TOS Caption Contest #275: I, Caption

Discussion in 'Star Trek - The Original & Animated Series' started by LeadHead, Jul 7, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

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    Location:
    LeadHead
    Hello Everyone! You have been patient, so it is now time for a new contest!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Legal Communications" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "What a strange person" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Helping out a friend" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Logic has some advantages..." Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Got any other bright ideas?" Award, going to:

    Now, this is a special award for me to give. I've been running Caption Contests here on the TrekBBS for nearly 4 years now. I've gotten my more than my fair share of kind words, thanks and attention from casual posters, regular caption contest players and mods, but I admit I let out a big smile when T'Bonz commented on this caption in the last contest. So the "T'Bonz Approves!" Award, goes to:

    Our Photoshop Award, goes to:


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    These two fought it out in my brain and I couldn't choose between them. So they both win!

    And....

    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

    And now, we caption some from one of my favorite episodes. Gotten many laughs from this one.

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

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    LeadHead
    [​IMG]

    Kirk: Report Mister Sulu.

    Sulu: Confirmed, Sir. Offsides.

    Kirk: Uhura, signal the 5 yard penalty.

    Uhura: Aye, Sir.

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    Spock: We're on strike, Captain. Get lost.

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    Chekov tried desperately to get within transporter range and leave the planet.

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    Spock: I'd try a mind meld, but I doubt it would be any more effective.

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    Kirk: If.......you.....don't........release......the.......ship......I'll.......keep......doing.....this....

    Norman: I give up!
     
  3. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Kirk: Uhura make a note to Starfleet. Although sparing the crew the discomfort of PDSA, pornoscopes are still a constant distraction for navigation and science stations. Not recommended for next class of starship. Perhaps a self-cleaning room of some kind.

    Uhura: PDSA sir?

    Kirk: Public Display of Self Affection. Right Sulu?

    Sulu: Course...laid in, sir....


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    Kirk: Ok the I Hate Sulu meeting can get started. Who goes first?


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    Scotty: I take it back, lad. Vodka farts are more powerful than whisky farts. But give me a sheep's bladder and I'll squeeze ye out a bonnie tune.


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    Babe #210: Please swipe credit card...Thank you.


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    Kirk: Everything an intern tells you is a lie. Remember that! Everything an intern tells you is a lie!
     
  4. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
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    Walking distance from Starfleet HQ
    Thanks for the win!

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    SULU: I've located Dr. McCoy, sir. He's outside, attaching his name to the opening credits.


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    SHATNER: Okay, so I got the Green Berets shoot extended. Pay up, Walter.


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    CHEKOV: And dat's how ve got into space first.
    SCOTTY: Borgas FART!


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    210: Vulcanian massages are...crap.


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    KIRK: Why, Norman, Harry tells me he finds your visible panty line quite attractive.
    NORMAN: Bzzzzzzt!
     
  5. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    TFTW, LeadHead!

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    Kirk: "Is the magnifier working correctly, Mr. Sulu? Can you see your control buttons clearly now?"
    Sulu: "Yes, sir! Working fine, sir!"
    Uhura: "Why don't you just wear eyeglasses, you vain twit?"


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    Kirk: "Well, everybody seem very jovial! What did I miss?"
    Scotty: "Several highly derogatory jokes at your expense, sir!"


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    Chekov: "I love des low-gravity planets! Dis is a m*****f***** on Earth!"


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    Spock: "This is a highly-renowned Vulcan seduction technique."
    Alice #210 (unimpressed): "I am a machine."
    Spock: "That's what it works best on."


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    Kirk: "I've seen this before. Probably, Lieutenant Uhura's velour uniform has shrunk a bit too much."
     
  6. Push The Button

    Push The Button Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Smithfield, Rhode Island USA
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    Captain, the check engine light just came on.

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    McCoy: Oh yeah, it's a rug all right...damn, he's standing right behind me, isn't he?

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    Chekov wasn't much of a navigator, but boy could he dance!

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    Fortunately, I minored in chiropracty at the Vulcan Science Academy.

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    Kirk: Who designed this piece of junk, Daystrom?
    Mudd: No, it was some guy named Soong, I think.
    Kirk: I hope it's still under warranty.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2013
  7. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
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    SPOCK: Tell me where you hid all my CDs.

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    KIRK: They sure don't make them like they used to. The androids on Exo III were made of sterner stuff.

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    SHATNER: I just talked to Gene, Season 4 is a lock!

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    KIRK: Don't we have sensors or something for targeting enemy ships? Why manual controls?

    SULU: Give me a break! It gives me something to do, beyond saying "course laid in"!
     
