Star Trek: From Risa With Love--An Adventure Of Dr. Julian Bashir

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Rush Limborg, Jul 2, 2011.

  1. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Wow. Thank you, ares93--very much.

    A note: the tragic backstory for Cynthia she gived here is actually a brief "emotional summary" of a Section 31 tale that's been in the works for over a year, now. I've only written about 40 pages, but that's been enough to plan out what's going to happen.

    It's a Sloan story (set back before "Inquisition"), but it was in the process of planning out and starting that tale that I first created a young, innocent, fresh-out-of-the-Academy kid named Cynthia Holland (technically, her name kept changing as I had no clear vision of her or her ethnic background for a long time).

    I basically fell in love with her as quickly as Bashir did--and I couldn't resist writing and finishing this tale first, as an introduction to her character--revealing that she's an agent of Section 31--instead of introducing her as an agent from the moment we first see her.

    I'll just say that the main plot of the story involves a very important event in DS9--and that it answers a question that's been in the back of my mind for a very long time. (That being said, the title is "Only Four"....)


    As for Crant--as I've said before, he basically wrote himself in the scene where Bashir encounters him. He suddenly changed from an ordinary minion to the doctor's own Professor Moriarity. That's the kind of villain you don't just have disappear, unless and until the day he meets his maker. And he hasn't, as of yet. I'll bring him back, in a sequel to this tale. You can count on it. ;)

    (Funny note: my original climax actually has Bashir as the one who saves the day--Crolin isn't killed, he's overpowered--and Bashir basically sets up Crant to go back to the Syndicate with the story that he killed Crolin for incompetence.

    After I wrote it, I became pretty disgusted with myself, for basically contradicting the entire point of the story: that Bashir, while brilliant and a fast learner, nonetheless is somewhat out of his league, and still has much to learn. It also wasn't too fair to Crant, either. Still, there are some interesting ideas in it--one could actually take it as Bashir proving his worth to Cynthia, in a sense--and I've saved it as a kind of "alternate ending", if anyone wants to see it.)
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2011
  2. Enterprise1981

    Enterprise1981 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Here's to poetic justice. Quite an epic ending leaving us to wonder what will happen in future tales.
     
  3. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Thank you, sir!

    And, yes--though my next tale with Cynthia will probably be the Section 31 tale, there will be a true sequel to this one, with her and Bashir.
     
  4. Deranged Nasat

    Deranged Nasat Vice Admiral Admiral

    I'm very much looking forward to another Cynthia tale (and more of her backstory). She was portrayed very memorably in that final chapter - complex and dangerous, tragic and in a sense lost to herself. There were so many nuances in that chapter that I really see the character supporting other stories, several others. You're always good at presenting character through conversation, and there was a great deal to ponder and enjoy in the final discussion between her and Bashir.

    Good work!
     
  5. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Thank you, Nasat. I may be sounding like a broken record...but thank you, very much. :)


    It's funny--it's probably telling that, in the previous chapter, she openly requests for Sorak to, basically, leave Bashir alone, as far as "recruitment" is concerned. Although her reasons are apparently different than Bashir's own request...still, Julian's reaction is basically my own. Is she really just disturbed by his desire for control of the situation...or is she showing compassion, seeing his internal anguish, and finding herself caring for him?

    I think I have an answer--but frankly, I made her so complex that she could surprise even me, almost like Crant did. The motives I ascribe to her may actually change when I finally write the sequel.

    For now, I'll say: note how she brings up the possibility of the source of Bashir's "instability" being "something more personal". Is she aware of the struggles of his personal life--particularly the struggle to come to terms with the end of his past relationship with Ezri? Does she feel for him--and how would she take the news of his future manipluation at the hands of L'Haan and Sarina?

    I'm not sure. I think I know--but it won't be confirmed for me unless and until I write it down for myself.

    Thanks for reading. :cool:
     
  6. Enterprise1981

    Enterprise1981 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Even knowing that you had non-Star Trek alums in mind in the roles of the primary villains in your story, Rush, I still couldn't help imagine the voices of John Fleck (Tal Shiar Chairman Koval) and John Durbin (the Syndicate boss in "A Simple Investigation" and Gul Lemec in TNG: "Chain of Command")-- possibly because the latter is featured prominently in one of my stories currently in progress.
     
