RSS iconTwitter iconFacebook icon

The Trek BBS title image

The Trek BBS statistics

Threads: 141,349
Posts: 5,502,686
Members: 25,120
Currently online: 555
Newest member: Gaytrekgeek

TrekToday headlines

IDW Publishing March 2015 Comics
By: T'Bonz on Dec 17

Paramount Star Trek 3 Expectations
By: T'Bonz on Dec 17

Star Trek #39 Sneak Peek
By: T'Bonz on Dec 16

Star Trek 3 Potential Director Shortlist
By: T'Bonz on Dec 16

Official Starships Collection Update
By: T'Bonz on Dec 15

Retro Review: Prodigal Daughter
By: Michelle on Dec 13

Sindicate Lager To Debut In The US Next Week
By: T'Bonz on Dec 12

Rumor Mill: Saldana Gives Birth
By: T'Bonz on Dec 12

New Line of Anovos Enterprise Uniforms
By: T'Bonz on Dec 11

Frakes: Sign Me Up!
By: T'Bonz on Dec 11


Welcome! The Trek BBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans. Please login to see our full range of forums as well as the ability to send and receive private messages, track your favourite topics and of course join in the discussions.

If you are a new visitor, join us for free. If you are an existing member please login below. Note: for members who joined under our old messageboard system, please login with your display name not your login name.


Go Back   The Trek BBS > Star Trek Fandom > Fan Fiction

Fan Fiction Other forums talk about Trek. We make it.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old May 29 2008, 12:09 AM   #1
mirandafave
Fleet Captain
 
mirandafave's Avatar
 
USS Accipiter - Buried History

For the past number of months I have enjoyed reading the various stories and series posted here at the TrekBBS and it was with some trepidation and excitement that I decided to take part in this month’s challenge – Mail Call – This challenge helped to inspire me to write a segment for a story I have been working on but is nowhere near ready for posting despite my hopes to do so at some point.
However, I have written several other stories including a different ship and crew. These stories can be found at the Fanfiction Repository. But I thought it might be very useful to post one of the stories that follows here. I have had several writer’s block moments with this one because I would like very much for it be a thoughtful story provoking a lot of inner turmoil and responses from the characters involved. So with your kind patience I would like to develop this story here and would be interested in any feedback anyone might have to offer. I do not think it necessary to have read any of the other stories but to assist I will lay out some of the pertinent character and series information here for you now. Otherwise you can visit the site and read the stories there.

***

USS ACCIPITER – a Sovereign class vessel built to its full militaristic spec as envisaged by a secret committee. It houses a corp of soldiers and a squadron of Valkyrie fighters on its additional and specially extended through and through flight deck. Upon the discovery of the project by a budgetary committee, Admiralty was forced to ally the fears that it was warmongering and arming itself ahead of war with the Dominion and appoint a Captain both revered and reviled throughout the Federation.

Captain Eugene Loren Vaughan. Vaughan is a Lamachian a humanoid like race with a long life span. Vaughan is over 120 years old and has served the Federation in one form or another over the last 100 years. During that time he has undertook several five year missions, worked with Starfleet Design, Diplomacy, at Starfleet Academy and become embroiled in some controversies. He was in command of the Icarus C when it was forced to abandon its rescue mission for a missing Starfleet ship whose crew was captured and tortured by Cardassians. More sinisterly the captain and his crew discovered a conspiracy that went deep into the hearts and ranks of Starfleet but the findings of which have been classified so potentially damaging might they be to the integrity and strength of Starfleet and the Federation. In the absence of truth Vaughan has become a scapegoat and a subject of ridicule, mistrust and enmity within Starfleet.

Nathan Forrest - Executive Officer. Originally, the ship’s head of security he was promoted when the First Officer was killed in the attack on the Accipiter by an unknown assailant at Starbase 49 before the ship was launched. Genial and yet professional he is slowly filling the position and making it his own. He has doubts and is still largely untested.

Caitlyn Ryan - Second Officer/Science Officer. Daughter of a famous Admiral Ryan, her career has been difficult. Originally started in Starfleet as a doctor and her first ship the Foxly was attacked and destroyed by Cardassians and the crew imprisoned on a planet where they were subjected to cruel war games and forced labour. During this time, the crew came to depend on her for leadership. Following these harrowing events, she made the decision to change her career path and moved towards Science and command. Before her posting on the Accipiter she was aboard the Hawkins which was attacked by unknown aliens during a deep space mission and they lost many crew members including its Captain and this resulted in her acting as ship’s executive officer on the return to Federation space.
Caitlyn feels compelled to prove, over and beyond, her competence and skill. She has been deeply affected by her treatment at the hands of the Cardassians. The fate she was dealt she blames on the incompetence and cowardice of the Foxly’s commanding officers, its XO was also her newly wed husband. This unfortunately means she has issues following the command chain but is similarly a sharp and talented science officer, who is driven to protect her people and is fierce and uncompromising. She runs a straight very professional department and whilst she is not the team builder Caitlyn leads by her example and dedication and inspires her personnel by her raw intellect and courage.

Donna ‘Fury’ Fichtner - CMO. A woman with a fierce comportment, seemingly poor bedside manner. Abrupt, passionate, volatile and intransigent are words used to describe this formidable woman with an infamous temper. Donna was pushed out from Starfleet Medical Headquarters, for unknown reasons, where she worked for years doing her own research and forced into the Accipiter CMO post. Her previous experience serving onboard a vessel was in her early career, which was very traumatic and put her off practicing this form of medicine. Donna’s main interest was in research. She quickly gained prominence with her work rising through the ranks at Starfleet Medical and given her own department of research at San Francisco. Whilst, practicing medicine on a starship is not her preferred vocation she is one of the finest medical doctors in Starfleet. Her passion and fury makes her strive to save and protect lives and is unrelenting in this sacred duty. This was how she earned herself the ‘Fury’ nickname. She is very dedicated and has strong moral values.

Chief Laura Amos Hashap. Laura joins the crew straight from Starbase 49 where she had spent 10 years refitting vessels. Only appointed to her current rank three months previous many doubt her suitability and qualification for an actual star ship. The position was not originally hers but the events of the launch from Starbase 49 led to her appointment by Captain Vaughan. She is charismatic and liked by all, inspiring unbelievable efforts on the part of her engineering department and her own skill is such that she is the stereotypical ‘miracle worker’ in Engineering. Despite this, she is plagued by self-doubt and is unaware of the loyalty and friendship she fosters around her.

