Continuity Nazis: Your own personal canon.

Discussion in 'Science Fiction & Fantasy' started by Ben Sisko3, Sep 27, 2008.

  1. Ben Sisko3

    Ben Sisko3 Commodore Commodore

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    I'm curious, given recent conversations here, what everyone's "personal canon" for their favorite superheroes happens to be. Admit it -- we all have our own personal canon for Trek, so why not the citizens of the Marvel and DC universes?

    Here we go...

    Spider-Man: Mary Jane and Peter flat-out refused Mephisto's offer. After calling in a favor to Wolverine, Logan has Cyclops send Elixir, who was drunk when he told Peter he couldn't help Aunt May, to the hospital where she is. He heals her, and the Parkers thank him profusely. Peter no longer has solo adventures and spends all his superheroing time with the New Avengers, and for some strange reason never mentions his wife or newborn child.

    Green Lantern: Hal Jordan went insane. Parallax was his new identity, not some sort of fear demon. Because that's stupid.

    Superman: Who's Geoff Johns? Never heard of 'im.

    New Avengers: Clint Barton is a goddamn Skrull.

    I'll save the X-Men and more for a future post.
     
  2. Supervisor 194

    Supervisor 194 Captain Captain

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    However things were when I was a kid is what's 'real'--everything else is wrong.
     
  3. Gojirob

    Gojirob Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Spider-Man : Loki, who owes Spidey a favor for saving a favored daughter of his, moves time back to the unmasking and prevents it. A bitter Tony decides to out Peter anyway, but a clumsy resistance attack interrupts. It is so clumsy, in fact, that Steve Rogers demands a meeting and tells Tony of Hill's extreme ultimatum. Peter never crosses over, but warns Tony that, if there's a war, he will do just that. As the deal-maker, Peter both moves into a super-role in the MU but retains the ability to go to the streets. Of course, this only makes his life more complicated...

    The Comic-Book Writers : Odin's wife Frigga visits them and tells them, as goddess of marriage, not to hate and fear it so much for their characters. All goes well until Kevin Smith's pal Jason Mewes hits on her.
     
  4. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I like to keep it simple:

    SUPERMAN- Sent to Krypton as a infant. Raiseed by the Kents. As Clark Kent works at the Daily Planet with Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen and Perry White. Anything that works with in that framework is fine with me.

    CAPTAIN AMERICA- Steve Rogers is a 4-f Army reject. He gets the Super Soldier Formula and is trans formed in to CAptain America. KIcks Axis butt for four years. Winds up in suspended animation. Is revived by the Avengers in modern times.
    Anything that works with in that framework is fine with me.

    HAWKMAN- Prince Khufu and his consort Chay-era are killed. Centuries later they are reincarnated and Carter Hall and Shiera Saunders. Using ancient knowledge Carter recreates Nth Metal aand they fight crime as Hawkman and Hawkgirl.
    Anything that works with in that framework is fine with me.
     
  5. A beaker full of death

    A beaker full of death Vice Admiral Admiral

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    The crisis never happened. Nor did anything that came after it. In fact, nothing after 1986 ever happened.

    Wolverine's claws are entirely implants. Clark Kent of Earth 1 remains a bachelor. So does Peter Parker. Helena Wayne is the Huntress. Neither Betty Ross nor Susan Storm Richards (the Invisible Girl) is a scientist. Captain America and Iron Man have secret identities. The Beast is not a cat. He is an Avenger. Spiderman and Wolverine are not Avengers. Reed Richards, Iron Man and others never conspired to deprive other heroes of their civil rights. Luke Cage wears silk shirts and has an afro. So does Black Lightning. Alicia Masters was never a slut. Neither was Gwen Stacy. Ollie, Hal, Barry and Kal-L never died. Superman never grew out his hair and becamse a self-absorbed pussy.
     
  6. Mr. Adventure

    Mr. Adventure Admiral Admiral

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    So is it not time yet for the Continuity Taliban?
     
  7. Thrall

    Thrall Commodore Commodore

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    Agreed.