  7. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Hmm...interesting. So, which one as Crolin, and which one as Crant? :)
     
  8. Enterprise1981

    Enterprise1981 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I would say Fleck would be Crant since his interactions with Bashir were reminiscent of Bashir and Koval.
     
  9. The Badger

    The Badger Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    So Bashir wakens to find himself tied to the bed by a beautiful leather clad blonde? Some guys get all the luck.

    An excellent story through out, with a satisfying conclusion. Out of curiosity I'd like to read your alternate version of Crant and Crollin's fate, but from what you say this does indeed sound like a superior resolution.

    And congratulations for Cynthia Holland too. Given her background and role in the story, there's a very high Mary Sue quotient there, but you made the character work. Like Crant, she's someone I'd like to see again.
     
  10. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Absolutely! :drool:

    As Bashir himself noted in the beginning of the sequence, her body language throughout--especially the moment where she moves completely atop him--is one of seduction. One could call it symbolic of the constant seduction of the "spy life", a seduction Bashir encounters over and over again....

    Thank you, very much. :)

    Interestingly enough, when starting the as-yet-unfinished Section 31 tale, I was afraid she was coming across as just that--a Mary Sue. In that case...I think there are rare instances where such stereotypes are actually most effective.

    "True Q", for example, begins with Amanda Rogers as a flesh-and-blood Mary Sue (down to Riker briefly flirting with her)...but the mystery of her powers makes it different--and the revelation that she's a Q, and Q's mentoring of her, suddenly breaths new live into the "Mary Sue" tradition.

    In my case, the "Mary Sue" stereotype--an innocent, beautiful, eager-to-please girl who 1) is the best at what she does, and 2) catches the eye of one of the show's male leads--actually provides a drastic contrast to the dark, twisted netherworld of Section 31.

    Ask, and ye shall recieve. Here we go:

    Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
    "From Risa With Love"
    Alternate Climax



    Crolin snorted. “Duty.” He reached into a compartment under his desk, pulling a disruptor of his own. “Now, Dr. Bashir, you will appreciate the consequences of your ‘duty’. I sincerely hope it will be worth it—for both of you.”

    Bashir smiled, as he stepped back until he stood just in front of Crant and the others. “Oh, I think it will.”

    And with that—he swung around, yanking Crant’s gun-arm around, so that he shot a guard in the chest. Bashir released him, quickly enough to keep Crant from grabbing hold of him. Using his own momentum, he collided with the guard with the bruise—narrowly avoiding the disruptor beam from Crolin.

    Bashir grabbed the guard’s disruptor, shooting the third at point-blank. He then lunged for Crant, knocking him flat with the butt end of the gun. The bruised guard, reached for another disruptor—but Bashir was ready, whirling around to fire. Three out, one down—one to go.

    He turned to face Crolin—

    But just smiled, as he took note of what had apparently happened. As Crolin had stepped forward to assist his men, Cynthia had lunged to the side, the chair colliding with the Syndicate boss. His disruptor had flown across the room as a result…and now, he was at their mercy.

    Bashir kept his disruptor aimed at the man, as he walked over to the desk. “All right, Crolin. Now, the way I see things, you’re going to have to do exactly as I say if you want to survive. Do we understand one another?”

    Crolin looked around him, weighing his options. Finally, he straightened up, and nodded. “We do, Doctor.”

    “Good. Now first—untie Miss Holland.”

    Crolin stared at him for a moment. Finally, he tended to the knot.

    When Cynthia was free, she went straight to the bodies of the guards, grabbing the weapons. She carried them over to the desk, where she set them down, taking one along with the device.

    Bashir smiled. “Very good. Now, I think you’d better watch Mr. Crant. He probably won’t be too pleased when he wakes up.”

    Cynthia chuckled, and turned to watch Crant’s unconscious form.

    He turned back to Crolin. “Now, as for you—we’ll be taking that device to Miss Holland’s superiors, which means as far as the Syndicate is concerned…you’re a miserable failure.” He narrowed his eyes. “And we all know how the Syndicate views miserable failures…wouldn’t you agree?”

