Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #491: Cold Conditions

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, EDIT: Time for Winners!

First up to the plate, we have the "Planet Express" Award, going to Shivkala for:

Wesley: Hmm, you know, if we were to use Dark Matter to create an engine, then the ship would stay stationary and the universe would move around us!

Cubert Farnsworth: Shut up, Wesley, that's my idea!


Next, we have the "An excuse to use the word: "Frak" in an Award" Award, going to Tenacity for:

Wesley: "But who will pilot the ship if I go to Starfleet Academy?"

Picard: "We're getting the former Commander of the Battlestar Pegasus, I'm sure she won't consider it a demotion,"


Next, we have the "Wakey Wakey" Award, going to Nebusj for:

``I'm sorry, Captain, I don't know how to get him out of sleep mode.''


Next, we have the "Harry Kim Award for being in the low ranks for a really long time" going to GeorgeKirk for:

"Wes, call your mom and tell her Keenser has a cold again."



Next, we have the "No simulations!" Award, going to Eggnog in my Coffee for:

Picard: "A troll? How fitting." "If you want to be "For the Horde" why not actually try surviving this desert instead of playing a simulation of it, you wuss."



Many photoshops this time! Santa Garrus is getting what he wants for the holidays!

There will be two winners, first we have Gep Malakai for:

"Witness me, Mr. Crusher."


Next, we have an award going to Wintermute for:

Wesley: I didn't do it.

The Award goes to Leviathan for:

Captain's log, Stardate 44307.3: Solving our 2 main problems, we've decided to resort to cannibalism a bit early.

Our KBL goes to The Laughing Vulcan for:

Wesley: "You know, four hundred years ago, the only way that people had access to a view this spectacular was via something called a screensaver."


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Also, thank you for your patience, I should be more punctual going forward.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: Once we have cleaned out the Borg Debris, we can start construction on our Starfleet Ski Resort.

LeadHead's Log: I'm curious if anyone will think this image is too dark.

Whalen: I'm really glad the blanket suddenly appeared here to keep the snow out of my wounds.

La Forge: La Forge to Riker, this ship has classic constitution class chairs!

Riker: (over comm) Steal them before anybody notices!

Yar: Shouldn't we have brought jackets?

 

[shivkala]

Riker: Did you see that? The Doctor just landed her ship on top of the Bad Borg of the East and killed him!

Worf: Sir, I must protest, I am not a Munchkin!

Picard: Chuck Noland got a frickin' volleyball and what do I get? Nothing!

Dixon Hill: I said, if anyone moves, I'd ice them, and I meant it!

LaForge: Personal Log--Oh, boy, I can't wait, I can just picture it now, "Dear Penthouse, I'm usually unlucky in love, but when I opened the shower door, my luck changed..."

Riker: Data, be on the look-out. Tasha, you know the drill, the first person to make a fart joke in this caption contest, I want you to shoot them. I want you to shoot to kill, you hear me?

Yar: But, sir, doesn't this count as the first fart joke, in, you know, a meta sense?

Riker: Data, analysis?

Data: Processing. Yes, sir, I believe the Lt. is correct. Lt. Yar, you may fire at Will.

 

[Jedman67]

"There are four lights...shut up Wesley...there are four lights....shut up Wesley...*COUGH* SHUT UP WESLEY!..."

 

[Tenacity]

LaForge: "At last, the uncut verison of Vulcan Love Slave, it took every credit I had but ... what the hell."

 

[Hutchy01]

Oh the weather inside is frightful, but Warp Drive is so delightful
Since we need to boldly go, Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

 

[Leviathan]

Picard: I sure could use 5 lights now.

 

[Leviathan]

Star Trek: The Canadian Generation

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: We should kill him where he lies!!!
RIKER: No, we'll bring him back to the ship and nurse him back to health. What's the worst that could happen?
WORF: You don't actually watch this show, do you?

PICARD: I really should have paid more attention in that Starfleet Survival Course. Who knew "how to make a fire" would come in handy?

DATA: Any one else hearing John Carpenter music?

LAFORGE: Elsa?

Clear and sunny, my ass! Stupid weatherman.

 

[Hutchy01]

LAFORGE: Elsa?

Data: Let it go, Geordi.

 

[Finn]

Geordi: You can come out now. You said you would go out with me if hell froze over and called this hell.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Data: "Commander, I beleive we are entering a holodeck simulation of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Look to your left -- the ghost of Past, Presant, and Future, Commander."

Riker: "Ah, Data, that's Lt. Yar."

Data: "Past, Presant or Future?"

Riker: "Never mind that, let's get out of here before Patrick Stewart shows up!"

As was always typical for Mr. LaForge, he set the mood of the date in advance.....

 

[Mojochi]

Worf: A phaser setting of level six should be sufficient for complete vaporization, Sir.

Riker: Dr. Crusher would prefer to give the Borg drone medical treatment, Worf

Worf: I wasn't talking about the Borg drone, Sir

Picard: Donner, when the party ended

Data: Curious. Why exactly do I need to bother shielding myself from this?

