DS9 Caption Contest 94: QUAAAAAARRRRK!

Discussion in 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' started by Smellincoffee, May 25, 2014.

  1. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 20, 2005
    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
    Few would confess to like the Ferengi in general, but Quark frequently rose above the venal stereotypes of the lobed wonders. Certainly no civilian has ever had a more prominent spot in a Star Trek production! Before you all have your fun with him, here's last weeks winners!


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    As usual, this will run for two weeks or so. Have fun! :D
     
  2. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

    Happy Xmas (War Is Over) Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    If you want it
    [​IMG]

    QUARK: Were did you get these?

    GRILKA: The Liberace Collection. A man with a warriors' taste, to be sure
     
  3. Nebusj

    Nebusj Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    [​IMG]
    Worf: ``I will have a large, cold glass of 'punching you in the face'. … Thank you.''
    Quark: ``Let me give you folks a few more minutes to peruse the menu.''

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    ``The guns are fine, but what I really like about this place is how the decor evokes early-80s game show.''
    ``Hey, you're right! Has anybody got a holographic Bill Cullen?''

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    ``You didn't tell me you'd be wearing Denobulan Yeti too!''

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    ``Ooh, ooh … uh … is this going to be on the bill?''
    ``Everything's going to be on the bill, you … argh.''

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    ``It's from the same sire as Shatner's last two hairpieces.''
     
  4. CaptainJon

    CaptainJon Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2007
    Location:
    Second Star to the Right
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    #1
    Quark: I'm not sure of the correct pronunciation, but I believe it's called 'menage a trois'?

    or

    #2
    Quark: Do you know about shrinkage?
    Dax: It shrinks?
    Quark: Like a frightened turtle.
    Dax: Why does it shrink?
    Worf: It just does...
    Dax: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

    or

    #3
    Quark: I swear, Mr. Worf, I thought I was walking in on Jadzia on the shower, not you! Next time, I'll keep my eyes open and only grab when I know what I'm grabbing.

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    Quark: Someone's overcompensating.

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    While visiting her best friend's apartment, the Klingon women summed up her date with Quark: "He took it out."

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    "Can I get an amen, brotha!"
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2014
  5. Bad Thoughts

    Bad Thoughts Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
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    Containment Area for Relocated Yankees
    Correction required:

    Quark: I'm not sure of the correct pronunciation, but I believe it's called "menage a Troi."
     
  6. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
    [​IMG]
    GRILKA: I wonder if our incoming child will have your ears.
    QUARK: Wait, what?
     
  7. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
    [​IMG]

    QUARK: You're doing great Worf. In my experience, women love it when you never talk to them and tell them everything important to them is frivolous and stupid.

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    QUARK: I'm going to take a wild guess at your favorite holoprograms. Goodfellas and The Third Man.
    GALA: QUARK! The last guy to accuse him of plagiarism ended up floating out the airlock!

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    GRILKA: I wonder what our kids would look like.
    QUARK: Eww. Permanent mental image.

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    BRUNT: Simon says aim the blaster. Raise your hand in the air. Quark, you're out.

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    QUARK: I just came up with a brilliant idea for next time a human asks for hot dogs.
     
  8. Schistocerca

    Schistocerca Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2007
    Location:
    Sunderland
    Thanks for the win :)[​IMG]

    QUARK: Worf, I know you are madly in love and have only eyes for her....but will you please get your chair off my foot.....
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    QUARK: Oh.... THAT army!!!
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    Quark loved his monthly visit to the Sony and Cher fan club
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    Quark: Mr Odo may I be excused? my brain is full

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    Quark still couldn't work out how Worf had managed to get the woolly hat off his head but still leave the pom-pom behind
     
  9. Santa Garrus

    Santa Garrus Calibrating the Holidays Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Thanks for the win! :bolian:

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    Dax: (thinking) Our security measures stink. How the hell did Quark get aboard the Defiant?!

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    Hagoth: Are the safeties on?

    Quark: The weapon or the holosuite's?

    Gaila: This is going to get very confusing very fast.

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    Quark: Where am I? What am I doing here? Why does that Klingon have a shotgun?!
     
  10. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 20, 2005
    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
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    Quark: Gaila, when you said you were targeting a few competitors, I didn't know this was what you meant.

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    Quark: Wait, marriage? I thought I signed a real estate contract!
    Grilka: High Klingon is a very difficult langauge, is it not?

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    Quark: Worf, I have it on good authority the lieutenant likes transparent skulls. Maybe you can work on that.
    Worf: Perhaps I will work on yours.
     
  11. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Quark: "So how did you break your right arm, and dislocated your left elbow?

    Worf: "Yes Jadzia ... how DID I do that?

    Dax: ".......

    :)
     
  12. Wintermute

    Wintermute Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Triskelion
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    Worf: Do not waste your time, Quark. Jadzia would never leave me for some lousy bartender.
    Quark: Oh yeah? Then why do the Prophets say she dumps you for Sam Malone?
     
  13. Santa Garrus

    Santa Garrus Calibrating the Holidays Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    LeadHead
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    Quark: ... And then the Andorian says-

    Worf: That the Klingon is sick of this joke and the Trill won't be able to save you in time.
     
  14. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

    Happy Xmas (War Is Over) Fleet Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    If you want it
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    QUARK: She said, going "Dutch" is without honor. So fork over the cash!
     
  15. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
    24 hour (ish) warning!
     
  16. FlyingSaucrDude

    FlyingSaucrDude Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
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    BASHIR (off-screen): Oh, finally. I've been waiting twenty minutes for you two to get out of that holosuite.
    DAX: I'm sorry, Julian. We lost track of time.
    BASHIR (off-screen): Doing what? You were supposed to be up there exercising. I don't see any sweat. Where are all the bruises, the broken bones, the blood?
    WORF: We were talking.
    QUARK: For an hour and forty five minutes?
    WORF: It is a private matter.
    DAX (sighing): Worf's having trouble getting it up.
    WORF: It was a private matter.
    (beat)
    QUARK: If you're interested, I could sell you some Viagra--and at a considerable discount I might add!


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    Quark (whispering to Gaila): Should we tell him he's holding it backwards?
    Gaila (whispering back): Only if you want to end up like Farrakk...


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    It wasn't until half-way through their routine that Quark realized the Klingon Ballroom Dance Competition was to the death.


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    Quark: Oooh! Oooh! I know! I know! The answer is 47!
    Keiko (off-screen): I haven't called on you yet, Quark...and what are you doing in my class with a phaser!?


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    Some days you get the tribble. Other days the tribble gets you.
     
  17. FlyingSaucrDude

    FlyingSaucrDude Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
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    Quark was beginning to have his doubts about buying a toupee collection from a Bolian.