TNG Caption This! #446: Game Time!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Time for a new contest!

Our first award, for "Insensitivity toward Seniors" goes to Shikarnov, for:​

Picard: I think my console has a virus, Number One.

Riker: Why's that, sir?

Picard: A popup just appeared -- which I can't close -- and it says "Your console may be infected with a virus. Click OK to buy a scanning and cleaning service for 5 bars of gold pressed latinum."

Riker: I'm pretty sure that's nonsense, sir.

Picard: How do you know?

Riker: ::boredly pressing buttons:: Because I'm under the age of 40.

Next, we have the "Get out of my brain shivkala!" Award, goes to shivkala for:​

Troi: What a lovely place for a picnic, don't you agree?

Geordi: This really isn't a great place...oh, do I smell turkey sandwiches?

Next, we have the "Human Anatomy Tutorial" Award, going to inflatabledalek, for:​

Data: And that Mr. Worf, is how you find the clitoris.

Next, we have the "Advanced Decryption" Award, going to joededman, for:​

Weapons Console >> enter Password
Beverly enters >> IAMABIGBADSNUGGLYKLINGON
Weapons Console >> Access Granted

Next, we have the "Bad Patterns OF THE FUTURE!!!" Award, going to Leviathan, for:​

With a longevity its inventors could not have forseen, LinkedIn stalking persisted until the late 24th century.

Our Multi-Image Award goes to thardavenport for: ​

Geordi: "Watch this, commander..."

LATER THAT DAY...

Picard: "Computer, open my crew file. I need to do some updating. What? Mostly balding? Barely fits in uniform? 'Captain log needs supplemental'? Right testical is point zero zero four higher than the left and smaller? Known companion: Livingston the fish?"

This weeks KBL goes to Nerys Myk for:​

LWAXANA: Thank you Mr Homm. We can now proceed to have sex, Timicin.
LAFORGE: Wait....what!!??

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, our new contest, inspired by this weeks release of the mobile game Star Trek Timelines, and the fact I'm really enjoying the game, I thought a game centric contest was in order.

Here we go!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Brilliant idea, Number One. Now that we've been cured of the games influence, we can keep Wesley in this system and he'll never bother us again!

Data: Apparently this is a cooperative game, all of the pieces are the same color.

Crusher: Yes! Biggest pot of the night!

Riker: We don't use money anymore.

Crusher: Don't ruin it!

Worf: How did you beat my score?!

Guinan: Practice. And I don''t spout curses for 5 minutes after every miss.

Ferengi: This will be really fun to play once we capture you.

Riker: Right, wait WHAT?!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Finally, I successfully completed Operation!
RIKER: Not filling me with confidence about my operation tomorrow.

TRISKELION: five hundred quatoos on the newcomers.....
GUINAN: Let's be clear, you aint getting me in a silver bikini!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Beverly and key personnel have "the talk" with Wes about the birds and the bees, only 24th century style with visuals.

 

[Triskelion]

Dear Commander Maddox: I have begun to notice a similarity between Troi and shiny objects, and Spot and a can of tuna.

Crusher: Nice alien crop circle, Commander!
Riker: Last time I fall asleep in sickbay!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Left Shake Weight: "Great work"

Right Shake Weight: "Now switch arms."

Left Shake Weight: "Wow, good job."

Right Shake Weight: "You are amazing."

Left Shake Weight: "You are very attractive and interesting."

Beverly: "Thank you, Shake Weights."

Right Shake Weight: "Come on now, almost finished."

Left Shake Weight: "Yes. Good. Almost done."

Right Shake Weight: "Keep going. Keep going. Harder. Harder."

Left Shake Weight: "Faster," they stop and spray her with water, "Your work out is finished."

Right Shake Weight: "Here are some credits."

 

[Hutchy01]

CRUSHER: Oh, Jean-Luc!

 

[bbjeg]

Announcer: It's the fight of the century! The cold blooded, bone braking, blood spilling, unbeatable champion, and the Klingon.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Picard: In the early 21st Century app designers made fairly simple games which started off easy and gradually became more difficult to force you to buy in-app "power-ups." Thankfully, we've moved past that.

