RSS iconTwitter iconFacebook icon

The Trek BBS title image

The Trek BBS statistics

Threads: 141,450
Posts: 5,508,116
Members: 25,131
Currently online: 522
Newest member: xunixan

TrekToday headlines

TV Alert: Pine On Tonight Show
By: T'Bonz on Dec 22

Retro Review: The Emperor’s New Cloak
By: Michelle on Dec 20

Star Trek Opera
By: T'Bonz on Dec 19

New Abrams Project
By: T'Bonz on Dec 18

IDW Publishing March 2015 Comics
By: T'Bonz on Dec 17

Paramount Star Trek 3 Expectations
By: T'Bonz on Dec 17

Star Trek #39 Sneak Peek
By: T'Bonz on Dec 16

Star Trek 3 Potential Director Shortlist
By: T'Bonz on Dec 16

Official Starships Collection Update
By: T'Bonz on Dec 15

Retro Review: Prodigal Daughter
By: Michelle on Dec 13


Welcome! The Trek BBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans. Please login to see our full range of forums as well as the ability to send and receive private messages, track your favourite topics and of course join in the discussions.

If you are a new visitor, join us for free. If you are an existing member please login below. Note: for members who joined under our old messageboard system, please login with your display name not your login name.


Go Back   The Trek BBS > Star Trek Fandom > Fan Fiction

Fan Fiction Other forums talk about Trek. We make it.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old August 14 2009, 12:00 AM   #76
The Badger
Fleet Captain
 
The Badger's Avatar
 
Location: Im in ur Tardis, violating ur canon.
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

First, a quick apology to Lt. Hoshi Sato, who seemed to receive a demotion to ensign in the last part. Sorry about that!

***********************
UES Enterprise. Stationary at the edge of the Rexus system.
27th April 2151.

"I've discussed the matter with the President." said Archer, entering the briefing room. "We are to make our way to the Vulcan space station as quickly as possible, and render any aid we can."

Hernandez stood. "Captain, surely our priority in this situation is to see to the President's safety?"

"I raised that point, Commander, but he was adamant." Archer said, handing her his pad. "An executive order from the Commander in Chief. Can't really argue with that."

For a moment it looked like Hernandez would argue with that. She examined the pad critically. "Very well sir. Though I must lodge an official protest."

"Understood. I'll make a note in the ships log."

Hernandez gave a hint of a smile. "It would be a shame to come all this way, only to turn round at the first hint of danger."

Archer nodded. "That may be a moot point though, if we can't get there quickly enough. Speaking of which..."

He turned and addressed the rest of the room. Apart from Hoshi Sato, who currently had the bridge, all his senior officers were there. Professor Partridge and Doctor Locke were also present.

"How's our transit problem?"

Lt. Moshiri looked round from the display screen. "Not good sir. So far we've only been able to identify two possible warp pathways, and both are on the far side of the system from us. Going round would take over two hours to get to the nearest, and twice that for the other. Transit time in each case would be about half an hour."

Archer winced. That was not good news.

"Lieutenant? How long would it take us to reach this point?" asked Mayweather, indicating an area on the edge of the system.

"At warp speed? A couple of minutes, five at the most. Why?"

Mayweather nodded slowly. "We can get in along this trajectory, then." He traced a line on the map with his finger.

There was a moments surprised silence. It was broken by Locke's derisive snort.

"Ensign, you better get down to sickbay and have your eyes tested. In case you haven't noticed, there's a couple of planets in the way!"

"That's right. Just the two."

Archer and Hernandez exchanged glances.

"Ensign, without a straight line course, we can't warp in." the first officer said, adding " As the saying goes, 'Faster than light, no left or right'."

"With respect ma'am, that's not quite true." Mayweather held his hands out, as if trying to physically capture his ideas, and give them to her. "It's certainly a lot more efficient to go in a straight line, but you can change course at warp. What I suggest is, we head along towards this gas giant. Not straight at it, but a few degrees out. We can then curve round it, head towards this planet, do the same thing, and carry on straight to the station. We'd have to be careful of any orbiting moons, but apart from that, there's nothing in the way that our navigational deflectors can't handle."

