I need to run this by some people...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Kommander, Nov 8, 2012.

  1. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Not to make you paranoid but speaking from experience you might just be filtering out the overt ones and the subtle ones are still ringing your bells for whatever psychological reasons they do.

    I put that down to age, people become more pragmatic and willing to compartmentalize and negotiate as they get older. But it's true that once you're burned by a "friend" who can't stop pursuing you or making you uncomfortable by trying to change the parameters of the relationship every few months it makes a person very wary. It's easy to assume that it will always go down that way.
     
  2. Gaith

    Gaith Vice Admiral Admiral

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    [​IMG]

    You really think you know what's out there... ?



    I dig the enthusiasm conveyed in your prose, hombre, but statements like the one above give me pause. The wise man is aware of how little he knows. Women are one of the great mysteries of the universe. Approach with confidence, aye, but hubris, not so much. :)
     
  3. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    To you?
     
  4. Gaith

    Gaith Vice Admiral Admiral

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    [​IMG]



    (Doc Brown felt the same way)
     
  5. Kommander

    Kommander Commodore Commodore

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    This is definitely true. It's why I tend to worry when things are going well. I always wonder if I'm overlooking something.

    Age is a factor, but not the only one. The last woman that did this was 30 (I'm 28, if that matters.) She was in one of my classes last semester. We started talking a bit, and then I spontaneously remembered that I went to high school with her, and then we started talking a lot. I liked her, she liked me, I wanted to ask her out, but was hesitant because everything I've said in this thread so far. I finally did on the last day of class. She was really happy about it, it was probably the best reaction I've gotten when asking someone out. However, she needed to find a baby sitter, so she asked me to call her the next day to finalize our plans and then, she never returned my calls.

    I know what happened. She had recently gotten out of the Navy and was adjusting to civilian life. She had also recently divorced a man she described as "a total douchebag." Because of this, she just didn't want to be dating anyone at that time. It would have been nice had she told me that, but instead she decided to assume that I'm not a reasonable person and that ignoring me was easier.

    I probably meant that differently than you interpreted it. I meant it more like if a conflict or problem comes up, there's very little that would make me completely freak out and be unable to act. I didn't mean that I can solve every problem or that everything is easy and effortless. There are also some bad situations I haven't encountered yet. For example, no one I've dated has tried to murder me. If that ever comes up I'd imagine it won't be very fun. However, it would not surprise me.

    The differences between men and women are greatly exaggerated. Other humans are often a great mystery, but very little of it is related to sex or gender.
     
  6. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    As did Captain Kirk but it had no effect on his score card.
     
  7. An Officer

    An Officer Vice Admiral Admiral

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    This, I have to hear more about, in detail! :D
    It would be really interesting from the perspective of someone who's been looking in to human sexuality quite seriously....
     
  8. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    "I may be new to individuality, but I'm not ignorant of human behavior. I've noticed your attempts to engage me in idle conversation. And I see the way your pupils dilate when you look at my body."

    Even the Borg can tell.
     
  9. An Officer

    An Officer Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Are you trying to engage me in idle conversation? Haha! :p

    The Borg have superior senses, they are not to be be spoken of triflingly. :vulcan:
     
  10. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I am looking into your avatar's eyes but that's to be expected.
     
  11. An Officer

    An Officer Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Where many women have gone before... and we all know how that ends... :cool:
     
  12. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    With.. dilation?
     
  13. An Officer

    An Officer Vice Admiral Admiral

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    After a fashion... but really, this far and no further! :borg:
     
  14. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    He assimilates entire women!
     
  15. Kommander

    Kommander Commodore Commodore

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    Pretty much this:

    Although, actually saying that line, while it would totally work on me, most would probably find it awkward and off-putting.

    This article is mostly accurate, but doesn't include everything. Most of the other stuff I got from a quick Google search are "Guys, increase your game!" and "How to tell if that guy you like is into you" articles that are either mostly bullshit or misapplying the research. One of the big ones not mentioned in that article is touch. With heterosexuals, when there's some mutual attraction going on, the woman will usually touch the man. Brushing a piece of lint off his sleeve, grabbing his forearm while laughing excessively at one of his lame jokes, touching his hand when saying something sincere, that sort of thing. If a man does this sort of thing to a woman before she does it to him, it usually comes off as very awkward. Gay people do this too, but being the same sex either one of them can do it without making things awkward.

    Although, it's difficult to apply this stuff to non-research purposes, like those 'improve your game" articles. These things could have other reasons for occurring that people dismiss. Looking for these things in someone that one is attracted to almost always leads to people seeing what they want to see; they notice one thing that fits the behavior and then assume the person is interested in them. I look for these things, but I don't make positive assumptions based purely on them. The touch thing is probably the primary thing I look for, as it seems to be the most consistent. However, I don't assume a woman is interested in me if she touches me, rather, I assume she's not interested unless she touches me. When it does happen, I look for other reasons. Like, if a woman trips near me and grabs my forearm, it probably means she just didn't want to fall on her ass.
     
  16. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    The voice thing has always interested me. I've long been aware that women raise the pitch of their voice when talking about men they like. I've annoyed a few friends over the years by bluntly calling them on their attraction to a guy they are telling me a boring story about. It's all very obvious within a couple sentences but you quickly develop a reputation as a mind reader if you do it too often. As to why I call them on it, it's a combination of innate trolling and getting immediately to the point so I don't have to play the role of the mirror person that reflects their conversation back to them as a way of affirming the attraction.

    But what I have had difficulty understanding is when men do this, raise their voice pitch in a sweet and fake kind of way to talk to women. I get the impression they do it to seem like a nice guy, to seem sensitive. It's a huge red flag to me. If I hear any guy putting on that voice I don't trust them at all.
     
  17. Kestra

    Kestra Admiral Premium Member

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    I came back to follow-up in this thread but I'm completely lost now. So just want to say, good luck if you do pursue this girl!
     
  18. Fruitcake

    Fruitcake Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I think we're hip deep in the nitty gritty gears of Kommander asking this girl to have coffee. Our palms are sweaty and the smell of oil is in the air.
     
  19. FPAlpha

    FPAlpha Vice Admiral Admiral

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  20. RJDiogenes

    RJDiogenes Idealistic Cynic and Canon Champion Premium Member

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    This is exactly right. Women are no mystery-- they are individuals. That's one reason your story was such a great idea, whether it ultimately works or not.