Troi: You sank my battleship!
Data: Wrong game, Counselor.

Crusher: I won!
Riker: Doctor, hiding cards up your sleeve, "sneezing," and then pulling it out does not count as, "winning."

Worf: Don't cross the streams!

Ferengi: So, you can't purchase a win? What kind of savage race are you people from?!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES You're going with that move? He'll checkmate you in a single move.
RIKER: I know what I'm doing. Shut up Wesley.
FERENGI: Checkmate.
WES: Told you.
RIKER: Shut up Wesley.

 

[hux]

​

Picard: We really will watch any old shit, won't we.

Data: Sorry to interrupt your game counsellor but the captain really needs the salt shaker.

Crusher: Oh my God, it's so small. I wanna pet it.

Guinan: This game isn't fun.

Worf: Says the woman who thinks, "you're a droid and I'm annoyed" is funny.

Picard: (OS) Who the fuck keeps taking the salt!?

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Am I the pizza or the tuba?

 

[Hutchy01]

Crusher: Oh my God, it's so small. I wanna pet it.

Picard: It's not that small!

 

[Noname Given]

TV Announcer: "New! From Mattel! TNG anniversary figurines! Set one features Lt. Commander Worf and Guinan in their characteristic action poses...Phasers at the ready!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Guinan: Hey! Who turned out the lights?

Worf: Con Ed has no honor!

 

[indycar]

Wesley: What are you all doing?
Picard: This is an intervention.
Wesley: For what!?
Crusher: We want you to have a girlfriend Wes.

Data: I could not believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say "Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Riker: Data, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!

Riker: I haven't seen her this happy since Wesley left the ship.

Guinan: Why did they send you to protect me? You're the one who's always getting beat up.
Worf: Well if you're so powerful, how come we never have seen it.

Ferengi: Shouldn't that boy behind have a girlfriend, or at least be with some friends, or even just people who are his age?
Riker: It's something we don't bring up.

 

[Nebusj]

Three years later, Tubas Eating Q*Bert Floating Discs: The Motion Picture came out, earning $142 million worldwide and launching a series of direct-to-BluRay sequels.

Troi: ``It's not just a game. It's also my mother's jewelry holder.''

Dr Crusher is shocked by her initial success at Bare-Knuckle Weenie-T-Rex Stance boxing.

``Wait ... if this is a legit convention, then where's John de Lancie?''

Riker: ``Wesley, how about if you don't smoosh any part of your body into my shoulder? Can you manage that a little?''

 

[Finn]

Two hours earlier:....

Riker: If you want to crush her, have one of the pieces give off a subtle chocolate aroma.....

Riker: *thinking* This helps clear the mind. Better than spending time on the NX-01 holoprogram.

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: Um, should Beverly be standing right here for this?
Troi: I was just wondering the same thing about Worf.
Riker: Good point.

Beverly: Space Yahtzee!

Worf: Wow, you're really good at Ovum Defender.
Guinan: Hang around humans long enough, you learn a few things.

Riker: <touches piece>: ...?
Wesley: <shakes head>
Riker: <touches piece>: ...?
Wesley: <shakes head>
Riker: <touches piece>: ...?
Wesley: <shakes head>
Riker: THAT'S ALL THE CHESS PIECES!
Wesley: Chess? This is the perfume counter.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Twenty-fourth century interspecies sex education, lesson one.

Data: Look at the shiny shiny! Look at the shiny shiny!

As Beverly demonstrated her orgasm face, there was a moment of awkwardness when Picard's combadge was paged from under the table.

From Star Trek: The Slasher Generation
Worf: Shit! With a hooded, bat'leth-wielding killer on the loose, one of us is surely gonna die next!
Guinan: (thinking) Sure as hell ain't gonna be me!

From the previous scene:
Riker: Wesley, throughout the game stand next to me. Your cameltoe will distract the Ferengi enough for me to win!