Sanjeev Keresh - Assistant Engineer. A noble and gallant figure who serves the engineering department faithfully and steadfast. Friends with Nathan Forrest and Huyio Ferria from the Academy he also worked with Caitlyn Ryan on the Quicksilver.

Moira Nikochevski – OPS. Moira originally came aboard the Accipiter as a visitor, but events at Starbase 49 allowed her the opportunity to remain as a member of the crew. She had a meteoric rise to Lieutenant thanks to a field commission aboard the Archangel by a prestigious Captain of Starfleet – Admiral Clarke. Her sole actions saved the ship, crew, and citizens of the planet Ferius IV Prime. Admiral Clarke tragically died in the events surrounding this planets attack. She is extremely quick thinking and ambitious, but can be impulsive and jump the gun in her enthusiasm, however, balanced by her precision and professionalism.

Huyio Ferria - Helm / Navigation. Ferria is a stoic and measured man. Married to his wife Elisha, who works as a nurse on the Accipiter, he is also a long time friend with Sanjeev Keresh and Nathan Forrest. He likes to see the best in people and having served with Captain Hayes of the USS Halycon he believes Lt Gareth Hayes could become a good officer. Ensign Ramsey has gotten him interested in basketball and he enjoys playing the sport. His father was a one time friend of Vaughan, holding him in great esteem. He has a great love for ale and darts and the instigator for both Nathan and Keresh holding similar passions.

Gareth Hayes - Helm / Navigation. His father is the Captain Hayes of the USS Halcyon. With his father to look up to and a strong family history within Starfleet he has a lot to live up to but this has made him somewhat rebellious. He has difficulty with the strictures of Starfleet but a promising start in his career saw him rise to the rank of lieutenant. He has worked with Moira aboard the Archangel and he bears a grudge against her for the accolade she received.

Zxerya - Helm / Navigation. Sumptuous, dangerous and mysterious; these are just some of the words that describe the enigma that is Zxerya, the lone survivor of her planet’s destruction by the Borg. Blessed and equally cursed by strange and powerful abilities coupled with alien technology within her blood, which the Borg desperately wanted to retrieve, hers has been a harsh and bitter life. Her experiences have marked her life but nevertheless a gifted, passionate, and courageous young woman whom Vaughan has garnered as a protégé. Zxerya is a uniquely beautiful and dangerous Ularian a race that possessed psionic skills in a number of bloodlines. She does possess such powers but improperly trained she does not employ them. A further hindrance to her ‘skills’ is the bio-neural circuitry throughout her body surgically implanted by the Atari a now exterminated race. The surgery allowed her to live and like the Atari interact with all manner of circuitry and computers. She is something of an enigma to Starfleet and the fate of the Ularian homeworld and Atarus only furthers this mystery the Borg devastated both. There was only one survivor – Zxerya. Adopted by a Starfleet scientist she grew up in R&D facility, which fuelled her desire to sit at the helm of a Starship. She is perhaps one of the finest pilots ever in Starfleet but a fierce temper and need to mature more will stall her career for some time.

Rowan Casey - Science Officer. Son of a Bajoran refugee family, Rowan was born on earth following their escape. However, driven by revenge his father returned to Bajor and killed. His mother subsequently remarried. Rowan grew up more attached to Earth and the Federation seeing Bajor as the source of his father’s death that of his sister, and all the suffering inflicted upon his family. Casey is a competent Science Officer but with a dour demeanour and a dark disposition to his personality. While he is not a motivated officer in delight at discovering new life and new worlds his Bajoran blood and family history makes him a passionate advocate for justice and the crushing of any evil power that he encounters. In many ways, he embodies the lofty principles and ideals of the Federation but equally so he is a frustrated and conflicted character, quite often on edge and scathing in his review of others. He seeks to find the best qualities in people but feels a constant disappointment in others that in actuality stems from within himself. Disaffected.

Dagon Ghangnanorr – Chief of Security. Upon first meeting a Trammealean, one would be forgiven for thinking they had bumped into a silver back gorilla on steroids. With a formidable prowess and towering demeanour it is all the more so when one meets Dagon. A warrior caste people with a troubled and bloody history with both the Romulans and Klingons Dagon epitomises the reputation of this species. However, they are also a deeply spiritual people and Dagon is no less so. A firm believer in the respect for his superiors he has an unwavering loyalty to Captain Vaughan and of course to the crew of the Accipiter. Previously worked with secret agencies within Starfleet – most notably with a select and elite team formed to fight and covertly track Borg activities.

Kurt Ramsey - Security Officer. Kurt Ramsey is a dedicated and eager crew member. However, he is somewhat unsure of how to hold himself. His father is Tyler Ramsey, Captain of the USS Manhattan, who was once the XO to Captain Vaughan. He has a relaxed manner but officious on duty. He aspires to be a great officer and prove himself to his father. A bright new security officer with a promising career it all appears on the surface. However, a troubled childhood and a continuing conflict with his father, Captain Ramsey of the USS Manhattan, means to say that his life is not as simple as others believe it to be. Protective of others to compensate for his inability as a child to protect his mother he took to security when he joined Starfleet.

Sam Martin – Security Officer. Martin is a tough nut. She excels in agility and strength due in part to an early childhood spent on a high-level gravity planet meaning she has built up a muscular frame hidden under her curves. Sam uses her feminine tools to her advantage often hiding her true strength and grit. Vulpine in her approach, she is competitive and combative but it would be wrong to label her a man-eater or a blonde bombshell. She is far too smart and tough to be characteristically brushed aside.
mirandafave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 12:19 AM   #2
mirandafave
Fleet Captain
 
mirandafave's Avatar
 
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

USS ACCIPITER



Buried History



Fiat justitia et ruant coeli – Let justice be done though the heavens fall – William Watson


Prologue
Captain’s Log:
The Accipiter is in orbit around Gedasada Minor. It is an unaligned world that normally would afford little notice from Starfleet – that is until the breakout of the war. With the border between Federation and Dominion territories in flux and surrounded in uncertainty worlds such as Gedasada now have a newfound importance to the needs of the Federation and its war effort. In order to carry out urgent supply orders and maintain a strong and secure supply line the Federation seeks to strengthen the ties with outlying systems such as Gedasada before the Dominion poaches them. However ignoble the sentiments I understand the need for Starfleet to protect their flanks and borders as well as the rather more better intentioned need to protect the Gedasadans from the clutches of the Dominion. If even the duplicitous Romulans can sign a peace accord with the Dominion it bespeaks of the Vorta’s winnowing and mealy mouthed ways.

