TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption

Discussion in 'Star Trek - Original Series' started by LeadHead, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Hello everyone, sorry about the delay, but hopefully now I'll be able to make this go one a every other week schedule now. *Fingers Crossed*


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Mutiny on a Budget" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Now, we DO expect Miracles, Scotty!" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "I smell a lawsuit coming...." Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Spock's Prognosis" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Moe's Tavern" Award, going to:

    Our Photoshop Award, goes to:


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    Many thanks to everyone who participated on this one! Congratulations to our winners! I'm enjoying being the substitute on this contest, lets continue forward!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Spock: Mister Sulu, please do not place passed out crewmembers on the helm controls.

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    Spock: I am sorry, but this evening's class on Prophecy has been cancelled due to Unforeseen Circumstances.

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    Kirk: What the hell are you two doing in my quarters?

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    Chekov: Uh-oh. That wasn't a dream...

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    McCoy: I've brought you gentlemen something that will help you start the day?

    Spock: What is it called, Doctor?

    McCoy: Screwdrivers.
     
  3. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Location:
    Walking distance from Starfleet HQ
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    BONES: I told you that wig was generating more heat than Chekov's brain could handle!


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    SPOCK: I never slept with that woman.


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    BONES: Figures, Jim's porn collection is of himself.


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    KOENING: I promise! I won't argue with Bill stealing my lines again!


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    SPOCK: You found an antidote.
    BONES: I sure did. Tang! And Tang is good for you kids, too, and mmmm mmmm, Tangalicious!
    SCOTTY: Borgas frat...new sponsor...
     
  4. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
    Thanks for the win LH!

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    Sulu: "Oh my God!"
    Scott: "What is it?"
    Sulu: "How the hell should I know? I'm just the helmsman, the Doctor's standing back there, bitching at Spock... again..."

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    Spock: "Excuse me while I whip this out."
    women scream and faint

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    Spock: "Jim, does my butt look big in this?"

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    Chekov: "Nurse... Nurse! I'm ready for my sponge bath. Nurse!"

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    McCoy: "There's a tad too much unhealthiness aboard this ship. I'm prescribing orange juice for everyone."

    ...

    ...

    "fermented and distilled..."

    Scott: "Ah... make mine a double."
     
  5. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    The visitor's bullpen
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    McCoy (o.s.): Chekov's medical treatment is proceeding well. Jazz Hands is clearly a sign of a full recovery.
     
  6. 1001001

    1001001 Let the Good Times Roll!! Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Location:
    People's Gaypublic of Drugafornia
    No entry from me, just a friendly reminder to keep these captions in (relatively) good taste, please.

    Thanks. Carry on.

    :techman:

    PS: This comment was in regards to the last thread. This one is fine so far. Just so you know.

    :)
     
  7. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    TFTW, LeadHead!

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    Uhura: "You had better be admiring my exquisite nail polish, scuzzball!"


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    Scotty: "Heh! I have to admit, Doctor, when ye invited me t' yer quarters for some "Tang," I wasn't quite sure what ye had in mind!"
    Spock: "Yet you came anyway. Fascinating."
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2013
  8. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Bones: In the future Spock I suggest you hand your dead soldiers to the Yeoman for proper disposal.


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    Spock: Lieutenant, don't let my briefing interfere with your pursuit of space-HPV.


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    Spock: Zombies are illogical. Necrotic tissue cannot metabolize.
    Kirk: It's a ridiculous premise. You never see them drinking water.
    McCoy: I don't care. I'm putting it on. There's a chick with a samurai sword.


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    In Soviet Russia, HMO screws you! Ok, that vun is not so different.


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    Scotty: Screwdriver?
    Bones: No, some nurse.
     
  9. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    SPOCK: If you will all turn your hymnals to page thirty-two...

    HARRISON: First officer, science officer and now Chaplain? This guy does everything, Uhura. Why are the rest of us here again?
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2013
  10. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Spock: "Welcome to the 'Enterprise Players' stage production of the classic tale 'Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman.' Just one announcement before we begin. Due to unforeseen circumstances, the part of 'Larry Talbot,' originally to be played by Benjamin Finney, will instead be portrayed by Pavel Chekov. Enjoy!"
     
  11. Diesel Micky Dolenz

    Diesel Micky Dolenz Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2002
    Location:
    Florida, USA
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    McCoy: "Damnit, Spock! You can't simply reattach a man's head by placing it atop his body. There are all kinds of nerves and arteries and things that have to be surgically reattached."

    Spock: "'Things'? Really doctor. You almost had me convinced until then."

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    Spock: "Furthermore, continued connecting of the waste disposal system to the spray tanning booths will not be tolerated."

    Ensign Camisa-Roja: <barfs in Uhura's lap>

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    McCoy: "Spock, I think Jim's lost it. Orders or no orders, I'm not massaging a Klingon's prostate."

    Kirk: "I can still see and hear you.

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    <off screen> McCoy: "Nurse, is Mr. Chekov here for a tonsillectomy or a vasectomy? Aw, screw it. We'll just do both."

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    Running with Jonas Grumby's idea...

    Scotty: "Tranya? Ach, I thought you said you had 'trannies' in your quarters!"

    Spock: "And yet you came anyway. Fascinating."
     
  12. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    McCoy (sotto voce): "For God's sake, Scotty, if you're going to play pocket pool, at least sit in the back row!"
     
  13. Dale Sams

    Dale Sams Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2012
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    "Psst...Uhura. Is there *anyone* on the Bridge?"



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    "1. These are the shittiest restraints I've ever seen. Seriously, they're like the Chinese Finger-Puzzles of restraints.

    2. Who changed my clothes and why?"
     
  14. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    MCCOY: And one for my homies.
     
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Sulu: I have a question? About our five year mission?
    Spock: Proceed, Mister Sulu.
    Sulu: Well some of us were wondering...Couldn't we change it to going boldly where no one has gone before?
    Spock: Perhaps Lieutenant Uhura would care to discuss it with me over breakfast.
    Ensign Akbar: It's a trap.
    Uhura: Shut up, fool. I know what it is.


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    I don't mind the restraints. But could someone please bring me some man pants!
     
  16. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    CHEKOV: Why am I in restraints and a black leotard....again!
     
  17. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
    LeadHead, TFTW. :techman:

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    McCoy: "When you said you asked Ensign Ricky to 'connect the dots or else,' I didn't realize I should take you literally."



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    Chekov (to self): "I vould do vell to get cracking. The first season is a lost cause, but if I hustle wery fast, I can at least make the second."



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    McCoy: "If it's in a beaker, it's medicinal."

    Spock: "Indeed."
     
  18. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Bones: Tang and hooch. A Hillbilly Margarita.
    Scotty: Just like ma used to make!
    Spock: White trash.
    Bones: Is that a no, Spock?
    Spock: No one told you to stop pouring, Doctor.
     
  19. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    CHEKOV:Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  20. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
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    Spock: "And we've convened this meeting to plan the captain's, as you term it, surprise birthday party. Would someone enlighten me on the custom of giving a party on someone's birthday and why this one has to be a surprise?"

    Crewman in first row (sotto voce): "This guy doesn't have a clue. What is he--from another planet?"



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    When the galaxy hit difficult economic times, Kirk earned a few extra quatloos by doing reverse mortgage commercials.
     

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