TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!

Discussion in 'The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Dec 23, 2012.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Happy Sunday everyone! See? I told you I'd try to get things back to weekends!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Dangerous Games" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Don't Mess With Wes" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Failed Attempts at Romance" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Shape up or we'll get an obedient Klingon" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Unusual Conditions" Award, going to:

    Couldn't choose between these two for the Photoshop Award, so they're both winners!

    And.....


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    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

    And now, with the holidays on imminent approach, lets Caption!

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    Enjoy and Happy Holidays to you!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Picard: Thanks for this Number One, but I already have this.

    Riker: I know, it's how I knew you'd like it!



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    Worf: This Marinade is without honor!

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    Data: Thank you for your gifts, but the wrapping paper is much more interesting to me.

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    Riker and Geordi started a side business of having Data do masterful art forgeries.

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    Data: So we're agreed, we find the milk and cookies then beam out with them.
     
  3. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Finn
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    Data: This is what I was thinking about while doin' Tasha

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    Troi: I meant to ask. How is your research into turn of the millennium sitcoms going?

    Data: It is going well. I'm currently going through How I met your Mother. I'm developing a liking for Marshal's mother. She reminds me of someone.
     
  4. captain crow

    captain crow Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2009
    Location:
    nobody cares
    Thanks for the Photoshop Award co-win!



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    Riker: Data's cat pissed in the mashed potatoes.
     
  5. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Picard: "This box is empty."
    Riker: "The box is the gift."
    Picard: "It's a cheap plywood box with glued on plastic tiles."
    Riker: "Well...it's the thought that counts."
    Picard: "Agreed. What the hell were you thinking?"


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    Data: "Should we begin our security sweep now, Counselor?"
    Troi: "In a moment, Data. As soon as Commander Worf finishes mentally undressing Lieutenant Selar."
     
  6. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
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    Riker: It's bad sir, we have reason to believe that our master caption contest maestro LeadHead has been recycling images for new contests!

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    Riker: I've taught Mr Worf here how to eat food civilly, beforehand he would have utensils were weapons!

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    Data: I would thank you but I just don't have the emotional subroutines to do so...

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    Riker: Data... What's with all the gay erotic paintings?
    Data: I have found sir that a certain controversial style can be rather distinctive.
    Geordi: I'll say! Who knew the captain's log was that big!

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    Troi: DID YOU JUST GROPE ME DURING MID-TRANSPORT!?!
    Data: Just a little experiment into sexual arousal during molecular transference, forgive me counsellor.
     
  7. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Data: "I was going to read some of my poetry to you all, but whoever made the preparations for this party has set the room lights too dim for me to see the text."
    Riker: "Officer thinking, Mr. Crusher!"


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    Data: "I am attempting to paint a nude portrait of Christy Henshaw. Tell me, Geordi, did I get it right?"
    Riker and Data: *collapse in laughter*
     
  8. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    RIKER: Well that's about as likely to happen as Worf becoming a vegetarian!

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    TROI: No Data, I don't think the Captain is segregating the non-humans from the rest of the crew. What an absurd notion!
     
  9. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
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    Picard: A box of Troi's used panties?

    Riker: Apparently you were the only person left onboard who didn't have any.

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    Riker: My metabolism is great, I can eat all this shit and not put any weight on!

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    Data: Is this party in celebration of me officially becoming the most popular character on the show?


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    Budget cuts forced the actors to work on designing the new Ten Forward set between takes.

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    Troi: Wait, we're taking an extra on the away mission? I thought these things were regulars only?
     
  10. BriGuy

    BriGuy Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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    Troi: This is going to sound crazy, Data, but for a moment I thought we were having sex.

    Data: For a moment, counselor, we were.

    And I finished.
     
  11. BriGuy

    BriGuy Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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    Worf: Stupid dead human food. Good thing I took my Prilosec this morning.
     
  12. BriGuy

    BriGuy Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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    Data: Ah, a gift from Dr. Pulaski.

    A toaster.

    Thank you, doctor.
     
  13. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
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    Picard: Viagra? Damn it, Beverly promised to keep that a secret!

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    Though he enjoyed it at the time, Worf would come to regret taking Riker's advice to try the Cream of Some Young Guy.

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    Pulaski: No, we didn't run out of wrapping paper. I suggested the aluminum foil to symbolize the artificial and mechanical nature of the thing we were buying gifts for.

    Data: If I were human, I believe my response would be: You are a bitch! If I were human.

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    Data: I have been inspired by an early 21st Century painter who apparently went around restoring paintings. The internet seemed to approve of this at the time.

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    Data: Interesting, this appears to be an artifact of the late 20th century. A snow globe owned by Tommy Westphall. Sensor readings indicate an entire alternate reality is inside of it consisting of people and places popularized by television shows in this universe. It almost makes you wonder if we're all just characters on a television show being watched by people in another alternate universe.
     
  14. jespah

    jespah Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Boston, the Gateway to the Galaxy
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    Picard: This is awesome, Number One. A box made entirely out of weed!
    Riker: It's sensimilla.
    Picard: I smell promotion! And THC!


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    Worf: What's taters, Precious?

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    Data: Thank you for coming to my bridal shower. *sniff*

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    Riker (thinking): It looks like a bad mural from a 1977 dentist's office.

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    Troi and Data together (singing): One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
    Schlemiel, schlemazel, Hasenfeffer Incorporated.
    We're gonna do it!
     
  15. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    DATA: Excellent. This material will come in handy in manufacturing a hat to block the alien transmissions urging me to kill you all.

    PULASKI: Wait....what?
     
  16. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Riker: "This is excellent, wholesome, down-to-earth food! I'm surprised! Given the look of your eating utensils, I was expecting some kind of pretentious crap!"
     
  17. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    PICARD: A toupee, number one? Are you insinuating something?
    RIKER: It's either that or make another trip to Risa.

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    Riker likes to challenge Worf to eating contests, which he secretly tapes and posts on YouTube.

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    DATA: Thank you for the wrapping paper. I will make good use of it.
    PULASKI: Um...yes! The wrapping paper is the gift. You're welcome?

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    DATA: I've noticed human art frequently covers the subject of nudes. I've taken a step further and painted the inside of the human uterus.

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    DATA: Deanna, I'd like to introduce you to my brother. A positronic brain Dr Soong created before experimenting with human forms.
    TROI: Wh...
    DATA: You accept me as human because I'm sentient and not just because I look human, right?
     
  18. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Your - beard trimmer, Number One?
    I'm going Beaver Trapper, Captain.

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    Riker: What kind of meat did you say this was, Keiko?

    Keiko: I didn't.

    Worf: It is awful. I love it!

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    Lieutenant Worf, what is this?
    It's the latest release from Old Quarter, the hottest boy band on Qo'noS.
    ...
    Ok, it's more opera.

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    What is it, Data?
    It's an abstract to commemorate my time on Risa. I call it "Clash of the Adam's Apples."

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    Worf: Lieutenant Selar is deft at stealing apples. But not deft enough.
     
  19. BriGuy

    BriGuy Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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    Geordi: Data is continuing his exploration of humanity with art.

    Riker: Art? This is a bunch of crap.

    Data: Yes, commander. But as I have been learning, sometimes people love crap.
     
  20. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Data: So, Worf gave me a honor blade.
    Councilor Troi a box of chocolates.
    Doctor Pulaski a antique oil can.
    Commander Riker a musical instrument.
    And Wesley a container of sticky white fluid.

    Riker: "Wes, you really need to put your penis away.

    :)
     

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