DS9 Caption Contest 80; The woes of Miles Edward O'Brien

Discussion in 'Deep Space Nine' started by Ln X, Sep 3, 2013.

  1. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Location:
    The great gig in the sky
    August was a hectic month but fear not as I have found some spare time for this contest and then some. No longer will I be hosting the VOY caption contest and frankly it became a bit of a distraction when my heart was set on the DS9 caption contest.

    And now having grovelled to you, we can move on to more pressing matters.

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    (Note: the money I would give to see Worf being fed gagh through a straw!)

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    The photoshop award goes to:

    The tag caption award goes to the following:

    Congratulations to the winners, you captioning prowess has been duly noted.


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    The theme of this caption is obvious; torture Miles Edward O'Brien anyway possible.

    And now may this caption be a testament to a 9er's wit and sense of humour!

    (Disclaimer: the fact that my first name is Miles should in no way inhibit your captioning prowess...)
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2013
  2. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Gul Evek: Miles Edward O'Brien, you have been found guilty of aiding and abetting the Maquis, and committing crimes against the Cardassian Union. What do you have to say for yourself?
    O'Brien: Piss off you yellow bellied fuckers.

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    O'Brien: Come on Molly, catch the ball!
    Keiko: Good luck with that, to her we must be chucking fruit...

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    Another one of O'Brien's and Bashir's holosuite 'adventures'.

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    Sisko: 45 chief! How do you feel about that?
    O'Brien: Worst bloody day of my life!

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    O'Brien: Get over it Julian and man up! It ain't bleedin real remember?
     
  3. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    Thanks for the win!

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    The Colm Meaney has been sent back in time to save the future

    *whirring* Mission: Find Ben Affleck before he ruins the Batman franchise. Terminate target on sight..
     
  4. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    EVEK: We're here to arrest you, Miles O'Brien, and put you through a fixed trial with trumped up charges for political gain.
    O'BRIEN: Oh, thank God. I was about to go on a vacation alone with Keiko!

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    O'BRIEN: You never told me you had a daughter from a previous marriage!
    KEIKO: Yeah, I was really young and gave her away. I didn't think I'd see her again.
    O'BRIEN: Does she have a learning disability, or...
    KEIKO: The father was a Nausicaan. I WAS 17.

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    O'BRIEN: On the bright side, this is the least terrible thing that's ever happened to me.

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    KEIKO: Happy birthday Molly! For your present, Daddy is going to take you to your first Flotter program!

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    O'BRIEN: Is that...Keiko dancing naked?
    BASHIR: Sorry. That's from MY subconscious.
     
  5. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
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    The EIB Network
    Thanks for the award! :D

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    Gul: Oh, let's just say I'm after your Lucky Charms....

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    O'Brien: Now, sweetie--this is a ball.... You toss it...or you roll it....

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    After all those times where he'd inevitably find himself having a VERY bad day (to put it mildly)...O'Brien finally leaned the secret to staying sane: suck it up, bite the bullet, and look at the bright side....

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    Sisko: Okay, Chief, make a wish.

    O'Brien: Okay, how about, no "torture O'Brien" for the rest of my tour of duty, here?

    Keiko: Miles, don't tell it!

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    O'Brien: So what do you think of me wife?
     
  6. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    KEIKO: I love you Evek, but I can't leave Miles!

    O'BRIEN: Hey, let's not be too hasty

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    O'BRIEN: I'm naked, on a cold floor and feel like I've been hit by a truck. Must be Tuesday.
     
  7. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Just passing through.
    TFTW Ln X! :bolian:

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    Cardie: You're telling me my Tamagotchi just rolled onto the transporter pad and accidentally beamed away? Keiko Ishikawa?

    O'Brien: So, you guys wear cups? Never mind, I'll know in a minute.


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    Miles: See, you just squeeze this real hard and the stabbies go away for another day.


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    Keiko, you're warmer than usual.


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    Miles: You think the cake looks good, but I bet you a strip of latinum it has seafood in it.

    Keiko: Oh Miles. Squid is a high source of copper.

    Julian: And endocrine disruptors!

    Keiko: Try not to ignite the flame with your breath this year.



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    Jules: Kiss me, Hardy!
    Miles: I think Nelson said "Kismet."
    Jules: Kismet, Hardy! With tongue!
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2013
  8. R. Star

    R. Star Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Shangri-La
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    Evek: Chief O'brien, you're charged with--
    O'brien: Let me guess. Fabricated charges of smuggling? Torture? A show trial? My wife testifying against me?
    Evek: No... you're speeding. Please don't pass warp 5 while traveling through Cardassian space.

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    O'brien: Hmm, I was always afraid Molly would like big balls too much when she got older.

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    O'brien: This is my third worst vacation ever!

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    O'brien: My wife is a demon who's out to make my life miserable captain! She's blackmailing me--
    Sisko: You say this every other day, Chief... now's not the time.

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    O'brien: I don't know whether to be resigned to death, or happy you're going to die first.
     
  9. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Location:
    The EIB Network
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    Bashir: UGH...!

    O'Brien: How we doing, Doc?

    Bashir: Well--shaken...not stirred.
     
  10. bbjeg

    bbjeg Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 24, 2013
    Location:
    Right here buddy.
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    O'Brien: One of these days I'm going to beat Scotty's drinking record.

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    O'Brien: So what have we learned?
    Bashir: Don't try to torture O'Brien.
     
  11. IzzyAtWarp9

    IzzyAtWarp9 Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Location:
    221C Baker Street
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    O'Brien: Ummm... yes... well... 'Cardie' is an affectionate term, I mean... err...