    New X-Men: Never happened. Kurt Busiek got the book rather then Grant Morrison. Scott and Jean are happily married and have a few kids by now. Magneto was never a drug addict. Beast is still the happy-go-lucky intellectual we all know and love and is married to Trish Tilby. The only interaction he has with cats is his pet tabby. Emma Frost sold the team out to some bad guy and Wolverine gutted her like a fish for it. Colossus is still dead and Kitty Pride has moved on with her life. The Stepford Cockoo's were aborted at birth. Wolverine: Origin never happened and Logan still has that sense of mystery about him that made him interesting.

    Batman: Bruce never had a kid in anyway shape or form. Jason Todd never came back. Nightwing was never raped by Tarantula. Catwoman was never mind-wiped by the JLA. Tim Drake's dad is alive. Spoiler was never killed off in such a stupid fashion. "Batman R.I.P." was actually good, and not some typical and cliche Morrison allegory about how drugs are awesome which he tries to do every time he thinks people aren't paying attention.. The Dark Knight Returns is pure satire. Huntress has her old outfit. Dick and Babs did get married. Harvey Dent is still Two-Face. "The Killing Joke's" origin tale is still ambiguous.

    The Flash: Zoom killed Wally's kids and they never came back. Wally West is the one, true Flash. Fuck you Didio.

    Captain America: Bucky is still dead and Steve Rogers literally dodged a bullet.

    The Punisher: MAX is continuity. So Nick Fury did fuck every hooker in New York. Because he's that awesome.

    The Avengers: Scarlet Witch never went insane and half the good characters were never killed off and replaced by shitty D-Leaguers.

    Nextwave: Not only continuity, but still in print.

    Spider-man: JMS never happened.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2008
  8. Ben Sisko3

    Ben Sisko3 Commodore Commodore

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    I like both of these a lot, the first one especially. And oh, that Mewes...

     
  9. Ben Sisko3

    Ben Sisko3 Commodore Commodore

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    The X-Men: M-Day never happened. Cable didn't die approximately six times in the last few years, meaning he was still allowed to be active in Cable & Deadpool, which is still published. Bishop never went rogue. Xorn never happened. All these "Young X-Men" characters are occasional guest characters at best. Beast doesn't look like something out of a Cocteau film. Chamber is in no way related to Apocalypse, because that's possibly more retarded than W. Earl Brown in There's Something About Mary. Oh, and Gambit's dead or something. No one's really bothered to check up on him because everyone could care less.

    The Hulk and World War Hulk: Rulk never happened. Devil Hulk rears his ugly head every so often. Abomination is alive. Rick Jones is in critical condition following WWH. The Falcon kicks Mister Gideon's ass and disowns him as a blood relative. Bruce Banner has absolutely no children at all, on this or any other planet.

    Moon Knight: Everything after #13 of the current series is a hallucination.

    Captain Britain and MI:13: Pete Wisdom most certainly did not hang an obnoxious lantern during Secret Invasion. Whatever really happened was so awesome it could not be conveyed without destroying our minds, so "No more Skrulls" was how most human brains processed it.

    Spawn: Todd McFarlane really did have a plan. And it was awesome.

    Ultimate Marvel: Mysteriously ceased publication after the last issue of Ultimates 2.

    52/Infinite Crisis/DC Clusterfuck: The Question, not Blue Beetle, died investigating Maxwell Lord's illegal activities, which most certainly had nothing to do with Infinite or Final Crisis, as those never happened. Blue Beetle, not The Question, died of cancer while training his replacement (Jaime Reyes, not Renee Montoya). Much more fitting deaths, as The Question was a detective and BB was already a legacy hero. John Henry Irons never stopped being Steel. Barry Allen is dead. Jade, Bart Allen and J'onn J'onzz are alive. Kon-El tripped on his shoelace and broke his neck on a giant piece of Kryptonite. Grant Morrison's Batman run? Never heard of it. Also have never heard of Geoff Johns at all, I've decided. And what's a Hawkman?

    Fantastic Four: Franklin and Valeria's ages are more consistent and don't make me feel like Peter Parker and Bobby Drake should be fifty.

    More Superman: Kal-El and MAYBE Zod are the only survivors of Krypton. If and when Zod comes to Earth, he is able to turn public opinion against Superman in a way that Luthor could only dream of by using his brilliant military mind -- and gaining an army of human followers. Becuase that's scarier and so much more awesome than having a few hundred thousand Kryptonians or whatever on Earth. And I would accept an amalgamation of comic book and Smallville continuity in regards to the Luthor family dynamic as backstory.

