Star Trek: Excalibur begins production on 1st webisode

Discussion in 'Fan Productions' started by Captain_Nelson, Jun 12, 2012.

  1. Loken

    Loken Lieutenant Commander

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    Agree, congratulations on actually producing something.

    My feedback:

    1) The music was dreadful. Very dated and very distracting. Star Trek is much more subtle. And since you are a TOS show, on a Constitution ship, there are certain consistencies you need. Look at Farragut here.

    2) The exchange between Nelson and the ship when he beams down made no sense and was really odd.

    3) Then another odd exchange with the receptionist. I immediately didn't buy Nelson as a Captain.

    4) When the Admiral walks up to Nelson, he acts like a parent looking at a little child. It was totally out of character with how an Admiral would act. I had no respect for this guy. Look at Secret Voyage for how to view an officer of Flag rank. Or P2's Admiral. Both have authority and presence.

    At this point I think you just need to get a professional story editor who will objectively look at your story and dialogue. Because, while Captain Atkin points out all the valid technical issues, I just felt the script needed lots of work.

    And being that I always tell people to bring me a solution if they bring me a problem...

    I will suggest Dave Galanter, a professional writer, with 5 Star Trek novels to his name, and who was my story editor on Axanar. Happy to share his info. Not sure if he will do it, but worth at least asking him.

    Alec
     
  2. doubleohfive

    doubleohfive Fleet Admiral

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    The synthesized music isn't my favoritest choice. Being that this is a fan film and being that there is no shortage of officially licensed Star Trek music out there, this original soundtrack is just lacking. (sorry)

    Kerezman as the captain is obviously very comfortable in the role. And I like the location used for the majority of the webisode even if it does seem too "20th Century." But I get that it can't be helped, and it's better than shooting it in a basement. You guys outdid yourself with extras and wardrobe and I kind of love that there are still iPads in the 23rd century. Too, the greenscreen work was outstanding.

    As a webisode, (and the first one at that) certainly this is an accomplishment. There's room for improvement though (the aforementioned soundtrack, audio issues) but really, from a writing perspective I would have tried to include a few more of the regular characters from the series; as it is I am assuming it will be Kerezman (and only then because I'm somewhat familiar with this production) but the noticeable lack of other characters limited the scope of the story for me.

    All that said it's a solid effort and one I enjoyed. Looking forward to more!
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2013
  3. Bixby

    Bixby Captain Captain

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    Re: Star Trek: Excalibur's 1st webisode

    Glad to hear this series is still active. Apparently, producer and star Jos Kerezman has been tweaking his first webisode and will re-release it pretty soon. Apparently he got Gabe Koerner to whip up a really lush new opening title sequence:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PReIxsh-T08

    What else he may be planning to add to his vignette remains to be seen. There are some nice FX shots I've spotted on Youtube for those of you who'd like a look:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeIZa3QraFk&index=13&list=UU45hg7TbEipF661iE8VO5Mw

    Now that we're getting about a handful of TOS-related webseries from different production companies, I hope all strive to establish their own identities and not just go for being TOS clones, though that seems to be the plan for most (Valiant seems to want a dash of DS9 drama for theirs, good on them).

    When I first saw Excalibur's trailer a few years ago with the really lush fuselage texturing and Galactica/SPACE:Above and Beyond-type cinematography, I was kinda hoping Excalibur would go for a nastier, grittier type of feel in order to contrast with TOS's second season, but alas...

    But good to see this series is still kicking around!!
     
  4. Bixby

    Bixby Captain Captain

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    No one's mentioned it so I will: brand new web series opening title sequence for Excalibur

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMdHh14wgBM

    I really like the colours, and the warp effect the Excalibur leaves is nice and unique. The music after the Jerry Goldsmith borrow is a lot more 90s, and signals to me a willingness to differ somewhat from the original 1960s aesthetic both in musical and FX style.

    I don't know if the cast names in the clip is merely for the people in the first webisode short or will be kept for all future episodes, but I don't see why this series needs 2 admirals as part of its cast.
     
  5. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

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    There's no Jerry Goldsmith in there. That's the TOS intro segued into the Picard theme/alt. theme for TNG.

    Pretty graphics, but those are easy. The show is what matters. :)
     
  6. Karzak

    Karzak Commodore Commodore

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    The space clouds and starships are pretty but the piece is overly repetitive. The McCarthy alt-theme for TNG never did anything for me either, honestly.
     
  7. Bixby

    Bixby Captain Captain

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    According to their Facebook, they will upload a retooled version of their first webisode this friday.
     
  8. Bixby

    Bixby Captain Captain

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    http://youtu.be/leYxGz0dp9k

    Aaaannnd, it's out!!

    There are some changes I like, some I like less. But good to see they are still working on this series.

    What I hope is that for their next installment they truly differentiate who Nelson is as a character compared to all the other starship captains (see my comments re: Jerico the character from Star Trek: Isolation).
    We already have Kirk the confident, gregarious, intense, nigh-invincible character, Decker and Tracey the more fallible commanders who fell from glory. Excelsior's Styles, the pompous egotist. Lexington's Wesley the thoughtless prick.

    I really wouldn't mind seeing Nelson be given more of an edge, or chinks in his armour, rather than him coming across as a meeker version of Picard. I'm still trying to get a real handle on Farragut's Carter, despite my liking the guy.

    Looking forward to more adventures.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2015
  9. Dennis

    Dennis The Man Premium Member

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    The effects work is nice.
     
  10. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I had to compare it side-by-side to the original to see even notice what's different, and it isn't much:
    • titles
    • beamdown to starfleet
    • VFX of Excalibur in drydock
    • color correction

    As to the latter, whatever "look" they are applying is too severe and adding too much yellow, resulting in sallow fleshtones and makes the reds of the redshirts/skirts go all cherry-tomato orange.

    Ok. Deep breath time.

    I'm a big booster of people making films, and, yes, I know these are amateurs, so I hesitate to be super critical of first efforts unless asked for feedback. However, this particular story is such a by-the-numbers fanfilm series intro that it bored me to tears because I've seen this same darned thing so many times, and several times in the past year alone.

    To wit: the lead is to be assigned to a new ship but no one lets on what they know yet they coyly indicate that they know something in order to tease the lead because haha, then, invariably, we have to sit through some rote "briefing" where we're told—not shown—how wonderful this officer is. Here are the keys. Welcome aboard. Ogle the ship. Roll credits. Wake the audience.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2015
  11. Dennis

    Dennis The Man Premium Member

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    There's usually reference to the bad thing that happened in the line of duty which haunts the protagonist.
     
  12. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Oh yes, I forgot that! The obligatory TRAGEDY!

    [yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9e1Lz829grk[/yt]​
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2015
  13. Dennis

    Dennis The Man Premium Member

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    ...for which he blames himself but could not reasonably have done differently.

    To be fair, a lot of these are lifts from tropes actually used repeatedly in Desilu/Paramount's Star Trek shows.
     
  14. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Yes, but my point is that it's such a common story that it''s cookie cutter.

    On another subject, what was the point of forcing us to watch the captain sit in the waiting room, other than to show us they can speed ramp the footage?
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2015
  15. Karzak

    Karzak Commodore Commodore

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    I couldn't get past the captain's log. Whoever was reading it sounded as bored as I felt listening to it.