STAR TREK: a series treatment starring APRIL and COLT

Discussion in 'Future of Trek' started by zekkie, Jun 1, 2013.

  1. zekkie

    zekkie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    am i currently scheduled to pitch, no
    can i make it happen? pretty certain of it.

    you're being coy. i know the definition.
    perhaps not the most appropriate word in this case, but i'm using definition 3
    http://www.thefreedictionary.com/coy


    you're refusing to accept the answer i've presented, and then you mock it like you've got the answer to 'some scheme'.

    good day.
     
  2. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

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    [Sylvester Jr.]"Boo hoo hoo. Oh, boo hoo hoo."[/Sylvester Jr.]
     
  3. Belz...

    Belz... Commodore Commodore

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    Zekkie, take a deep breath. A lot of people are giving you sound advice, here.

    Are you serious ? If so, you are going to be dissapointed, man. I think you should be more realistic, here. Listen to the people you present your ideas to.

    My 2 cents: Trek works better as drama with _some_ humour in it, not comedy. And second:

    ...you're further restricting the number of people who, off the bat, would be interested in your idea, by stepping outside of even live-action canon. There aren't 20 million hard-line Trek fans in the world probably.

    I perused the whole thing. Remember I stopped at "comedy" on my first pass ? My guess is that a studio exec will stop after "Exploring the universe of throwaway lines and exposition .08".

    Now, I disagree with some of your critics here that it can't work without Kirk and Spock. TNG proved that it can. But it proved that because it was a kick-ass show back then, with little that the viewer had to know about Trek because it was in a completely different time period. Can you say the same about yours ?
     
  4. SeerSGB

    SeerSGB Admiral Admiral

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  5. BillJ

    BillJ Fleet Admiral Admiral

    This was my first post...

    There's nothing adversarial in it. Just my personal opinion on Star Trek as a comedy.

    Nothing adversarial here. Just what I've learned about the business over the years by folks who have worked in it and books I've read.

    Took time to read it. Plus chime in that CBS usually develops such projects in house.

    Nothing adversarial here. Just conversing with another poster on why it might not be wise to make a project like this public.

    Quoting the odds of this getting made and acknowledging that we've seen these grand plans before from other posters.

    This is just constructive criticism on my part.

    There is just nothing that interests me in your proposal. First it's a workplace comedy about April and Colt (who seemed pretty young in The Cage so I'm not sure how that's suppose to work), then it's like a half-dozen other series, then it's a series about the evolution of Kirk and Spock. You're literally all over the place.

    You need a "hook" that can sell the series and I simply don't see that "hook" in anything you've presented.
     
  6. zekkie

    zekkie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    not at all...
     
  7. SeerSGB

    SeerSGB Admiral Admiral

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    What I've always been told (YMMV) is that if you can't sell your pitch in two sentences, you're pretty well fucked. You've got to have the ideal of what it is in your head, and sell them on that; not what it will be but what the core of the ideal is.

    This is Asylum's Pitch Guidelines: It should be short and to the point -- only a couple of paragraphs of a few sentences each.

    The OP in the thread, to long. And their's is a pretty common "golden rule".
     
  8. zekkie

    zekkie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    if i ever have another concept, i'll only post the logline next time.

    this is fleshed out, as well as parsed down to cover letters, synopses, etc to the appropriate persons.
     
  9. Professor Zoom

    Professor Zoom Vice Admiral Admiral

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    You should make it happen. It's the only way. If you can make it happen, that should be in your plan. Without a doubt.

    Which #3?

    3. Annoyingly unwilling to make a commitment.
    or
    3. evasive, esp in an annoying way
    or
    3. reluctant to reveal one's plans, make a commitment, or take a stand.

    Because I'm pretty sure I'm asking you to make a commitment, and I don't think I'm being evasive and I have no plans to reveal... so...

    Yeah, I'm not being coy. I'm certainly being demanding. That's for sure.

    I accept it as an answer. But it's not a GOOD answer. It's not an answer you can give to someone and they are going to take it seriously. And I have no idea what you mean that I have some "scheme."

    I'm telling you the reality. You cannot go in and pitch Star Trek comedy saying it's like Benson and Parks and Rec--other than being workplace comedies, there is no similarity. It simply will not work. It will confuse rather than inform.

    I'm actually trying to help. I get that you don't see it. But, seriously, put your ego aside for a moment, and sit in the chair of the person listening to your pitch. Pretend you are not a MEGA Star Trek fan, pretend that you get lots and lots of pitches, pretend that you are 30 years old.
     
  10. Belz...

    Belz... Commodore Commodore

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    I just don't think we're there yet.

    Hey, more power to you, and I hope for you that you succeed. But in order to do so, in my opinion, you'll have quite a bit of, let's say, pragmatizing to do.

    Now that's a lie, Zekkie. We have pointed out that the format of your series is problematic, that the tone of your treatment gives the strong impression that this will not be directed at the general audience, and that you are over-prepared and over-hyped, but in the wrong way. That's not character attacks.
     
  11. SeerSGB

    SeerSGB Admiral Admiral

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    Don't even post that much. Do it not get it: You post NOTHING till you have a contract or a firm denial. NOTHING. That's the professional way of doing it.

    If you haven't, invest in three books: Screenwriter's Bible, Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting, The Complete Book of Scriptwriting Read 'em cover to cover and pay attention to the sections regarding the business side of things.
     
  12. zekkie

    zekkie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    i have plenty of pitches, i'm older than 30, and was a fan of the series as a kid and through highschool; took ten years off, came back to the franchise, and thought i'd give a series attempt a try. (as hobby, with the full intention of making it happen)

    the only thing that bothers me in this thread, is the mischaracterization of what i presented (as well as me, personally) and belittlement of an effort.
     
  13. zekkie

    zekkie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    i have 2 out of the three books.

    and i don't do much 'by the book' outside of teleplay formatting. i understand that position, but it's not the end all of getting a pitch to screen.
     
  14. BillJ

    BillJ Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Either you're doing it or not.

    I saw none of this until you started holding your nose high in the air at the merest hint of criticism. You didn't want opinions, you wanted pats on the back.
     
  15. zekkie

    zekkie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    you and Maurice have been the fairest, but what i said still applies to the general atmosphere of the thread.
     
  16. SeerSGB

    SeerSGB Admiral Admiral

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    1) The format exists for a reason, learn it, love it, use it.

    2) You just ignored the part where I said pay attention to the sections about business.


    And, here's one I just realized: You post online, some boards and serves can lay claim to your content. Better be real careful where you post it cause some TOS/EUA make it clear you transfer ownership of your posted content to the board/site.
     
  17. zekkie

    zekkie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    no, i wanted constructive and fair criticism.

    not snark and insinuation from the get-go.
     
  18. Professor Zoom

    Professor Zoom Vice Admiral Admiral

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    SIGH. I'm asking you to place yourself in role of the person you are pitching TO. Put on your acting cap. They are most likely going to be around 30, unless you know some REAL higher ups, they are most likely NOT going to care about Star Trek, and they are going to have heard a LOT of pitches that day, that week. NOW... how would you pitch to THAT person.

    Nothing has been mischaracterized. If ALL of us are seeing something that you are not, put your ego aside, and really LOOK and LISTEN to what we are saying.
     
  19. SeerSGB

    SeerSGB Admiral Admiral

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    Case it point to my post above: Post your concept on startrek.com and CBS owns it:

    You see why the professionals and the people that are serious don't discuss this stuff online?
     
  20. BillJ

    BillJ Fleet Admiral Admiral