DS9 Caption Contest 81: Douchey Moves

Discussion in 'Deep Space Nine' started by Ln X, Sep 9, 2013.

  1. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
    After destroying O'Brien several times in the last contest we now move on to the next bout of captioning, and forgive me as I indulge in a bit of Onion-esque humour.

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    The tag caption award goes to the following:


    Congratulations to the winners, in the time you spent captioning you could have read the Principia, discovered the secrets of Zen or made amends to your significant other.


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    And now as requested by your dozens of desperate daily emails here are five more pictures to keep you happy!

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    You know the drill!
     
  2. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
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    Worf: The captain has dishonoured me by his actions!
    Quark: So what you going to do about it? Cut out his heart and eat it or some of that Klingon claptrap?


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    Sisko: The Prophets spoke to me.
    Kasidy: What did they say?
    Sisko: Beware of women seeking your hand in marriage and allies who are enemies in disguise.
    Kasidy: Anyone in particular?
    Sisko: ...


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    Kira: Weyoun, you even give me one leery look and I will smash those bulbous ears of yours!


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    Jadzia: Have you had a little nip and tuck to get rid of that baby weight?
    Kira: <speechless>


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    Quark: What do you mean I have to abide by 'OmertĂ '?
     
  3. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
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    Bashir: *OS, as a groggy Sisko wakes up* There. Your Renal exam went well
     
  4. Candlelight

    Candlelight Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Location:
    New Zealand
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    Quark: "Worf, you forgot your hairbrush."

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    "I had a dream I was traveling through time. I went back to the Khitomer conference of 2293..."
    "That's nonsense."
    "Admiral Cartright is correct, that's silly."
    "I see your point but- wait, Admiral who?"

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    "Yes, I can also pick up satellite television."
    "I wasn't going to-"
    "Come on, lets get them all out in the open. 'Is that Dumbo I see flying past'?"

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    Kira: "What was that?"
    Jadzia: "My hand."
    Kira: "No, I thought I heard something."

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    Quark: "Rule of Acquisition #69; cardigans are nifty"
     
  5. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
    [​IMG]

    WORF: Do you smell that Quark? It's the scent of frightened prey!
    QUARK: I think that's just me.

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    CASSIDY: Now that that's finally over, we can move on with our lives and not deal with all this Prophet stuff anymore. Right Ben?

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    WEYOUN: You must tell me one day, Major Kira, what it is like to bang a God.

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    DAX: Hey, have you ever thought of abusing your relationship with Shakaar to get special privileges, like rare vintage Bajoran wines and stuff?
    KIRA: No, of course not! Now on an unrelated topic...I have to go...wash my hair.

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    QUARK: Next time you slap me on the wrist can we go without the smug Odo justice speech?
    SISKO: Only if next time we reference Earth we can go without the smug 'Earth history is way more savage than the Ferengi' speech.
    QUARK: Okay. Everybody gets to make speeches.
     
  6. R. Star

    R. Star Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Location:
    Shangri-La
    Thanks for the win!

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    Worf: So I know nothing of Klingon women...
    Quark: Which is funny being I've been in the pants of more Klingons than you have.

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    Sisko: I see dead people!
    Joesph: I wish people would stop confusing me with that Cartwright person...

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    Weyoun: You have been found guilty of terrorism. The death sentence will be suspended however, if you pay the Founder Odo daily... conjugal visits.

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    Dax: So... the religious icon Bareil, the leader of Bajor Shakaar, and now a member of the ruling caste of the Dominion... you do love powerful men.
    Kira: I would never fall for Dukat.
    Dax: I was talking about Odo.

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    Quark: You know Commander, your Ferderation legal system makes this too easy. This fascist has never read me my rights or gotten me a lawyer. Why do you think I'm back without any legal hassle every week?
     
  7. jazzstick

    jazzstick Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    May 10, 2009
    Location:
    The Darkside of The Moon
    Thanks for the Winning™!!!!

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    Worf: You are lucky we are not on Kronos Ferengi!
    Quark: Why's that?
    Worf: I would enact the Qu'Cho!
    Quark:What's that?
    Dax: That's where the man presents the testicales of his love's former suitors to her as a gift of courtship.
    Quark:Oh...

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    Kasidy: Hey honey wake up! Doctor Bashier got that bowel obstruction out!

    Sisko: You're never cooking again!


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    My eyes are up here Weyoun!


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    Momentarly forgetting she was no longer a man, Dax slapped Kira playfully on the ass while making kissing sounds...


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    Sisko: Quark, this is absoulutly the last time you try to run a Rub and Tug in the sickbay!

    Quark: I'm sorry captain, I didn't know that Pah'Lowzian was a man, I couldn't tell!!!

    Sisko: Neither could I!

    Otto(Mumbling): If that's what you have to tell yourself...

    Sisko: What was that Constable?

    Otto: I'll have him in front of the magistrate first thing in the morning Captain!

    Sisko: Alright then!
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2013
  8. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    WORF: Cosplay is with out honor!

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    QUARK: I didn't do it. I was off the station. I can get signed affidavits saying so.

    SISKO: You really need to wait till I say something before denying it.

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    KIRA: I'm winning the most attractive female contest.

    DAX: Not if you combine my votes with Ezri's.
     
  9. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Jadzia: Getting residual vibes from Counselor Troi again Worf?
    Worf: Commander Riker has grown...a goatee.


