TNG Caption This! 299: Great Days Ahead!

Discussion in 'The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Hello everyone! I must say, I had a great time with this contest!

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    First up to the plate, we have the "Unnecessary Demonstrations" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Redshirt" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Impressive Attention to Detail" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Big Mystery" Award, going to:


    Next, we have the "Intelligent Fish" Award, going to:


    Next, we have the "Don't mess with the Picards wardrobe!" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Quite a Pair" Award, going to:

    The Photoshop Award, goes to:


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    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners! I enjoyed the Free-for-All contest, we may do it again at some point in the future. I like to do special things for the contest, but never want to overuse them.

    Anyhoo, a Supersized contest will happen next week for the 300th Contest of the TNG Caption This! Look forward to it!

    In the meantime, lets bring the Comedy!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Yar: Captain! My console just locked me out.

    Picard: Number One, take care of this.

    Riker: Worf, your first job as Chief of Security, fire Tasha Yar.

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    Picard: Okay, who drew all over my desk with a magic marker?

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    Worf: Firing Phasers.

    La Forge: There's no ships nearby.

    Worf: I'm bored. Now go away.


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    Troi: Hey, come back with my hot chocolate!

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    Crusher: It turns out we were wrong, Jean-Luc. Tasha was too much for Data, not the other way around.
     
  3. R. Star

    R. Star Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Location:
    Shangri-La
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    Riker: Hmm, you know I thought I'd never say this but... look at the ass on that security officer.
    Picard: Make it so, Number One.

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    Picard: Get that broad out of my ready room.

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    Worf: You'd think the inertial dampeners could compensate for a hangover motion headache... ugh.

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    Riker: We'll find out who impregnated you Deanna and get him!

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    Picard: Fire at the enemy god.
     
  4. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Here to solve a mystery.
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    Rest assured I will find out what you are all snickering at!
     
  5. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
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    Stewart: Denise, it's been a year. We know you regret leaving but turning up on set in costume every day in the hope of getting your job back... it's sad.

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    Picard: Come wake me up when the show stops being terrible.

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    Worf: No, I will not let you fire a torpedo.


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    Troi: So is a giant 1940's radar really so essential to making new planets?

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    Picard: OK, who drew the tiny penis on Data's head?
     
  6. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Here to solve a mystery.
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    Tasha: The cable installers called sir. They won't be able to get here until sometime after 8 AM tomorrow and the year 3014. They said someone has to be here to meet them, or it will be another three millennia.

    Picard: Maybe we should stick with satellite, Number One?

    Riker: If you think so, sir.

    Tasha: That might cut some costs, Captain.


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    If you need me I'll be under my desk.


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    I don't know, LaForge. Duranium?

    Nope.

    Cellulose.

    Nope.

    Polycarbonate.

    Nope.

    Look, I do not care what element your VISOR senses in Data's colon! Aaaggggh! Aluminum.

    Nope. It was molybdenum, Worf.

    Stupid! Stupid!

    That word again: molybdenum.


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    Troi: I'm going to get a soft pretzel. I'll meet you at Forever 21.


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    Crusher: Fascinating.
    Picard: His symptoms, Doctor?
    Crusher: He has reverted to his default "pleasuring technique."
    Geordi: Reverse Cowgirl Polarity.
    Edo God: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
     
  7. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
    Thanks to Leadhead and Red Dwarf for the belly laugh!


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    Riker: "Damn! Some assless chaps would look fine on that!"
    Yar: "Hey! The day you see that, is the day it becomes standard uniform."
    Picard: "A captain should lead by example, don't you think, Numbah One?"
    Riker: "If it inspires the right attitude in the crew..."
    Yar: thinking "Dear God! What have I started. I wish I was dead..."

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    Picard: "Computer. Transport urinal to this location."

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    Worf: "Six weeks ago you were an Ensign, now you outrank me. Who do I have to kill to get a promotion on this ship?"

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    Riker: "Quick, follow that cleavage."
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    Picard: "What's wrong with him?"
    Crusher: "How should I know? I'm a doctor, not a mechanic."
     
  8. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
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    Picard: Is that a beer belly I see?

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    Picard: You have the bridge Counsellor Troi, and may God help us all!

