Star Trek: Restoration - Onyx

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by CaptainSarine, Nov 27, 2009.

  1. CaptainSarine

    CaptainSarine Commander Red Shirt

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    Gul Rejal,

    Well, again, welcome. Glad you caught up and that you're still enjoying this enough to comment. I have a chapter pretty much finished, so there should be some more coming tonight or tomorrow! ;)

    As to Qwert living separately... I guess so! He is definitely one of those characters who has gone in directions I didn't expect at the beginning. It is one of the greatest parts of writing, those little surprises.

    Thanks again for commenting, hope you'll enjoy the rest.

    Mistral,

    Qwert keeps on tugging on my earlobe, saying: "young hu-mon, it is about time we saw a bit more of me and my past, here are some snippets you can throw in."

    I think I may end up having to write some shorts about him and his past, he has done some major things - in fact, in the chapter I just finished, he popped up and told me he had assassinated two Founders during the Resistance.

    :devil:

    Anyway, he is a cool character, I'm glad you guys like him as much as I do.

    Joel
     
  2. CaptainSarine

    CaptainSarine Commander Red Shirt

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    Hi all,

    Well, I've realised that the only way I'm going to get this story finished is to try and get a more regular posting schedule going. To that effect, I have decided to post the chapters split up, basically scene by scene (depending on the length of the scene of course) as they are finished. That way I'm hoping I'll post more often and get myself a bit more motivated to write the continuation!

    Here goes, then, with the beginning part of Chapter 20.


    Chapter 20.1

    Jasto Dax’s Quarters
    USS Redemption


    The deck bucked beneath his feet, forcing Doctor Malok to put a hand out against the wall. Struggling not to drop his tricorder, he cursed the battle going on around him.

    Once the ship stopped shaking, he stood up straight and quickly scanned the two prone figures lying on the bed in front of him. Jasto Dax and Ensign Q’sar looked peaceful, no sign they had any idea what was going on around them. Lost in the mindmeld.

    They had entered the meld mere minutes before battle had broken out. Malok had tried to separate them, but they had descended much further into the mindscape than time should have allowed. It was as though the moment the meld had been initiated, something had reached out and seized control. Their mental patterns had begun to merge together. Any attempt to separate them at this point could and would cause irreparable damage to both psyches.

    He couldn’t leave them without a watchful eye. Which left him stuck in these quarters when other members of the crew might need him.

    The deck shifted beneath him once again, almost sending him to his knees. He growled, then reached up to tap his comm badge.

    “Malok to sickbay.”

    “Keene here, doctor. Where are you? We’re in the middle of an emergency and we—“

    “Belay that, doctor,” Malok snapped, his usual patience evaporating in the heat of the moment. “I’m in Lieutenant-Commander Dax’s quarters and I have a problem.”

    Silence greeted his words, broken moments later by Keene’s voice. “What kind of problem?”

    “I can’t explain over the comm line. I need you to send a medical technician down here to replace me.”

    “I’ll get right on it,” Keene responded, and the comm line went dead.

    Malok lowered his bulk to the floor, deciding that it would probably be safer for him to stay on his knees than to stay standing. He flipped the tricorder open, running it over the two bodies. No change. What by Sto’vo’kor is going on in there? he wondered.

    Sickbay

    Keene stood in the doorway of his office, Malok’s words still echoing in his ears. Lieutenant Dax. A problem.

    He thought back over his last confrontation with Astrid Williams, and felt a smile spread across his face. This could be just the opportunity he had been hoping for. If he was right, the problem Malok had mentioned had something to do with the experiments in mind melds. Those experiments were being kept secret, but he had learned about them in Malok’s personal logs.

    If something had gone wrong with the meld, Dax would be in a very precarious position. One that Keene could take advantage of. All he needed to do was get rid of the good doctor.

    A young Bolian nurse approached him. Behind her, sickbay was already filling up with the injured and wounded, most from Deck 7 where a plasma conduit had exploded under the Laurentii assault.

    “Is Doctor Malok on his way?” the nurse asked anxiously.

    “He will be here soon, but he needs me to relay him for a special case.”

    “Yes doctor.” She seemed relieved.

    Once she was gone, Keene walked back into his office, allowing the door to close behind him. Over at his desk, he crouched down to reach the lowest drawer, secured by a numerical pad. He keyed in the password, a six-digit numerical code, and waited for the lights to turn green. As soon as they did, he pulled the drawer open.

