Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Emher, Oct 13, 2009.

  1. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    The visitor's bullpen
    I have been rather lonely for quite a long time now. And I turn 40 next year, so I'd better put a stop to this pretty quick...guys my age aren't supposed to be lonely. We're supposed to be married. :(
     
  2. Tomato

    Tomato Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Jun 10, 2003
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    T.O. in Canada eh!
    Funny thing is I enjoy being alone.. Which scares me. I come back from work say Hi to the family and jump downstairs to play video games or work on my MBA applications. It is scary as I'm 27 soon, but most of all my future goal of working like 80+ hours in the week would leave me no time to find somebody. But it is weird as I'm at peace with this. Should I care that I'm pushing 27 with no hope of find a girlfriend or a wife? These things take time and effort and neither which I want to do.

    For me it feels like a state of mind I intentionally push people away. I try not to talk to people at work as it leaves me less time to work and get out early. I load up on these courses "hoping" that it will help me in the future. It is like after a day of putting on a facade I just want to be alone so I can be/feel whatever and not feel like I have to conform to anybody or thing. Somepeople need to talk to people after being in isolation for so long. I on the other hand need to be in isolation after being near people.
     
  3. Kestra

    Kestra Admiral Premium Member

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    Jul 6, 2005
    Oh please, there's no "supposed to be." You are what you are, and if you want to be something different, you take steps towards that. Guys your age aren't supposed to be anything but almost-40.
     
  4. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    I will say that I had a life changing experience a few months ago - when I first became a Bleacher Creature. ;) But that's just being a part of a large group for sports purposes. Not intended for use as a social networking tool. :lol:
     
  5. Daneel

    Daneel Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Toronto
    I agree with Kestra, Mr. Laser Beam -- there's no age at all where you're "supposed to be married". It's not a mandatory part of life, and it's not for everyone anyway; I'm not completely opposed to the idea, but I don't really see myself getting married, and I'm certainly okay with that. If anyone ever tells me that I "should be married by now", they're going to get an earful.

    As for the subject at hand, though... yeah, I'm kind of lonely. I probably wouldn't admit this to too many people in real life, but it's true. Friend-wise, I have no one I'm close to... I don't think I've gone out socializing with anyone in months. There are days I don't even have any human contact.

    It's only started to become noticeable in the last year, when I finally decided to move out and live on my own. I had always lived with my family, so I had them around, but I felt I was becoming too dependent on them, so I left. Plus, I was in school up till a couple years ago, so I had other students/peers that I could talk to and occasionally socialize with, even if I wasn't close to any of them. I was constantly surrounded by people, and now that I'm not, it's really become clear to me how much of an isolated loner I really am. I also haven't had steady work in a while... just odd jobs here and there, so workplace friendships aren't really possible at the moment. My current job is seasonal, and while there are plenty of people around, most are teenagers, and I can't really connect with them (nor do I have much of a desire to).

    Honestly, I don't know what to do. On some level, I've always known I was a bit anti-social, but I've always shrugged it off and tried not to let it get to me, but that's been harder to do now that I'm on my own. I'm just at a bit of a loss, frankly.

    And don't even get me started on romance... well, okay, if you insist. ;)

    I've never had any sort of non-platonic relationship with a woman (assuming, of course, that one doesn't count a handful of one-night stands as "relationships"); frankly, I'm not even sure I could be in one. I wouldn't know what to do... but since my status as a single man is unlikely to change anytime in the near future, that's probably not something I really need to worry about. I just never get the sense that any women I meet are interested in me (well, on occasion, a couple have openly expressed interest, but regrettably it was never mutual). Plus I have some self-esteem issues that date back a number of years, many of which continue to plague me. On a conscious level, I know I'm intelligent, friendly, and nice-looking (or at least that's what I'd like to believe ;)), but it's just hard for me to fathom the idea of a woman I like being interested in me. And thus we arrive at my constant singleness.

    Like the friendship thing, I try not to let this bother me; I've always said that a person shouldn't let their happiness or fulfillment be dictated by whether or not they have a romantic partner. But at times, I do get lonely... and, yeah, I'll admit it, horny as well. It would be nice to have someone to talk to sometimes, someone to just be with -- mentally and physically. I suppose that, for most people, it's a natural human need. Unfortunately, for me, it ain't happening, and it's not likely to anytime soon; I just don't see myself breaking out of this isolation I've driven myself into. I mean, I never say never... maybe some day I'll be able to escape my pattern -- but I wouldn't bet on it.

    Well... that's my soul-baring whine for the day. Who's next? :p
     
  6. Emher

    Emher Admiral Admiral

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    Emher
    That's awesome :D And yeah the title of the thread is totally intentional.
    I think that there's at least a a few girls that have been intrested in me. Thing is those that have been around me have been nuts or severly damaged in some way, seeing as I seem to have an air of "big brother" around me and girls with low self esteem attract to that. My conscience doesn't allow me to push them away, but I could also never enter into a relationship with them since while I'm lonely, I don't need that much additonal head ache. Look, I know all women are supposed to be crazy (not saying that I agree), but I'd like to think I can aim a bit higher.

