TNG Caption This! 313: Extreme Tardiness!

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, May 8, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Hello everyone! Thanks for bearing with me with my extremely unreasonable schedule recently. The good news is that things will start improving soon, the bad news is that there might be a couple of rough weeks before it does.


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Get me outta here" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Alpha Beta" Award, going to:


    Next, we have the "Here comes the Starship Gossip" Award, going to:


    Next, we have the "Swamp Forcefields" Award, going to:


    Next, we have the "In the year 2369..." Award, going to:


    Our Photoshop award, goes to:


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    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to all of our winners!

    Thanks again for all the patience you've been giving me recently. Life has been crazy busy for yours truly, I look forward to it calming down soon, just gotta get to that point.

    And now, lets get back to the blu-rays!


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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
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    Picard: And so, Starfleet said that if you want to ever advance, you should grow a beard...

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    Computer: Warning: Laughing Gas has been released in this area.

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    Picard: Wait! That's the dishwashing liquid!

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    Gomez: I met a Ferengi who thought you were awesome, named Daimon Bok. So I gave him the itinerary for your next shore leave.

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    Worf: If you are trying to distract me- YOWZA! I mean, it won't work.
     
  3. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Thanks Dad USAF 1947-1972
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    PICARD: And how about that new Counselor, I'd like to show her my French Tickler. Know what I mean?

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    PICARD: Save some for me. I have to spend the next two hours with her!

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    GOMEZ: It just appeared over my head out of the blue!

    LAFORGE: Hmmm, looks like we crossed the transporter with the replicator again.
     
  4. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Way back.
    TFTW LeadHead!

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    Picard: And then I said, "Wassa matta, you no lika my cannoli?"

    Riker:
    And then what happened?

    Picard:
    I gave up mob movie auditions and took up the Shakespeare. "Wassa matta, to die is to be banish'd from myself over here!"


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    Troi: Could you imagine! That pudgy old bearded guy was hitting on me! Me!
    Yar: Like anyone would ever settle! Let's stay young forever!
    Troi: We will!


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    Picard: If you could just let me have my comb.


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    Picard: Chocolate milk?
    Gomez: It was my first porn with, you know - a bl - a blind guy.


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    K'Ehleyr: I see you found my filmography.
    Worf: Yeah - I was searching for Klingon Asteroid Blasters.
    K'Ehleyr: Happens all the time.
     
  5. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
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    Picard: Aw, so having to take the time to tutor Wesley is eating into you sex life? Here's the world's tinniest violin.


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    Yar: Damn... invisible... tickling... aliens...


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    Captain's Log Stardate 41831.6: I suspect Mr. Homm is regretting agreeing to the Enterprise drinking game of downing the bottle everytime Wesley saves the ship.

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    Picard: Well, at least it covers the urine.

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    Leadhead: Right, time to start the new caption contest, and this time I'm not going to let anything distra.... Ohhhhhhh, hello.
     
  6. GameOn

    GameOn Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2012
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    Picard: Ensign, you make me wish I was Edosian.
     
  7. R. Star

    R. Star Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Location:
    Shangri-La
    Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

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    Picard: That's right, Number One. I have what you want and it's right here in my hand.
    Riker: A fourth pip?
    Picard: No, a condom. Use it. That's how Wesl-- erm. Just use it. Trust me.... what?

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    Gossip soon spread around the ship's ladies after Geordi's last physical. It seemed his blindness wasn't his only handicap.

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    Picard: Erm... hell, I'd get plastered every day too if I was her body servant.

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    Picard: Rub the hot chocolate off my uniform Ensign.... lower.

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    Kheylar: Worf... your comic book super heroine fetish is getting out of hand.
     
  8. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
    Thanks for the win!


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    Deanna: I told you! That happens every time Wil steps out of the pool!
     
  9. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Stewart: "Just think, Jon! If our series ever switches to movies like the original series did, they'll surely concentrate on the action hero character, and you'll be in the catbird seat!"


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    Gomez: "You're right, Captain. Taking Commander LaForge with me to my quarters to help me change my uniform would be unprofessional. Thank you for setting me straight, sir. It's lucky we happened to run into you on the way there!"
    LaForge (thinking): "Why, God, why? Was I Kodos the Executioner in a past life or something?"


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    Worf: "Nope. Nice try, but I want the full Wonder Woman getup."
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2013
  10. Gary7

    Gary7 Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Picard: "As my first officer, I'm trusting that I can count on you with discretion. Can you keep a secret?"
    Riker: "You got it, Captain. So... what is it?"
    Picard: "I'm greatly intimidated by men with beards."


