TNG Caption This! 323: Friendship to Last

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Aug 5, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Good evening everyone! I've started a lot of contests lately with apologies. This time, I begin with an apology and sincere gratitude. In the last couple of weeks, I hit a very low point that I never thought I would see. The result of which was, that my sense of humor was not anywhere near alive enough to judge a contest. The reason I wanted to express gratitude is that, thanks to the humor and creativity of all the people who post here, I was able to smile and laugh in some very dark moments. Thank you very much everyone.

    And now without further ado....


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Maybe these two DO need a Counselor" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Boring Captain" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Some things just get old" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Where did it go?" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Mistaken Identity" Award, going to:

    Our Photoshop Award, goes to:



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    Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    [​IMG]

    Troi: Captain, you gave this same speech last week.

    Picard: Whoops.

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    Picard: Beverly...

    Crusher: Yes, Captain?

    Picard: Why in gods name am I being treated here on the Bridge?! Don't we have a state of the art Sickbay?!!

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    Picard: So, at the end of the date, I tried to kiss her, and she called for an emergency beam-out.

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    Worf: (thinking) I hope I get promoted to Tactical so that she can't do this anymore.

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    Data: We have entered the Rave Nebula.
     
  3. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
    [​IMG]

    PICARD: What the hell is on your head?

    TROI: Interesting, most guy's eyes go straight to the cleavage.

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    CRUSHER: It's a bald cap! He's been fooling us this whole time!

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    CRUSHER: Guess who passed the Bridge Commanders test, losers?

    LAFORGE: Could be worse, it could have been Troi.
     
  4. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    The visitor's bullpen
    [​IMG]

    Beverly: It's time for your lunch, gentlemen. I brought some KWAY-SAWNTS up to the bridge.

    Worf: I will kill you where you stand.
     
  5. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Open the door!
    TFTW Leadhead! :bolian::bolian::bolian:

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    Troi: I have it on good authority that a certain senior officer would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers.

    Picard: I don't like crackers.


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    Picard: Sleep, Riker.
    Beverly: He's exhausted.
    Riker: Ogawa, draw a penis on his head.


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    Troi: Data, while the crew would no doubt benefit from your new counseling chip, you should know that catsuits are not mandatory.


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    Worf: It's the nebula.
    Crush: There's a nebula, all right. LaForge?
    LaForge: Fogging up the IR band up in here.


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    Data: Geordi, should we be stopping at a strip club?
    LaForge: Like the Captain said about you, Starfleet was founded to seek out new life: well, there it pole dances!
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2013
  6. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
    [​IMG]


    Troi: ...And that's as close as my hand gets.


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    Riker: Right, what we do is the Murder On The Orient Express thing where we all give each other an alibi and blame the murder on a passing midget.


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    Riker: I'm going to be the youngest Captain in Starfleet one day.


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    McFadden: Hey Dorn, do you think they'll still pay me more than you in season 2?


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    Geordi: Do you think we'll ever see those Ferengi again?

    Data: Nah, a show would have to be really desperate to do a follow up to this episode.
     
  7. IzzyAtWarp9

    IzzyAtWarp9 Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Location:
    221C Baker Street
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    Troi: Captain, is it really necessary for Will to have a chair? I mean, mist of the time he's up with his leg on the consoles anyway
    Picard: Hmm...

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    Beverly: What happened?
    Riker: I caught him trying to remove my chair
    Beverly: Oh. Fair enough then
    ...
    Beverly: What do you want to do now?
    Riker: Steal the captain's chair?
    Beverly: I'll get the spanner

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    Troi: Thank God it's finally over! Will, you've made me watch all 5 seasons if Sex and the City, can we please watch Twilight now??
    Riker: There are 6 seasons, Deanna
    Troi: Aww, no!!

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    Beverly: You know, Worf, it will never work out with you and Deanna. You'll end up hooking up with... A girl with, like, a worm in her or something...
    Geordi: Don't worry about it, Worf, she's just drunk as usual
    Worf: With a...? Hmmm....
     
  8. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
    [​IMG]

    Riker (to self): "Ah...preseason football is back. All's right with the galaxy."

    Troi (to self): "Of all the games he could watch, why does Will insist on the one with the pointy ball?"



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    Data: "What do you mean we're lost? This is obviously the wide blue yonder."
     
  9. IzzyAtWarp9

    IzzyAtWarp9 Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Location:
    221C Baker Street
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    Geordi: OK, Data, I believe you. Starfleet ships aren't waterproof.
    Data; I told you Star Trek: Into Darkness was impossible
     
  10. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    DATA: I fail to see why this game is called "chicken". It has nothing in common with that domesticated fowl.
     
  11. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    Prom Night
     
  12. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Troi: "Captain, I can't help picking up your thoughts. I don't mind your mental images of you and Vash together. I don't even mind your mental images of you and me together. I do mind your mental images of me and Vash together!"