    Inside was a metal box. Keene had smuggled it aboard weeks before, passing it off as medical supplies. Pulling it out, he reached into the inner pocket of his white coat and took out a key. He hesitated for a moment – once he had used this, there would be no going back. He had one vial, and one vial only. If he needed it later… Pushing past his doubts, he inserted the key and twisted, popping the lid open.

    The liquid inside the vial gleamed silver in the artificial light. Pure hadronym. A very potent poison. One that could not be traced. Causing a cascading series of heart failures, the poison would mask its effects behind natural traces. No autopsy would ever be able to identify the exact cause of death.

    The perfect assassin’s weapon.

    Keene pulled the vial out along with the hypospray that lay beside it in the box. He went to charge the vial, then remembered the warning the Ferengi who sold it had given him. Shaking his head, he slipped the vial in one pocket and kept the hypospray in his hand.

    He closed up the box, slid it back inside the drawer and closed it behind him. The code would rescramble itself – the new code would be unknown to him, but he would never need to open the drawer again anyway.

    Grabbing a medkit, he headed out of sickbay towards Dax’s quarters.
     
  3. kes7

    kes7 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Oh, no! :eek: Jasto, watch out!

    Looks like Keene is staying on top of things, more or less. In the heat of battle, he's watching out for number one. I wonder what's going on with the meld ... whether it's proceeding more or less normally and Malok is just very unfamiliar with it, or whether there's a problem. Been a while since we visited this scene.

    Keep the scenes coming! :bolian:
     
  4. Gul Re'jal

    Gul Re'jal Commodore Commodore

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    I like the "bits" approach, helps me to stay in the "story mood" :)

    Ditto! Jasto, watch out!
     
  5. CaptainSarine

    CaptainSarine Commander Red Shirt

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    Yeah, Jasto is in trouble. Keene has a very keen eye for an opportunity, and this one is too good to pass up.

    No, there is definitely something wrong with the meld. This is not proceeding normally, and considering who Jasto and Q'sar are pursuing...

    More coming tonight!

    Thanks for the vote of confidence, Gul Re'jal. I'm hoping to have something posted at least three times a week - I really need to get this volume of the story finished before the beginning of November!!!

    Glad you enjoyed this,

    Joel
     
  6. Gibraltar

    Gibraltar Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Feedback on Chapter 18

    Both Groves and Benjamani demonstrate some survival skills and instincts as their diplomatic mission quickly devolves into an armed confrontation both on the station and in the surrounding space.

    Prin’s holding her own in the battle, at least for the moment. Kane may be busy, but 10 minutes? :wtf: Really? I’m thinking this battle will be long over in 10 minutes.

    Turner’s as gutsy as they come, especially when leading her people into the combat meat-grinder outside Restoration, where her fighters are grossly outnumbered. I liked her brief thought regarding Sarine, a testament to how close she’s getting to him, despite just having met the man.

    Meanwhile, Qwert’s having his own grand time on board the station, but finds some relief in the form of an unexpected ally, Lil’Kim. ;)

    Terrific stuff here, CaptainSarine. You’ve got a lot of balls in play, but you’re keeping them all airborne with a deft hand and a nicely flowing narrative.
     
  7. Gibraltar

    Gibraltar Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Oof, Jasto's helpless, paralyzed by a Vulcan mind-meld and now Keene's moving in for the kill. Bad things, man... baaaaad things. :eek:
     
  8. CaptainSarine

    CaptainSarine Commander Red Shirt

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    Hi Gibraltar,

    Thanks for your comments on these chapters, glad you enjoyed them.

    Kane's ten minute comment is in the line of all best Starfleet engineers - tell the captain worst case so that when you come back a minute later, you look good! ;)

    Glad Turner's thoughts for Ba'el didn't seem too out there - I wanted to show that he remains in her thoughts, since he is important to her despite the briefness of their relationship.

    And finally Jasto, Jasto, Jasto... He is in for a bad time, no doubt. More to come!!! :klingon:
     
  9. CaptainSarine

    CaptainSarine Commander Red Shirt

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    Chapter 20.2

    Ispaoreai Hyps’rat (Onyx Station)

    Weapons fire struck the wall on either side of him. Qwert fired back at the oncoming soldiers and then threw himself through the open orifice, ducking and rolling as he went. He tumbled head over heels into the room, spinning on his back and bringing his claw weapon up in case one of the Laurentii had followed him. Instead, he saw Benjamani step through much more gracefully, firing back over her shoulder. Moments later, Groves did too.