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    Worf: Executive order 666 is ready to be deployed captain.

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    Troi: What is that weird circular dish with the moving green line?
    Data: Elementary my dear counsellor, that is called radar.

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    Beverly: Well this is embarrassing, it seems his console swung out and hit his off switch!
     
  9. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    DATA: So, Counselor. When your ordered the watch, did you use inches or feet in reference to size?
     
  10. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    The visitor's bullpen
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    Edo God: Data...DATA...Oh don't grovel, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's androids groveling!

    Picard: Sorry.

    Edo God: And don't apologize! Every time I try to talk to someone it's "Sorry" this, and "Forgive me" that, and "I'm not worthy..." What are you doing now?!?

    Geordi: I'm averting my VISOR, my lord.

    Edo God: Well don't! It's like those miserable Edo. They're so depressing. Now knock it off!
     
  11. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
    TFTW, Leadhead! :techman:

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    Picard: And that Tom-boy haircut, who does she think she's fooling, Number One?

    Yar: You realize I'm right here, Captain...

    Picard: Engage cloaking device!

    Yar: It doesn't work that way, sir.

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    Picard: Number One, you have the bridge. I have to watch that sexual harassment video because of what happened with Lt. Yar...

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    Levar: You know, I hate when Patrick calls us up here to prove to his friends he's not racist...

    *in the background Patrick: See, I have black friends, I'm totally not racist!

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    Troi: Come look at the quaint 1980's technology over here!

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    Troi: Is that...it's Mr. Radar!

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    Picard: Well, the screen wasn't fully rendering, so I decided to un-plug/re-plug Data to see if that helped. It didn't.
     
  12. Antni

    Antni Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2013
    Location:
    Manchester, UK
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    *Fart noise*
    Tasha: sorry sir...

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    Picard: Tasha did you use my personal toilet?
    Tasha: again sorry sir
    Picard: bloody stinks in there.

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    Worf: hello my names Worf and this is Geordie my assistant and we're the iprobe geniuses how can we help you?

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    Troi: children!! They always run off.

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    Data: doctor, quick take a picture of my plank.
    Doctor: taken that's going straight onto FEDBOOK
    Picard: doctor will you tag me in it please.
     
  13. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Here to solve a mystery.
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    Picard: Ship shape and Bristol fashion, young man.
    Tasha: I'm a woman, sir.
    Picard: Taking liberties with the cabin boy roster, Number One?
    Riker: J'Naii showed me a few tricks, sir.
     
  14. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    WORF: On second thought, spitballs and lugies weren't the best way to relieve our boredom.
     
  15. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    PICARD: I don't remember authorizing a Stargate crossover.
    TASHA: I'm not Sam Carter, sir, I'm your security chief Tasha Yar.
    PICARD: Blond short hair with dark roots, tough girl feminist who gets kidnapped by stereotypes in the third episode. Come on now.
    TASHA: Okay, y'got me.

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    Picard does a quick visual sweep of the room to make sure nobody noticed he had Angry Birds open on his desk.

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    GEORDI: You know I can see people's pulse and body heat on the infared spectrum. I can tell when somebody is...
    WORF: I have no feelings for Doctor Pulaski. She's too old for me.
    GEORDI: It's nothing to be ashamed of.
    WORF: I WAS THINKING ABOUT K'ELYHR.

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    Troi suddenly realizes she left Wesley locked in the car.

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    PICARD: No, no, let it keep scanning us. It's only incapacitated our crew member, we have no reason to think it intends us any harm.
     
  16. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Here to solve a mystery.
    :lol: :rommie:

    Tasha: Hey, just because my genitals are on the inside....
     
  17. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
    LeadHead, TFTW. :techman:

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    Geordi: "Earth's 1960s called. They want their women's hair style back."
     
  18. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    WORF: You said this place would be crawling with chicks. And they'd be into us.

    GEORDI: And you believed me? I'm Geordi LaForge, Wesley gets more action than me!!!
     
  19. Gil T.Azell

    Gil T.Azell Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Location:
    Gil T.Azell
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    Picard: "Mr. Data , No Planking on the Bridge, besides you're doing it wrong."
     
  20. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    PICARD: Doctor, I've no idea how many batteries he takes.
     

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