Bad Transcript: Star Trek 2009 (satire)

Discussion in 'Star Trek Movies: Kelvin Universe' started by Alex1939, May 25, 2009.

  1. Alex1939

    Alex1939 Captain Captain

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    Dec 11, 2008
    I liked (but did not love) the new movie. Not sure if this has been posted here or not, but I thought it was really funny and the best "hater review" of the new movie.

    I'm pretty new to this forum but I'm surprised by how polarizing this film is on both sides. I find it impossible to believe that anyone could say this was the "best" or "worst" star trek movie ever made. Obviously some are, but I think thats ridiculous.

    Anyway, thoughts on this "bad transcript"?

    http://bbot.org/badtranscript-startrek.html
     
  2. Silent_Bob

    Silent_Bob Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    I've not seen anyone on here call it the "worst Star Trek" film. Both sides still seem to agree that that honour should belong to either Insurrection or Nemesis.
     
  3. M'Sharak

    M'Sharak Definitely Herbert. Maybe. Moderator

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    I've only read about half of it, but it's pretty funny -- kind of like a "Five-Minute Voyager" version of the movie, only snarkier.
     
  4. Cdr MacDuff

    Cdr MacDuff Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    :lol:
     
  5. stonester1

    stonester1 Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    My vote for worst is still TFF, hands down. I can watch the other two w/o wanting an adult beverage.
     
  6. SalvorHardin

    SalvorHardin Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    Actually, no. I've seen a few calling it the worst, even below Nemesis etc
     
  7. Kruge

    Kruge Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Re: The best "hater" review.

    I wasn't the best Trek...in my humble opinion, it was much better than any TNG-era movie, and falls right behind TWOK

    Still a fine action film though, and I think out of the prequels I've seen in the past few years (Batman Begins comes to mind), this one gets me the most excited about the future of this Alternate Trek
     
  8. Admiral Buzzkill

    Admiral Buzzkill Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    I think it may be the best Star Trek film - it's far and away the best-made and most expansive of the films. I'm sentimentally attached to TWOK, but that may be the only thing protecting its "best" status.

    I mean, come on - look at the rest of 'em. How steep a hill do you think "best" is to climb, here?
     
  9. Alex1939

    Alex1939 Captain Captain

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    Dec 11, 2008
    Re: The best "hater" review.

    Pretty steep.

    After TWOK, I'd easily put TUC above this film. A much better story, albeit a political one. A great ending.

    The search for spock, I'd easily put that above new trek as well. The scenes where Kirk and co. have to steal the Enterprise. The scenes with Kirk and the Klingons.

    Personally, I thought First Contact was much better as well.

    Dennis, you're acting like all star trek movies have sucked before. This new movie did a lot of things great, effects (love the new warp and transporter effects)... but the overall story plot is swiss cheese. I can't say the same about the other movies I listed, certainly not to the degree of the new movie.


    Anyway, glad some people got some laughs out of that review, know I did. Thought it did a nice job of slamming the movie and summing up why I don't find it "perfect" or best ever like some.
     
  10. Trekker4747

    Trekker4747 Boldly going... Premium Member

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    "Don't hypo-spray me, bones!"

    :lol:
     
  11. Alex1939

    Alex1939 Captain Captain

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    Except it's "Brones!" :lol:
     
  12. Jedi Marso

    Jedi Marso Commodore Commodore

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    :lol:

    Pine: "Great, I'm captain. Now what?"

    Pegg: "Let's go to the Winchester!"
     
  13. Trekker4747

    Trekker4747 Boldly going... Premium Member

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    CHEKOV: "Eef ve are coming out ov warps in Tetons ahtmozphere, ve Romulans can not ve detecting us."

    :lol:

    ESCAPE POD: "[Spock] totally stranded you here, because he's a total dick. Also: if you go outside you will die."

    KIK: "Whatever, I do what I want!"

    KIRK goes outside and is almost immediately attacked by a TAUN-TAUN.

    :lol:

    I loved this Star Trek movie, but I also love snarky reviews like this.

    :lol:

    SULU: "Why do they have to drill a hole for the singularity? And how are they managing to bore a hole in liquid rock?"

    DIRECTOR J.J. ABRAMS: "Shut up, NERD."

    :lol:
     
  14. Cryogenic

    Cryogenic Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    Pretty darn good, though the author barely ripped on half the things he could have. This movie just has so much to offer even an amateur satirist, in my opinion.
     
  15. Cdr MacDuff

    Cdr MacDuff Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    Its not a hater review. Its only a parody/satire (with sarcasm). Theres some funny quote in this script.

    :lol:

    :lol:



    "Fingertips" should be Kirk's middle name. ;)

    Its a fair(-er) criticism, I found the future Romulan, Vulcan and Federation much helpless in this movie. Obviously it was to let the Star Trek crew shine, but it seem a little much.
     
  16. Trekker4747

    Trekker4747 Boldly going... Premium Member

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    [Winona Kirk]: 'I'm fucking giving birth, you fucker. Where the fuck are you?"

    :lol:

    [Uhura]: "Planet destroyed, mother dead? Sounds like a good time to awkwardly half make-out."

    They DO THAT. The AUDIENCE shift uncomfortably in their seats.

    :lol:

    [Kirk]: "Hey, we'll totally save you."

    [Nero]: "Fuck off."
     
  17. Alex1939

    Alex1939 Captain Captain

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    Well that's true and a more accurate description, but I still consider it a negative review. Glad people are finding it funny :techman:

    I think it does a good job of poking fun at the problems in ST11.
     
  18. Trekker4747

    Trekker4747 Boldly going... Premium Member

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    Parody of this manner is hardly positive or negative as it's just a parody.

    All of the countless reviess of TOS over the years were hardly "negative reviews" of that series, but just winks at the audience over some of the sillier aspects and moments.

    One could probably argue such "review" are more positive than negative.
     
  19. Alex1939

    Alex1939 Captain Captain

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    :wtf:

    Although the link I provided is extremely humorous (to me at least), it also shows the flaws of the movie; which are it's ridiculous stupid storyline and gaping plot holes. (and like I said, I really did enjoy the movie... the story just doesn't offer much, but effects, action, pacing, characters for the most part, the background of the heroes <but not villain> all great)

    Other than that statement, I have no desire to debate whether or not the link is a review or not (which I admit is more of a parody) or whether it is positive or negative. Everyone can make up his or her own mind on that.
     
  20. M'Sharak

    M'Sharak Definitely Herbert. Maybe. Moderator

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    Re: The best "hater" review.

    It's satire, which has traditionally functioned as both parody and commentary.

    James Fingertiberius Kirk?