Excelsior Technical Manual - Revived!

Discussion in 'Trek Tech' started by Praetor, Mar 23, 2009.

  1. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    What really happened? :confused: This is an official Starfleet publication. ;)

    Quite right - not sure what I was originally going for there.

    Not typically - rather it was meant to suggest that the attrition rate fluctuated through the war, and that it was 40% at its highest. I imagined in my own head it averaged around 25%-30%. I shall edit accordingly.

    Okay, fixed. :)

     
  2. kitsune

    kitsune Captain

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    I was referring to what Sisko and Garak did with the faked Cardassian memory rod--but yes, it would be unknown to the in-character writer of this document. :)

    Looks good.
     
  3. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I know, k, I was just putting you on. And thanks. :)

    Believe it or not there's only one more chapter to the history part. And then comes the tech part.

    Hoo boy...
     
  4. kitsune

    kitsune Captain

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    I can't wait for the deck plans!
     
  5. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I still have to scan all my hand-drawings, and then start retracing and filling in details. (My head hurts already.) But the tech section does provide a basic breakdown of the decks that should allow everyone to evaluate the approach I'm taking and formulate a basic mental picture as I do it. And obviously, since I will probably take a deck one down view in doing the actual drawings, I might be able to do the drawings as we evaluate each deck.

    Then, there are other call-out drawings I plan to do - rooms, equipment, and so on - that feature with separate sub-articles under each deck, related to where each feature is found. My structural approach is similar to that of Shane Johnson in doing 'Mr. Scott's Guide.'
     
  6. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Okay, now for chapter eleven. It's short, and the last before we move to the technical text.

     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2009
  7. Tallguy

    Tallguy Commodore Commodore

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    That was really really nice. Very sweet.

    Is "Where No Man Has Gone Before" based on a known Trek Tune?
     
  8. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Thank you sir. :D

    Why yes, yes it is. In my head, it is the full orchestral TMP theme. (Not the TNG version - too fast for what I had in mind.) I have a really lovely image in my head of the Excelsior slowly maneuvering into the berth as that theme plays - one that I plan to recreate photographically in photoshop, alas sans music of cousre. But those of you with the soundtrack can play it as you look at the picture for the full experience. :p

    I must admit taking a nod from BSG in making the theme song the anthem. ;)
     
  9. Tallguy

    Tallguy Commodore Commodore

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    I thought as much on both counts. I'll add that scene to my "someday list".
     
  10. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Ooh, I'll add that to my 'hooray' list. :D
     
  11. kitsune

    kitsune Captain

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    I just had a nap and dreampt that I met you in person. :D


    operation -> repair

    disassembled -> dismantled?

    them newer -> them being newer

    much needed -> much-needed

    inobtrusively -> unobtrusively

    It seems odd to me for a class ship to not be the final use of its name.

    470 -> 469?

    literally the -> the literally

    [/QUOTE]
    books, but -> books--but

    :)
     
  12. kitsune

    kitsune Captain

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    .
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2009
  13. Cid Highwind

    Cid Highwind Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Numbers don't match - and given the new number of 470 overall, even 200 surviving to 2386 might be a little too much, don't you think?

    In any case, now that the whole thing is told - Wow! Good job. :)
     
  14. Nimitz CO

    Nimitz CO Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    Praetor,
    Great way to wrap it up before the technical stuff EXCELLENT WORK!!!!
     
  15. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Well I hope we went out and got a dream cheeseburger. (My treat.) ;)

    Really? There is historical precedent - the Essex class aircraft carrier (this book about which served as part of my inspiration for starting all this) was retired years ago, but there is a newer U.S.S. Essex in service now.

    Good catch! Thanks! I've edited down to just over a hundred at the end. And double thanks. ;)

    Thank you!!!

    Okay, the last two chapters once more before we start the tech stuff:
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2009
  16. The_Beef

    The_Beef Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    I feel like this should be inverted to "Admiral Demora Sulu, former commander of the Enterprise-B and daughter of late Excelsior captain and Federation President Hikaru Sulu, delivered. . ." I think this is a somewhat clearer form of presentation, as the original left the possibility that "and former commander of the Enterprise-B" could refer to Hikaru rather than Demora. It's also slightly less complicated, which is always a benefit for the sake of flow and clarity.

    I'd actually just leave "literally" out, I feel like it's unnecessary and really just clutters up the sentence. "Excelsiors gave hope to the thousands of worlds they visited" flows better and treats the subject more matter-of-fact. It kind of says that there's no need for exaggeration here, the Excelsiors lived up to whatever you have to say about them.
     
  17. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Good ideas, Beef. Done and done. :)
     
  18. DaveyNY

    DaveyNY Commodore Commodore

    Grammatical Nit Pic's...

    The saying is ...long since gone...

    Suggest...

    Much has been said and written about the U.S.S. Excelsior and her sister ships over the previous century. At first, the Excelsiors' stature as the 'Great Experiment' was shattered by the failure of her transwarp drive. However, even with this early defeat, she continued on to final victory. The illustrious and successful service career of not only Excelsior, but also her 469 sister ships, most of which are long since gone, proved through an era of uncertainty and constant political change, too be one of the most successful starship classes in Starfleet history.
    And also, one of the most ubiquitous symbols of Federation principles.
    Excelsiors gave hope to millions on the myriad of worlds they visited and offered fierce opposition to those who tried to silence the call of freedom throughout Federation space.
    As the 24th century draws to a close, the remaining Excelsiors still in service will be retired, committed to the history books, but their legend and the spirit of the men and women who served on them, --boldly going where no one has gone before-- will live on.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2009
  19. Praetor

    Praetor Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Good suggestion, daveNY. Done and done. Thanks! :)

    Any further comments before we get to the technical stuff?
     
  20. sojourner

    sojourner Admiral Admiral

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    NO! Get to the technical stuff! pls?;)