TNG Caption This! 345: Character Studies

Discussion in 'The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Feb 3, 2014.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Hello everyone, sorry I didn't get this up before the end of the weekend, I was busy watching the Denver Broncos not attend the Super Bowl.


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Useful Abilities" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Better than A Briefing with Neelix" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Sorting out the Senior Staff" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Ripoff" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Literally not meaning Literally anymore" Award, going to:

    Our Photoshop Award, goes to:


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    Congrats to our winners and many thanks to all of our participants!

    And now, a new contest!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Picard: Thak you, Counselor. Your insight into Commander Riker from his bedroom techniques will be quite useful.

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    Data: I would like a Chicken Caesar salad and a glass of Merlot. (whispering) Bill the guy at the helm for it.

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    Riker: I'm starting to doubt Amazons strategy for delivering packages with Drone shuttles.


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    Riker: Commander Riker, surrender or you get it!

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    Worf: Captain, incoming message from Starfleet Command, they recommend not using your sad face while on the Bridge.
     
  3. Gep Malakai

    Gep Malakai Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2007
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    PICARD: It's the remains of Caption Contest #344.
     
  4. Mr. Adventure

    Mr. Adventure Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2001
    Location:
    Mr. Adventure
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    Picard: Mr. Data, why do you keep staring at me?
     
  5. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
    TFTW, Leadhead! May your future be figuratively so bright you have to wear shades. :cool:

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    Picard: Will, the Counselor just made a humorous observation. As much as we give her crap for spouting out the obvious, at least her job doesn't involve repeating everything I say to relay orders I could easily relay myself. Anyway, take us out of here Number One.

    Riker: Aye sir, Geordi, take us out of here.

    Troi: I'm sensing resentment from the First Officer, sir.

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    Data: Excuse me, Commander Remmick, but your constant tapping away at that device is interrupting my ability to focus on my job.

    Remmick: The android seems incapable of functioning on a task while a repetitive noise occurs just a few meters away from him.

    Geordi: Hey, you little worm, he asked you to knock it off.

    Remmick: What did you just call me?

    Geordi: A little worm, Sir.

    Remmick: Ah, Lt., if you only knew...

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    Picard: Analysis, Gentlemen.

    Riker: It blowed up good, sir.

    Geordi: It blowed up real good, sir.

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    Riker decided he had enough of it and proceeded to stun himself to avoid having to go on this away mission.

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    Worf: Sir, are you not going to address the way Commander Riker cursed everyone out and went into your Ready Room with Counselor Troi?

    Picard: Actually, I'm not even mad, that's amazing.
     
  6. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    DORN: Look, Mr. Stewart. I don't know what they taught you at the Royal Shakespeare Company, but that face doesn't make you look "more French".
     
  7. bbjeg

    bbjeg Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 24, 2013
    Location:
    Stuck in transwarp.
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    Picard: Why did I pick you two to serve next to me knowing you two know each other? Riker likes to second guess his captain. Having an ex-girlfriend reading his mind nearby should inhibit his want-to-be captain antics.

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    Picard (off screen): I have a Klingon on tactical, an empathic Betezoid as a counselor, a black person flying the ship and an android for operations. Assigning possitions based on stereotypes is fun.

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    Picard: Are you telling me it malfunctioned due to fecal matter being inside it's workings?
    Riker: O'Brien did say he was leaving us a parting gift.

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    Picard: What am I going to do with you Worf? You can't fly the ship and you suck at operations too.
    Worf: I'm a Klingon, I should be on tactical.
    Picard: Over the militant Tasha? Sure, if she dies on a mission it's all yours, like that'll happen.
     
  8. Mr. Adventure

    Mr. Adventure Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2001
    Location:
    Mr. Adventure
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    "Really, Mr. Data, would it kill you to help me pass this level of Candy Crush Saga?"
     
  9. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
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    REMMICK: Gentlemen, can you explain your recent entries about a Commander Rem-Dick?
    DATA: I think they are enough explicit.

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    PICARD: It's remind me when I was on the Stargazer and....
    RIKER AND GEORDI: Ah crap!
     
  10. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
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    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    TFTW, LeadHead!

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    Second Officer's Personal Log: I have a positronic brain capable of performing sixty trillion calculations per second with double-hash quantum-state error checking. If Commander Riker double-checks my math on his damn calculator one more time, I will bitch slap the punk.