  8. Gil T.Azell

    Gil T.Azell Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Gil T.Azell
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    Norman: "B.C. bud this is a very good Strain, ahhhhh

    Harry Mudd: "Sold!!!!!!"
     
  9. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    [​IMG]

    Kirk: Aha! I've outwitted yet another mechanical device, aha!
    Android: Kill me now!
    Kirk: Come to think of it, the yeomen say the same thing....
     
  10. IzzyAtWarp9

    IzzyAtWarp9 Commander Red Shirt

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    221C Baker Street
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    Sulu: Captain, someone seems to have replaced the buttons on this console with M&Ms...

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    Captain's log: After deciding that just saying 'course laid in, Captain' didn't bring anything to the series, Sulu has been fired. However, it turns out he atually is the only one who knows how to fly the ship so we're stuck on this godforsaken planet until we complete the teach yourself course from the computer. All 500 levels.
    Computer: Red means stop and green means...?
    Chekov: I miss Sulu!

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    There's something you would never see on Next Generation.

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    Spock: Spock to replicator room. I seem to have been sent the wrong post - this barbie doll does not fit in my hand as you advertised.

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    Norman: ERMEGHERD IT'S WILLIAM SHATNER!!
     
  11. Mistral

    Mistral Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Between the candle and the flame
    Kirk: "Ah, Harry-is he supposed to be smoking like that?"

    Mudd: "Kirk, gimme a break-he's a prototype. We'll have the bugs smoothed out before we go into production. Now, how many can I put you down for?"
     
  12. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    SULU: Captain, I can't tell what this machine is supposed to be, so I'm having trouble coming up with good technobabble.

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    Kirk was the last one on the ship to figure out Galtarian males look exactly like human females. Nobody said anything.

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    A clip from the never before seen Star Trek Christmas special.

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    Leonard Nimoy grudgingly agreed to appear in the network executive's niece's fanfic video.

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    KIRK: How tight are they?
    NORMAN: So tight my head is about to explode!
     
  13. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

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    SULU: Sorry, sir. The images on those screens are static, I can't change them.
     
  14. Crazy Eddie

    Crazy Eddie Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Your Mom
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    KIRK: This cloud... it has some kind of anatomy. The opening where we were drawn in seems to have closed. But there's another opening up there on top. Sulu, see if you can fly us out the opening on the other side.
    SULU: Ohhhhh myyyyyy....




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    KIRK: <sniff sniff> Holy <sniff> Oh good lord!
    McCOY: Wasn't me.
    CHEKOV: He who smelt it dealt it...
    SPOCK: Logically, ensign, he who has denied it supplied it.
    UHURA: ...



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    My thoughts to your thoughts... my mind to your mind... pimpin aint easy... pimpin aint easy...





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    Kirk: "Dude, you smoked that whole thing by yourself?"
    Norman: "Naw, man... thisss issss some good sssssshit!"
     
  15. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
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    Thanks Dad USAF 1947-1972
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    TATRO: What's that smell? Like something burning.

    SHATNER: Here's a hint Richard, don't piss off the lighting crew.
     
  16. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Spock: You have the perfect amount of lowered expectations for a Vulcan.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2013
  17. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Way back.
    [​IMG]

    Kirk: Man your station, Sulu.
    Uhura: You can't say that Captain. The law is you have to use gender neutral words now. You have to say "Operate that station."
    Kirk: So I can't say "Helmsman?"
    Uhura: No sir. You have to say "Helm."
    Kirk: "Brinksmanship?"
    Uhura: Brinksoneship.
    Kirk: "Where no man has gone before?"
    Uhura: Where no she-he has gone before.
    Kirk: "Seamen?"
    Uhura: ...I'll let Sulu handle that one, sugar.
    Kirk: "Woman?"
    Uhura: Wo-Person.
    Kirk: "Balls to the wall?"
    Uhura: Genitals to the wall.
    Kirk: "Manhole?"

    ...

    ...

    Sulu: Street vagina.
     
  18. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

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    T'Girl
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    Android #210: "Not all machines have their genitals in the same place."

    Spock: "I shall continue to attempt to locate yours."

    :)
     
  19. Timewalker

    Timewalker Cat-lovin', Star Trekkin' Time Lady Premium Member

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    In many different universes, simultaneously.
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    Chekov: Vell, Kyptin? Vat do you tink our chances are on Dancing Vith the Stars?
     
  20. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Spock: "I find the way the rhythmic throbbing of your hydraulic fluid through this subcutaneous tubing mimics a human pulse fascinating."
    Alice: "Oh, you silver-tongued devil, you."