TNG Caption This! 292: Unexpected Situations

Discussion in 'The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Nov 17, 2012.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Happy Saturday everyone! Lets get going!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Ethnic Sensitivity" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Was there any doubt?" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Charles Tucker III" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Credible Evidence" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Unimportant Anomalies" Award, goes to:


    A MultiPicture Award goes to:

    The Photoshop Award goes to:


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    Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

    Lets start the next contest!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Picard: So THAT's what the ship looks like.

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    Deanna: (off-screen) But, what about us?

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    Picard: Ensign, beam Guinan's hat into space! It's attracting the anomaly!

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    Data: It seems your X-Box 30,000 controller was slammed against the wall.

    La Forge: Worf beat my high score again...

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    Riker: If you need me, I'll be transporting far, far away from here!
     
  3. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    PICARD: What I wouldn't give for a "You are here" sign.

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    GEORDI: They specifically said, "No flash photography."
     
  4. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
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    Picard: So this display is great for displaying any information I want to know about the Enterprise... as long as it's on the right hand side of the ship?

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    Dorn: So a massive pay rise and all the hookers I'll ever need? OK, I'll do DS9!

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    Picard: We've become trapped in a mid-'90's nightclub!

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    Data: But Geordi, what purpose does a machine that lets you see through female clothing serve?

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    Riker: My chances of making Captain before I'm 50? They went thataway!
     
  5. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
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    Picard: *to himself* Huh, according to this, if a photon torpedo were to hit this small thermal exhaust port, it would trigger a chain reaction destroying the Enterprise. Seems like a major design flaw...

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    Worf: I can't believe Geordi fell for it! It was obvious you were just leading him on. Poor guy, though, being that unsuccessful with women, is not honorable...

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    Ro: Oh man, I am seriously tripping here...

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    Geordi: Let me guess, Starfleet contracted Microsoft to redesign the tricorder...

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    Riker: Hey, Wesley, dumbass, that's the restroom. This is the transporter room. Now, get a mop!
     
  6. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Picard: "In addition to classical music, I occasional enjoy some laser-Floyd."
     
  7. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    RO: So, should I place that call to Ghostbusters, now?
     
  8. Merlanthe

    Merlanthe Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2012
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    The crew realised what a mistake it was to buy Picard the latest Sims game after he became obssessed with building the perfect ship for him sim crew to live in.

    PICARD: Now where shall i put the swimming pool hmm?

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    The ensign discovered just how easily provoked a Klingons belly laugh could be when she tickle attacked Worf.

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    GUINAN: I really dont see why we bothered coming to a club if we're just gonna sit here all night and not dance we could have just done the exact same thing at 10 forward.

    PICARD: We're not dancing til there are more people on the dancefloor otherwise we'll look like idiots.

    KEIKO: But we're the only ones in here...


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    DATA: I understand you may be nervous about my standing in for Dr Crusher whilst she is away on Risa so before i administer your prostrate exam i will demonstrate it upon this random object.

    GEORDIE:....I'm no medical expert but that does not look like a prostrate exam...why are we in a cave?

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    RIKER: Dont worry velociraptors may be intelligent enough to have figured out how to work door handles but our doors dont have any.

    PICARD: ...Counsellor Troi i believe its your job to state the obvious i'll leave it to you to explain to Commander Riker why the lack of door handles does not improve our situation.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2012
  9. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

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    Picard: "We have a Starbuck's on deck twelve? Why the hell doesn't anybody tell me these things!"


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    Ro: "Oh my God! Gross! Turn off that black light! And I don't even wanna know what those stains are!"
     
  10. Skywalker

    Skywalker Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2005
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    Picard: "Why the hell do we need three different Mrs. Fields stores?"
     
  11. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    PICARD: So, this was right before you snapped her spine?

    WORF: I said I was sorry.
     