Archer looked at his chief engineer. "Trip?"

Tucker didn't look happy. "Well, it is possible." he conceded, "But it'll place the devil of a strain on the engines."

"We can do it sir." Mayweather insisted. "It'll need top notch navigating and piloting, but I can provide the second."

He gave Moshiri a challenging look.

"Oh, you better believe I can provide the former."

She thought about it for a moment. "We'll also need maximum sensor efficiency. Who's our best sensor operator?"

Archer considered this. "If it were a combat situation, I'd say Kaufman. But as we're trying to detect natural phenomena, not ships...Professor Partridge, I'd like you on the bridge."

"Me?"

"If you man the computer station, you could help transfer the relevant data from Kaufman to Moshiri. It'd help make things more efficient."

Partridge looked unsure of herself, but she nodded.

Archer continued. "We have no idea what may be waiting for us there. Commander, much as it pains me to say it, you'd better get the ship prepared for combat."

"Yes sir."

"Mister Reed. Have your marines on standby. If we need to board a Vulcan ship to offer help, I'm afraid it's your boys and girls who'll have to go in first."

"That's what we're here for, Captain. But if I may make a suggestion? Keep them ready here until we're sure it's safe. If someone's been attacking the Vulcans, they might try it on with us. We may have to repel boarders."

Archer rubbed the back of his neck. "Huh. Hadn't thought of that. Better make sure all the UEMA personnel are armed, and all the UESPA's with security training too."

"Aye Captain."

"Doctor Locke, you better get sickbay ready to recieve casualties."

Locke clambered out of his seat. "I've already got Millington sythesizing Vulcan blood. Added to the stuff we've already got on board, we'll be ready."

Hernandez asked "You've already got Vulcan blood?"

"We're carrying a couple of them as passengers, I thought it prudent. Mister Reed, you better send your medic down to sickbay. I'll fill him in on Vulcan triage."

"Will do Doctor."

Archer regarded his crew. "Right, unless any one can come up with a better idea...No? Anyone? Well. I guess that's the plan then. Let's get to work."

***

The Bridge.


Polly Partridge looked absolutely terrified during the journey in, but for once Hernandez didn't blame her. The quick dash to the point that Mayweather had selected was easy enough. So was most of forty minute journey.

The same could not be said about the high speed passage round first one planet, then another. The normal hum of the warp engines was replaced by a hideous high pitched scream that had the resonance of squeaky chalk on a blackboard. Everyone found themselves flinching instinctively. Underlying it was a deeper, more disturbing howl that put Hernandez in mind of the wailing of souls in the torments of Hell itself.

Normal conversation was impossible, and those involved in plotting and executing the manoeuvres resorted to the use of communications headsets to talk to those only a few meters away.

Just as bad were the visual effects. At one point, whilst passing the outer planet, everything seemed to turn blue. Moments later the colour had returned to normal, but the air seemed full of flickering lights.

"A-V radiation." Partridge shouted to be heard. "Caused by leptonic dispersal in an unstable sub space resonance field. Perfectly harmless...I think."

That latter comment did nor reassure Hernandez, but before she could ask for clarification Partridge was sending data on the presence of a moon to Moshiri.

Things settled down once they returned to a straight line course. Tucker immediately called from engineering.

"Cap'n, we took the engines to the red line on that one. Tell me it won't be so bad next time."

"Shouldn't be, the next planet is smaller. We don't need such a tight manoeuvre."

"Glad to hear it. All the same, we're going to have to shut down the reactor soon, or risk it goin' critical."

Archer took a deep breath. "Trip, we may need full power for the weapons when we get there. You've got to keep it going as long as possible."

A pause. "I'll do what I can. Tucker out.". He sounded resigned.

Passing the inner planet was indeed simpler than before. But not by much. During a repeat of the visual phenomena that had accompanied the first planet, there was a horrifying moment where, just for a split second, exposed flesh seemed to melt away leaving pristine white bone in its place.

"Madre de Dios!" Hernandez gasped.