    Thor: Every single time he sees Iron Man, he find an excuse to spit on his armor at least once.

    Secret Invasion: Jarvis was replaced only shortly before the story began, so that Aunt May was having standard human sex instead of the intergalactic kind. :bolian:
     
  10. captcalhoun

    captcalhoun Admiral Admiral

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    Ultimate Marvel is all that counts (except Ultimate Advventures)
     
  11. Ben Sisko3

    Ben Sisko3 Commodore Commodore

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    Every time someone reads Ultimates 3, a puppy dies.

    A cute, adorable little puppy.

    And you loved him.
     
  12. captcalhoun

    captcalhoun Admiral Admiral

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    i haven't had the 'pleasure' of reading U3, yet...
     
  13. Thrall

    Thrall Commodore Commodore

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    Jeph Loeb is a great writer....when he writes DC characters.
     
  14. Ben Sisko3

    Ben Sisko3 Commodore Commodore

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    Don't even bother. You can find cheaper toilet paper at the corner store.
     
  15. Thespeckledkiwi

    Thespeckledkiwi Vice Admiral

    Some things people haven't touched:

    - Nightcrawler's father is still unknown and it is still ambiguous if Mystique is his mother.
    - Cannonball and Husk don't have an emo brother
    - Vulcan died at birth, thus Corsair is still alive and there is no Shi'Ar civil war
    - Lockheed isn't part of the damn SWORD organization
    - Wolverine is not a mutated wolverine (yes! That is what they wanted as part of his origin story before the original origin story came out!)

    Spider - Man
    - Brand New Day did not happen
    - Max Gargan is still the Scorpion
    - Eddie Brock is not some emancipated anti - Venom

    I'll think of others...

    More

    - Jason Todd DEAD
    - No Hush
    - Susan Dibby didn't die in some weird jealous rage thing
     
  16. Chris227

    Chris227 Lieutenant Commander

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    Marvel (Specifically, Tom Defalco, who wrote some good Spider-Mans but was sort of ill-suited for the FF) actually retconned the whole Alicia Masters/Human Torch thing. Turned out she was a Skrull (The real Alicia Masters returned one issue after the reveal). She's even involved in SECRET INVASION. As for the real Alicia, she has an on-again, off-again relationship with the Thing still.
     
  17. Gojirob

    Gojirob Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Power Pack : Franklin and Valeria travel with the Powers to Disneyland. There Julie discovers a Skrull who tried to replace her, but got messed up with the Hollywood lifestyle, aged forward, started going to college and really thinks she is Julie Power. Alex spends a year's salary from odd jobs buying his sibs the best souvenirs, to make up for being a creepy 'unwanted toucher' when he stole their powers in New Warriors.

    Werewolf By Night : Jack slowly reveals to his 'niece', the Vampire By Night, that she is in fact a brainwashed Lissa Russell, his sister, who is way too young to have an adult daughter, since she would have given birth when Peter Parker was in grade school, and Reed was only on his fifth degree.
     
  18. Ben Sisko3

    Ben Sisko3 Commodore Commodore

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    I will one-up that. Destiny is Nightcrawler's mother, and Mystique is his father, as was the original plan.
     
  19. Thespeckledkiwi

    Thespeckledkiwi Vice Admiral

    That -- that's weird :wtf:...That's like Cartman's parents...
     
  20. RJDiogenes

    RJDiogenes Idealistic Cynic and Canon Champion Premium Member

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    Marvel: It all began with the Fantastic Four in 1961 (with retroactive history in place, as occasionally dramatized). At the stroke of midnight, New Year's Eve 1977, the Marvel Universe split in two: The Normal Universe and the Corrupt Universe. Sadly, we have only been privy to the goings on of the Corrupt Universe. But in the Normal Universe, things have gone along as they should. The characters we know are now middle-aged to elderly (except for those who are long-lived or immortal) and have lived good lives. Some of the children of the superheroes have grown up to take over defending the Earth and the Universe, and have been joined by new heroes. Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing the details, but someday I hope to find the portal and catch up on thirty years of back issues. :cool:

    DC: It's still the Silver Age. It will always be the Silver Age. ;)
     

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