October Challenge 11/ Dilemma: Little Enemy

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by TerokNor, Oct 24, 2011.

  1. TerokNor

    TerokNor Captain Captain

    Mar 26, 2010

    Thanks a lot for betareading Nerys Ghemor! :)

    Little Enemy

    Corat Damar stood alone, gazing out into the blackness that surrounded the ship that had been his home for the last few months after leaving the Cardassian Military Academy. He heard his comrades talking and laughing in the mess hall nearby. They were celebrating their latest victory over their enemy. A victory he also had participated in. He should have felt proud and happy, he supposed, and celebrated with them, but there was something inside him that hindered him.

    They had beamed down to a moon near Kelvas VI a few hours before with the order to eliminate a rebel base that was suspected to be there. The moon was a cold and dark place with lashing winds that whirled heavy black clouds of dust through the thin air. Inside the moon, however, was a wide, branched-out system of caves that were warmed by the hot core of the moon and could not be scanned from the outside. They also held streams of drinkable water as well as different kind of edible fungus and a variety of small creatures that lived off of it.

    On silent feet they had moved through the caves till they heard voices coming from a cave near them. Glinn Volek, who had been leading the mission, had looked back at him and the other soldiers. Everyone of them understood his unspoken orders and got ready.

    The seconds after this were a cacophony of shouts, screams and phaser fire echoing through the caves, till everything turned silent once more.

    “Spread out,” the Glinn had ordered, giving only a short glance at the smothering corpses before them. “If there is still someone alive, kill them!”

    Damar had wandered through the tunnels cautiously, listening intently to every sound and training his eye to not miss any movement, but there was nothing but some curious creatures flitting away from his steps.

    He then reached the end of the tunnel, he had orders to “clean” if necessary and stared outside onto the windy surface.

    “I am not going out there,” Damar thought shivering and started to turn, when he nearly fell over something that was half hidden in a little hole at one side of the wall.

    The Cardassian raised his weapon at once and pointed it at the thing. “Get out!” he shouted and underlined his order with a kick at the parts of the something that were sticking out the hole.

    He heard a whimper and very slowly the trembling form of a little boy crawled out to look at him with big, scared eyes.

    Damar stared in astonishment back at the child. He had never seen a young Bajoran up close before, but he supposed the boy could not be older than maybe three or four years. “What are you doing here?” he harshly demanded to know, not knowing anything better to say.

    The boy didn't answer.

    When the silence stretched on, Damar couldn't bear it any longer. What should he do with this child?

    “What is your name?” he finally asked a little softer, not understanding why he had asked such a question. He had orders to kill Bajorans, not to attempt conversation with them.

    “Kien Tal,” said the boy in a quivering voice.

    Soldier and child again stared at each other, not knowing what else to do.

    “And what is your name?” the small voice suddenly asked back. There still was fear in his eyes, but there was also something else. Curiosity?

    “Damar,” the Cardassian curtly replied.

    “Look what I have found, Damar,” said the boy, and he held out a piece of fungus.

    “Fungus,” Damar matter-of-factly said.

    “Yes. Here, you can have it. It is very tasty.” Damar couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the child smiling at him and holding his little hand with his find up for him to take it.

    He let his weapon sink and took the fungus out of the boy's hand.

    “Thank you,” he said, sounding almost gentle now. “That is ...”

    “Damar!” The hard voice of his superior echoed through the tunnel. “Is everything clean back there?!”

    The little Bajoran jumped at the sound of the voice and hid himself in the shadows.
    “Can you help me?” he asked trembling.

    “Damar?!” the Glinn shouted again, after receiving no answer right away.

    Damar looked at the little face, whose grey eyes stared fearfully and hopefully at the same time back at him. What should he do? Forget his orders and let the boy live? And if he did, could the child survive on this moon all alone as Damar knew he was now or would he just die a slower death?

    “Damar?” Kien Tal asked pleading.

    “Damar!” The Glinn sounded impatient now, his footsteps nearing.

    Damar raised his weapon, closed his eyes and pulled the trigger.

    He heard the small form falling to the ground with a thump, but he could not turn to look at it.

    “Yes, sir! Everything clean!” he called while hurrying to meet up with his superior.

    The End

  2. Thor Damar

    Thor Damar Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Jan 27, 2009
    Thor Damar, God of thunder and monologue..
    I think that you've given us a excellent morality play with a rather interesting twist. The obvious ending is that Corat Damar has given into his sense of duty as a solider of the Union and cold bloodily murdered a innocent child. So far,so Damar.


    His reaction to the child is not one of a mindless killer or witless footsoldier of cruelty rather he acts as would a conflicted young man when faced with the terrible burden of his actions. I think that we can see the hidden sensitive Damar in the actions of the newly minted warrior, a side that in the end would be tragically subjugated to the harsh whims of the Cardassian Empire.
    The fact the he could not even bring himself to look at his victim is instructive also. Any other time that we see Corat kill he has his eyes firmly locked on those that he extinguishes.Therefore it seems that he feels guilty for what he has done but he believes that he did what had to be done in order to save the child from either a long painful death from starvation or the unpleasant fate awaiting at the hands of the other Cardassians.

    So (to me anyway) Damar has made an undeniably horrible decision for what maybe ultimately decent(ish) motives.

    Bravo TerokNor for writing this short but intriguing tale.
  3. TerokNor

    TerokNor Captain Captain

    Mar 26, 2010
    Thank you very much for this nice review! :)
    Damar has many layers, hasn´t he? Pitty that the layer that won here, he will be wearing for a long time and even thickening it, but good that other layers will not cease to exist, as we see in the end.

  4. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

    Jul 13, 2008
    The EIB Network
    Wow. Excellent. Despite a few grammatical errors early on...this is a superb tale. You capture Damar's dilemma and pain very well.

    I can just imagine...in "Tacking Into The Wind", when he rants about how the Dominion murdered his family...to which Kira bitterly replies, "Yeah, Damar--what kind of people gives those orders?"...

    I can just imagine the memory of this moment filling Damar's mind...as Kira's words hit home.
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2011
  5. Mistral

    Mistral Vice Admiral Admiral

    Dec 5, 2007
    Between the candle and the flame
    Very well done. Disturbing, but well done.