It however affords us a little time away from the main front of the war and we are able to take on a new compliment of personnel, as the ship will journey to the Tyopmia Prime space port where they currently await the ship’s arrival. Commander Forest will hold the fort whilst Dr Yreses Wintrict (a diplomat assigned from Starfleet Command for the mission) and I beam down with an away team to begin treaty negotiations.

Dr Fichtner is also expected to be involved in the negotiations at a later date with the view of establishing a Federation hospital here on Gedasada considering its strategic position. Close enough to the war arena but uninvolved and it must be hoped un-vital to the interests of the Dominion.
We will return to the theatre of war soon enough but the break will do the crew some good and allow some of the new members to settle in. Among the new crew we take on board the ship’s counsellor who following the traumatic events of the ship’s very launch and subsequent actions has become an even greater necessity.

To this end, Ensign Zxerya should by now reaching the station where she grew up and hopefully the opportunity to do so will help her deal with some of the issues she has had to come to terms with. On a personal level, I too am faced with an opportunity to come face to face with matters from my past. It remains to be seen what will be made from this meeting.
With a thoughtful press of his thumbprint Eugene Loren Vaughan depressed the padd button ending the log. He had been ship bound almost since the Accipiter had been launched several months ago and though he had visited other vessels in that time he relished the opportunity to breathe in fresh air on a planet surface. But otherwise he faced his upcoming mission with a fair degree of trepidation.

His reasons were numerous. Firstly, the allocation of Dr Yreses Wintrict was seen by Vaughan as a damming indict on his abilities and an illustration of the wide mistrust by which he was held by many in the higher echelons of Starfleet Command. Considering Vaughan had spent a part of his long Starfleet career in diplomatic circles he felt he had sufficient experience to complete this mission without the hand-holding of Dr Yreses Wintrict. Not only had he served in the diplomatic arena but he was the child of two of the Federation’s most highly esteemed diplomats of the twenty-third century, and had also spear headed a number of first contact situations as captain of his ill-fated Icarus deep space five year missions.

Secondly, part of his security escort to the planet would include a fresh from the Academy ensign who had a very close connection with Vaughan from again the ill-fated Icarus. Kurt Ramsey, son of his former Executive Officer, Tyler Ramsey and a man central to the events in the Captain’s life that had put him so out of favour with many in Starfleet and had tarnished Vaughan ever since forcing from the command chair to a lectern dais lecturing at Starfleet Academy. It was a complication he sorely did not need to contend with and so far since his posting aboard the Accipiter Vaughan had managed to evade the Ensign’s company. Not so now.

Thirdly, there was the mission itself. A lot depended upon its success. Whilst it was not make or break for the ailing efforts of the Federation in its war against the Dominion it was important to foster and strengthen ties across the Alpha Quadrant with the Vorta surreptitiously conquering the Quadrant with their alliances and non-aggression pacts. It was less direct than fleets of Jem’Hadar ships but nonetheless effective in carving up the Alpha Quadrant into spheres of influence pro-Federation and pro-Dominion adding destabilising elements all to the detriment of the Federation. The situation on the planet below was also not clear cut as there had been a number of civil disturbances in the preceding years. There was hope that whatever precipitated these disturbances forging links with the Federation might prove to be a cathartic healing process for the inhabitants of Gedasada.

Fourthly, the fact that the Accipiter had been given this mission was problematic for many on the crew. The Accipiter was a Sovereign class vessel secretly constructed by a black committee with possible Section 31 links that envisaged creating a Sovereign class vessel to its full militaristic might and possible spec. To that end the ship housed a corp of soldiers and outfitted with an additional extended flight deck housed a squadron of Valkyrie fighters. Their plans were a success and the ship was produced but before completion, it was discovered and the controversy it had garnered allowed opponents of the project to scupper the black committee’s designs for a warhorse by forcing through the appointment of Eugene Loren Vaughan as its captain. Seen as a diplomat not a warmonger despite the controversies he skirted in his earlier career it was hoped his appointment was dispel fears that the Federation was turning its back on its values.

His appointment had dispelled those fears but now many questioned the viability of the Accipiter under his command if its strengths and abilities were not to be fully utilised. After all the Sovereign class was the cutting edge of Federation design, it was the Federation’s most formidable weapon, and yet the Accipiter like other s in the Sovereign class was well behind the front lines. So afraid was Starfleet of the potential propaganda the Dominion would gain if one of her class were defeated or destroyed they had pulled them back keeping them out of harms way.

But Vaughan knew that many of his young officers did not see it that way but instead believed that the reason behind Starfleet Command’s reasoning was because Vaughan himself was the Captain. Vaughan could not help but wonder too a little at this. Picard in his own way was distrusted and unforgiven by many Admirals and Captains. He too had been pulled back from the frontlines. Also weighing on Vaughan’s mind was all that had occurred and been endured by the Accipiter in its short months. Attacked by a mysterious enemy even as the ship had lain nestling in its space dock awaiting launch, then the subject of an invidious plot to steal the ship in an act of retribution against the Cardassians and the Federation directed squarely at Vaughan by a deranged murderous Starfleet captain with a personal vendetta.

Eugene kneaded a tension strain in his neck and then stood up from his ready chair and looking out at the expanse of transparent aluminium he saw the ship had established its equatorial orbit and was ready now to beam the Captain and his away party down to the surface below. Knuckling his nerves he headed for the bridge door and calmed his inner thoughts so that once he heard ‘Captain on the deck’ he was assured and confident. At the very least he put up a front displaying these qualities.

Vaughan walked towards the transport room flanked by his XO. Like any of his numerous First Officers over the years, Nathan was concerned as to the safety of the Captain before he beamed down to the planet surface.

Understandable, but after so many years it was rather tiresome for Vaughan to hear once again. But Vaughan realised now his error in promoting his original Head of Security, Nathan Forrest, to the position of First Officer. However irksome his former executive officers had been regards his personal safety it was only natural that Forrest would be more so, particularly in light of the attacks on the ship and Vaughan in person.

“Nathan I understand your concerns truly I do. However, might I remind you that in most circumstances I rarely seek to go planet side leaving such jobs to yourself as my Number One. In this case, though I wish to go because it poses no threats, we are far from the front lines of war. It is a simple supply mission which gives me an opportunity to actually visit the planet and meet a few of its dignitaries.” He continued quickly before Nathan interrupted, “What is more the planet is famous for it fauna and I use to have a special interest in looking at the various life forms on a planet.”