    Crolin swallowed hard, and nodded. “What do you want?”

    “Just that you turn yourself over to the Risan authorities immediately—request asylum. They’ll contact the Federation Security Service…and they’ll put you in Witness Protection—if you’ll provide information on the Syndicate which I think we both know you possess.”

    “He…can’t….”

    Bashir turned to see Mr. Crant sit up with a grunt.

    “He can’t. The Syndicate doesn’t take kindly to—”

    “Can—and will,” Bashir said, with a smile. “Frankly, Mr. Crant, he has no other choice. Either die right now, or turn himself in, with a…slight chance of survival.”

    “If he’d do that—I’d kill him right this moment.”

    Cynthia scoffed at this. “With what?”

    “Actually,” Bashir’s smile widened, “That’s not a bad idea.”

    “What?” said Crant and Crolin—in unison.

    Bashir chuckled. “Not really…but that’s the story you’re going to tell the Syndicate, Mr. Crant. With any luck…they’ll promote you, and make you crime boss of your own. And to be honest,” he raised an eyebrow, “That’s what you want, isn’t it? A chance to put your brilliance to good use, instead of subordinating it to him? Admit it…you saw all the errors Crolin made—how he rushed everything, how he allowed slight, subtle clues to creep up, for observant people to see…and it frustrated you, didn’t it?”

    Crant spread out his hands. “Not particularly. I thought it was brilliant, myself…but as you implied, it’s often the little things that matter. Perhaps…”

    Bashir nodded. “Perhaps you allowed yourself to shrug off those ‘little things’, because Crolin was able to get away with such things many times before. You acclimated yourself to them, as it were.”

    Crant shrugged.

    “But, of course…mistakes tend to grow…and now, they became just noticeable for people like Miss Holland, here.”

    Crant chuckled. “Yes…I suppose.”

    Bashir turned back to Crolin. “I suggest you go now, sir.”

    Crolin took one last look at all of them. Finally, he rushed out.

    Crant burst out laughing. “Well! Somehow, I’m not surprised.”

    Now,” Bashir narrowed his eyes at him, “I expect you to keep your end of the bargain.”

    Crant raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

    “Well, let me put it this way…you told me you admired how worthy I was, as an opponent?”

    Crant nodded. “I still do, to be honest.”

    “Of course. And I’d wager we’ll encounter each other again. But until that happens…I trust you’ll make sure the Syndicate doesn’t learn about my…interference here? After all, I hate the idea of looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life.”

    He nodded again. “As would I.”

    Cynthia’s eyes narrowed, as she whispered, “Doctor, this is a mistake. We should arrest him, too—we can’t risk it.”

    Bashir thought for a moment…and sighed, shaking his head. “Look, we can’t be certain of what they told their superiors. At least here, they have the scapegoat of Crolin’s incompetence. If they go after us, it won’t be as clean and neat for them. They’ll have to spend time looking for Crolin and Crant, to kill them before they talk, and so on. Here, at least as far as they’re concerned, they have nothing to worry about…and FSS can glean Crolin for all the information he’d got, without any trouble.”

    Cynthia let out a sigh of her own, and spread out her hands in defeat.

    Crant stood up, and brushed himself off. “Well, you are brilliant, Doctor. And you needn’t worry—because you’re right. It’s cleaner, this way.”

    Bashir nodded.

    “However…don’t expect the information Crolin has to be of much use—because I fully intend to restructure the branch formerly under his command.”

    “Well—I suppose we’ll have to act quickly, then.”

    Mr. Crant laughed. “You can try to. But take care, Doctor Bashir—Agent Holland—because I won’t be open to such deals the next time we encounter one another.”

    Bashir smiled. “Well, in that case—I’d advise you to take care.”

    “Really? And why would I do that?”

    Bashir narrowed his eyes. “Because, like the Syndicate, Mr. Crant…I always collect on my debts.”

    Mr. Crant nodded, the smile still on his face. And then he turned and left them, to see his ambitions fulfilled.

    * * *​

    Some things to notice:

    Much of the dialogue, I managed to salvage for the "new" ending, putting new spins on them with a somewhat different context.