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    O'Brien: Molly, can't we sit on furniture?
    Molly: No! You have to sit on the floor to make me feel taller

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    When the holosuite programme said 'Nudity light', this isn't what O'Brien was expecting

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    O'Brien: Lovely cake but Odo get your nose out of my daughter!

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    Bashir: Aarrgghh! When you said laser tag...
     
  12. Bad Thoughts

    Bad Thoughts Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2013
    Location:
    Containment Area for Relocated Yankees
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    After a night of Scotch-infused chewing gum and Warp Core Breaches, O'Brien learns the hard way that the Cardassians still manufacture corrugated steel. "How retro!"

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    "Those ridges look fake. I think it's really Tom Riker!"

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    Keiko: Let's send her back.
    O'Brien. Hold on. New Molly is kind of fun. Maybe you could go back in stead.
    Keiko: Miles!
    O'Brien: You know, to collect flowers or samples or something.

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    "Face it, Julian, Dax makes love like a Klingon."
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2013
  13. Bry_Sinclair

    Bry_Sinclair Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    The glorious Shetland Isles!
    Thanks for the win :)

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    Evek: I've always been fascinated by human intercourse.
    Keiko: You can forget it! I will never let a Cardassian lie with me!
    Evek: What makes you think I meant you?
    O'Brien: (thinking) Bollocks.

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    O'Brien: Molly, go back to your room! Your mother and I are playing our special game.

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    O'Brien getting through one month without suffering any woes was reason for celebration...it didn't happen very often though.

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    Bashir: --and then she was like, 'yeah, yeah, right there! Mmmm yeah baby, just like that!'
    O'Brien: Julian! I know I asked for all the details, but that's a little too much.
    Bashir: Sorry Miles. I thought with you being married you might like the 'blow by blow'.
    O'Brien: (thinking) Smug bastard...he's right though.
     
  14. Ln X

    Ln X Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
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    The great gig in the sky
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    It was said that the audience ratings shot up when O'Brien's moobs were on display...
     
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Just passing through.
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    Head ridges are a "symbol of true masculinity?" I'll show that smug Klingon....
     
  16. Gil T.Azell

    Gil T.Azell Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Location:
    Gil T.Azell
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    EVEK: "Miles O'Brien, you've just won the Cardassian Clearing House Sweepstakes"
    O'BRIEN: "What did I win?"
    EVEK: "7 full Cardassian days of the worst Music 21st century Earth gave history, including so called artists like Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Lady Ga-Ga, Kesha,etc."
    O'BRIEN: "Kill me now!"
    EVEK: "That's why we call it the Cardassian Clearing House Sweepstakes"


    OS Hears the snap of Rubber gloves
    O'BRIEN: "Oh bloody hell"
     
  17. jazzstick

    jazzstick Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    May 10, 2009
    Location:
    The Darkside of The Moon
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    Miles: So what you're telling me Gul Marset is that I'm too Irish to enter the Cardassian system?

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    Look Molly, it's a rounded chunk of Muppet Flesh from Henson V!


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    Molly:Remember what Dr.Basher said, if he detects any alcohol in your blood you're fired from the station! It's a good thing you don't have to work right now because you would be fired! Tell me you're gonna stop drinking!
    Miles: I'll be fine...

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    Keiko: Miles honey, please don't help Molly blow the candle out, you'll melt my face off!
    Miles: Right!

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    Julian: Oh Miles, thanks for making the last precious breaths of my life rancid with your cabbage and beer farts!
    Miles:Well...I feel better.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2013
  18. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    TFTW, Ln X!

    Marset: Then you didn't see the "N.I.N.A." laser billboard as you entered Cardassian space? That damn Ferengi told me it couldn't be missed!

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    Molly: Alright already, I faked the whole "Time's Child" bull to get you guys to pay attention to me! I admit it! What I didn't expect is just how gullible you two would be!

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    One Romulan Ale, Two Romulan Ale, Three Romulan Ale, Floor!

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    O'Brien: A party? For me? I wasn't expecting this! What's the occasion?

    Keiko: Miles Edward O'Brien, you are...not the father!

    O'Brien: That's...not something to celebrate!

    Keiko: It is if that's the only reason I'm still married to your drunk ass.

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    Vorta in Command of a Troop of Jem'Hadar Soldiers: Sorry, Doctor, we were aiming for O'Brien!

    Bashir: Don't worry about it! If you're friends with Miles, this stuff happens to you a lot!
     
  19. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    O'BRIEN: A spot on your uniform? That's what you're whining about?
    At Setlik III we had to wear the same uniform for over a month!
    Through grime, mud, blood and dust. At the end those uniforms
    could stand on their own.


    BASHIR: I wish they had aimed a little higher.

    O'BRIEN: Why?

    BASHIR: To spare me having to listen to another of your war stories.
     
  20. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
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    Gul Evek: Seriously? You lowered your shields and just let us beam aboard? Are you sure there's no other reasons why you're not an officer?


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    O'Brien: Worst date night ever.

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    Nog's first attempts to operate the transporter were less than successful.

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    Sisko: Happy birthday, Mister O'Brien.

    Dax: (over comm) Dax to Sisko, incoming message from starfleet command regarding your questions about "mandatory retirement ages."

    Sisko: Uh-oh. Take a message.

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    O'Brien: I am never going to be your wingman again!

    Bashir: It wasn't that bad.

    O'Brien: She shot us!

    Bashir: At least this time it was on stun!