I Feel Odd...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Coloratura, Sep 16, 2010.

  1. Coloratura

    Coloratura Snuggle Princess Premium Member

    Joined:
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    At the Piano
    So I'm staying up, this morning, like every morning, waiting to wake up dad so he can get off to work on time, and I'm looking through some Facebook photos of friends from high school. I see all of the grown up faces, parents with children, these same parents I knew as fellow high school students. Then I think of how long it's been since I saw these people in person, and it has been 11 years. 11 years since my Senior year in high school.

    That wasn't the odd part, I've ruminated on my high school years before, but it was the reaction I felt this time, and I have never felt it before. I felt this burning sensation in my eyes, almost as if I were about to cry, but without the accompanying sadness that goes along with it. If I were to describe the feeling, it would be emptiness, with a sense of foreboding, and a hot feeling, like a desert, behind that sense of emptiness. Does anyone follow at this point?

    Anyway, and I glance down at the clock on my desktop, the Windows clock, and it says 4:53 AM, and then 9/16/2010 underneath. And I start staring at the 9/16/2010, then just the 2010 part of the date, and for some reason I just can't stop looking at the year 2010, and visually subtracting years from it and adding to them. I tilt my head sideways, like a dog would hearing a high whistle, and I just keep staring at the date, all the while this burning sensation of crying in my eyes, and this feeling of utter emptiness, and it's the strangest feeling I've ever had in my life. The most out of place thing on top of that? The sudden awareness of silence. Suddenly, there wasn't a noise to be heard anywhere in the house, and my whole body started feeling hot/heated, and that I was alone in the room and was totally aware of it. Focused on it.

    I couldn't decide on whether I should just disregard it and go on doing what I was doing, or post about it here in the hopes of, well, something, I don't know what.
     
  2. RJDiogenes

    RJDiogenes Idealistic Cynic and Canon Champion Premium Member

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    Sounds like you've got a Poem there. ;)

    Sometimes it really does hit me, the amount of time that has passed in my life. High School acquaintances? Most of them I haven't seen in about 26 years, since the first and only reunion I went to. A couple of months ago, I had to drop off my car at the shop and then walk to pick up a loaner, and I had to pass by my old High School. I passed a lot of kids on their way home and I kept expecting to see familiar faces-- it was very strange.

    Every so often the knowledge of impermanence makes itself known, probably more often as you get older. I find the best cure for that is denial. :rommie:
     
  3. Coloratura

    Coloratura Snuggle Princess Premium Member

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    Maybe, but I don't know. I've never felt that feeling before. Nostalgia, sure. This? This was different. I can't quite explain it, although I love your "denial" suggestion. ;)
     
  4. scotpens

    scotpens Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    I've never been big on reminiscing or nostalgia. I tend to deal with where my life is now and try not to dwell on the past. And I don't go to reunions. I figure the teenage jerks I knew in high school are probably a bunch of middle-aged jerks now.

    Well, maybe this video makes me just a bit nostalgic. Part of it (starting at 0:55) was shot at my high school, Birmingham High in Van Nuys, CA.

    [yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXooLQBN3F4&feature=related[/yt]
     
  5. iguana_tonante

    iguana_tonante Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Italy, EU
    What you are feeling, J., is time.

    For we all know it: time is the fire in which we burn.
     
  6. Mr Awe

    Mr Awe Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Sounds like you're catching on to the fact that time is passing you by. That your friends have grown up and started their own families while, 11 years after High School, you're still living at home. And, that makes you 29? So throw in the fact that you're nearly 30.

    I think it's a normal sensation for some one in your position. I would NOT ignore it.

    Mr Awe
     
  7. TheBrew

    TheBrew Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Fox Lady
    Well, I like to play with fire. :devil:

    J., it might be a feeling of regret or envy. You are thinking of everyone who has moved on. I've not had that strange feeling of sadness without the sadness, but I have been in a similar situation as you. How goes your classwork? I think you mentioned you started taking classes at a JC a while back.
     
  8. Jenee

    Jenee Dancing Goddess Premium Member

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    I was about that age when I had a similar experience. I was working in fast food and teasing my manager about his age, when he countered "Don't laugh, you're on the downside to 30."

    I started to say something clever, but before I could get it out, I realized he was right. I was 26 years old and working in fast food. My entire life was ... a game. I had done nothing.

    I suddenly felt - really felt that expression "life is passing me by". And it was, everyone else was getting on the train of life, getting jobs, getting married, having kids. And here I was just standing there on the side of the tracks.

    I know you don't feel like you can leave, J. But, I really think a change of scenery will do you good.
     
  9. Nardpuncher

    Nardpuncher Rear Admiral

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    I'm not sure if I really understand what you were feeling as you said yourself it was hard to describe, but I do know that our minds can start to act strange if you stay up really late, and it's not from being tired. You just start getting a weird meditative state that may be conducive to strange indescribable feelings.
     
  10. Servo

    Servo Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Manchester, England
    Ever since I hit 30 (just over a year ago), I've been feeling like time is catching up with me. Most of the people I went to school with have families of their own, while I'm not even seeing anyone at the moment. A lot of them have careers, while I'm still looking for something that engages me enough to stick with for more than 6 months.