“That may be so Captain but it was only three years ago that a radical faction tried to overthrow the government. There could still be dissidents on the planet who might take your visit as an opportunity themselves.”

“I doubt it. And if there are such elements then there is every chance we can do some good not just for ourselves but for the populace as a whole. Now let’s inspect the security team you had Dagon assign me.” They entered the transporter room to find four security personnel standing stiff on parade presentation poses. “I worry some day they might burst a gut holding themselves like that.”

Nathan ignored the aside as the captain then acted to give the men a cursory look over. Ignoring Dr Yreses Wintrict stood in the centre awaiting the Captain, Vaughan looked at the first of the security contingent the blonde and beautiful Sam Martin. Her sexuality did not cloak her fierce deportment. Next in the transporter pad line up was Lt Kh’ién Law, whose strength and fierceness was altogether more subtle. On Vaughan’s would be other flank, the tall and weedy form of officer Brockman belied the man’s strength. Approaching the last of his ‘guards’ Vaughan seemed to hesitate to Nathan’s mind.

Perhaps it is the new face throwing him. But Kurt Ramsey was one of the last cadet classes Vaughan taught at the Academy so his face ought to be familiar to the Captain. On top of which, the captain has taken a very keen interest in the fresh crop of officer’s from the Academy.

To Nathan’s further puzzlement, Vaughan then spoke directly to Ramsey as if he knew him. “You have the look of your mother ensign.”

The ensign seemed to take great offence at this, almost bristling as Vaughan approached. Nathan was shocked. An ensign acting in such a manner and from the security department! Nathan had run a very tight department always and always focused on his security teams showing the utmost respect to all senior officers. A respectful and dutiful security team served the ship as much as their ability to fight and defend. And with new head of security Dagon Ghangnanorr, this was even more so the case as his world’s culture emphasised honour and duty.

“You ought to know sir. I do not have much of a memory of my mother.”

Vaughan seemed to accept this and moved to instruct the transport operator. Nathan came up to his side.

“Captain, don’t you think that ensign’s attitude is a little out of line? I think it might be best if he were scrubbed from this mission as we want to make a good impression and I fear any sign of insubordination might be construed as a sign of weakness by untenable allies of the Federation.”

“I don’t believe he has shown any attitude Commander. He simply spoke the truth – he has little memory of his mother seeing as she died when he was very young. If you were to allow him to talk freely he would tell you.”

Confused Nathan blurted, “Tell me what?”

“Tell you that I killed his mother.”


Captain Vaughan’s dark history once more comes back to haunt him.


While Donna Fichtner discovers she may have a dark history of her own ...


But when a moon explosion uncovers a planet’s dark history, that history threatens the planet’s rule of war and security


While pitting the crew against one another as events and emotions overwhelm an already fraught situation
mirandafave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 12:33 AM   #3
mirandafave
Fleet Captain
 
mirandafave's Avatar
 
Buried History - Chapter One

Chapter 1

The Captain and his security escort vanished from view. The transporter chief confirmed their safe arrival on the planet’s surface. Somehow, Nathan did not feel any better nor had the feeling in his stomach gone away. He was still reeling from what the captain had simply blurted out to him.

He said it so matter-of-factly. Was he resigned to his guilt? How could he calmly state that he had killed the young ensign Ramsey’s mother? The young ensign for his part tried to hold an impassive face but had darted fleeting glances towards his superior officer and mother’s killer (by all accounts). When Vaughan stepped up to the transporter pad, he kept his eyes forward staring at the bulkhead opposite.

Of the Captain’s expression, he could read nothing. Was Vaughan so accustomed to slurs and attacks on his name that to be called a murderer fazed him none? Nathan doubted it very much. There had to be something more behind it all. However, Vaughan was not be pressed on the issue. He had simply stated that they would talk later.

Vaughan then ordered Nathan to take the supplies for Tyopmia. Further, he would not hear of Ensign Ramsey’s removal from the security escort mumbling something about the price of conscience. He turned then on his heel and ordered curtly for transport to the surface. Leaving Nathan alone with his orders.

Three hours later, they had arrived at their destination. Tyopmia Prime had a large trading space port, which the Federation co-opted to serve them in their war needs setting up major supply lines and routes to serve the war effort and the Federation as a whole. The sprawling complex was the crowning trade post in the sector with the Tyopmians only too happy to aid the Federation hoping it would hold their application to the Federation in good stead. No doubt, it would. Vaughan for his part on Gedasada was working out arrangements with its leaders to include it in the trade and supply links.

In fifteen minutes, Nathan would be off duty and this would allow him at last to investigate exactly what lay behind Vaughan’s statement. He had tried on the bridge to pull up Ramsey’s record but doing so revealed nothing in the time he had. All Nathan learned was that Ramsey was following his father into Starfleet. Tyler Ramsey? The name seemed familiar but then ship business had called him away from investigating further.

Moira called to him from Ops. “Dr Kelly Brawn requests permission to come aboard.”

“Very good. Tell her I’ll meet her at the hatch.”

Moments later, he awaited the arrival of the ship’s counsellor, Kelly Brawn, originally from Mars. Nathan warmly greeted the doctor and made apologies for the captain being unable to meet her.

“That’s perfectly fine. Considering the plethora of new personnel the Accipiter has taken on in the last fortnight its not surprising that the captain can’t meet everyone.”

“True enough, though I think you pretty much bring us up to a full crew complement, doct-“

“Please! Call me Kelly or Brawn at the least. I have the title and it helps when it comes to treating someone medically however in my capacity as counsellor I find it closes people off if they refer to me as doctor.” Nathan apologised.

They swapped their career postings and tracks through Starfleet and found that they missed serving with one another by two weeks on the Canterbury.

Finally, they reached Brawn’s assigned quarters. “Here we are … Kelly. I hope you find your rooms to your liking.” He moved around the room by way of a feeble tour.

“Ah the wonder of Federation ship quarters – the epitome of uninspired design. They will be fine, once I manage to put my own stamp on them. But all that can wait. Right now I’d very much like the opportunity to taste some of the delights of your ship Nathan.”

“Well as it happens I’m about finished duty and am on my way to meet Lieutenant Moira Nikochevski, head of Ops, in the recreational lounge. You’re welcome to join us.” It was evident he was fiercely proud of the crew he served without Brawn’s keen eye and qualifications.

“Thanks I would appreciate that. Tell you what I will meet up with you soon; I’m sure to find my way. I want to freshen up first and put a little semblance of order to my things.”

He backed out of the room smiling, “Ok then, till then doc… Kelly.”