    Laurentii followed, hot on their heels. The aliens never stopped firing, a steady barrage of energy bolts keeping their pursuers from getting too close. Once everyone was in, two of the Laurentii stepped up to the wall, placing their hands against the fleshy surface.

    Qwert’s eyes widened as their forearms were swallowed up by two small orifices. Almost instantly, the Laurentii’s eyestrips began to flicker, gold and silver and red cycling in rapid succession. The orifice began to close, sucking inwards.

    “Hold them off,” Lkim shouted, putting words to action and firing three times in quick succession through the closing door. Five of the soldiers joined him, Garabaldi amongst them. Qwert glimpsed Laurentii drawing closer, eyestrips black and cloudy with rage.

    The orifice had almost closed when Garabaldi was hit. Her form was illuminated by a bright green glow, then her entire body was consumed, reduced to nothing in the blink of an eye. Her cut-off scream still echoed the orifice finally closed.

    Qwert sat there, the sound of weapons fire against the wall seeming a distant buzzing. He stared at the place where Garabaldi had been, his eyes glazed over. I should have kept her safe, he thought. She was under my responsibility.

    In the silence that followed, Groves approached him, offering his hand to help him up. Qwert just looked at it for a moment. She didn’t need to die.

    “She was only doing her job,” the hu-mon said.

    Qwert looked at him. “This was her job? Dying in the middle of some damned fool civil war.”

    He was surprised to see the coldness in Groves’ eyes when he met them. The man nodded. “Yes.”

    Qwert took the hu-mon’s hand and allowed him to help him up.

    “Good thing you showed up when you did.”

    “Thank our hosts,” Qwert shot back.

    Lkim had led Qwert and Garabaldi through some rear corridors so that they could come up behind the forces attacking Groves and Benjamani. The two of them had been pinned down in a cul-de-sac, and both of them had taken wounds. Qwert knew that if they hadn’t arrived when they did, both of them would probably have been dead. Instead, Garabaldi died. He glanced at Benjamani. It had better have been worth it.

    The number of opposing soldiers had proved overwhelming, though, so while the Laurentii lay down covering fire, they had escaped. Here. Wherever here was.

    Qwert looked around and realized that they were in the yaszmoot chamber. He turned to Lkim, who had walked over with Benjamani. “This is your safe place? The chamber?”

    “This is the safest place outside the kruin’s chamber. It was designed to protect the yaszmoot from any enemy attack.”

    “Including if that attack comes from your own people?”

    Lkim did not respond, his eyestrip flickering with colours denoting shame and fear. “I am sorry about your kashaboor.”

    Qwert glanced at Benjamani. “Flameholder. Soldier.”

    “She died doing her duty,” Qwert responded, though the words turned to ash in his mouth. “Protecting me.”

    They stood there for a moment, the only sounds in the sudden silence the distant hammering of the Laurentii weapons through the thick flesh walls and the closer noise the loyalist soldiers made as they prepared to fight off an incursion.

    “Well,” Qwert said after a moment, “now that we’re ‘safe,” – Lkim’s eyestrip turned a bright green – “perhaps you would like to explain what by the Great Material Continuum is going on here.” And why my officer died.

    “War, Admiralqwert,” Lkim replied simply. “The Hegemony is being torn apart from within.”

    “But why?” Groves asked. “What the hell are you people fighting about?”

    “He said that it had something to do with Sarine,” Qwert answered, his eyes never wavering from the Laurentii havac. “Personally, I’d like to know what he meant.”

    “Sarine?” Benjamani repeated, her eyes narrowed. “Where is the captain?”

    “A good question.”

    Lkim’s breathing flaps fluttered, the Laurentii equivalent of a sigh. “I do not know. Exactly.”

    “He’s not onboard anymore, is he?” Qwert pressed.

    “No. Minutes after kruin Asuph was killed—“

    “The kruin is dead?”

    “Murdered by Lkinym,” Qwert snapped, waving away Groves’ question. “He’s the one who set all of this off. Because of Sarine apparently. What I want to know is why?”

    “My God, what have we done?” Groves breathed. No one paid any attention to him.

    “Minutes after kruin Asuph was murdered, reports claim that a varec known to have been close to him stole a kessif fighter and fled Ispaoreai Hyps’rat. From what I have been able to glean despite the chaos, he was carrying a prone figure. The description corresponds to that of your captain.”

    “He kidnapped him?”

    Lkim made a fluting sound through his breathing flaps. “Your captain had been shot, Admiralqwert. The varec had killed him.”

