Movie Caption Contest #240: Captions Against Humanity

Discussion in 'Star Trek Movies I-X' started by LeadHead, Dec 29, 2013.

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  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

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    LeadHead
    Hello everyone! Time for a new contest!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "Good Question" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Contractual Obligations" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Leonard McCoy: Gourmet Chef" Award, going to:

    Our photoshop award goes to:


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    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

    And now, we begin again!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]

    Kirk: Who's calling? I thought I ordered the entire crew down here.

    Uhura: You did, Sir. The Klingon Captain sitting in your chair wants to thank you for doing that.

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    Geordi: I removed these chips from the main computer.

    Data: Don't get the wrong idea Geordi, it's a friends with benefits arrangement.

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    Spock: Here's the problem, we're not supposed to store gluesticks in the warp drive.
     
  3. Lance

    Lance Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    The Enterprise's Restroom
    Thanks for the win. :)

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    Geordi: "Well Data, I finished your service. You're good to go. Um... by the way...uh, these bits I had left over after I put you back together... they weren't important, right?"

    Data (thinking to himself): [That's the end of me being 'fully functional'.]
     
  4. Candlelight

    Candlelight Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Location:
    New Zealand
    [​IMG]

    "And we've finally gotten rid of all the black people on the oh hi Uhura, didn't see you there."

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    "You wish to shove them where, sir?"

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    "After careful analysis I have determined the corridor lights are stuck at blue."
    "Been on Vulcan a while, obviously."

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    "Don't worry Data... better out than in..."
     
  5. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Way back.
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    Uhura: Security, Sulu's gone Jedi again.


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    Geordi: I've swapped out your flash stick for a floppy diskette.
    Data: Oh crap.Is this because you have pleasured fewer women than I have?
    Geordi <storms off>
    Data: Someone should warn Wesley Crusher.

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    Spock: I can see it now: a big floating head demanding a starship.
    Scotty: And when does God come into Kirk's scene?
     
  6. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    TFTW, LeadHead!

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    Kirk: "Surprise, Commander Uhura! Welcome to our own little version of 'This Is Your Life!'"
    Uhura: "Oh, my! I'm flattered that so many of you showed up!"
    Chekov: "Ve told everyone that ve vould be showing lots of slides of you in that red mini-dress!"


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    Data: "Doctor Brahms is a highly qualified mechanical engineer. Finding some of my mechanical parts in her quarters does not necessarily mean anything."
     
  7. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
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    DATA: Awww, Geordi, my favourite android dish. It is so kind of you to take care of me during my Pon farr subroutine.

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    UHURA: Captain, Admiral Nogura is calling you.
    NOGURA: For God sake, Jim, stop this stupid fashion show, they're already all wearing these new uniforms!

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    SPOCK: You are right, mister Scott. This ensign is a direct descendant of Lionel Ritchie.
     
  8. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Thanks Dad USAF 1947-1972
    [​IMG]

    KIRK: Step away from the environmental controls, Uhura. The temperature in here is just fine.

    UHURA: Fine my ass, I'm freezing.

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    SPOCK: You are correct, Mr. Scott. There are traces of the Captain's genetic material on this crystal. The question is how it got there

    SCOTT: I'd rather not know.

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    GEORDIE: I don't get it. This is the best android chow money can buy!
     
  9. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
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    Uhura: "Crew Movie Night is a chance for the entire crew to relax without the stresses of their daily jobs," he said. "Everyone can just relax," he said. "Oh, Uhura, we need you to run the film projector," he says...

    Kirk: Is there a problem, Lt.?

    Uhura: Uh, no, sir. In fact, I've taken the liberty of picking the movie. It's a movie from the early 21st Century called Twilight...

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    Geordi: I found these, they were apparently put there by a group even more devious than Section 31, called the "NSA."

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    Spock: Alert the Captain, I've found the 5 minutes of plot in this movie. Apparently, the other 127 minutes is special effects and our reactions to those effects.

    Ensign Richie: What gave me away, sir?

    Scotty: When I paged you, Lad, ye came in and said, "Hello, is it me you're looking for?"

    Spock: While dancing on the ceiling.

    Ensign Richie: Oh, I thought you guys might know my mother, uncle, cousin, and grandfather, they were all Commodores.

    Spock: Yes, I know your mother, Commodore Richie.

    Ensign Richie: Actually, sir, after the divorce she went back to her maiden name, she's a Brickhouse, again, now.

    Scotty: Aye, I heard about the divorce. I felt sorry for your father, as rumor was, your mother is easy.

    Spock: Just rumors, Mr. Scott. Believe me, she is three times a lady.

    Ensign Richie: Anyway, sirs, with all due respect, do you intend to keep me here all night long?

    Spock: No, Ensign, you are dismissed.

    Scotty: Watch the floor, though, lad. They just washed it and it tends to be slippery when wet.
     
  10. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Location:
    Walking distance from Starfleet HQ
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    LAFORGE: Pick a card. Any memory card.

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    UHURA: It's the bridge. sir. They're ready to call the square dance.

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    SPOCK: Mr. Scott, thanks to this microscope I believe I have finally located your dignity.
     
  11. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Thanks Dad USAF 1947-1972
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    SPOCK: This isn't blue sky. We need Heisenberg.
     
  12. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Scotty: He's been reassigned. Would a Heisenberg compensator work?
     
  13. inflatabledalek

    inflatabledalek Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
    Thanks FTW!

    Am I the only one who finds young chef-Shatner slightly freaky?

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    Kirk: ...But, in good news, the horrible deaths of many of your friends and colleagues on Epsilon station has given me just the excuse I need to get the captaincy back!

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    Data: Geordi... Why am I tied up?

    Geordi: It's the only chance any of the rest of us have of getting any screen-time in this film.

    Data: Good luck with that.

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    Scotty: I know you're really pleased with your Viewfinder Christmas present, but maybe play with it after we've fixed the ship?
     
  14. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
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    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Spock: "Idiots! This isn't Caddyshack! It's Caddyshack II!"
     
  15. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Thanks Dad USAF 1947-1972
    SPOCK: Pinkman? I don't think so.
     
  16. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
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    Kirk: "Ah, Uhura, you're here. Well folks, let's kick off the inaugural Enterprise slumber party."

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    Geordi: "Cough... and now spit."
    Data: ptui
    Geordi: "Boy, Beverly must have kicked you in the nuts hard if they got lodged in your throat!"

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    Spock: "I see the problem. These were put in backwards. Were you drunk again, Mr Scott?"
    Scott: "Hey! I'd be offended if it wasn't true."
     
  17. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
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    Kirk: Where's Spock?

    Uhura: Where no Vulcan man have gone before
     
  18. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Way back.
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    Uhura: I told you what would happen if anyone left the bridge toilet seat up again.
    Kirk: Uhura, don't barge in, we're in the middle of a crew briefing.
    Uhura: Do it again and my foot is gonna be barging in the middle of someone's porthole.


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    Geordi: Look, I finally passed those microchips I swallowed.
    Data: I could have waited for you to wash them first.

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    Spock: Mister Scott, I am not comfortable blowing into your court-appointed breathalizer.
     
  19. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Mr. Laser Beam is in the visitor's bullpen
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    Kirk: Welcome, Uhura. We're just about to start our theater group. Pay no attention to those crewmen with rotten tomatoes and banana peels.
     
  20. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Way back.
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    Uhura: So that's fifty pepperoni pizzas, fifty cokes - and one squid salad.
    Sulu: What? I need my cellulose.


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    Spock: These readings prove it. The pubic hair found at the bottom of the Captain's coffee cup has Vulcan DNA.

    ...Fascinating.
     
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