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    I had the strangest dream. And you were there, and you were there, and you were there.

    Was there a Tin Man?

    Yes, and he kept saying "Gomtuu, we're friggin' lost."


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    This is my jam right here!
    Oh? What is this song?
    I Ran (a Cardassian Labor Camp) by A Flock of Guls.


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    Sometimes I have more spots than normal down there.
    TMI!


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    Quark: You're the Fashion Police, too??

    Sisko: Surprised?

    Quark: Yes, from the look of things I thought you didn't have a branch in this sector. And you guys really need an internal affairs department.

    Odo: I've been saying it for ages.
     
  10. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
    Kira: Who is this Ezri?
     
  11. bbjeg

    bbjeg Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 24, 2013
    Location:
    Stuck in transwarp.
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    Sisko: Not another Prophet vision! You guys aren't even trying, Jake should be even more disappointing, Joseph should be more useless, and Kasidy should be bitch-ier.
    Kasidy: We're not visions.

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    Weyoun: Odo said to kill myself? We pledge our loyalty to the Founders, from now until death.
    Kira: (Works every time.)

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    Dax: I mean I was a guy a few times.
    Kira: It's still gay.

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    Quark: Like you wouldn't have used a Romulans death to your gain.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2013
  12. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Dax: Do you like innies or outies?
    Kira: None of your business.
    Dax: That's good, keep your options open. Or in my case, kill two birds with one stone.
     
  13. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
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    Quark: What's he doing?

    Dax: If I didn't know better, I'd swear...oh no, he's doing it. He's launching into a monologue.

    Quark: I never thought I'd say this, but I wish he'd just kill me now and spare me the agony.

    Dax: You and me both, Quark. You and me both.

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    Sisko: Just five more minutes! I was having the best dream about Jennifer. There we were, covered in honey, licking each other...

    Jake: Dad, stop! I don't need to know about your sexcapades with mom!

    Kassidy: Seriously, Ben, I've got to compete with a dead woman.

    Joseph: Both of you, shut up! This is the first story he's told that might not put me to sleep!

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    Weyoun: I must admit, you are a worthy opponent, Major, but face facts, the Founders in their infinite wisdom made the Vorta with the ability to go days without blinking. It's only a matter of time before I win this staring contest.

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    Dax: So, what do you say? You, me, Quark's, just like we used to do.

    Kira: I don't know, I've got an early shift tomorrow and I was hoping to spend time with Odo. Why don't you go with Worf?

    Dax: Because the last time I did, the only thing we drank was prune juice.

    Kira: Well, that explains why you spent half your shift in the head last week!

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    Quark: You know, Commander, I could sue the entire Federation for racial profiling and denying me my freedom of religion.

    Odo: Harumph. Racial profiling!

    Quark: It's true, every time there's a crime, Odo always comes to accuse me first.

    Odo: Because it's always you committing the crimes.

    Quark: And, another thing, to me, money is my religion. Denying me the opportunity to earn money and therefore follow the tenants of my religion is religious discrimination!

    Odo: You have got to be kidding me!

    Sisko: Sadly, Constable, he's got a strong argument against us keeping him locked up in that cell.

    Odo: At least let me keep him detained until his hearing!

    Quark: Was that a knock against my ears! Commander, I demand to add a charge of racism to my previous complaints.

    Sisko: Sorry constable, I'm going to have to ask you to release Quark and refrain from comments that reference his ears.

    Quark: Damn, this is too easy, I should have thought of this years ago!
     
  14. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
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    KIRA: Next time we shouldn't wait till the last minute to find Halloween costumes.
     
  15. R. Star

    R. Star Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Location:
    Shangri-La
    ^
    I don't know why, but that photoshop is just creepy. :p
     
  16. bbjeg

    bbjeg Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 24, 2013
    Location:
    Stuck in transwarp.
    ^Agreed.
     
  17. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Out of my brain on the 5:15
    Interesting, I've done head flips before and never gotten that reaction.
     
  18. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Dax: Oh no.

    Quark: What?

    Dax:: He's about to do his Delenn thing about Klingon history.

    Worf: In many times throughout Klingon history, love and honor were connected through heart, courage and danger.

    Worf turns around.

    Worf: Where did they go?


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    Sisko: What happened?

    Kassidy: You got really drunk and lost an arm wrestling match.

    Joseph: (whispering to Jake) Do you want to tell him he lost to Molly O'Brien?

    Jake: (whispering to Joseph) I promised Dax I'd let her do it and the morning briefing tomorrow. Don't worry, she's recording it.

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    Weyoun: (thinking) Perhaps my eyes will hypnotize her.

    Kira: (thinking) You're getting creepy, very creepy....

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    Dax: So when I told him I was seeing Worf, I told him that you often get my sloppy seconds, so are you interested in dating an Orion Prospector?

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    Sisko: Do you have a real charge for putting Quark in here?

    Odo: You owe me for making that recording in yesterdays staff meeting disappear.

    Sisko: Fine.
     
  19. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Rekindling the light of civilization
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    Daxira: So do I get to be the one to dump Odo?
    Kix: Only if I can be the one called "Old Man."
    Daxira: You drive a hard bargain!
    Kix: Let's go tell Worf we're both pregnant.
     
  20. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
    Jadzia in Kira's uniform looks hot- ish. Kira in Dax's uniform... It's got to be the head, it's too big.
     

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