January Writing Challenge-Headache

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Hoshi_Mayweather, Jan 25, 2009.

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  1. Hoshi_Mayweather

    Hoshi_Mayweather Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2004
    Location:
    In Busyland...
    A couple of songs from the group SWV (Sisters with Voices) could have been matched with this story. I chose 'Always On My Mind.'

    I still think this is somewhat of a first draft, but I want to post it before the challenge deadline...



    Headache
    [LEFT]
    Monday, 6 p.m.

    Hoshi Sato had a headache, and she didn’t know the cause of it or how to make it go away.

    It was three days after the founding ceremony of the Federation (or Federation of Planets, as it was to be called) and she was in her hotel room in downtown San Francisco one day before she returned to Brazil. She still hadn’t decided whether or not she wanted to stay in Starfleet or continue her teaching job.

    Hoshi stood and looked at outside the window facing Main Street.

    San Francisco never seems to sleep, she thought. The weather seemed calm for the moment, as it was sprinkling rain earlier that morning.

    Dressed in shorts and a tank top, she felt comfortable in her heated hotel room.

    Travis, Malcolm, and herself spent time reminiscing and dining at Fisherman’s Wharf on the evening of that special night when Captain Archer gave his speech that signified a new coalition of planets.

    Everything was changing so rapidly.

    Then everyone seem to go their separate ways: Archer stepped down as captain of Enterprise; T’Pol joined the captain; Phlox was offered a position at Starfleet medical; Reed was offered a position at Starfleet Intelligence; poor Trip was lost; and Travis….

    She rubbed her temples….

    Damn it!

    …Travis was offered a position on a new Daedalus-class vessel by a Captain Stillwell, onboard the U.S.S. Horizon… (An nod to Travis’ own vessel? The ship he grew up with?) A Captain Shumar also offered him a position on the U.S.S. Essex.

    Even though her comrades went their separate ways, she wished they’d known one another a bit more. It seemed like the only time they really came together during their four-year-mission was professionally…and maybe during breaks in the mess hall.

    Her head. Her head. Her head.

    What was the problem?

    She didn’t drink much, and that was three evenings ago.

    Pulling away from the window, she went over to her monitor on her desk, and typed in the long-distance number to her parent’s home in Kyoto, Japan.

    On the monitor, a woman appeared onscreen; a mirror of Hoshi in later years:

    “Mom?”

    “Ji-Hyun …! How are you?” Miss Kim replied.

    Hoshi was Korean, but she took on a Japanese name while growing up in Kyoto which sort of stuck with her more than her Korean birth name, Ji-Hyun Kim; a sort of a professional pseudonym.

    “We heard your ship came back three days ago, Ji-Hyun. Are you going back to space? ”

    “I-I’m doing fine, Mom. I don’t know what I’m going to do, now. Teaching, stay in Starfleet…I don’t know.”

    “Hoshi, what’s wrong…?”

    “I have this headache, Mom. I’m preoccupied…with something…or…”

    “…Someone…?”

    Hoshi chuckled, and it made her head hurt worse when she did.

    “I don’t know. He was already involved with someone, a reporter….and he and I just seemed like friends on Enterprise.

    “Well, if he is involved…”

    “No, they broke up after some Starfleet incident…but…I don’t know.”

    “Did you speak with him?”

    “No, I didn’t. He may have gone back to space already…

    …And, Mom, my head hurts.”

    Miss Kim laughed. “Hoshi, I think you should talk to this young man, and tell him how you feel.”

    “I don’t know why I’m hesitating. It seems so simple doesn’t it?

    “How is papa?”

    “Oh, he watched the founding ceremony of the Federation; he is eager to see what aliens come to Earth now that the doors are open…”

    Miss Kim laughed. “He wants to go out to space to see how it’s like.”

    “Well,” Hoshi replied, “Maybe we can get him a tour on one of these Daedalus-class vessels.”

    “I’m sure he’ll like that.”

    “Well, I’m going to go, Mom. I…I have a couple of calls to make.”

    “Good luck, Ji-Hyun…”

    “Thanks, Mom. Love you.”

    *

    6:20 p.m.

    Hoshi made an attempt to call Travis, but no luck. They were all staying at different areas in San Francisco due to assignments or bookings.

    With the offers Travis was receiving; he would no doubt be researching his options.

    Hoshi decided to call up a friend to help her decipher (an interesting choice of words for linguist!) what is going on.

    Ah, she knew what was going on; she just wanted different alternatives.

    *
    [LEFT]
    6:40 p.m.

    “Hello, Hoshi….or should I say Lieutenant Sato,” Dr. Phlox greeted from the view screen in her hotel room.

    Hoshi could tell he was sitting in his office of Starfleet Medical, a good view of the San Francisco Bay behind him.

    “Dr. I hope I’m not bothering you,” she answered. “I have a little problem, and I thought I might seek your advice…”

    “Sure...”

    “Well, I have a headache…”

    Phlox would tell her pretty much what her mother said, which was to speak the man she had an attraction for….get a hold of him, before he leaves the planet, and some other crewwomen or alien lady gets his attention.

    “You know, I understand the Essex left already,” Phlox stated, looking at his screen after typing a few keys. “Yes, they had their crew physicals okayed two days ago before departure.”

    “What?!”

    Phlox typed a few keys.

    “Mr. Mayweather wasn’t on board, Hoshi. I don’t see his name listed with the crew. Maybe you can check the Horizon as well.”

    “And what good will that do?”

    “Lieutenant, you’ve been through Xindi attacks, Xindi torture; surely you can track down a certain helmsman. I have faith in you.”

    “You know, Phlox, when I was held captive by Tarquin, the alien in the Delphic Expanse, I actually shouted Travis’ name.” She laughed. “This sounds so embarrassing; I’m not one to let out feelings like this. I’m usually kept to myself.”

    “Well, obviously, Lieutenant Sato…a change is in order; my recommendation for that headache of yours.”

    “Don’t you know it,” she sighed.

    “Keep me posted.”

    “How are the wives, Phlox?”

    “We’re all doing fine, Hoshi. Now, I’ll let you tend to you business.” He gave that huge smile Hoshi had known him for. “Keep me posted.”

    [/LEFT]
    *


    7:15 p.m.

    Hoshi attempted a subspace message to the U.S.S. Essex by contacted the main communications center at Starfleet from her hotel room:

    “I’m sorry, but I’m not able to reach Lieutenant Mayweather, Miss Sato,” the operator, a woman, named Yeoman Picard. “Can I take a message or would you like to try back later?”

    “I would like to leave a message, please.”

    The viewscreen switched to messaging…

    Hoshi cleared her throat, and started…

    “Hello, Travis….Hoshi here….

    “No.

    “Clear message.” She started again. “Travis, hello. This is Hoshi, how have you been? Listen, I….I…”

    “Clear message…End.”

    The view-screen went blank.

    Who was she kidding? He had gone back to ‘outer space.’

    (Or, at least, that was one of the possibilities).

    She could try looking at the Horizon’s roster, and his hotel…and maybe ask Malcolm (or even the Captain, or T’Pol if they had heard anything from him).

    Hoshi chuckled.

    Look at me! She thought. Like a schoolgirl with a crush. Or worse, a stalker…

    Boy, did her head hurt…

    *​

    It started raining….

    He stood there in a trenchcoat, the raindrops hitting his chocolate-brown skin; his calm smile, his handsome look. She wanted to invite him into her hotel room, talk with him, tell him how she felt…then…


    Hoshi awoke from her little nap, and gazed over at the chronometer, which read 8:45 p.m. She thought about her attempt (s) to message; and the little headache that still lingering in her head.

    She would have to move on eventually….

    Hoshi was used to doing things on her own, being on her own, that an opportunity to possibly find someone special passed her by.

    Hell, Travis was a space “boomer” anyhow, and she was a Terra-bound girl…ying and yang…

    She sighed.

    Hoshi would have to make her decision to return to teaching, or take up the offer from Starfleet in their linguistics department, possibly serving on a starship herself, if she were up to space travel again.

    Later, she would worry about it later. Right now, she was hungry….and her head still hurt.

    Wait.

    Was that her communicator, or door buzzer? She wasn’t expecting any company, obviously.

    She wasn’t expecting him.

    *​

    It was Travis, wearing what seemed like a newer version of the Starfleet uniform which consisted of a yellow sweater-like tunic and black pants with boots. An overcoat and a fedora completed his outfit.

    He handed her a bouquet of roses he carried in one hand; but not a large book he carried in the other.

    “Oh, so no reading material for me?” She joked.

    “This,” Travis indicated the book, “was a gift to me from Captain Shumar before he left on the Essex. Chicago Mobs of the Twenties. You’re welcome to read it, if you’re interested.”

    “I may take up your offer sometime.”

    “Listen, I know it’s late, Hoshi. We should talk, and order some food…if you doesn’t mind….and if you haven’t eaten already.”

    Hoshi nodded. “I don’t know if anything is opened this late.”

    “Mel’s Drive-in should be opened. Too, this is San Francisco, so I’m pretty sure we’ll find something.”

    They stood looking at each other.

    Hoshi thought, “You know? Maybe I should ask you in?”

    Travis took off his fedora as he stepped in.

    “I know we didn’t talk much on the ship, but you didn’t have to stalk me. Phlox told me all about it.”

    Hoshi became slightly beet red.

    “Stalking? You’re the quiet one, always focused on the helm. I should be afraid of you!”

    Travis laughed.

    They ordered delivery sometime later from a Korean food restaurant that Hoshi looked up. (Hoshi wanted him to try a beef dish called bul gol gi).

    In their conversation over dinner, Travis and Hoshi decided more time would be spent together…no matter where one or the other was assigned.

    Hoshi laughed a couple of times as they reminisced about each other’s personal stories growing up and what the future may hold…and boy did it feel good to laugh.

    Although she hadn’t noticed it right away, her headache was gone.

    -end-​









    [/LEFT]
     
  2. CeJay

    CeJay Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2006
    This made for a cute hook-up story creating a very likely pair. Sato came across a tad desperate but I guess that's what you get when you fall in love. Even headaches and much worse are not unheard of.

    The song was a perfect fit. I could imagine Hoshi listening to it in her room. (The nails are freaky though ... who is she, Lady Deathstrike or something?)

    A few minor grammatical issues but otherwise a nice story. Well done.
     
  3. SLWatson

    SLWatson Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2008
    Location:
    NE Ohio
    I really like the atmosphere in this! It was sweet, too; a light, fun little jaunt. Nice!
     
  4. trampledamage

    trampledamage Clone Moderator

    Joined:
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    hitching a ride to Erebor
    I enjoyed the story - the only part I didn't like was Phlox telling Travis that Hoshi was looking for him. That doesn't seem right to me - I know it's not doctor-patient, but it is still betraying a confidence.
     
  5. Starkers

    Starkers Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2001
    Location:
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    That was interesting. Bit lost on me as I was never the greatest Enterprise fan in the world.

    Maybe it's just me but I found it a trifle confusing in places. Phlox saus Travis isn't on the Essex, then Hoshi calls the Essex? I'm assuming that's meant to be the Horizon?

    As a final point there were a few too many nods in this. Namechecking Essex, Horizon, Chicago Mobs of the 20s, Picard etc. Now I'm as guilty of that as the next person but I think you put a few too many into a short story that's all.

    On the whole it is a good read though.
     
  6. Mistral

    Mistral Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Between the candle and the flame
    I liked it. Cute story-and i liked the bit about the book, ahem, The Book.
     
  7. Hoshi_Mayweather

    Hoshi_Mayweather Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2004
    Location:
    In Busyland...
    Tks to everyone for the input and compliments (and criticisms!)....:techman::)
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2009
  8. Hoshi_Mayweather

    Hoshi_Mayweather Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
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    Location:
    In Busyland...
    I'm going to revisit this story after I've finished with the current challenge. Once it's cleaned up, I'll repost that revised version here(or in a new thread), and I'll most possibly be submitting it to Ad Astra....;)
     
  9. Amy Grugan

    Amy Grugan Ensign Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2016
    Location:
    Boston
    Hi

    I loved the story. Do you have any more of my favorite Enterprise couple Travis and Hoshi? I'd love to read them!
     
  10. Amy Grugan

    Amy Grugan Ensign Red Shirt

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    Mar 23, 2016
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    Does anyone know where i can get in touch with her?
     
  11. Amy Grugan

    Amy Grugan Ensign Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2016
    Location:
    Boston
    If you're still here I have a challenge for you.. A romance story based on the Episode "Dead Stop" As we know Hoshi was busted up about Travis' "death", what happened when they reunited? Thanks!
     
  12. Amy Grugan

    Amy Grugan Ensign Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2016
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    I'm dying to know what happens next!
     
  13. Count Zero

    Count Zero Says who? Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2005
    Location:
    European Union
    The poster in question was last logged in to the board in 2009. I doubt you'll get an answer. Closing the thread.
     
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