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    Lt. Yar: "Whose are bigger? Hahahahahaha--that Wesley, always so curious about everything. OK Deana, you can stop looking at them now..."
     
  11. bullethead

    bullethead Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
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    Picard: Number One, the key to having a beard in Starfleet is making sure you don't have a duplicate before growing a goatee. Whoever has the goatee is evil and will be shot on sight.
    Riker: Don't worry sir, I'm one of a kind... but I'll go with a full beard just in case.

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    Today's topic in The Wesley Shaming Session: his inability to hide being aroused by every attractive woman on the ship.

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    Captain's Log, supplemental: Mr. Hohm has consumed the ship's entire supply of alcohol. Unfortunately, the crew cannot tolerate Lwaxanna Troi's presence without it; I fear a mutiny will soon brew if Mr. La Forge and Commander Riker cannot get the still operating.

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    Geordi learned long ago that looking up at the ceiling during an embarrassing incident was the best way to avoid a superior's wrath.

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    Kheylar forgot Rule Number 1 of Dating a Nerd: Never make going out seem like a chore, otherwise your partner will stick to their job/hobbies.
     
  12. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Picard: "You'd better get out of that wet uniform, Ensign."
    Gomez: Oh dear! They warned us about this in that special seminar at Starfleet Academy!"
     
  13. Holdfast

    Holdfast Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2000
    Location:
    17 Cherry Tree Lane
    Good to see the contests are still going; hope life settles down for you soon LeadHead.



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    PICARD: If you want access to Troi's secret surveillance video, it'll cost you.



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    YAR: Fully-functional? Girl, he wasn't even close!



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    PICARD: That's Windex.



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    PICARD: Fix the holodeck, Mr LaForge. Judging by the state of her, this must be the final scene of one of your holoporn programmes.
    LAFORGE looks away, whistling innocently



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    K'EHLYER: The difference between you and me is that I make figure-hugging spandex look good.
     
  14. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
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    Way back.
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    Do you know what this is?
    It looks like - a pube, sir?
    A ginger pube, Number One.


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    Yar: And then - Soong programmed him to weep afterward!


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    Wait, I didn't add the roofies yet.


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    Gomez: A woman walked into engineering, and LaForge spewed, sir.
    Picard: I figured.


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    K'Ehleyr: I'm sick of playing TSA vs Disgruntled Businesswoman. Can't we just make out?
     
  15. Mojochi

    Mojochi Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
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    Picard: Mot's manicures are great, yes, & his pedicures are marvelous too, but it's the Brazilian waxing that keeps me coming back

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    Yar: Then I asked him if Soong made it detachable

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    Picard: Merde... I better hide the wine

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    Geordi: Dammit! I just got this job & just met this girl. You are a cruel vindictive god, Damn you!

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    Worf: Joan Jett called. She wants her outfit back

    K'Ehleyr: Said the guy wearing a sash
     
  16. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    K'Ehleyr: I will find whoever put the cameltoe highlights on my clothing and I will kill them where they stand. This uniform is without honor!

    Worf: Speak for yourself...
     
  17. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
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    Lily: This is creeping me out, Marshall!

    Marshall: But, this is awe...wait for it...some! Klingon foreplay!

    Lily: There's something about this that feels wrong to me. I feel like you are thinking of your mother.

    Narrator: ....and that show was before Justin Bieber played Riker!

    Ted's kids: WHAT?!?
     
  18. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Thanks Dad USAF 1947-1972
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    STEWART: Seriously man, it's the only way I can get through some of these scripts.
     
  19. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Patrolling Sector 2814
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    Picard: And Beverly makes four. Yes, I am quite the stud. So, how many women have you slept with?

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    Denise: ...and then I told them I was leaving to pursue a film career!

    Marina: So why are we laughing?

    Denise: Because I realized I just flushed my career down the toilet and if I don't laugh at that, I'll just break down and cry.

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    Picard: Mr. Holm, stop! It's too late, the show's started, they won't need their understudy!

    Mr. Hohm: Aw, man, I just blue myself!

    Picard: There has to be a better way of saying that.

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    Geordi: I'd give anything for a major distraction right now.

    Q: You rang?

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    Ah, yes, the resurgence of 1990's fashion was a low-point for for 2359.
     
  20. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    K'Ehleyr: "Hey, stud! Feel like rippin' some Velcro?"