Geordi: Oh... Very funny Data, resetting my quarter's environmental settings. I'm removing that emotion chip during your next maintenance cycle

Yar: Chili night, Sir. Sorry.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WORF: So I suppose it would be pointless to complain about helping the Borg, even though it's obviously a bad idea.
RIKER: I don't think we should be so paranoid Mr Worf!
WORF: Yup.

The episode where Geordi kicked everyone's ass.

Captain Picard wanted to really understand the Breen, so he ordered the holodeck to create the 'Breen experience'.

Geordi asked for a 'Cold Shower', and the computer applied a personality algorithm to decide just how cold it should be.

TASHA: I'm detecting massive deposits of dry ice! It's almost like they put no effort at all into this set!
DATA: This is the kind of thing we're not supposed to notice.

 

[Nerys Myk]

YAR: How big is this planet anyway?
DATA: Why?
YAR: If we back up we're in danger of falling off.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf: "I kicked its ass! Klingon warrior triumphant!"
Crusher: "This drone is inactive."
Worf: "Exactly. As a result of my brutal ass kicking."
Crusher: "It's been offline for over 72 hours."
Worf: "That doesn't change the fact that I kicked its ass."

Captain's Log: "Five bottles of Chateux Picard 2318, and I can't remember if I beamed down on this camping trip with Vash or Beverly. I should be okay if stick to a generic 'darling' or 'honey'. Actually, it's been a while since she went to little ladies bush. I wonder if I was too pushy.... Oh merde. I beamed down with the Crusher boy!"

The Dixon Hill adventure, 'Dead Men Don't Make Snow Angels' was one of the weaker entries in the franchise.

LaForge: "Data, are you in there? Dammit, 'Netflix and chill' is just an expression."

Riker: "Like, um, what are we supposed to do again. Heh, heh. Um, yeah. Away team, that's it. We should all go away... Ha Ha."
Yar: "Dunno about you, but I'm hungry. Can we beam down some cookies?"
Data: "Curious. My tricorder readings indicate that a neigbouring field of cannabis sativa is on fire. Are you experiencing any adverse effects, commander? Commander?

 

[Triskelion]

Beverly: This Borg is badly injured.
Riker: The Borg is badly injured, Worf.
Worf: You guys have been spending way too much time with Troi.

Dathon: Darmok, his mouth full of s'mores!
Picard: I hate that guy.

Beverly: Computer, freeze program!
Computer: That program is already in use.
Beverly: Who names a program Freeze Program?
Computer: The one who programs a Freeze Program names the Freeze Program Freeze Program.
Beverly: Well then, Freeze "Freeze Program"!
Computer: The freeze program is frozen. Unable to freeze Freeze Program.
Beverly: Unfreeze the program Freeze Program so you can Freeze the Freeze Program then! It's freezing!
Computer: Affirmative. The program Freeze Program is unable to be unfrozen due to a program freeze. Please specify command: unfreeze the Freeze Program freeze or Freeze the Freeze Program?
Beverly: Oh no she di'in't! Computer, how do you expect to freeze the Freeze Program without first unfreezing the Freeze Program program freeze??
Picard: Data!
Data: Computer, abort program!
Computer: Unable to run Abort Program due to freeze in the Freeze Program freeze program command. Please specify command: Abort the command unfreeze the Freeze Program freeze or abort the freeze in the Freeze Program to run the Abort Program command, or freeze the Freeze Program to run the abort program command to run the Abort Program?
Data: Sir, I recommend we Abort the unfreeze the Freeze Program freeze first because if we abort the freeze the Freeze Program to run the Abort Program we risk freezing the unfreeze on the Freeze Program and then freezing the abort program command.
Picard: What, in the Abort Program?
Data: Precisely.
Picard: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!

Geordi: Wait a minute - who ran a freeze in the runtime error command to freeze the Freeze Program program while it was processing a command processor command to abort the freeze the Freeze Program to run the Abort Program? Idiots!

Riker: Data, what is this fog?
Data: Low lying droplets of molecular vapor suspended in the air near the ground, sir.
Yar: He's been like that all day, sir.
Riker: Data, run a program diagnostic on your definition program.
Data: Please specify command: run a program diagnostic on the definition program programming or define the term program and then run a definition program diagnostic?
Riker: Never mind! What is this fog, Lieutenant Yar?
Yar: Confusion characterized by lack of clarity, sir.
Riker: I need a vacation. You people are starting to make sense.

 

[Tenacity]

Picard: "Will he be okay Doctor?"

Crusher: "He should be, I've placed him unprotected directly on a freezing cold surface and then covered him with a blanket,"

 

[Jedman67]

YAR: "Commander! Look behind you - it's a Bluescreen!!"

CRUSHER: "He's still alive! He's trying to tell us something!"
RIKER: "What is it?"
BORG (in a whisper): "Tea...Earl.....Gray.....HOT!"

Geordi finds something unexpected on his first away mission.

 

[Leviathan]

Picard, his matches wet.