****


Vaughan smiled amenably through yet another insufferable introduction to some of the planets leading figures and industrialists. He tried to think back to his earlier commands and during his time working with Starfleet Deep Space Exploration Planning. Had he really endured such meetings with a certain enthusiasm and a degree of interest in a planet’s sociological and political demographic?

Age seemed to have mellowed his enthusiasm for the dreary stuffiness. Or should it be his patience with self important officials had worn thin by this stage in his life. Considering his history with such persons within admiralty and among prominent captains of Starfleet he figured it more to do with the latter.

Of course, his readiness to be enthused today was curbed by meeting the young Ensign Ramsey. His background with the ensign’s father was to say the least chequered. Tyler Ramsey his former First Officer aboard the Icarus C, his second ship, his second Icarus. Not to say he had always a troubled history with Tyler. After a long stint with Barnes as his first officer, Vaughan figured he would find it hard to replace him with an equally good officer, one whom he related to on both a professional and personal level. With Tyler, at least he found someone he enjoyed a good working relationship with. Tyler was a bit too blunt and bluff for Vaughan’s personal liking but he was a smart, professional, astute and courageous officer who impressed Vaughan by his concern for the crew and working of the ship at a genuine level.

All of that soon changed. Firstly, the events surrounding the capture and aborted rescue mission of Federation prisoners. Even though Tyler was right by Vaughan’s side during the mission, was part of the decision making process until the matter was taken out of their hands, begrudged the captain for their course of action. He had allowed Vaughan to take all the wrongly placed blame despite the fact Admiralty’s orders had curtailed Vaughan and others who should have rescued the ships.

The working relationship had deteriorated rapidly to such an extent that Tyler began to seek reassignment but unfortunately, that was before the classified events Vaughan would sooner not think about. The deadly confrontation which ensued virtually destroyed the Icarus and involved several other Federation vessels, all of which destroyed an entire planet with a billion lives decimated.

Following this the entire crew were subjected to trial, suspicion and a compulsory leave from active service until the year long enquiry into the conspiracy rooted out compromised admirals, captains and several officers from Starfleet was completed. And although completely exonerated, suspicion lingered particularly for the high ranking officers, the Captain notably with his new earned tag ‘The Planet Butcher’; and so too for others such as Tyler, tarnished with the same brush at the very least seen as unlucky and thus his career stalled. The blame for this was placed firmly on Vaughan’s shoulders in Tyler’s eyes.

Vaughan reflected back on this time darkly. The actual events had been bloody and horrific. Dear friends and colleagues had been lost. Past comrades and friends were revealed as traitors to the Federation… and yet others in Starfleet blamed Vaughan for having orchestrated a deliberate attempt to undermine the Federation, resented for his dedication and safeguarding the ideals for which it stood up for. This anger and suspicion that continued after the close of the enquiry was what riled Vaughan the most. His name and that of his crew had been cleared, and yet the rumours persisted and stalled careers, mothballed others, while Vaughan himself was ushered into the back rooms of the Academy. What hurt the most though was the ill feeling it created between himself and crewmembers and amongst each other. Beth, Tyler, Dheatte, Tec, Perry, Hayes.

Tyler turned on Vaughan almost immediately. Beth Lawler, fiercely loyal to Vaughan, had a major bust up with Tyler soon after the enquiry concluded. Where some kept in touch, remained friends, others drifted away or were openly hostile.

The matter of Tyler’s son Kurt Ramsey was not too hard to figure out seemingly. Considering the way his family disintegrated during the trial and thereafter, Vaughan could guess that Kurt bore him great ill. If so, why did he accept the Accipiter knowing full too well Vaughan was the ship’s captain. What did his father make of it? Surely, he couldn’t approve of the transfer. If Vaughan remembered Tyler correctly, he was bound to be raging furious about the move.

But then what reason did I have for taking the young cadet from Starfleet onto my ship?

***

Kurt Ramsey walked the perimeter of the extensive hall the planet government had gathered pompous officials in to meet with the Federation captain acting as an ambassador to make trade agreements that would benefit the planet’s future growth and a much needed source of trade for the Federation too in these pressing times.

As he monitored the guests, he deliberately avoided looking in the direction of the man so despised by his father. And himself…? Just avoid looking at Vaughan. That way you don’t have to face up to it. He nodded at Brockman. A subtle all clear from one security officer to another. Not that Ramsey really thought that the situation really required them. The paranoia of the officials from the moment they beamed down assured him that this meeting at least was well protected from any terrorist threat. After all they wanted to protect themselves, the power shakers and the money makers.

The tour later in the day of some newly excavated caves that shed light on the planet’s shrouded history was a more dangerous affair. The fact it was a simple suggestion from a junior clerk had annoyed the Prime Governor greatly but Vaughan had leapt at the opportunity, the obvious explorer in him.

Perhaps he also foresaw the tedium of this gathering. Hours of talking and gesturing yet no talk of real substance on the matter of Federation trade.
The reaction of the Prime Governor, now preening himself beside Vaughan at the head table in the hall, with a banquet of food laid before them, puzzled Ramsey some. Why did he react so quickly at the idea?

It was clear to see that he only agreed to a brief tour at Vaughan’s insistence and desire to visit the caves. The Prime Governor had become increasingly agitated as Vaughan continued to quiz him on the cave findings, and by what did the clerk mean when he said, ‘it shed light on the planets mysterious past’. The Prime Governor fudged any answers claiming to be unqualified to discuss history. As Prime Governor, surely he had to have some notion of the planet’s history never mind the question of how it could be called ‘mysterious’.

It was not the only enigma. The lower servants working in the building under careful observation struck Ramsey too. They appeared to be from a, well, a different species. He could not pretend to be knowledgeable in this area but he was certain that it was not just a caste society, or an oppressed race, but the servants were definitely different to the ruling classes. Graffiti had been scrawled during the night on the side of the banquet hall in a distinctly different style of writing too. The Federation entourage had of course been quickly ushered past this. This should have set his alarm bells ringing over security concerns but a clerk reassured them that a disaffected servant had been caught in the act and reprimanded.

The tension regarding terrorist threats was greater than Commander Forrest had cause to believe. It was clear that this second class caste, branch of the species, or an entirely different species, was subordinate and had cause to hate the governing powers, which of course had inspired terrorist groups over the years. But apparently, these had been successfully dealt with over the last number of years.