    It seems I'm paying the price for refusing to grow up. I still wake up sometimes and can't believe I'm 31. It feels like yesterday that I was celebrating my 21st, and feeling like I had all the time in the world.

    It certainly makes the lyrics to Pink Floyd's Time more and more poignant...

    And then the one day you find
    Ten years have got behind you
    No one told you when to run
    You missed the starting gun...
     
  11. AMQ

    AMQ Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina
    It's passage of time.
    Sometimes I look at my younger sisters and I can't recogize them. We have big age gaps betweet us so I always think of them as children. Just yesterday I met my sister and even though I live with her seeing her in front of her/my former high school with her friends I almost didn't recognize her... It hit me that the child I use to babysit is a young woman.
    It was one of the moments that you mention when my whole body started feeling hot/heated, and that I was alone in the room and was totally aware of it. Just like that - almost panick attack.

    I also get overwhelmed just seeing the number 2010, it seems to me that I should've been a different person based on how much time has passed.

    Some of my friends also have kids and weddings and engagements and all those serious adult stuff and it's not that I haven't moved in any direction since high school but still that just makes me think - where did the time go?
     
  12. kes7

    kes7 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    If it makes you feel better, those of us who have careers and families and houses and stuff aren't immune to this feeling you describe. I'm 29 with a husband, two kids, and a career, and Facebook gives me that feeling quite a bit. Something about seeing everyone's life story condensed into that format makes it really hit home how quickly time is passing, and it makes me feel nervous and unsettled inside.
     
  13. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Well. For me, it has been 12 years since I left my alma mater, which I attended for 12 years ago. It has been between 8 and 12 years since I've seen most of my old schoolmates. On my last count, there are five old schoolmates who I knew still around here. Two of them have met my fiancee briefly :)

    While many of them have gotten married and started families of their own, I most certain don't envy them or feel inadequate at all. I'm in a glorious chapter of my life, working toward a second degree and working on my own desk in my office at the Biology Department as an engaged man. My old schoolmates would be pleased to hear about how I am these days.

    But there are times when I miss the old days when I still lived in the Springfield/Hartford area.
     
  14. Mr Awe

    Mr Awe Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    ^^ I think marriage/family life isn't for everyone. However, everyone wants a purpose, a direction in their life. A sense of accomplishment. The specifics vary greatly between people but I don't think anyone wants no purpose or no accomplishments. You are happy with where you're going, that's great!

    The OP isn't and will hopefully make adjustments. The longer you wait the harder it gets.

    Mr Awe
     
  15. KimMH

    KimMH Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    25 years since my high school graduation and cliched as it sounds I've found I'm most satisfied when I'm trying to make the world a better place for other people. I have a family to care for but when I had more time found a lot of satisfaction volunteering at church and college. Someone else always has it worse than you and you'll never lack for something useful to do if you think about how you can really make a positive difference for someone else.

    If you can find something that is related to one your own passions it's double karma. Our local elem schools have a "Girls-On-the-Run" program that gets elem girls on the road running. It's perfect. I get to exercise and meet some really great kids I'm not even related to - they get to exercise - we all win.
     
  16. JohnChod

    JohnChod Captain Captain

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    Location:
    Buffalo, NY (USA)
    Wow...feeling old and out of sorts and talking about approaching 30 and being in your early 30's. You're all still wet behind the ears. Just give it another 20 or so......

    But, through it all, remember one thing - It's better to be over the hill than under it.
     
  17. propita

    propita Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    fresno, ca, us
    Hubby and I don't have kids, so when we see our family's and friends' kids for the first time in years, it's a sudden reminder of time going by. We haven't really noticed because it's not constantly in our faces.

    Funny thing though, we look pretty much like we did 15 yrs ago--that, except for some health issues, our bodies (at least the outsides) forgot about time, too.
     
  18. Mary Ann

    Mary Ann Knitting is logical Premium Member

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    Location:
    A Canuck in southwest England
    I was thinking this as well. I've had insomnia all my life and my mind can take me to some pretty strange places early in the morning. I can remember lying awake when I was 8 or 9 with a strange feeling in my stomach and wondering why I was here and what my purpose was. Pretty heavy stuff for a kid!

    Keep in mind that several of those people with families and careers are unhappy, despite supposedly "living the dream". Time does tend to go faster when you're older (I can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm 42), but you're still pretty young and will have opportunities that some of your Facebook friends may never have. I don't know your full circumstances, but Jenee's suggestion of a change of scenery may be beneficial in terms of helping you to move on. Strength. :)
     
  19. scotpens

    scotpens Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Nov 29, 2009
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    For everyone in a similar situation, this'll cheer you up:

    [yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgfpJWUYgbg[/yt]
     
  20. Coloratura

    Coloratura Snuggle Princess Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    At the Piano
    Thanks for the perspectives, everyone. I guess it just felt very weird more than anything. It's likely that it was just a really strong case of regret/nostalgia, I just really didn't like the feeling, and in my tired state, just couldn't handle it like I normally could.
     

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