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    Captain's Log: Well, it was fun while it lasted, but I guess it's time to knock it off. Lieutenant Worf actually caught me making faces behind his back today.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2014
  11. Bad Thoughts

    Bad Thoughts Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2013
    Location:
    Containment Area for Relocated Yankees
    Remmick: We could put you in the sports model: retractable spoiler and nacelles, colored warp engine, Asian computer geek, Indian with tattoo, rich, white guy into hot rods as your driver, and a hot blonde who thinks she knows how to read a map.

    Data: Even I think that's too much on the nose.

    Remmick: Too many Top Gear reruns.
     
  12. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
    Bad Thoughts, this is for you:
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    WORF: Data, I think the Captain needs to hear "Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty".
     
  13. Bad Thoughts

    Bad Thoughts Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Containment Area for Relocated Yankees
    Purrfect!

    Data, searching through string patches: Soft kitty, warm kitty, what are they feeding you, smelly cat, oh, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
     
  14. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Here to solve a mystery.
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    Picard: What do you think, Will? Captain's prerogative?
    Riker: Your call, sir. But I don't think the crew finds granny boots as hot as you or I do; even less so on a male officer.
    Picard: But I could pull them off?
    Riker: Oh, yes sir.


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    Remmick: What is our precise speed, Mister Data?
    Data: We are traveling at warp factor 9.342699735294875, sir.
    Remmick: And what is that in light speed units?
    Data: Multiplied by light speed's 299,792,458 m/s, we get 2,800,870,918 meters per second, sir.
    Remmick: I see.
    Data: Now hold your calculator upside down, sir.
    Remmick: Huh. "Big Ol Boobs." You are good.
    Data: It's what I do, sir.


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    Picard: So why don't we just replace the Heisenberg compensators?
    Geordi: Sure, you can get the transporters for a song but the Heisenberg compensators are like a hundred bars of gold pressed latinum each.
    Riker: That's how they get you, sir.


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    Worf: Sir, when I asked you do be my cha'DIch, what did you think I was asking you to be?
    Picard: I don't know, some kind of parsnip or turnip?
    Worf: No.
    Picard: Well an edible tuber, then?
     
  15. huskers57

    huskers57 Lieutenant Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
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    Data - "Back off man...I'm a scientist."

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    Troi - "Will, is it safe to adjust that while it is aimed at yourself?"

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    Picard - "Awww, did little Worfy have a Boo-Boo?"
     
  16. Bad Thoughts

    Bad Thoughts Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2013
    Location:
    Containment Area for Relocated Yankees
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    Troi: We all know what that sign stood for, Riva.
    Data: Though Riker is asking for it.
     
  17. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
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    DATA: Facinating, the asteroid would have instantly eradicated all sentient life-forms without damaging anything else on the planet suface. It would have remained a M-Class planet.
    PICARD: *Sigh* If Tasha had missed her shot, Vulcan would have became an archaeologist wet-dream.
     
  18. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
    TFTW LH!



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    Riker: Sir... you put in a request for a new first officer before the verdict had even come in?

    Picard: To be honest Will, I never even considered the possibility you didn't kill Dr. Apgar after bonking his wife.


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    Data: I do not know why you consider me a potential securty risk. It is not like I have multiple evil siblings, nor that my creator can remote control me at a distance of light years to take over the ship. And I definitely do not emit a easily detectable signal that renders the ship useless for stealth missions.


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    Picard: And this is what happens when Starfleet subcontract to the cheapest bidder.


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    Riva Gibbs: Ah-ah-ah-ah Staying Alive, Staying Alive...

    Riker: You won't be in a second if you don't shut up.


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    Worf: Did Commander Riker turn down another promotion?
     
  19. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Deanna: "Will, there should be a button marked "power' in the upper left corner of the ..."

    Riker: "Yes I know, stop push me."

    Worf: "Are we having female problems Commander?"

    :)
     
  20. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    PICARD: Now she calls ME imzadi. Don't fuck with me Will.

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    WESLEY (Holding the pad): Hey Data, I figured out how to hack into your motor control system! I'll show you how to dance!

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    GEORDI: So then Miles twitched and told me, I control the transporters, I can do this to anyone I want.
    PICARD: I think it's time we transferred the chief to a more interesting assignment for his own mental health.

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    RIKER: Chief, beam us down to the planet where they just vaporized three defenseless people unarmed. I think we can safely assume this time they're only interested in peace.

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    PICARD: A promotion? Your job is so easy a teenager could do it.
    WORF: Want to bet?
    PICARD: I'll prove it to you.
     

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