"There are times when I envy the religious." Partridge called out. "I can't really invoke scientific principles in the same way!" Her tone, whilst light, was clearly forced. She too was disturbed.

Fortunately they cleared the planet a few moments later. The run to the station was now clear, save for a cluster of pebble sized rocks that the navigational deflector easily dispersed.

"We are through sir." Moshiri announced, wearily. Both she and Mayweather looked shattered.

Hardly surprising, Archer thought. That may well be the most challenging piece of astronavigation ever attempted by Man.

He stood and moved forward between their seats. "Haleh, Travis. Good work."

"Thank you sir."

"Thanks."

Archer patted them both on the shoulder. "Exemplary, in fact. You too, Mr. Kaufman, Professor. An audacious bit of flying that is sure to go into the record books. Congratulations to everyone involved. Speaking of which..."

He picked up a handset and signalled Tucker. "Trip! How are you holding up down there?"

"Well we're still flying cap'n, but we got problems. That last manoeuvre put a hairline crack in the dilithium crystal. We're havin' t'increase the containment field t'compensate. Jus' be a few more minutes before the whole thing fails."

Archer asked "Can't you just put the spare in?"

"Sure. But we'll need to drop out of warp, so we can shut the reactor down an' let her cool."

"Understood. We'll be there in..." he looked at the clock "...just under three minutes. You'd better get the fusion reactors on-line. We'll need all the power you can spare if we have to fight."

"Yeah, we can keep it goin' that long. If we have to fight, make sure we win. Quickly. Tucker out."

Archer sat back down and looked around. "Professor, I'd like to thank you again for your help. If you want to head to one of the secured quarters, I think we can take it from here."

Partridge went to stand, then slumped back in her chair. "Sorry Captain. I always get a bit wobbly when frightened. I'll be all right in a few minutes."

Hernandez said "Lieutenant Sato, get someone up hear with a glass of water for the Professor, would you?"

"Yes ma'am."

Partridge gave a grateful nod and a faint smile. She looked somewhat bedraggled, her forehead shiny with sweat, eyes glistening as if she were about to burst into tears.

That was understandable though. That trip was...stressful.

"Let's hope we don't have to do that again any time soon." Hernandez said. "And by 'any time soon', I mean the next hundred years or so."

"Captain, you'd better get the Doctor up here." said Partridge. "The A-V radiation has somehow affected Maria's mind. She's showing trace evidence of...a sense of humour."

Mayweather snorted. Moshiri and Sato both giggled. Archer smiled. Even Hernandez herself found her lips curling upwards.

It wasn't much of a joke. But it was enough to break some of the tension.

A chime from Moshiri's console. "Thirty seconds sir."

"Lieutenant Sato, sound Tactical Alert."

"Aye sir."

The sirens blared.

Hernandez checked her station. All gun crews on standby. She made sure the over ride protocols were in place, allowing her to take over any of the weapon arrays if need be.

She glanced at Archer, struck by the realization that this was a man who strived to avoid conflict. An explorer, a diplomat. Not a soldier.

In just a few seconds, he may have to learn to be one.
The Badger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 14 2009, 07:35 PM   #77
adm_gold
Lieutenant Commander
 
adm_gold's Avatar
 
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

Ready for the next part! Very enjoyable. The character interaction is very good.
adm_gold is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 14 2009, 08:42 PM   #78
Mistral
Vice Admiral
 
Mistral's Avatar
 
Location: Between the candle and the flame
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

Yeah, really exciting and your technical dialogue rings true, too!
__________________
...sf fandom is only a personality disorder if you do it right.-Klaus
http://www.adastrafanfic.com - archive stories! www.4rumboys.com for honest gaming

Mistral is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 20 2009, 11:44 PM   #79
The Badger
Fleet Captain
 
The Badger's Avatar
 
Location: Im in ur Tardis, violating ur canon.
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

UES Enterprise. Within the Rexus system.
27th April 2151.

