TNG Caption This! 300: Captain, we're passing 300 contests!

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. Holdfast

    Holdfast Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2000
    Location:
    17 Cherry Tree Lane
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    PICARD: No, you're doing it all wrong. Watch carefully; this is how you do "I'm a little teapot, short & stout".



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    PICARD (thinking): The Dancing Doctor has snared another recruit.



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    CRUSHER: Look, on my salary, I have to go to Supercuts, OK?!



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    RIKER: But have you seen Dr Crusher's hair today?
    PICARD: Yes, frightening, I know. It is a good argument for giving her a pay rise.


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    SCIENCE STATION ENSIGN (thinking): If every time Worf shouts at me, I press this button and give him an electric shock, I wonder how soon he'll learn...
     
  2. NX-01

    NX-01 Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Location:
    Gateshead, England
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    Crusher - Hey Jean-Luc!! I didn't distract you on your go!! I have to remove the butterflies!!!

    Picard (Chanting) - Choke Choke Choke!!!!

    Riker - OMG! These are the people I trust my life to!!!

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    Picard - I want a new 2nd officer. I am sick of that know-it-all....

    Riker - Erm Captian...

    Picard - Don't interupt me Number 1. I mean he is so annoying with his billions of calculations per second....

    Riker - Captian...

    Picard - Shush Number 1....

    Riker - I REALLY need to stop you there...

    Picard - Damn it he's behind me isn't he.

    Data - Yes sir.

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    Picard (Thinking) - I's always ballet and classical music, what I wouldn't give for a good old rock concert...

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    Crusher - Now commander, this won't hurt too much. I will need to instert this into your urethra and extract a fluid sample.

    Riker - And there is no less invasive way of doing this?

    Crusher - No this is the only way to check for Rician Syphilis.

    Riker - Will it hurt?

    Crusher - Not compared to the pain Deanna will inflict on you when she finds out.

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    Riker - I have been informed I have to tell everyone I have been initimate with that I have Rician Syphilis......You should get yourself tested.

    Picard - Not again. This time Number 1 I mean it when I say we are not drinking Romulan Ale together again.

    Riker - (Sighs) Yes sir.

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    Worf - Wesley!! Put your penis away!!!
     
  3. The Mole

    The Mole Lieutenant Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2011
    Location:
    Gateshead, UK
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    Patrick: Where's Brent?

    Jonathan: He can't make it. Don't worry, the boffins in FX said they can add him later

    Patrick: Really? They can do that?

    Jonathan: Yeah... providing they don't run out of budget. Then it would be pretty crappy.
     
  4. NX-01

    NX-01 Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Location:
    Gateshead, England
    ^ OMG Love it!!!
     
  5. NX-01

    NX-01 Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Location:
    Gateshead, England
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    Picard - She said no...

    Riker - I am sorry to hear that.

    Picard - That stupid Ferrengi Salesman said I would be irresistible to woman and that no body would notice. She said no and everyone is laughing at me!!

    Riker - Notice? Notice what?

    Data - Comander I believe he is refering to his tupee!

    Picard - SOB!!

    Data - I find it quite dashing sir....
     
  6. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Triskelion
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    Geordi: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself, sir. You really can win a staring contest against multiple opponents!

    Riker: That's why he's the Captain.

    Picard: It's all in the catheter.


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    Picard: Computer, has this crewman qualified for bridge operations?
    Computer: Negative, she has a life.
    Picard: That explains the douchebags I get stuck with.


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    Don't worry about the STD's ruining your life, crewman. Some people go on to become First Officers with far worse cases than this.


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    Picard: If you call dibs on Troi, you can't call dibs on Tasha.

    Riker: Geordi called dibs on Tasha.

    Picard: Be serious, Number One.


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    Who gave me a ritual suicide knife for Klingon Valentine's Day?
     
  7. ThankQ

    ThankQ Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Location:
    Omnipresent
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    I love your new hair, Doctor. I'm serious, I've never seen anyone who can rock the "wet dog" look quite like you can.

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    Riker: Actually, Captain, Troi and I were going to the holodeck to check out "These are the Voyages..."

    Picard: That one is crap. Put that off till you've seen the rest. Oh, you should check out "Shockwave, Part II". Sato gets her shirt ripped off crawling out of a Jeffries Tube and opens the door with her arms crossed like this. It's the dogs bollocks, Number One.


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    I protest! Klingons do not "vibe gay"!
     
  8. captain crow

    captain crow Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2009
    Location:
    soon to be a burnt rock floating in space
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    [Worf lets out a wet chunky fart]

    Worf, quitely: Oh, man.

    [Worf starts to shuffle walk stiff legged towards the bridge head]

    Blue Barry, not looking away from console: You sharted didn't you?

    Worf, unconvincingly: NO.
     
  9. uberfalcon

    uberfalcon Ensign Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Location:
    Erf
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    Picard: Computer--increase age, lose the eyebrows, and add a ridiculous hat... Save program as "Picard-Bartender-Delta."
     
  10. Ríu ríu chíu

    Ríu ríu chíu Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    Mr. Laser Beam is in the visitor's bullpen
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    Riker: Doctor, I need some primal laughter therapy. Please, say the word "croissant"...just once.
     
  11. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
    LeadHead, TFTW. :)

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    When the crew tried Vulcan vendredi as a change of pace from Casual Friday, it was not well received.



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    Picard: "Yes, mademoiselle, I'll join you in a few pliés, but only if I can wear sweatpants. I refuse to show off all my junk in one of those leotards."



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    LaForge (OS): "No, Troi was not the right person to consult on such a sensitive piece of equipment. You do not go into its internal workings and 'run a screwdriver through its nooks and crannies to get all the gunk out.'"
     
  12. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
    "He's right behind me, isn't he?"
     
  13. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
    "Or...according to what I've heard about the 23rd Century Enterprise...captains."
     
  14. jespah

    jespah Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Boston, the Gateway to the Galaxy
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    Will, I'm finding a disturbing reading that says you're going to become a universally hated Chef.
     
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Triskelion
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    Data: Violins.
    Geordi: Musicals.
    Riker: Jazz.
    Picard: Bollocks. I mean, flute - I mean archaeology.
     
  16. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
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    Riker: "A penny for your thoughts, Sir."

    Picard: "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 20..."



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    Troi (OS): "I sense I said things too so softly. Let me try again."

    < brief pause >

    Troi (OS, a bit louder): "I just heard from mother. Her plans for next week were cancelled, so she thought it would be a great opportunity to come here instead."
     
  17. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
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    LaForge (OS, sotto voce): "What's wrong with Worf?"

    Wesley (OS, sotto voce): "Pretty cool, huh? The other kids bet I couldn't give him a wedgie."
     
  18. Honorable Ensign

    Honorable Ensign Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Thanks for the win!

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    Picard: Excuse me, ma'am, but you'll have to finish up. This area is scheduled for shuttle launches now.

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    Dr. Crusher: All I'm saying is why do I have to use this pen thing on the tricorder if my fingers work just as well?

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    Worf: What are you staring at? Stop trying to caption me!
     
  19. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
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    Revealed at last: The real reason Leadhead hasn't been able to start the contests on a Saturday constantly lately.

















    He likes to watch ballet of course.
     
  20. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead