Is phonesex cheating?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by PluckyNinja, Oct 2, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. PluckyNinja

    PluckyNinja Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Location:
    Canada
    I say yes.

    My girlfriend was talking to an ex of hers on the phone and somehow got on the topic of a "special" night they had once shared. He did his thing while he listened. My girlfriend is now mad at ME because I read about it in her email. She apologized for what she did (though didn't seem too sorry about it) and wants me to apologize for reading her email. I read her email because I was suspicious, my suspicions turned out to be valid. My point of view is that what she did was much worse, she doesn't seem to think so. Even if I'm an asshole for what I did, I'd rather be an asshole and know the truth then not be an asshole and be in the dark. Of course I'm very angry and upset at the situation so any views or opinions from unbiased sources would be very welcome.
     
  2. Koinek

    Koinek Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2002
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Let the internet decide who to blame:
    SideTaker

    :techman:
     
  3. Spaceman Spiff

    Spaceman Spiff Abuse of Power Administrator

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2001
    If one feels the need to conceal it, then yes, it's cheating.
     
  4. Captain Intrepid

    Captain Intrepid Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2002
    Location:
    Formerly TheMacMan
    If it's something she wouldn't be comfortable doing in front of your Grandma, it probably isn't good.
     
  5. Jethro Elvis

    Jethro Elvis Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Location:
    Jethro's House, Minnesota
    It's only cheating if you charge it to her credit card.
     
  6. Crom!

    Crom! Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2004
    Location:
    Roshi
    Yes, that's cheating. Dump her. She did it once, she'll do it again.
     
  7. auntiehill

    auntiehill Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2006
    Location:
    Hillsville
    While I disagree with reading someone's email (it's a violation of privacy), I would say that engaging in phone sex with an ex would constitute cheating, especially if she did this while you two are still together. Which I gather was the case.

    While it is not the actual sex act, it is an act designed to give her ex-boyfriend sexual gratification. I think that clearly indicates that she is still somehow involved with him, and you should have her hit the proverbial road.

    It's not right to snoop, but neither is it right to let someone believe you are exclusive when you obviously are still emotionally invested in someone else. So, as a completely disinterested married person, I would say YES, she's cheating.

    PS...a very common technique to differ blame is to turn the argument back onto the their accuser. She is totally caught red-handed, so she tries to save face by pointing out YOUR faults instead. A dead give-away of guilt, in my opinion.
     
  8. Danoz

    Danoz Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2006
    Location:
    New York, NY
    This is very simple, though it may not feel this way from your perspective right now.

    You don't trust her. GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
     
  9. Pingfah

    Pingfah Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2005
    Location:
    Pingfah
    I'm interested to know why you were suspicious in the first place.
     
  10. Coloratura

    Coloratura Snuggle Princess Premium Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2002
    Location:
    Ohio, USA
    My personal opinion of course, but yes. I believe that phone sex with someone other than your wife is cheating.

    J.
     
  11. cultcross

    cultcross The truth is precisely the opposite Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2001
    Location:
    cultcross
    Yes, I'd say that was definitely cheating.
    The way I see it, if you wouldn't do it with your other half in the room too, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
     
  12. Saul

    Saul Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    東京
    Dump her.

    If you are suspicions you'll always be. Relationships like that never last and you'll just make yourself miserable.
     
  13. nevermore

    nevermore Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2004
    Location:
    The Land of Pleasant Living
    And why you felt that the best reaction was to commit a gross privacy violation rather than having an honest discussion.

    Though, frankly, it sounds like the relationship is pretty well shot. She's still pursuing other options for one reason or another and you don't trust her or respect her very much. You're both clearly unhappy to some extent and I'd just call it a day.
     
  14. PluckyNinja

    PluckyNinja Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Location:
    Canada
    She told me she was talking to him. She said right off the bad that there was no emotional involvement and he was no threat to our relationship. She did not disclose the subject matter they discussed. I did try to have a discussion with her. She claimed there was nothing going on. I'm not sure why, but I didn't believe her.
     
  15. PKTrekGirl

    PKTrekGirl Arrogant Niner Thug Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2001
    Location:
    Anchorage, Alaska
    Engaging in phone sex is cheating and is therefore wrong.

    Rooting around in someone's private email is a gross invasion of privacy and is also wrong.

    Sounds like this is a regular match made in heaven. :p
     
  16. nevermore

    nevermore Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2004
    Location:
    The Land of Pleasant Living
    She may not have seen it as a threat to your relationship. She may have never intended to have things turn out the way they did, but of course, if you two had an agreement of exclusivity, then she should have approached the situation differently. On the other hand, your violation of her privacy is just as bad in relationship terms as anything she did. You'll never trust her, with good cause, and she'll never trust you, with good cause, so, like I said, go your separate ways.
     
  17. Pingfah

    Pingfah Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2005
    Location:
    Pingfah
    Yeah, sometimes you just know when someone is bullshitting you though, and if they won't admit it you have little recourse but to satisfy yourself. You should have already made the decision to end it regardless of what you find by that point though.
     
  18. M'Sharak

    M'Sharak Definitely Herbert. Maybe. Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2002
    Location:
    Terra Inlandia, Kelvin timeline
    I'd say you've both got issues which need to be addressed, whether you do it individually or do it together.
     
  19. nevermore

    nevermore Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2004
    Location:
    The Land of Pleasant Living
    Well, yeah. What's the point of confirming your suspicions when doing so violates the relationship in and of itself? What would have happened if he had looked at her email and found nothing? Then he would have been guilty of a complete asshole move and by doing it would have been faced with the option of either lying to her by omission (same thing she's guilty of-violating trust and not admitting it) or telling her, which would have ended the relationship anyway (assuming this girl has any self-respect at all). It's a catch-22, so you're right, one would have to go into it with the understanding that the relationship is over regardless of what he found.

    He could have just taken the high road, told her that he knew that she wasn't disclosing everything and ended it based on the fact that the relationship clearly sucked anyway.
     
  20. Gertch

    Gertch Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2004
    I agree. And such is one consequence of casual sex.

    If you can't trust someone and have to start snooping you might as well hang it up or work together on building trust.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.