DS9 Caption Contest 94: QUAAAAAARRRRK!

Discussion in 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' started by Smellincoffee, May 25, 2014.

  1. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 20, 2005
    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
    Few would confess to like the Ferengi in general, but Quark frequently rose above the venal stereotypes of the lobed wonders. Certainly no civilian has ever had a more prominent spot in a Star Trek production! Before you all have your fun with him, here's last weeks winners!


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    As usual, this will run for two weeks or so. Have fun! :D
     
  2. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Thanks Dad USAF 1947-1972
    [​IMG]

    QUARK: Were did you get these?

    GRILKA: The Liberace Collection. A man with a warriors' taste, to be sure
     
  3. Nebusj

    Nebusj Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    [​IMG]
    Worf: ``I will have a large, cold glass of 'punching you in the face'. … Thank you.''
    Quark: ``Let me give you folks a few more minutes to peruse the menu.''

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    ``The guns are fine, but what I really like about this place is how the decor evokes early-80s game show.''
    ``Hey, you're right! Has anybody got a holographic Bill Cullen?''

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    ``You didn't tell me you'd be wearing Denobulan Yeti too!''

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    ``Ooh, ooh … uh … is this going to be on the bill?''
    ``Everything's going to be on the bill, you … argh.''

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    ``It's from the same sire as Shatner's last two hairpieces.''
     
  4. CaptainJon

    CaptainJon Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2007
    Location:
    Second Star to the Right
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    #1
    Quark: I'm not sure of the correct pronunciation, but I believe it's called 'menage a trois'?

    or

    #2
    Quark: Do you know about shrinkage?
    Dax: It shrinks?
    Quark: Like a frightened turtle.
    Dax: Why does it shrink?
    Worf: It just does...
    Dax: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

    or

    #3
    Quark: I swear, Mr. Worf, I thought I was walking in on Jadzia on the shower, not you! Next time, I'll keep my eyes open and only grab when I know what I'm grabbing.

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    Quark: Someone's overcompensating.

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    While visiting her best friend's apartment, the Klingon women summed up her date with Quark: "He took it out."

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    "Can I get an amen, brotha!"
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2014
  5. Bad Thoughts

    Bad Thoughts Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2013
    Location:
    Containment Area for Relocated Yankees
    Correction required:

    Quark: I'm not sure of the correct pronunciation, but I believe it's called "menage a Troi."
     
  6. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
    [​IMG]
    GRILKA: I wonder if our incoming child will have your ears.
    QUARK: Wait, what?
     
  7. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
    [​IMG]

    QUARK: You're doing great Worf. In my experience, women love it when you never talk to them and tell them everything important to them is frivolous and stupid.

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    QUARK: I'm going to take a wild guess at your favorite holoprograms. Goodfellas and The Third Man.
    GALA: QUARK! The last guy to accuse him of plagiarism ended up floating out the airlock!

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    GRILKA: I wonder what our kids would look like.
    QUARK: Eww. Permanent mental image.

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    BRUNT: Simon says aim the blaster. Raise your hand in the air. Quark, you're out.

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    QUARK: I just came up with a brilliant idea for next time a human asks for hot dogs.
     
  8. Schistocerca

    Schistocerca Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2007
    Location:
    Sunderland
    Thanks for the win :)[​IMG]

    QUARK: Worf, I know you are madly in love and have only eyes for her....but will you please get your chair off my foot.....
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    QUARK: Oh.... THAT army!!!
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    Quark loved his monthly visit to the Sony and Cher fan club
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    Quark: Mr Odo may I be excused? my brain is full

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    Quark still couldn't work out how Worf had managed to get the woolly hat off his head but still leave the pom-pom behind
     
  9. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Thanks for the win! :bolian:

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    Dax: (thinking) Our security measures stink. How the hell did Quark get aboard the Defiant?!

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    Hagoth: Are the safeties on?

    Quark: The weapon or the holosuite's?

    Gaila: This is going to get very confusing very fast.

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    Quark: Where am I? What am I doing here? Why does that Klingon have a shotgun?!
     
  10. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 20, 2005
    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
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    Quark: Gaila, when you said you were targeting a few competitors, I didn't know this was what you meant.

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    Quark: Wait, marriage? I thought I signed a real estate contract!
    Grilka: High Klingon is a very difficult langauge, is it not?

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    Quark: Worf, I have it on good authority the lieutenant likes transparent skulls. Maybe you can work on that.
    Worf: Perhaps I will work on yours.
     
  11. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Quark: "So how did you break your right arm, and dislocated your left elbow?

    Worf: "Yes Jadzia ... how DID I do that?

    Dax: ".......

    :)
     
  12. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Way back.
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    Worf: Do not waste your time, Quark. Jadzia would never leave me for some lousy bartender.
    Quark: Oh yeah? Then why do the Prophets say she dumps you for Sam Malone?
     
  13. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    LeadHead
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    Quark: ... And then the Andorian says-

    Worf: That the Klingon is sick of this joke and the Trill won't be able to save you in time.
     
  14. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Thanks Dad USAF 1947-1972
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    QUARK: She said, going "Dutch" is without honor. So fork over the cash!
     
  15. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
    24 hour (ish) warning!
     
  16. FlyingSaucrDude

    FlyingSaucrDude Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
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    BASHIR (off-screen): Oh, finally. I've been waiting twenty minutes for you two to get out of that holosuite.
    DAX: I'm sorry, Julian. We lost track of time.
    BASHIR (off-screen): Doing what? You were supposed to be up there exercising. I don't see any sweat. Where are all the bruises, the broken bones, the blood?
    WORF: We were talking.
    QUARK: For an hour and forty five minutes?
    WORF: It is a private matter.
    DAX (sighing): Worf's having trouble getting it up.
    WORF: It was a private matter.
    (beat)
    QUARK: If you're interested, I could sell you some Viagra--and at a considerable discount I might add!


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    Quark (whispering to Gaila): Should we tell him he's holding it backwards?
    Gaila (whispering back): Only if you want to end up like Farrakk...


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    It wasn't until half-way through their routine that Quark realized the Klingon Ballroom Dance Competition was to the death.


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    Quark: Oooh! Oooh! I know! I know! The answer is 47!
    Keiko (off-screen): I haven't called on you yet, Quark...and what are you doing in my class with a phaser!?


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    Some days you get the tribble. Other days the tribble gets you.
     
  17. FlyingSaucrDude

    FlyingSaucrDude Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
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    Quark was beginning to have his doubts about buying a toupee collection from a Bolian.