TNG Caption This! 322: What's Happening to Me

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Jul 25, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Hello everyone! So, Saturday became unexpectedly busy, then sunday did too, Monday was crazy and Tuesday was busy too. So sorry I really wanted to get this contest back on the weekend, as it stands I'll aim for this to go to monday so that people have enough time to participate.


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Questions that need no answers" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Temporal Interference" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "There goes the insurance rates..." Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Tough to memorize" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Pon Farr" Award, going to:

    Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

    A special award for Extreme Contest Resurrection, goes to:


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    I admit it folks, I was unable to choose between these two, so they both win!

    And...


    Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated! Also, thanks for rolling with it while i continue to be untrustworthy with my start times!

    New Contest!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
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    Picard: Phasers on stun.

    Riker: Captain, why are you and I going on this mission instead of sending a security team?

    Picard: Uh... wait...

    Transporter Chief: Energizing Sir!

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    On the Enterprise you can't avoid your flu shot.

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    Picard: Picard to Bridge, give me a view of something more interesting will ya?

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    Crusher: Why did they put superglue on the walls?

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    Wesley: And one day, I'll have a beard too!

    Riker: Oh no you didn't!
     
  3. Third Nacelle

    Third Nacelle Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2013
    Location:
    The Denorios Belt
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    BEV: You're next Tasha. Just an antibiotic. Standard procedure after conferences with the first officer.

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    RIKER: Have you gotten past the water level yet?
     
  4. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
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    Picard: "Phasers on stun, stance to urinal."

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    Crusher: "Trust me, I haven't mixed up the hypos for prolonged orgasm and prolonged erection this time."
    Riker: "Oh, thank God!"

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    Cmpptns Lgg Splmntl: "Fkckn sprglu prnkstrs hv strk gn!"

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    Crusher: "What is it with aliens and their anal probes?!"

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    Wesley: "No Lieutenant, I haven't seen any Klingon gladiator movies. No Commander, I do not want to go to a Turkish sauna, and no Captain, I don't want to see the spout to your teapot."
     
  5. Bry_Sinclair

    Bry_Sinclair Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2009
    Location:
    The glorious Shetland Isles!
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    Picard: It's not the setting you have it on, Numbah One, it's how you fire it that counts.

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    Crusher: You were in an enclosed space with Commander Riker for longer than fifteen seconds, you have to be inoculated against Orion herpes, Rigellian crabs, and Bolian syphilis.

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    Captain's personal log, supplemental. After seeing the results for Commander Riker, I'm wondering whether I should grow a beard as well.

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    Beverly regretted taking a chance on that last fart.

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    Wesley: [scoffs] Who do you think you are? Superman?
    Riker: You'd better take that back, Wesley!
    Wesley: What's he going to-- [chokes, then starts gargling and gasping]
    Picard: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
     
  6. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
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    Picard: Damn it, apparently the new iOS is buggy. My phaser's brick'd. What about yours?

    Riker: Same here. I knew we should have listened to Data and gone Android.

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    Tasha couldn't decide who enjoyed the hypo more, Crusher or Troi. Regardless, she was eager to get hers.

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    Picard: Captain's Log, Supplemental. I still can't shake the feeling I've forgotten someth...MERDE, I left the iron on at home before we left spacedock!

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    Red-Shirted Crewmember: Should we help the Doctor?

    Blue-Shirted Crewmember: Nah, when you work in medical, you get used to the Doctor's "I just left the Captain's Quarter's" walk.

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    Wheaton: Screw this, I'm done with Trek, I'm going to become...AN INTERNET CELEBRITY!

    Frakes: Yeah, like that'll ever be a thing.

    Stewart: Shut up Johnathan, I want to hear more about this INTERNET FAME! I think young Wil's onto something.
     
  7. Holdfast

    Holdfast Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2000
    Location:
    17 Cherry Tree Lane
    TFTW!

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    PICARD: Stable and wide stance?
    RIKER: Check.
    PICARD: Eyes down?
    RIKER: Check.
    PICARD: Weapon in hand?
    RIKER: Check.
    PICARD: Troi would have a field day with this symbolism, you know.



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    CRUSHER: Analgesic hypospray for a hickey? I knew that your going out with Worf was a bad idea.



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    PICARD: Did I leave the cooker on back on Earth? I'm sure I left the cooker on back on Earth...



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    CRUSHER (singing while walking unsteadily): Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed...



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    PICARD: Generations of Picards have used this pose, boy.
    WESLEY: I'm just saying, it looks a bit camp.
    RIKER: You're judging him for that?
     
  8. IzzyAtWarp9

    IzzyAtWarp9 Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Location:
    221C Baker Street
    Thanks for the Special Award (I feel so special!!)[​IMG]

    Beverly: ... Well..
    O'Brien: Well...
    Deanna: Well...
    Worf: Well...
    Keiko: Well...
    Geordi: Well...
    Wesley: Well...
    Ogawa: Well...
    Tasha: Well...
    ...
    Riker: No-one say it or you're dead

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    Deanna: Great news everyone; Will and I are getting married!!
    Beverly: That's greeeeat news. Now stay still while I give
    you this tranquilizer

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    Personal log: After seeing Wesley floating around outside my window, it's my duty to start an investigation into who threw him out the airlock. After all, they need to be congratulated

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    The holodeck had been broken for 3 months now and Beverly was finding it harder and harder to resist her overwhelming urge... TO DANCE
    Beverly: And a one, and a two.. #There's... no business like show business...#

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    Picard: Give me one good reason that I should.
    Wesley: Well I can solve any problem almost immediately, I don't get distracted by girls and I have access to another dimension.
    Picard: Hmm... Point taken. Will - you're fired, Wesley is my new first officer
     
  9. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    TFTW, LeadHead!

