? It sounds like you're right here with me!"


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    Uhura: "You lose somethin' over here, Hondo?"
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2013
  5. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

    Happy Xmas (War Is Over) Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    If you want it
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    SULU: Hey, Uhura. You're navigating. You don't have to look at the screen to plot a course.
     
  6. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Location:
    Walking distance from Starfleet HQ
    Thanks for the award!

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    RAND: What the--?
    KIRK: It's my "Kirk-light". Don't ask.


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    KIRK: What do you mean "the NSA has been monitoring all our intercom chats"?


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    KIRK: What's wrong with this picture, Spock?"
    SPOCK: That you're harshing my mellow... sir.


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    SULU: You're a sight for sore eyes.
    UHURA: Speaking of sore eyes: if you want two shiners, keep gawking, creep.



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    SPOCK: So that's two cheeseburgers "animal style", fries and two medium drinks. Your order number is 1701.
     
  7. Gecko of Gorn

    Gecko of Gorn Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 12, 2001
    Location:
    Gecko of Gorn
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    Kirk: .....and yada yada yada, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now, as per Starfleet double secret regulations, I hereby invoke the Captain's right of Primae Noctis.
     
  8. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
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    Kirk: "That tribble on your head is making a mockery of this ceremony."

    Martine: "Excuse me, Sir, but that's my maid of honor you just insulted."
     
  9. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
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    Kirk: "That tribble on your head is making a mockery of this ceremony."

    Martine: "Excuse me, Sir, but that tribble on your head is making a mockery of this ceremony."
     
  10. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
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    Kirk: "Went to the Ross Geller school of tooth bleach, did we?"


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    Kirk: "Captain's Log: Stardate 3120.4. 430 crewmembers, one toilet, Spock was at the head of the queue after an all night plomeek burrito bender. He's been in there for the last half hour, infrequently screaming 'Occupado, occupado!" I'm next in the queue. Suggest to Starfleet that a full time psychiatric counsellor be assigned to all vessels."


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    Kirk: "I do not!"
    Spock: "Yes you... do. It is most ill... .... logical. I shall now demonstate the Captainly poses you assume with which you radiate awesomeness."
    Kirk: "Oh good grief!"


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    Sulu: "It won't go."
    Uhura: "It will."
    Sulu: "There's not enough room."
    Uhura: "There is enough room. Look..."

    THUNK

    "It's in. See?"
    Sulu: "I'm not explaining the dent in the nacelles to Mr Scott."



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    Spock: "There, what do you think?"
    Styles: "Where are our clothes?"
    Spock: "Artistic license."
     
  11. Ríu ríu chíu

    Ríu ríu chíu Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    Mr. Laser Beam is in the visitor's bullpen
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    Kirk: That tribble on your head is making a mockery of this ceremony.

    Tomlinson: And the curtains don't even match the drapes.

    Rand: Awk-WARD!
     
  12. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Kirk: "It's always a joyous occasion whenever a young man decides he loves the milk so much he wants to buy the cow..."
    Rand (thinking): "Yikes!"
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2013
  13. bbjegglebells

    bbjegglebells Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 24, 2013
    Location:
    Right here buddy.
    Thanks for the win!

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    Kirk: ...until death do you part... But I wouldn't worry, your shirt's not red.

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    Scotty: Take your time sir, there's only a line forming behind you.

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    Spock: Be glad this isn't NuTrek, you never would have replaced me as Captain.
     
  14. BoredShipCapt'n

    BoredShipCapt'n Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2012
    Location:
    wherever I go
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    Kirk: "... and just for the record, I was never invited to officiate at Sulu's."


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    Spock: "You resigned your commission, sir."
    Kirk: "Dammit, Spock, I was drunk!"
    Spock: "Starfleet regulations clearly state that voluntary intoxication does not negate..."
    Kirk: "To blazes with regulations! Those chairbound paper-pushers have never had a good buzz!"


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    Spock: "And your job is to sit and stare at a single button? Very good. I believe this downsizing project may prove easier than I anticipated."



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    Uhura: "There! The controls are responding much faster since I deleted all that stupid porn of yours."
    Sulu: "You take a lot of chances, Lieutenant."



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    Scott: "Captain, we canna begin the dance party until ye switch it off Rush Limbaugh!"
    Kirk: "Only an hour and twenty minutes left, Scotty."
    Intercom: "...bunch of Vulcans and Andorians coming in and taking jobs away from decent, hardworking Earth people!"



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    Kirk: "Since the days of the first wooden vessels ... and that reminds me, I really need a leak."
    Rand: (whispering) "Inappropriate, sir."
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2013
  15. Wintermute

    Wintermute Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Triskelion
    TFTW, Leadhead! :techman:

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    Kirk: The cross? Yeah, some kid named JJ thought it needed beefing up. Gave it some shoulder muscles.


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    Spock: This is my spot. You can't sit in my spot.
    Kirk: Who are you now, Sheldon Cooper?
    Spock: Naturally. That would make you Leonard, Captain.
    Kirk: - You're Leonard.
    Spock: No, I'm Sheldon, you're Leonard.
    Kirk: Bones?
    Spock: Kuthrapali, perhaps you should explain it to him.
    Sulu: I know he's not looking at me just because I'm Asian.
    Chekov: Vell? The Volovitz mop vas a Russian inwention.



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    Live Long and Prosper, Leonard Nimoy. Here you are, an autographed copy of my book I Am Not Spock.

    Crewman: Do the death grip! Do the death grip!


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    Kirk: Sulu, how close can we get to that black hole before it swallows us up?

    Uhura: You better navigate your nose back to the outer space, mister. I'll space bitch slap an Ensign.


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    Kirk: This is the captain. There's something out on the wing. That is all.

    Scotty: We don't even have a wing, sir!
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2013
  16. Gecko of Gorn

    Gecko of Gorn Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 12, 2001
    Location:
    Gecko of Gorn
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    Spock: Gentlemen. It's that time of the week. Your calls, if you please.

    Crewman 1: What's "Omnipotent Being" paying?

    Spock: 2 to 1.

    Crewman 2: How about "Klingon Attack"?

    Spock: 5 to 1.

    Crewman 1: "Romulan Threat"?

    Spock: Erm, even money.

    Crewman 1: Screw it, I'll take the high end on "Crazy Officer" at 5 to 1 and "Get it on Cappie" just to cover the risk.

    Spock: (mumbling) Sucker.
     
  17. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

    Happy Xmas (War Is Over) Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    If you want it
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    KIRK: Eenie meenie miney mo

    RAND: Is that part of the ceremony?

    KIRK: Nah, I'm trying to figure out which one's gonna die by the third act.

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    SCOTTY: You're never gonna win those concert tickets, Captain.
     
  18. BoredShipCapt'n

    BoredShipCapt'n Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2012
    Location:
    wherever I go
    [​IMG]

    Scotty: "Captain, are you all right? We're all a bit worried about you."

    Kirk: "Quiet, Mr. Scott.... This is deeper and more satisfying than anything I've ever experienced."

    Intercom speaker: "Cellophane flowers... of yellow! and green! Towering OOOOOVER your head!...."
     
  19. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
    .
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    Spock: "Have you tried turning it off, then turning it back on again?"

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    Riker: "Uhura, get us out of orbit."

    Uhura: "Yes Sir." (veers towards planet)

    Sulu: "Oh shit."

    :)
     
  20. IzzyAtWarp9

    IzzyAtWarp9 Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Location:
    221C Baker Street
    Thanks for the win!

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    Rand: (thinking) One day that'll be us...

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    Spock: My replicator or yours?
    Kirk: Some day, but not today