The startling discovery of the caves appeared to have acted as a catalyst for oppositional resurgence. Not normally, one to be overly interested in archaeological sites Kurt was beginning to feel that the caves would be an interesting tour after all. It would hopefully, shed some light on the puzzle of this planet. The only problem would be Vaughan.
mirandafave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 03:21 AM   #4
TheLoneRedshirt
Commodore
 
TheLoneRedshirt's Avatar
 
Location: The void between my ears
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

An interesting story-line with a lot of intriguing characters. I like your somewhat different approach to a Dominion War story.

Just a suggestion - try making your sentences a bit shorter and use commas where appropriate. The content is good, but the structure needs to be tighter.

Keep it coming - I'm interested in following this.
__________________
"You are beginning to damage my calm." - Jayne Cobb
TheLoneRedshirt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 11:35 AM   #5
DavidFalkayn
Commodore
 
DavidFalkayn's Avatar
 
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

I'd like to echo Redshirt somewhat here. You've got an interesting and diverse group of characters. Vaughn as the haunted captain, Ramsey, and the others. Shorter, sharper sentences would help a lot. Also, avoid passive voice whenever you can--active voice helps to energize your prose.

This is really good stuff and I hope you continue with this as I'd definitely like to read more!
__________________
USS Sutherland, Lexington, Gibraltar, Bluefin, Independence, Dauntless, Eagle, Dark Territory all dock here www.unitedtrek.org
DavidFalkayn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 04:05 PM   #6
CeJay
Commodore
 
CeJay's Avatar
 
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

You have assembled a very interesting group of characters here with a rich amount of back-story. In fact the most fascinating part of this might be the underlying history you have created for your characters and the various ways in which they are connected.

You clearly have a very good vocabulary (you use words I would have to look up) but some of your sentences feel too long and unnecessarily complicated. As suggested I would try to stick to simple sentences instead.

I absolutely loved the end of the prologue ... "I killed his mother." That would make a good catch phrase. Think about it.
__________________
Visit StarEagleAdventures.com for original fan-fiction e-books for your preferred e-reader.

Now with a complete United Trek story archive.
CeJay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 10:07 PM   #7
Mistral
Vice Admiral
 
Mistral's Avatar
 
Location: Between the candle and the flame
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

CeJay wrote: View Post
You have assembled a very interesting group of characters here with a rich amount of back-story. In fact the most fascinating part of this might be the underlying history you have created for your characters and the various ways in which they are connected.

You clearly have a very good vocabulary (you use words I would have to look up) but some of your sentences feel too long and unnecessarily complicated. As suggested I would try to stick to simple sentences instead.

I absolutely loved the end of the prologue ... "I killed his mother." That would make a good catch phrase. Think about it.
I'm quoting CeJay but everyone made good points. More speech and less exposition would "bring to life" your story a little more. There are ways to 'reveal' background info through dialogue and with all of the cool background you've developed it would "clue-in" some of your other characters about stuff as your reveal it to the reader. Keep going-I want to know about the caves....
__________________
...sf fandom is only a personality disorder if you do it right.-Klaus
http://www.adastrafanfic.com - archive stories! www.4rumboys.com for honest gaming

Mistral is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 11:10 PM   #8
mirandafave
Fleet Captain
 
mirandafave's Avatar
 
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. Was really rather nervous about putting up my story. Also really appreciate the advice and pointers on the writing style. Hopefully as the story progresses and the scene is set the flow will flow and the talk will talk. Certain parts of the story later on will be talk, talk, talk as the characters debate (argue!) over the Prime Directive.
So it should happen naturally but I will also make a conscious effort to take on board all the words of wisdom.
Mistral you may had the opportunity to read some of the previous stories over at HopeStation. Because several stories have already occurred I probably am overcompensating here with bio information to facilitate the story on this forum. Although your point is very valid and a lot of information will come from now on through character interaction as the story progresses.
mirandafave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 11:34 PM   #9
mirandafave
Fleet Captain
 
mirandafave's Avatar
 
USS Accipiter - Buried History - Title Card

mirandafave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 11:46 PM   #10
mirandafave
Fleet Captain
 
mirandafave's Avatar
 
Buried History - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Gedasadan System, The Mining Moon Tavo IV

“Come on Estev!” Froncol was nervous and it put an edge to his voice. Truth be told he was beginning to despair of the young man they had roped in to assist them.

His youth lent him the necessary speed and strength required for their ‘operations’. A strong arm to smash heads and a quick hand to slice throats. But they needed his vigour and fanatical belief in the cause in order to martyr himself in the cause. Estev had shown those qualities but now the time for action was upon them the lad had instead shown reticence. He spoke of taking a less extreme route.

A martyr could not speak like that.

“I am coming.” Estev climbed over the precipice and looked fearfully down the heights he had just climbed. Below him a smoky cauldron darkness glowed red in hatred. The hellhole he had escaped from but from which he had voluntarily signed up to.

The mines of Tavo IV. Supplying Gedasada with its power, its armaments, its might. If they could ruin the industry here, they could cripple the Gedan government.

Froncol grasped the young man hauling him to his feet. A gust of artic air blasted the tops of the mountain range they had scaled causing Estev to stagger. For a moment he falling over the edge but the strong, sure arm of Froncol grasped his tunic harshly pulling him back to safety.

“Not yet Estev. You do not die yet. You have promised your death to the cause.”

Estev bent over gasping for air. The arduous climb and his scare robbing him of breath in the high altitude. Even here, though he could catch wind of the gagging putrid smelting of the refineries. As he fought to get air back into his lungs he whimpered. “Surely, Froncol we do not need to do this.”

Froncol glared menancingly at him. “Not yet. If the reports are true, then the Federation is in the system. Perhaps we can try to reason with them.”

His glare dissipated to a look of disappointment. He kept a cruel sneer to his lip. “Huh! The Federation! Do you consider why it is they are here? They come seeking the Gedans to protect them. They come because they do not want the Jem’Hadar to rob them of a neighbouring system. They come because it is expedient.”

Estev lingered at the edge a moment unsure of how to continue his debate. He knew that the cause was the greater good but he was not sure to what extent they ought to act. He moved away from the edge to find surer footing and hoped to do so with Froncol too. “Perhaps you are right. Yet we can appeal to their better nature. Their Prime Directive tells them to look out for the weak and defenceless. They will take our side and help.”

With scorn Froncol rolled his eyes. “Their directive tells them not to interfere. It is their opt out clause. Rather than appear afraid to take on the fight they say they are holding to their principles. They are yellow bellied ... worms. The Federation will not act unless we provoke a reaction. And after today Estev, you and I will show the Federation, more importantly we will show the Gedans that we are not weak or defenceless. We mean to fight back.”