  12. Mojochi

    Mojochi Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
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    Picard: I said star board you piece of crap, not starboard

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    Yeah.... Deanna misunderstood what "Threesome" meant once she remembered that Worf had two of every major organ

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    Picard: & now for the music. Bow chicka bow bow chicka

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    Geordi: Chocolate & vanilla swirl, with sprinkles

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    I think Ensign Ro is partially phased & was spying on me in the shower
     
  13. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 20, 2005
    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
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    Picard, thinking: But where's the bathroom?
     
  14. BeatleJWOL

    BeatleJWOL Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2012
    Location:
    Winston-Salem, NC
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    To the Bat Tank!
    (Thanks) Leadhead FTW!

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    Computer locate the ice cream man.


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    Data would come to regret showing up to the double date with a Hoover.


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    Picard: A little more to the left, Guinan! Paul Lynde's face looks like a Salvador Dali clock.


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    Data: Geordi, do you realize the significance of this artifact? It proves the Vulcans were still manufacturing marital aids well past the age of Surak.


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    Riker: New holoprogram is ready, Captain.
    Picard: Laser sharks or super-intelligent sharks?
    Riker: Zombie sharks.
    Picard: Life is good.
     
  16. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
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    Picard: Computer, display directions to the dominatrix room!

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    Laughing gas works on Klingons to...

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    Guinan: I don't know why but I can just sense a youthful resurrection happening soon...

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    Riker: (o/s) What's the matter with Data?
    Geordi: Android orgasm.
    Riker: (o/s) What?

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    Riker: Psst! Let's barge into Worf's quarters and wake him with a Klingon pain stick!
     
  17. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
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    Picard: "Toilet... toilet... where's the damned toilet?"

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    Klingon moobs are surprisingly soft... and sensitive...

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    Picard: "Okay, who's the idiot who swapped the red alert bulb for a lava lamp?"

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    Geordi: "What's that weird flashing light you have there, Data? It's curiously... it's quite... it's... ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNODROID!"


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    Riker: "... and these here are Ensign Ro's quarters... I shagged her too."

    The last time Commander Riker showed visiting dignitaries around the ship...
     
  18. Merlanthe

    Merlanthe Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2012
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    PICARD: Captains log...our exploration of the planets surface had to be cut short after a local life form mistook the shuttlecraft for its mate...now the interior is covered with fluerescent fluid stains that smell weird. Recommend that Wesley cleans it out.
     
  19. Merlanthe

    Merlanthe Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2012
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    PICARD: Ah the Enterprise...every inch of her interior systems exposed...naked...I can see everything!


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    PICARD: Captains log...our attempt to explore the planets surface and collect samples was cut short when the away team was attacked by a rare cloth eating virus that caused our clothes to disintegrate...there were spare uniforms aboard the shuttle and the girls are all properly attired once more...but I've seen everything!

    RO: ...does he realise that we can hear everything he says?

    PICARD: ...I've seen everything!

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    RIKER: The locking mechanism on your door is broken? Dont worry Deanna even if the Captain does mistakenly walk in whilst your undressed he's already seen everything.

    TROI: ....?
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2012
  20. Isis

    Isis Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
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    Picard: "Beverly, is it necessary that you project Data's MRI on the bridge? We all believe his claim that he's fully functional and programmed with multiple techniques."

    Crusher: "Jean-Luc, what are you talking about?"

    Riker (entering bridge from turbolift): "Like my MRI, Captain? Pretty impressive, huh?"



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    Picard had yet to learn that if you want to impress a starship crew-woman on a first date, you don't take her to a planetarium.



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    Data: "Is this my best angle?"

    La Forge (to self): "Maybe this wasn't the best time to activate his vanity subroutine?"



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    Riker: "That Picard is a pompous windbag. I'd make a better captain than him any day."

    <brief pause>

    Riker: "Well, how did everyone like my totally fictional dramatization?"

    Riker (sotto voce): "He's right behind me, isn't he?"