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    Riker: "Well, that didn't work. Try dialing in the numerical setting and then hitting the 'set' button."
    Picard: "No, that's not right, either. Dammit! Who the hell designed these things!"
    Riker: "Probably some kid who's spent his whole life playing computer games 24/7."
    Picard: "Ha! Word!"


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    Crusher (loudly, so everyone on the bridge can hear): "Ah, Deanna! Back from Risa, I see! Don't worry; I've got your customary tri-penicillin injection right here!"
    Troi (thinking): "Bitch!"


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    Wesley: "To be honest, sir, I'm not really getting a 'strong captain' vibe from that pose. It's more like 'pouty girl.'"
     
  10. Third Nacelle

    Third Nacelle Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2013
    Location:
    The Denorios Belt
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    WORF: Captain, there's a message coming in on subspace from the USS Al Batani. Their science officer wants her pose back.
     
  11. Finngle Bells

    Finngle Bells Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
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    Wesley: We discussed the Pegasus today..

    Riker: What? I..What? I don't...

    Wesley: Robin and I just read a novel based on the Pegasus mythology. Why are you nervous?

    Picard: Indeed. You are relieved of duty. Spend some time on the holodeck, will you? Take Deanna with you...
     
  12. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Triskelion
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    Riker: Let's lock and load.
    Picard: Oh good, Number One. That's much more pithy than my "Let's eat cheese and surrender."


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    This will prevent your nipples from violating the prime directive.


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    Did I leave the leg iron on that Orion fornicatress?


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    Crewman: Uh oh, looks like Boner is stuck in a "There's something wrong with the universe" loop again.

    Crewwoman:
    Snort. Boner Crusher.


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    Wesley: I'm sorry sirs. I thought it was No Pants Tuesday.
    Picard: No, it's Proctology Pal Wednesday. So you will be needing pants after.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2013
  13. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    PICARD: We'd better get it right this time.
    RIKER: Captain and Number One 'D*ck In A Box' parody video, take six.

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    TASHA: No Deanna, don't! Drugs make you feel good, but take my word, they're not worth it!
    TROI: Who invited Carter?

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    PICARD: Huh. If we're moving at different multiples of the speed of light, how can we see each other so clearly out the window? I should go have Geordi explain it to me again.

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    BEVERLY: Computer, show me to the part of the ship without tacky art deco wall panels.

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    PICARD: Wesley, take out the trash.
    WESLEY: But I want to fly the...
    RIKER: Are you questioning the captain's orders?
     
  14. Gep Malakai

    Gep Malakai Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2007
    TFTW, LeadHead. :)

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    WESLEY: According to these readings, their entire civilization is based on the 20th century works of one 'Michael Flatley.'

    PICARD: Understood, Mistah Crusher. Numbah One, fetch me my leather negotiating pants and open a channel.
     
  15. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

    Happy Xmas (War Is Over) Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    If you want it
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    PICARD: What you talking about Wesley?

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    YAR: So. we need this injection every time the Captain begins moralizing?

    RIKER: Trust me, it's worth it.

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    RIKER (texting): u ReD 2 beam dwn?

    PICARD (texting):: CU plan8 side.
     
  16. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
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    Picard: I think we can persuade Mr. Leadhead to start the next caption contest on time.

    Riker: By pointing phasers at him or offering him a hot night with Troi if he manages it?

    Picard: A little of both.


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    Crusher: And that's... HA HA... just... HO HO... a... CHORTLE... LITTLE PRICK.

    Troi: That joke doesn't work with hypo-sprays.

    Crusher: DON'T TAKE FROM DOCTORS THE ONE MOMENT OF JOY IN THEIR LIVES.


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    Captain's Log Stardate 41321.46: Why do I feel people are constantly watching every move I make for the sake of crap jokes?


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    Crusher: So we have 21st century style computers, but 1980's style hair?


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    Picard: ... And then you see, what you need to do, is a step to the left...
     
  17. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

    Happy Xmas (War Is Over) Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    If you want it
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    WES: Uh.. yeah, it looks totally natural, sir.
     
  18. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Triskelion
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    Stun their genitals before speaking, sir?
    Standard protocol for First Contact, Number One.
     
  19. Finngle Bells

    Finngle Bells Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
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    Captain's Log: We have succeeded in stranding Wesley on a moon with no hope of escape. I've updated my spacebook status. It won't be visible to Beverly.
     
  20. Cmdr.Druss

    Cmdr.Druss Lieutenant Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2012
    TFTW

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    Crusher: Don't worry Tasha, you won't be needing this.

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    Wesley: Then what happened sir?
    Picard: And then boy, then I mounted your mother!