    In this version, Crolin's not nearly as tough in a fight. In the ending I used, he takes part in trying to pin down Bashir. Here, he's content to stand off at a distance and look for an opening to shoot--and is overpowered by the "chair thing" (which is Cynthia's idea, not Bashir's). Frankly this, and his "manipluation", made him look way too weak, I thought.

    The same goes for Crant: for all the build-up I'd written about his being Bashir's equal and worthy opponent (who is simply held in check by Crolin's command), there's no pay-off--he is just manipulated by Bashir into taking power.

    That's the last problem: I feel that the idea of Bashir setting up Crant to replace Crolin deliberately--it's frankly a bit foolish of him, as Cynthia fears. In the re-done ending, I emphasize more that he simply has no choice but to let Crant escape, and take power. In this ending, he's arrogantly trying his hand at Machiavellian scheming. As I've said, it also contradicts the "out of his league" element of the tale.

    However, there is one thing in this version that I miss--and that is the fact that here, I have Cynthia take part in the action more, holding Crant at bay with a disruptor, etc. Having a longer action scene with Crolin--and having Crant defeat him--made that impossible, unfortunately.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2011
  11. Admiral Shran

    Admiral Shran Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I just finished Chapter 3. Excellent work so far. The dialogue is what really catches my attention. Too often I find that the fiction I read gets overly bogged down in the descriptions - but not here. Without good conversation, all the description in the world isn't worth much. It almost reads like a script for a stage play with scene descriptions (a la Arthur Miller's The Crucible), which is very nice.

    I'm not sure if Holland is a double agent for the Orions or not yet. A Section 31 operative? Maybe. Can't wait to read more tomorrow.

    I'm sure she did. For proof look no further than when Bashir first meets Leeta. :techman:
     
  12. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Thanks, Shran!

    (When you're done with this one--I think you'd like reading up on my many Tales Of Ezri Dax--provided, of course, you don't mind the spoler of her current position in the novels. There are a couple of DS9 tales with her, which don't have any spoilers, really.... I think you'd like them. :))

    Wow. As you no doubt have read, you're not the only reader who's thought that....

    Looking forward to it! :techman:

    Yep. And of course that scene in "The Alternate", when she deliberately gives him the wrong idea, and then crushes it, much like Julian does, here. When she leaves the Infirmary in that ep, he snickers to himself in bitter amusement, and mutters, "She enjoys it. Somehow...she takes a perverse pleasure in it...."
     
  13. TiberiusMaximus

    TiberiusMaximus Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Excellent conclusion, Rushbo! Dude, that was an awesome story. Classic Julian Bashir, and you write him very well. Crant, Crolin, Cynthia, and Sorak were also very well written and engaging. Beyond the characterization, the plot itself was marvelous. Fleming himself would be proud!

    Also, don't take this the wrong way, but it was cool to see you write something that didn't revolve around Ezri. We all love our Dax, but you know what they say about variety. All in all, a great story, Rush! Keep it up.
     
  14. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Wow. Thank you, sir! Thank you, very much! :)

    :lol: Thanks.
     
  15. The Badger

    The Badger Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Thanks for posting the alternate version. Very interesting, I think it would have worked well as an ending. But the version you used worked better, for the reasons you highlighted.
     
  16. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Thanks, Badger! :)

    Who knows--I may actually salvage the rest of it for another tale....
     
  17. Enterprise1981

    Enterprise1981 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Having read the actual ending, I was sort of lukewarm about the "alternate climax". But either climax creates great future story opportunities for Crant.
     
  18. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Well, of course, the actual ending is "canon", for my universe. The other one's just for entertainment.

    Thanks for reading!
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2011
  19. Trelane

    Trelane Lieutenant Commander

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    Last edited: Aug 20, 2011
  20. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    ^:lol: :techman:

    Brilliant! Captured the "Ian Flemming" style well!

    (Kinda wonder what it would look like, were it to also feature the sillihouette of a tux-endowed Bashir with a gun....)

    Thanks!

    (Next thing, I'll find someone posting lyrics to "From Risa With Love", based on the original James Bond song!)

    BTW--any thoughts on the tale, itself, good sir?
     

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