TNG Caption This! 333: Am I Not Human?

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Nov 18, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

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    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Hello everyone! Yay! I didn't miss this weekend!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Deep Thoughts" Award, going to:


    Next, we have the "24th Century Economics" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Helm Expert" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Dangerous Enemies" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Only way the Ferengi can be threatening" Award, going to:

    Our photoshop award, goes to:


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    And a special award, going to:

    Why the special award for this entry? Because of the comment on Thread title. Recently, the thread titles have been coming from a single source. (Only exceptions, Goldshirts Appreciation and Spooky) I'm wondering if anyone can figure this out, without using the internet. :devil:

    And now, a New contest featuring everybody's favorite Android!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
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    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Picard: Worf! The bridge is under attack!

    Worf: Deal with it yourself, I'm on a break.

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    Crusher: (over comm) Crusher to Bridge, Commander Riker's mind and thoughts has been uploaded elsewhere.

    Picard: But where?


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    Data: Please, Captain, Commander, do not fight. We must sell tickets first.

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    Data: Listen Kid, I'm saving the day this week. Back off.


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    Data: (Technobabble)

    La Forge: (Technobabble)

    Worf: I need to find new friends.
     
  3. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Riker: How did you win the tallest Bridge Officer award at the party last night. Worf and I were there!

    Data: My legs can stretch about 20 centimeters...Sir






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    Worf: *mutters* Too bad this isn't Deep Space nine. That thing would be attacking Miles at Quark's, to add some excitement over a glass of prune juice.
     
  4. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Data: "Well, obviously had I known it was vital to the operation of the life support systems, I would have called you down to Engineering to look at it rather than tearing it loose and bringing it up here."
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2013
  5. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

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    WORF: As Security Officer, I should probably stop that guy. But chance are I'd just get my ass handed to me....again.[

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    DATA: Captain, you got a sweet ass.


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    RIKER: Whatcho talking 'bout Data?

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    As the stream of soda came towards Worf, he remembered how much he hated Temporal Anomalies.
     
  6. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Troi: "Captain! I sense danger!"
     
  7. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Wow, it's going to be hard to follow that caption! I love it! :rommie:

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    Worf: Security Officer's Log: I should probably do something about this, but I'm still pissed about the Captain putting his ass all over my console last week.

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    Data: Jean-Luc, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

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    Data: The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?" "The Aristocrats!"

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    It was always awkward when Wesley would, unaware he was even doing it, use some sexual innuendo. Each member of the crew had their own way of trying not to crack up, though Geordi, the blind guy's attempt at pretending to stare at the ceiling was perhaps the least effective.

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    Geordi: Yes! My male enhancement device finally came!

    Data: Geordi, I am afraid that we must discuss your love life or lack thereof.

    Worf: Let's just cut to the chase, this is an intervention.

    Geordi: Okay, yes, I have a problem, I promise I'll go see Deanna...That's it, right? We're good here?

    Worf: Apparently you've never attended a Klingon intervention...
     
  8. bbjeg

    bbjeg Admiral Admiral

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    Right here buddy.
    Thanks for the Award.

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    Alien: Ok, I take it back, don't get it done as fast as you can.

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    Picard: You're just not good at this Worf. I wonder, who would be the best at this job?

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    Data: How were you able to solve that when I could not?
    Wesley: Of course I'd fix it first, I caused the problem in the first place.

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    Data: Installing that would make me more disrespectful, judgmental, and territorial.
    Worf: What are you waiting for?
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2013
  9. Holdfast

    Holdfast Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I'm not sure of the precise original quote, but I'm guessing the title's a riff on Data's own brilliant riff of Shakespeare, "do I not... leak?" [sic], in The Naked Now. :D



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    WORF: OK Captain, we're ready, you can turn around now. And for 1000 quatloos, are you ready to play: "New Alien Lifeform or Phaser Blast Explosion?"



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    DATA: The difference between you and me, Picard, is that I make this uniform look good.



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    DATA: "... and then she said, if you stick it in just right, you create enough of a spatial anomaly that I can't tell if I'm going or coming."
    RIKER: "The scary thing is, with your deadpan delivery, I can't tell if that's a true story or if you're joking."



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    DATA: Punch me again, and I tear your arm off.
    PICARD: You might want to watch this, Geordi; it sounds like it's going be good.



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    DATA: "... and after it fell out, I stopped being fully functional."
     
  10. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Captain's Log: Ever since the O'Briens let Data babysit Molly, Data has been experimenting with greeting crew members with a bout of tickling.
     