“If you are unsure of your path my friend you had best take a leap of faith of those rocks. Remember the treatment of our mothers, our sisters. Remember the enslavement of our fathers and sons. Remember we are the rightful heirs. And we shall make the Gedans and all of Gedasada remember.”

Estev frowned. He was unsure. He doubted they should do what they planned to. What if it went wrong? Did the outcome justify the lives that would be lost? “Remember Colerti. How they abused her? Treated her like a play thing because they believed themselves our betters and had entitlements. You were betrothed were you not?”

He only nodded. It was true. They had to teach the Gedans a lesson.

Seeing his acquiescence once more Froncol grasped his shoulder as if in comfort. He turned him then to the satellite micro-energy ray relay station. “Come let us be finished with this business.”

Froncol removed a communication padd and keyed in a secure channel prefix as they both moved off to the station. “We have reached our destination.”

“Good. The time for justice and the time for truth is now. I wish you speed and luck. This will be our last communication lest you should fail.”

“We will not fail. All of Gedasada will bear witness to our success.” The communication ended and Froncol smiled malevolently. Justice would be served this day.
mirandafave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 29 2008, 11:55 PM   #11
mirandafave
Fleet Captain
 
mirandafave's Avatar
 
Buried History - Chapter 2 [contd]

USS Accipiter
Cargo Bay 19 – Recreational lounge


Dr Donna Fichtner was to be found sitting in the Accipiter’s recreational lounge ‘Cargo Bay 19’ counter perched on a stool awaiting the arrival of the ship’s Chief Engineer Laura Amos Hashap. She saw enter the ship’s First Officer Nathan Forrest with his Moira Nikochevski at his side.

Fichtner from her stool acknowledged them both with a cursory nod and smile. She noted to herself that the two officers were spending a lot of off duty time together. Was there more to them than being colleagues? If so Donna was surprised at any such development.

Nathan offered a vocal hello to the doctor. He threatened to approach her when Moira yanked on his elbow hustling him towards a table just vacated by the expansive windows that showed the stars outside streaking by as the ship passed at Warp 2. Inwardly she sighed relief. Not quite comfortable yet with having to mix with other crewmembers. For most CMOs a healthy sociable relationship with the crew was the norm but for Donna ‘Fury’ Fichtner it was simply too painful to get close to people who might end up dying on her medical beds. Too painful.

As it was, she had only befriended Laura. And that was largely due to having met her prior to the ship’s launch at Starbase 49 and before Laura’s appointment as ship’s engineer. It broke one of her cardinal rules, but she was glad to consider Laura a friend, a close friend. Especially since she had left the majority of the people she was close to, back at Starfleet Medical Research, through no real choice of her own.

However, she was thinking of reconsidering after spending ten minutes waiting on Laura to come. Donna knew how caught up Laura could get in her work. Regularly Laura put in time over and beyond her duty. Crazy considering how much necessary time she had to put in ever since the ship’s launch. It was for this reason Donna only left her room for their rendezvous once Laura called saying she had left Engineering. Obviously being typical Laura, she was talking to all in sundry she met along the way.

Donna very briefly considered making their venue the ‘Pit stop’, a smaller more canteen like mess hall situated nearer to Engineering in the aft section of the ship. This had the advantage of cutting down the time it would take Laura and offer fewer opportunities for the very personable engineer to be delayed talking to others. However this area had been unofficially adopted by the fighter pilot crews and soldiers as their private den. They had even taken it upon themselves to name it the Pit Stop. It held none of the comforts or luxury of Cargo Bay 19 probably by design due to its proximity to said soldier barracks and flight deck. For this reason and the discomfort she would feel at being surrounded by ‘Men of War’ (and women too, the senior officer for the soldiers was a Neave London Raleigh) she decided Cargo Bay 19 was her best choice.

Whilst a military body of a fighting corp. had always existed in Starfleet, it had always resisted pressure to expand this corp. The Cardassian war changed that. Still then it was a matter of deploying these soldiers at a given time and place often in the capacity as a peace keeping force. But with the Klingon conflict (and their love for hand to hand combat) Admiralty experimented with placing contingents aboard different vessels, and they further expanded this trend as tensions rose against the Dominion. It was now ever more common to find soldiers placed on starships, whose sole purpose had once been exploration, not to wage war. A sad reflection on the changing state of the Federation.

As she scanned the room, she saw Nathan and Moira order drinks and resume their banter. Apart from them, she had to admit to herself that unless the person had been in her sickbay she knew very few of the crew populating the lounge at present. Just as she liked and intended it. Donna turned her stool to face the bar again casting a further glance towards the door contemplating ordering another drink.

“Good evening Doctor.”

Whirling quickly she cursed herself for not noticing Commander Harrison’s approach. “Good evening Commander.” She returned. “I didn’t think to find you here. Surely most of your pilots congregate in the aft mess hall.”

Pierce Harrison stood rigid with a glass of orange juice held stiffly in his hand. His very stance and demeanour was the epitome of his character and professional conduct as the commanding officer of the Valkryie fighter squadron. Even Donna with her abhorrence towards military personnel had to admit he was a competent officer who kept a tight reign on his pilots.

His wan smile was equally stiff. “This much is true. However, they are my pilots and I am their senior officer. Familiarity breeds contempt they say doctor, although in truth I do not deem it necessarily befitting that a senior officer should socialise with juniors.”

She reluctantly acknowledged that, even if it were akin to her own line of thinking. “Not something that bothers Commander Forrest.” She nodded in the direction of Nathan.

“The Commander has a very different style of command to me.” No rod up his ass. Was the thought Donna entertained. Had she not similarly thought there something inappropriate about Nathan and Moira’s meeting herself a moment ago? But then it was often easier to find fault with the thoughts and opinions of others. “Are you meeting someone Doctor?”

“As it happens, Laura.” At that, the doors opened to Laura talking animatedly to one of Harrison’s pilots. Donna had no idea as to whom the young, fresh faced, cute (no doubt to many females though not her) youth (yes she had already described him as young – but he just seemed to be crazily so, or perhaps she was merely getting older) full of enthusiasm and smiles. They came up to the doctor and commander laughing.

“There you are Donna. Sorry I’m late I got chatting to Jimmi here about refining the balance of his matrix output differentials on his Valkyrie fighter.” At this, Laura took in the impeccable Harrison and the expression he wore, and the look he darted at Jimmi. The look had the effect of evaporating Jimmi’s smile. “Not to worry Commander. It is all hypothetical at this stage – we would not dream of undertaking any adjustments without your expressed permission.”

