TNG Caption This! 320: On top of the world

Discussion in 'The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Jul 9, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Hello everyone! Sorry, not back on the weekend again.


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Peer Pressure" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Not so early diagnosis" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Sadly, a scene that has happened too many times in my life" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Jumping to conclusions" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Go for it, Captain!" Award, going to:


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    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

    New contest, lets go!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Captain's Log: We have discovered a true artificial intelligence aboard the Enterprise. Even the hologram we used to try to give Geordi a good date was disinterested in him.

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    Picard: Helm, pull over at that rest stop. Counselor Troi needs to take care of Number One.


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    Worf: Ah, so that's where your hands have been.

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    Guy on the left: I'm just 3 days from retiremen-

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    Picard: (over comm) Drop everything!

    Riker drops Scientist

    Picard: (over comm) Ha, that never gets old.
     
  3. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    ANAKIN: Die you Jedi bastards!
     
  4. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
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    Sensing his date was failing, Geordi attempted to MacGuyver his way out of it.

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    Crusher: Sickbay to Bridge, I've figured out what we are dealing with. Everyone on this ship who replicated fish for dinner will become violently ill within the next half hour.

    Picard: Just how serious is it, Doctor?

    Crusher: Extremely serious. It starts with a slight
    fever.

    Troi starts showing signs of a chill.

    Then a dryness in the throat.

    Troi starts to talk, but can't because her throat is dry.

    As the virus penetrates the red blood cells the victim becomes dizzy and begins to experience a rash and itching.

    Troi acts dizzy and begins to itch her arms and legs

    From there the poison works its way into the central nervous system causing severe muscle spasms, followed by the inevitable drooling.

    Troi starts to spasm and then begins drooling.

    At this point, the entire digestive system is rendered useless, causing the complete collapse of the lower bowels, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence...

    Troi begins farting

    until finally the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

    Troi is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

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    Data: As you can see, the nanites have become more active.

    Dr. Stubbs: Maybe I could turn my Enid into a nanite. Old 'gal hasn't been active in years!

    Data: As I was saying, they seem to no longer listen to our commands.

    Dr. Stubbs: Now, that sounds like my Harrison. Is it too much to ask for to have a son who marries a pretty young lady instead of a life partner named Caleb who owns a boutique on Fire Island called "Everything Mesh."

    Data: Doctor, if you don't mind, your outbursts are disrupting an important informational meeting.

    Dr. Stubbs: Oh, I'm interrupting your meeting, am I Sport? Well, I'll leave you alone when you answer a simple question...What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Paul Stubbs! How ya doin'?

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    Despite it's "highly evolved sensibilities and morales," the Federation's highest rated show in 2366 was Survivor. However, hundreds of years before, a new plot twist was added, instead of extinguishing your torch at tribal council, the loser now was phasered to death.

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    Scientist: Why won't my arms move?

    Riker: You've been mostly-dead all day.
     
  5. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    GEORDI: Someday I've got to figure out what happens next on a date.
     
  6. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
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    Geordi: It's the visor isn't it?


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    Data: This is for the greater good I assure you.
     
  7. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
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    What most of us don't realize is that Riker also has a holoprogram where T'pol had a kid with him....
     
  8. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
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    Girl: "Not tonight Geordi. I have a headache."
    Laforge: "Computer, reset date."
    Girl: "Will you stop doing that?!"
    Laforge: "Sorry, force of habit."

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    Picard: "Suck in your guts guys, we're Starfleet."


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    Worf: "Klingon palmistry has its basis in scientific fact. According to this, your lifeline is 37.24 millimetres. You will die on Stardate 56844.9, like a bitch on a Romulan warbird, after having all relevant data on the Enterprise and shuttle transporter systems and subsystems erased from your memory by a close proximity thalaron pulse generated EMP analogue."
    Picard: "Poppycock!"