    Qwert shook his head. Not Sarine, as well. If they’ve killed a Starfleet captain, nothing will save this treaty. He glanced at the two hu-mons – Groves looked sick, while Benjamani’s face remained impenetrable. “I don’t believe that.”

    “I hope I am wrong,” Lkim responded. “Either way, the Sarine is gone.”

    “And what exactly did you mean when you said he was the cause of this situation?” Benjamani asked. “What has Captain Sarine done?”

    “He has done nothing. It is what was done to him that has caused this war. But that is a very long story, one that I fear we do not have time for now.” He glanced over at the wall, which had started to ripple menacingly.

    “Give us the short version,” Groves demanded.

    “The short version? Your Captain Sarine was… changed when he was here last. Changed by the kruin who served before Asuph.”

    “Changed into what?”

    “A weapon. A last attempt to save the Hegemony from a terrible threat.”

    “How?”

    “His DNA was modified, his genetic code rewritten with ancient information our former kruin believed to have originated with the Seefu themselves.”

    “Your gods?”

    Qwert frowned. Gods? Garabaldi is dead and Sarine is missing and we’re talking about theology? Anger surged in a dangerous wave that threatened to overwhelm him. He reigned it in as best he could, lowering his voice. “You kidnapped and experimented on a representative of the Resistance in the middle of a war? Are you insane?”

    “Many of us thought so. This was a plan spawned by kruin Lissa and continued by his successor. The yaszmoot disagreed, but he overruled us.”

    “I thought he couldn’t do that.”

    “On many subjects, he can’t. In the case of the Sarine, though, he has the backing of a higher power.”

    “The melitnik,” Benjamani interjected.

    “The what?”

    “The priestly caste. The true rulers of the Hegemony. If kruin Lissa had their backing, there would be nothing that the yaszmoot could do. They serve at the pleasure of the Seefu, and the Seefu are represented by the melitnik.”

    Qwert tried to process all of this. Just then, a large explosion sounded from behind the orifice, closer than the other blasts had been. The wall rippled even more.

    “Looks like this place isn’t as secure as you thought,” Groves said.

    “It was not meant to keep out our own people. The soldiers on the other side are not our greatest threat, however.”

    “What is?”

    “Lkinym. He is already preparing to take Asuph’s place as kruin. If he manages – no, when he manages – to do that, Ispaoreai Hyps’rat will be his. He will be able to control every corridor, every opening, every weapon onboard. He could kill us with a thought.”

    Qwert nodded. “Then we’ll just have to stop him, won’t we?”

    “And how do you plan on doing that?” Benjamani demanded.

    Qwert smiled. He had been a trader who managed to make a fortune when most of his people were barely able to scrounge an extra loaf of bread for their meal. He had snuck into more Dominion outposts than most Resistance operatives had dreamed of. He had murdered two Founders. He had devised and led military campaigns against the Dominion, against the Klingon Empire and against the Andorians. He had spun all of that into a seat at the table after the war and got himself appointed admiral when most people dismissed him as a doddering old fool. All of that had taught him one thing, one lesson he held to more than any of the Rules of Acquisition.

    His smile tightened. “Trust me. There is always a way.”
     
  10. Mistral

    Mistral Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Yes there is! You GO! Qwert!
     
  11. Gul Re'jal

    Gul Re'jal Commodore Commodore

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    Oh, no, Garabaldi ;( I liked her.
    And Groves's words irritated me just like Qwert. What a cold thing to say.

    Is there any official way to pronounce Ispaoreai Hyps’rat? Each time I try my tongue ties into a bow :D
     
  12. kes7

    kes7 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Seconding this. How the heck do you say that?

    First off ... poor Garibaldi. :( A good officer who will no doubt be sorely missed by her colleagues.

    Qwert continues to intrigue. He actually sounded very Janeway-esque there for a second. :lol: I love it. Something tells me if those two could meet, they'd be either fast friends or darkest enemies, depending on whether their goals matched up.

    So we have a little more info on what's going on with Sarine. Altered DNA. A living weapon. This should end well. ;) I refuse to believe he's dead. I'm waiting for proof.

    And Colin -- slowly returning to his soldier roots. I'd love to see a flashback or a short story centered on him before his political life. I think it would be most enlightening.

    This 'holy war' you've set up is fascinating. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next. Excellent stuff.
     
  13. Gibraltar

    Gibraltar Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    At last, we get a glimpse into what was done to Sarine, and why he’s so significant to the Laurentii.