“Thank you for your caution. However, Chief Hashap I should point out to you that I have spent my career piloting and test-piloting fighters. During this time, I took it upon myself to ensure that every craft I flew, and later every craft that sits on my flight deck, be configured to the optimum set up. Therefore you will find that there are no margins for adjustments.”

Normally Laura would appreciate that this was a field not under her command remit. However, it was not beyond the remit of her knowledge and experience. Further she had reviewed the data provided by Jimmi and looked carefully at his suggestions and appraised them accordingly. Jimmi’s ideas were solid if ambitious. But they had the basis of creating a marked improvement for the fighter’s performance. It was for this reason she chose to argue her point.

“That may be so Commander. However, I’ve spent my career working with engines and reconfiguring set ups that the Utopia Prime Yards thought optimum. Any engineer worth their salt will inform you of the very fact they can make continual adjustments the more they work with an engine. And so too Jimmi has ideas, although flawed in parts, are nevertheless workable and would prove to be exceptionally successful. So don’t rule them out quite so hastily. Especially since he is your flight deck engineer.” This last comment quite pointed. Not a tone normal to Laura.

An awkward silence fell over the four of them. Jimmi was especially so, shifting from one foot to another. Donna bet that he would give anything to be in the Pit Stop or anywhere else for that matter right now.

The young man’s position was a tenuous one. He was part pilot and part engineer and so to whom directly he reported could be argued, though ultimately it did lay with Harrison. Not that this would deter Laura any, Donna knew.

When she was beginning to think that, the silence would stretch for an eternity Moira bounded up to them. She added an ice-cream sundae to her order. “Sorry I couldn’t wait until they came with the drinks to order. Nathan is of course now giving out to me.”

Laura quickly recovered and shook off the incident with a cheery, “Tell Forrest that nothing comes between a girl and her ice-cream! Oh Jimmi, you probably have not met Moira. Moira Nikochevski – Jimmi Ashcroft, one of Commander Harrison’s pilots, but he’s also talented in any thing related to an engine.”

“Oh!” They shook hands and exchanged hellos. “I hope you don’t mean to imply anything by your own staff.”

As Laura protested of course not Donna noticed, but would bet no one else did, Jimmi’s eyes widen at the sight of Moira. “Care to join us anyone? Nathan says the new ship’s counsellor should be joining us shortly.”

Donna did not particularly want to but rightly predicted Laura’s response. “We’d be delighted.” Of course, she could have predicted Harrison’s response too.

“Sorry, but I must be getting back.”

Donna slipped down off her stool and shrugged her shoulders by way of good night to the Commander. Noting Jimmi standing unawares as to whether the invite included him or whether the commander wished him to return to his quarters Donna felt an unusual stab of concern and blurted, kicking herself, “Come on Mr Ashcroft. Don’t just stand around get us three some chairs to sit on.”

“Oh yeah of course.” That was him saved.

As they walked towards Forrest away from a departing Harrison, Donna took the opportunity to survey the streaking lines of rainbow colour as the ship made its way back from Tyopmia Prime towards Gedasada.

At their destination, Donna would find herself grovelling to get support to base a medical facility there for the duration of the War. She shook her head angrily at the thought and at Vaughan complying with the demand from Command.

I’m a doctor not a diplomat.

Before they had even sat, Laura was engaged in a full-scale conversation with Forrest. The two of them often shared moments of mirth, even when on duty, and teased one another as if old friends. It was another example of Laura’s innate appeal to other people that Donna found amazing and sorely wished she had the ability to do likewise. It also showed Nathan did have a rather friendlier command approach so perhaps she was reading too much into his meeting with Moira. The Lieutenant herself did not actually appear to be infatuated with the Commander.

Donna looked out again at the ‘rainbow ribbons’ when suddenly a blinding flash tore through space and smashed into the ship. An unstoppable tidal wave of energy crashing onto the Accipiter battering the vessel like a storm lashing the rocks. The force cast the ship asunder as if God himself had swatted the Accipiter like an insect.

The small party Donna was with were a mini drama of the ship as a whole. Like rag dolls all were tossed as if of no consequence to the universe. All around them plates, glasses, exotic desserts, tables and chairs similarly propelled into the air before violently crashing to the deck. Donna crashing to the deck careened into Moira and then caught her face on the bulkhead.

***
mirandafave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 1 2008, 02:32 AM   #12
TheLoneRedshirt
Commodore
 
TheLoneRedshirt's Avatar
 
Location: The void between my ears
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

Ow, that's gonna leave a mark!

I thought these segments were much more readable. Your dialog is good here. Now we wait and see what happened to the Accipiter and her crew. Hopefully, we'll also discover the cause of this disturbance.
__________________
"You are beginning to damage my calm." - Jayne Cobb
TheLoneRedshirt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 1 2008, 12:42 PM   #13
DavidFalkayn
Commodore
 
DavidFalkayn's Avatar
 
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

Ouch! Now, what caused the disturbance? The dialogue was very good here--we're seeing lines being drawn between the characters, relationships taking shape, conflicts arising. I'm looking forward to more.
__________________
USS Sutherland, Lexington, Gibraltar, Bluefin, Independence, Dauntless, Eagle, Dark Territory all dock here www.unitedtrek.org
DavidFalkayn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 2 2008, 08:29 PM   #14
Mistral
Vice Admiral
 
Mistral's Avatar
 
Location: Between the candle and the flame
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

What was that? I'd like to echo the above statements, if I may. Getting better, although still a little, hmm, odd to read. I've read your reply posts and they flow very smoothly. When you write your story its like you are getting your sentences overly-convoluted. This was definitely better, though. And your character conflict is first-rate.
__________________
...sf fandom is only a personality disorder if you do it right.-Klaus
http://www.adastrafanfic.com - archive stories! www.4rumboys.com for honest gaming

Mistral is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 3 2008, 07:42 PM   #15
CeJay
Commodore
 
CeJay's Avatar
 
Re: USS Accipiter - Buried History

I thought the first segment was a great improvement and read quite smoothly. It got a bit difficult to follow (for me) in the second segment with all the different characters put into the mix. Quite honestly I didn't quite understand all of it.

I did get the end though. That was unexpected.

A fascinating story so far and I'm curious to find out who or what exactly struck the Accipiter.
__________________
Visit StarEagleAdventures.com for original fan-fiction e-books for your preferred e-reader.

Now with a complete United Trek story archive.
CeJay is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 02:57 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
FireFox 2+ or Internet Explorer 7+ highly recommended.