    But also if I do get to know a girl which is relatively well balanced it's one of two options: she's already in a relationship, or she at the speed of light deems me a "friend".

    I'd like a break please :lol:
     
  7. Etched

    Etched Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2004
    I get desperately lonely sometimes. I've not worked in three years due to health problems and living in a rural area means that the internet is really the only contact I have with people outside my immediate family most days.

    I've always been a bit of a loner and a lot of the time I doesn't really bother me too much but every now and then it'll just hit me and I'd love for some one to phone up and say "let's go for pizza" or "let's catch a movie" but over the years all the friends I've had have slowly dropped out of my life. My brother is trying to persuade me to sign up to a dating site but to be honest its platonic friendship I miss the most. I don't want the complications that come with a romantic relationship.
     
  8. trekkiebaggio

    trekkiebaggio Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2004
    Location:
    Dancing to the Jailhouse Rock
    I get lonely sometimes. Having spent so much time away from home the last few years (with uni and working at Disneyworld) I have a lot of friends but most of them are dotted around the country or the world. So I only have a handful of them at home, and only a few that I'd say I'm really close to.

    Romantically...yeah but I'm not *too* bothered about it. I'm not properly over the American girl I fell in love with yet so I'm not ready to start seriously dating somebody. And I don't want to go out with someone just because I'm a bit lonely.

    I still keep in touch with a lot of people through MSN and Facebook but its not the same. It's a bit weird spending all that time with people and then suddenly you just don't see them for ages (especially when you used to live with them).
     
  9. Warp Coil

    Warp Coil Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2001
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    MD, USA
    I'm 28 with no hope of finding a girlfriend, either. I'm mostly okay with it. I keep myself very occupied most of the time - two jobs, grad school part-time. I have a small group of good friends and I see people at least a couple of times a week. When I need something to do, I go to the gym or read a book or watch a movie. I typically have no problem keeping my days occupied with one thing or another.

    Romantic relationships seem like something healthy that I should pursue, but I have a fair amount of social anxiety about the subject matter. I'm also incredibly picky. I wouldn't just pick up some random girl just because she seemed interested. There has to be attraction, and I dare say that's rare for me to come across.
     
  10. Emher

    Emher Admiral Admiral

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    Well I'm not hideous, but I have a bit of extra weight and can't play a note to save my life, so it's not that easy for me in that department. Would you say the Internet sex thing is a good way to go though? I've been thinking more and more about this because of the simple fact that the aforementioned 25th birthday is approaching, and I'm still a virgin. And it's bugging me more and more for each year. Would you say it's a good idea to the Internet route as long as I'm open with it, or should I not even try until I've (somehow) gotten it out of the way?
     
  11. Mr Awe

    Mr Awe Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2002
    I notice a totally external locus of control in these statements. I suspect this is a common theme in lonliness, except cases where isolation may be due to physical immobility or other severe health conditions.

    "The time wasn't right, I didn't have the money, etc"

    Mr Awe
     
  12. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    May 10, 2005
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    If you want to spend the rest of your life soaking in a vat of penicillin, maybe...
     
  13. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Location:
    Brockville, Ontario, Canada
    Much of what I've read here sounds so familiar that I could have probably written it myself.

    I'm something of a loner in that I don't mind doing many things on my own. Also I've never been a "gang" person and prefer the company of a few good friends over hanging out with large groups of people that I know only passingly. I've never believed that you could be really good friends with scores of people although you can be easy going and get along well with most people you encounter.

    I also don't feel the compulsion to fill my time with noise. My pursuits can go on for hours without having to turn a radio or TV on just to hear voices and fill the quietude.

    Recently I just moved to a new community--and one that's smaller--where I have family and in that sense I won't be as lonely as before. Still, that said I still get lonely in the romantic sense, and I feel it more acutely than usual at times, particularly around holidays, birthdays and whenever there's something I'd like to share.

    I'm certainly not repulsive or unappealing. I may have some difficulty reading signals but I'm much better than when I was younger. I don't wear my interests on my sleeve and I'm informed and interested enough to talk about pretty much anything from the trivial to the meaningful.

    I, too, have wondered if I will be alone for the rest of my life, but I try not to dwell on it. I hope not. I've loved three women in my life and sadly none panned out, yet I still carry warm feelings for each of them. And I carry no resentment towards my failed loves because I try not to take it too personally. They made their choices because they felt they were the right ones and whatever they were looking for they just didn't see it in me. I know they also harbour no ill feeling towards me and I still communicate with two of them somewhat regularly.

    Yet an ember of hope still burns. I'm a decent looking fellow with good manners, an easy going nature, clean and decently groomed. I carry no extra weight and I'm slim with a job that keeps me reasonable fit for my age. I also have a wicked sense of humour and a healthy romantic streak.

    If I had to list the strikes against me presently (as I perceive them) when it comes to women they be:
    - Presently don't have a car.
    - Money was very tight until just recently.
    - I've never been particularly ambitious in the conventional sense eager for an exceptional job and making lots of money.
    - I'm sometimes unsure regarding reading signals.
    - I've never been aggressive when it comes to women.

    On the last point I also learned very quickly and early not to be a wuss or a doormat. I can be easy going, but I draw the line if someone tries to take advantage of me or take me for granted. I will assert myself.

    I might also add another strike: I'm reasonably intelligent. And I've been told that often enough as well. But what I really mean to say is that I'm not likely someone who could be easily wrapped around one's finger. I can be just too damned stubborn for that. :lol: In that respect (and a few others) I'm very much like my father, which is good because dad has never been anyone's fool.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2009
  14. AstroSmurf

    AstroSmurf Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Apr 23, 2006
    Location:
    Over the Blue Moon
    I have been reading through this thread and reflecting on my own post. Everyone brings a unique perspective. And from that I have come to the realization that my biggest issue is that finding someone to be with is not really a high priority for me. For the most part, I am fine on my own and always have been. If my physical needs are being met than I don't really need a constant companion. I also don't believe in a soul-mate or love-at-first-sight. I believe instead in a relationship based on friendship and symbiosis. So far I haven't found that and I am not willing to settle.

    My only real drive to find a "husband" would be to raise a child. I know I need to do it soon since I do not want to be chasing a three-year-old at forty. I will be 35 in January so I guess I need to get crackin!
     
  15. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    Brockville, Ontario, Canada
    ^^ True. At some times more than others I crave emotional and physical intimacy and affection as well as the feeling that someone "gets" and accepts you. I also want to be on the same or similar intellectual and playful level with shared values more than shared interests.

    But I don't feel truly desperate for it. And I don't feel the compulsion to chase women just to satisfy physical cravings. I suppose because deep down I long for the intimacy of a connection rather than just scratching an itch. I've even passed up sexual opportunities because I really wasn't interested in the woman. And yet I do think of sex often enough.

    Hmm. Man, I must be royally messed up. :lol:

    In the past I've had very good friends who were women and I loved those relationships. Ideally I'd love that sort of connection yet with the physical intimacy in the mix. Of course I might just be dreaming in HD.
     
  16. melancholymecha

    melancholymecha Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2002
    my problem isnt loneliness, I have alot of family around. I actually enjoy being alone but what makes it hard is that others dont seem to understand that. They expect a 35 years old woman to be or have been married or be going out with lots of friends & boyfriends. I have a hard time trying to explain that I am not like that & they just look at me funny. I could tell them I have Aspergers but they wouldnt understand what that is either.

    I dont think I could handle a romantic relationship. I would need to know how to have a platonic relationship first, which Ive never been successful in having. I tend to be so self absorbed in my own things & hobbies that i would end up boring or trying to avoid the other person. Unless that person was exactly like me with my same interests but my interests are so odd that I dont think Id ever find a like minded indvidual, at least not around where I live. All everyone wants to do around here is outdoor activities or go clubbing.
     
  17. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    Brockville, Ontario, Canada
    ^^ I can somewhat understand that feeling. I often feel at odds with what most people around me are interested in as opposed to what interests me.
     
  18. Joshua Howard

    Joshua Howard Captain Captain

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Location:
    Tacoma, WA
    I have such a brutally high standard in terms of women I would be interested in that the possibility of one coming along is far from probable, at least in my present situation. In all reality, I am lonely; I don't really like living a solitary life. On the same scale, I find it preferable over the companionship of most people.

    Realistically, my goals are professional. If I have some sort of business that I can pour my allegience and passion into, that is what I'll root my purpose in. Everything else is secondary. I suppose in a certain sense, that is one reason, if not the reason why romantic relationships don't come naturally for me. I have a certain system of professionalism/formalism and drive to accomplish that I use as a shield.

    Folks who just want to have fun living rub me the wrong way - not because there is anything wrong with them - but because it just isn't my nature. My dream is to change the world; and I do have an idea of distinct things that I want to achieve for the betterment of humanity between now and the time I die. Surely, I may not achieve those things; but the last thing I need is social baggage that wouldn't support my vision, or worse yet, would get in the way of it. (Lord knows, one's self can be a big enough roadblock to success at times!)

    Being 21, I know I've got time... but having never actually been involved in a romantic relationship of any form, it is definitely something that I am thinking about more as time goes on. My general expectation is that when I get more established, in the 25-35 age range, I'll meet the right person. I like to fall back on the old Warren Buffett quote, which goes... "You don't have to do that many things right; just avoid making too many mistakes."
     
  19. Emher

    Emher Admiral Admiral

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    Jan 1, 2003
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    Emher
    Are you really, really the one to give advice about sex? Don't want to be mean to you dude, but suffice to say we have different views on things.
    I'm an Aspie as well, but I'm almost the opposite. Everyone in my family knows and understands what I am and seem to be content with that. It seems at times that my parents don't even expect me too meet someone again because of my condition. And that kinda pisses me off a bit, since I really do want to meet someone, I'm just clueless as to how I'll get to a point where I'm happy enough with myself that someone else might be as well.
     
  20. TheBrew

    TheBrew Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2001
    Location:
    Fox Lady
    Well, I am never truly lonely with my friends, family, and you guys, but it would be nice to go out on a date. Hopefully once things settle down for me I'll find something. If not I live near many bars! :p