    Qwert and his new allies had better move quickly. A running firefight in a station filled with hostiles where the very interior of the station could be your enemy… yeah… that’s a whole new level of ugliness. :eek:
     
  14. CaptainSarine

    CaptainSarine Commander Red Shirt

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    LOL! Love this comment! :lol:

    The official way? Ummm... Yes, of course I have thought of this... ;)

    Is-POOR-ia Hype's-rat. I think... I don't know, how have you all been pronouncing it in your heads?

    Yeah, Garabaldi has been sacrificed, and Groves' response was cold, but it was also what Qwert needed to bring him out of his shock.

    Thanks for the comment!

    Qwert and Janeway? Now that is a crossover we should really try! :) Especially if they are enemies! :devil:

    So you think Sarine has survived? I hope you're right. Remember, in the middle of all this holy way, the Darkness we saw in the prologue to volume II is still out there...

    I may write something with Colin in the future, I have a few ideas for short stories but time being what it is at the mo...

    Glad you're liking the direction of this holy war. I'll try and keep you on the edge of your seat as this volume wraps up!

    Thanks for the comment Gibraltar! Yes, I thought it was about time we get some answers on Sarine, though there are still some layers that have yet to be peeled back on what his role really is.

    As to Qwert - why do you think this will be a running firefight? Remember, Qwert is an assassin - sneakiness is much more his style! :shifty:

    Thanks to you all, more coming tonight!

    Joel
     
  15. Gul Re'jal

    Gul Re'jal Commodore Commodore

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    Why, Is-pah-oh-reh-ai Hyps'rat of course :D
     
  16. kes7

    kes7 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Iss-pay-OR-ee-ai Hips-rat.

    But now I know that's wrong. ;)
     
  17. tau136

    tau136 Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    As I said in another thread, my net time has crashed to nearly zero right now;still at least it means I get to comment on the first twenties together.

    They're reading like a stress test for all the characters . . . either forcing them out of character or more into character. You actually say that about Malok - how his even temper slipped and, contrariwise, you have Keene locking onto his core purpose and persona. The same is happening aboard the Onyx too, it seems to me; surely someone of Qwert's antecedents wouldn't ordinarily be so totally stunned by a firefight casualty. Then we have the one's who are being paplpably and comprehensively made over; Sarine most obviously but also Jasto & the Last-Vulcan-Ever. It isn't enough to be rearranging individuals you have to be messing with the species too. :borg: Your Kaleidoscope policy is beginning to bite methinks.

    Isaporia !! My browser typeface had me misreading that as Isaporial (L) and set me off on a wild lexicographical goose chase for some relative of corporeal / arboreal / etc. Duh
     
  18. CaptainSarine

    CaptainSarine Commander Red Shirt

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    tau136

    Thanks for the comment. Much like Kes, I will probably only be posting my chapters in little increments for this chapter, so as of Chapter 21 I'll be back to my normal posting. I'm trying desperately to get this volume finished before next month when I'll be participating in nanowrimo.

    As to the stress test of these characters - yes, this is definitely a way of pushing the characters to the limits. I like what you have pointed out here about them all either slipping out of their usual characters or more into their characters, especially where it concerns Qwert. His reaction was out of character, more a reaction to the overall situation: at no point did he expect this mission to spiral so far out of control. I would argue that by the end of the chapter, though, he has recovered from that shock and is back on track.

    IE Isaporial - LOL! I love it. Sorry to disapoint.

    kes and Gul Spook

    The official way to say it (a mix of both) (drum roll please...):

    Iss-pah-OH-rah-ai Hips-rat

    Hope that meets with your approval :lol:
     
  19. Gul Re'jal

    Gul Re'jal Commodore Commodore

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    Woohoo! Good luck! I had participated in nanowrimo several times and once I failed, but it was fun nevertheless. Unfortunately I have no chances this year, as I don't have enough time.

    What will you write? Another fanfic or some original stuff?

    Oh, yeah, now it's super-simple [​IMG]
     
  20. CaptainSarine

    CaptainSarine Commander Red Shirt

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    LOL! Don't hurt yourself!

    I LOVE Nanowrimo. This will be my seventh year, and I 'won' five times so far.

    I will be writing the sequel to last year's original novel.

    In fact, you can find last year's being serialised online at http://soulreaperchronicles.blogspot.com.

    Shameless plug? What shameless plug? :rofl:

    Thanks for the comment.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2010

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