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    Ogawa: "Oh, here's the problem! The dosage was supposed to be 100 micrograms! Not 100 milligrams! I always get those two confused! Silly me!"


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    Crusher: "The Captain and I were just renewing our old 'friendship.' By the way, get ready for a transfer. My son thinks it might be fun to drive the ship."


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    Data: "Wow. Check out the headlights on that Borg female."
    LaForge: "Heh! You know, on Earth that's just a smarmy euphemism!"
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2013
  13. huskers57

    huskers57 Lieutenant Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
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    It gradually dawns on Picard where the jump ropes from the recreation deck have gone.

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    Crusher: "Note the low forehead, denoting stupidity; the dull look of a trapped animal."

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    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Blue birds singin' a song
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    I never saw the sun shinin' so bright,
    never saw things goin' so right
    Noticing the days hurrying by,
    when you're in love, my how they fly by
    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on
     
  14. Holdfast

    Holdfast Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2000
    Location:
    17 Cherry Tree Lane
    TFTW, and I hope you're feeling better now too. :techman:



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    TROI: Wouldn't you like to be where my left hand is?
    PICARD (terrified, thinking): They always end up like their mothers.



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    CRUSHER: Damn, I can't find his on/off switch.
    OGAWA: Scanning for it now, Doctor.
    RIKER: And you're absolutely sure you two are medically qualified?



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    TROI: My mother is beginning a physiological phase. It's one that all Betazoid women must deal with as they enter midlife.
    RIKER: It's something Troi warned me about when we first started to see each other. A Betazoid woman, when she goes through this phase, quadruples her sex drive.
    TROI: Or more.
    RIKER: Or more? You never told me that.
    TROI: I didn't want to frighten you.

    (pace original Manhunt scriptwriter; I just can't improve on the original lines; it's one of the funniest exchanges in all of TNG!)



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    CRUSHER: Look at my face; good, isn't it? It's the Botox. Give me 5 minutes, and I'll get rid of your forehead wrinkles too.



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    DATA: I appreciate the effort Geordi, but I am still unable to grasp the emotion, "feeling blue".
     
  15. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    PICARD: Counselor, how did you not know the Romulan captain was lying?
    TROI: It's Commander Riker sir. I have to close my mind when I'm around him or else I get really grossed out.

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    BEVERLY: Jean Luc said he'd had it for more than four hours, I should have listened!

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    Riker and Troi just found out their next mission is first contact with a planet where anybody found wearing clothes is executed on sight.

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    BEVERLY: I got your text last night Worf. Call me when you get off duty. (Wink)
    Worf: (Thinking) That wasn't K'elyhr? Oh sh...

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    DATA: I'm getting a message from the past.
    GEORDI: Put it on screen.
    DATA: It says 'Destroy the Ferengi vessel before going back to the alpha quadrant. We beg you.'
    GEORDI: Destroy them, why? Who is it from?
    DATA: It says only 'From the fans of Star Trek: Voyager'.
     
  16. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Troi: "No, they're not weapons! They're meant to be attractive!"
    Picard: "They make you look like an Antarian Bear!"
    Troi (annoyed): "Okay, fine! I'll trim them!"
     
  17. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
    [​IMG]

    TROI: It's a Betazoid accent, very common on my homeworld.

    PICARD: Right and I sound like Charles bloody DeGaulle.
     
  18. BriGuy

    BriGuy Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2001
    Location:
    Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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    Troi: I'm a very motivated officer, captain. I can do... anything for you.
    Picard: Counselor, I'm gay.
    Troi: Oh, uhm, ok, that's good, good, nothing wrong with that...
    Picard: Counselor, I'm kidding. And since your empathic abilities couldn't tell, you're also fired.

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    Riker: How long do you think he'll be out for?
    Crusher: There's no way to be sure. I'm not even sure yet what's happening to him.
    Riker: Ok, well, I'll take the chance there will be enough time to rummage through his quarters for that horgon I've wanted back.

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    OK, if you had slept with Deanna, you'd have the same look on your face. It's that simple.

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    Crusher: That's right, Worf. I'm the one who said I'd find you 'tame.'

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    The JJ remake of TNG...
     
  19. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Open the door!
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    On this ship I'll follow your orders. In Betazed space I could have you castrated and your grapes fed to carnivorous fishes. Just so you and me understand each other.


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    Ogawa: According to my device, he is a Pikachu.


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    Troi: Sir, I don't think referring to my office as "The Champagne Room" is therapeutically valid.


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    Crusher: How they hanging, Raisinets?
    Worf: That is unethical!


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    Data: I do not believe the Captain would appreciate our "pimping out" our ride with glow lights.

    Geordi: Shut up and set the nacelles to spin.
     
  20. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    CRUSHER: If you can find a little time between texts, Ogawa. I could use a little help.