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    Guy on the left: "Ow... Ow... OWW! What are you standing around like a bunch of dorks for? Shoot back... Ow... Ow!!"

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    Riker singing "A-humping we will go, a-humping we will go, ee-aye-addio, a-humping we will go."
     
  9. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    TFTW, LeadHead!

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    Henshaw (thinking): "Holodeck computer, can you hear my thoughts? Please remove sand from underwear! Hello? Computer?"


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    Stubbs: "Why...you have no life line at all!"
    Picard: That settle it. He is a toaster."


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    Second Guy from Left: "Gee. That can't be good."
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2013
  10. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    RIKER:Then let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!
     
  11. IzzyAtWarp9

    IzzyAtWarp9 Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Location:
    221C Baker Street
    OMG that's brilliant love that film :)
     
  12. IzzyAtWarp9

    IzzyAtWarp9 Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Location:
    221C Baker Street
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    l-) LaForge: So... You like men who know how to reinstall a plasma conduit?
    Girl: (thinking) I can't believe I gave up a Bond film for this

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    Troi hadn't realised THAT was in her holiday photos

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    Data: It appears to be raining on my tiny planet

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    Guy on the right: Hey - Ard'rian's been vapourised!
    Guy 2nd from left: Who's this guy?
    Guy on the left: Trust me; I'm the Doctor

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    Riker: I don't care if your legs don't work, you could at least TRY to balance on the post!
     
  13. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    LaForge: "So...wanna play Spin the Bottle?"
    Henshaw: "Computer! Remove all bottles from holodeck!"


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    Henshaw (thinking): "How could this possibly get any worse?"
    LaForge: "You know...what happens on the holodeck stays on the holodeck."
    Henshaw (thinking): "Oh, Christ! I just had to ask, didn't I!"
     
  14. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    To the Bat Tank!
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    Next guy over: I picked a bad day to skip the pants.
     
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    To the Bat Tank!
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    Geordi: Coco no-no?
    Christy Henshaw: <blows rape whistle>

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    Troi: Did I leave the space iron on?


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    Stubbs: Wow. He really was playing the world's smallest violin.
     
  16. Elim Garakov

    Elim Garakov Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2013
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    Laforge: Damn and this is on Beginner
     
  17. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
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    Captain's Log. The force field around Counselor Troi is working. The reduced oxygen content will keep her from having enough energy to state the obvious.
     
  18. Vassa

    Vassa Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2003
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    Geordi: Yeah, I can see all across the spectrum. X-Ray, Gamma, Infrared, you name it. Heck, I don't have to imagine what you look like nake...oops.

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    Troi:- I sense they are scared spit-less Captain.

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    Picard: Palmistry, Doctor? Really?
    Worf: Ooh, me next!

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    Data's personal log: Another spontaneous flash of pleasure earlier today. I hope another away mission to remove colonists from their planet comes along soon.
     
  19. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
    tftw!

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    GEORDI: You know if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd arrange it by frequency of occurrence. Which would put U and I significantly closer together.

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    PICARD: No Deanna, take a break, I've got this one. I'm sensing anger!

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    WORF: Captain, I do not think it is a good idea to give hostile super-intelligent nanites complete control over the one member of the crew capable of single-handedly taking over the entire ship.
    PICARD: Shut up Worf.

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    Guy on left: FIRE!
    Second to left: WATER!
    Second to right: EARTH!
    Right: HEART!

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    Here we see Riker's ancient ancestor on his first date.
     
  20. Cmdr.Druss

    Cmdr.Druss Lieutenant Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2012
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    Henshaw: "Geordi, where do you see this heading?"
    LaForge: "Is that some kind of a joke."

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    It was bad enough for Troi being an empath when Picard thought about Dr Crusher, but did he have to pull the faces too!

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    Scientist: "I'm getting better"
    Riker: "No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment"
    Scientist: "I feel fine"
    Riker: "You're not fooling anyone, you know"
    Scientist: "I think I might go for a walk"