  11. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Data: Sir, if you will just allow me to explain again. The infield fly rule applies when there are two or more runners on base, and the batter hits the ball in a precise manner such as to propel the ball directly upward and then down again, to which one of the infielders must be exactly positioned underneath so as to catch the ball without undue effort.

    (long pause)

    Riker: I have no idea what you just said, Data.

    Picard: Perhaps Commander LaForge should run a diagnostic.

    Worf: Umpires have no honor!
     
  12. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

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    CREWMAN RICKY: Seriously, am I the only one paying attention? Data's just ignoring the exploding console. Picard's not even facing the explosion. Worf is staring into space. And Troi is twerking!
     
  13. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    The crossover between TNG and Logan's Run did not go well.

    I could stand to hear a little more... :evil:
     
  14. Avro Arrow

    Avro Arrow Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Thanks for the win, LeadHead!!

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    Finn: No way in hell you're beating my Angry Birds score, Data!

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    Data: No, I am being truthful, Commander. It was a plastic cube, with nine coloured squares on each face, and each face was a different colour. You would rotate it along the various axes, like this, to deliberately randomize the coloured squares among the various faces, then try to discover the correct sequence of rotations to return it to its original configuration. It provided hours of entertainment for humans in the late twentieth century.
    Riker: Those poor, poor bastards...

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    Wesley: ... and now this is the punchline, so pay attention. He said, "That wasn't my WIFE, that was my FLUTE!".
    Data: I am sorry, Wesley, but I still do not understand the joke.
    LaForge: *sigh* That's the sixth time Wes. It's not gonna happen; just give it up already!

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    Data: I have found these components from the Hathaway all over the ship this past week. It is almost as though someone was just tearing things out of the walls and ceiling at random.
    LaForge: Why would someone do that?
    Data: Unknown. Certainly no one with even the most rudimentary Starfleet training would do such a thing. I suspect we may be dealing with a stowaway; probably one with an extremely limited intellectual capacity.
    LaForge: Wait a minute, Data... do you hear... growling?
     
  15. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

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    DATA: No, Wesley. I do not think we need to hear "Mr Hand's" advice.

    PICARD: Hold on, Mr. Data. Let's listen to what he has to say.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2013
  16. Avro Arrow

    Avro Arrow Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Picard's new strategy of ending tense situations by ignoring them was not working as well as he'd hoped.

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    Picard: What!? Why is there an intimate video of Vash and I on the viewscreen? Mr. Worf, deactivate it immediately!
    Worf: I can't sir, I'm locked out!
    Data: Pass me over for promotion for seven years, and now *Troi* outranks me? Payback time!

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    Data: No, commander, you need to snap your fingers on both hands in rapid succession, then hit the open palm of one hand against the edge of the other. Please watch my hands more closely this time.

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    Wesley: This is a rock. It beats your scissors. I win.
    Data: Actually, Wesley, my scissors are fabricated with a tritanium alloy and infused with a strength-enhancing nanofibre weave that would render them impervious to damage by most types of rocks, including igneous, metamorphic...
    LaForge: Data! It's a game, and you lost fair and square! Shut up and give him the damn credits already!
     
  17. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
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    Thanks FTW Leadhead!

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    Finn: ...And you will agree to my demands or else I will...


    *ZHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP*


    Oh my God! I'm so sorry, my finger just slipped, I've ruined your lovely console! I'll just go get my insurance details...
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    Picard: Did you see what I just saw in the turbolift?

    Worf: I see nothing! I see nothing!


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    Data: And so Sir, the amount of protein in it isn't enough to make it good for you when swallowed, I don't know where you got that idea from but I have been spending most of the afternoon putting the female ensigns you assured that this was the case right.

    I also had to tell them you were unlikely to get them promotion.


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    Picard: Is it too late to get the fat kid from Stand By Me instead?


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    Data: I must admit, until you pulled his head off I would never have guessed Mr. Mott was another Soong class android all along.
     
  18. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
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    Or alternately...

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    BBC Executive: This episode is politically naive about the history of terrorism in general and the situation in Northern Ireland in particular... IT MUST BE DESTROYED!
     
  19. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Wesley: "Ensign Lefler told me that Ensign Rice told her that Lieutenant Hays told her that Lieutenant Powell told him that Nurse Ogawa told him that my mom told her that you nailed Lieutenant Yar! Awesome!"
     
  20. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Riker: What is this? An intervention?

    Data: We are concerned about your plans next week?

    Riker: What are you talking about? Deanna is taking me to a resort planet

    Picard: Yes. She said she's gonna drive while you are sitting in the passenger chair blindfolded.