Whilst the birth of a baby gazelle was Jonathan Archer's most abiding memory of his African trip, it wasn't the only one. He saw plenty of examples of nature, as Tennyson put it, 'red in tooth and claw'. One such example was the body of an elephant, dead for some considerable time. Approached from one angle it looked fine, with only the utter lack of movement indicating that it were not simply asleep. From another angle, however, one could see the holes torn into it's flesh by scavengers, leaving sun bleached white bone exposed.

Archer was reminded of that elephant by the sight on the viewscreen. The Vulcan station appeared pristine at first, but as it slowly spun the wounds appeared. Holes, their edges ragged and charred, had been torn into the hull. The skeletal interior bracing was exposed in many places. Even the small clouds of debris brought to mind the vast swarms of flies that had burst into flight as he had approached the fallen elephant so many years ago.

Feeling sickened by the sight, he asked "Is there any chance of survivors?"

Certainly there was no hope of finding anyone alive on the remains of the T'dara Len. The Vulcan Premier's ship had been devastated. Enterprise's sensors had detected no fragment larger than a refrigerator, and all had been irradiated to intolerably high levels when the warp reactor went critical. Remote controlled probes had been dispatched to gather the largest pieces, but it would be hours before it would be safe to bring them on board.

There was no sign of life pods or shuttle craft.

Crewman Kaufman turned round. "Sir, I'm detecting two areas of the station that appear structurally sound. It's possible there could be survivors, though I'm not reading any life signs though all this interference."

"I'm attempting to compensate." said Partridge. "It's a pity we don't have a dedicated science station here on the bridge, it would make things a whole lot easier. Still, I've got Jeff and Salome down in the science section, keeping an eye on...". She broke off as her station's communicator squawked. "Excuse me, I better take this."

Whilst she took the call, Archer looked at Kaufman. "Any sign of any other ships?"

"No sir. It's possible that they could be powered down, but even with all the interference I should be picking up some residue. Enterprise's sensors are the best Earth has got."

Archer sat back in his chair, steepling his fingers. He wanted to send a party to the station as soon as possible, but if the attacker was still around that could be a bad move. Kaufman's words were reassuring, but still...

"Captain, that was Tony in astrometrics." Partridge said. "I've had him running a few computer models. I, well we," she gestured to Kaufman, "detected some of the debris moving oddly."

"Oddly?" Hernandez asked.

"Yes, it was moving far too fast compared to the rest of the debris field. It looks rather like something, generating a continuum distortion field, passed through it at increasing velocity."

A continuum distortion field, Archer thought. Warp drive.

Moshiri looked up. "Professor, can you give me it's vector?"

Polly didn't answer, but instead tapped a few keys at her station. The required information was sent straight to Navigation.

It took Moshiri just a few seconds to reach a conclusion. "Captain, that takes it straight towards the nearest warp corridor."

Archer nodded. "So it looks like our mysterious attacker has flown the coop. Any idea as to when?"

"About the same time we arrived at the edge of the system and began scanning, give or take half an hour ." Partridge said.

"Perhaps we scared them off." Archer mused. "At any rate, we can't keep running at full power much longer. Hoshi, take us to Condition Two, and tell Trip to shut down the main reactor for repairs."

"Aye sir."

"Commander, I better inform the President of what's happening. While I'm gone, you have the bridge."

"Yes sir."

"Captain!" Kaufman called out. "I've got something. It looks like...yes, I have confirmation. The Vulcan Premier's personal shuttle is docked at the station."

Archer walked to the sensors station and peered over Kaufman's shoulder. "Are you sure? Where? Oh, yeah, I see it. Good eyes, Kaufman."

"Thank you sir."

Straightening up, Archer said. "Well, that settles it. Hoshi, call Lieutenant Reed. Tell him he and his people are going on a little journey."


*************

Unlike the UESPA shuttles, painted a pristine white, the Beowulf landing craft employed by the Marines on their approach to the station was matte black. With running lights extinguished and all ports closed it was almost impossible to spot. It's curved shape and energy absorbent panelling made it just as difficult to pick up on sensors.

The Minimal Emission Thrusters guiding it's course were not very efficient when it came to altering the vessels trajectory. Bursts of ten to fifteen seconds were needed to cause any significant change to the craft's motion, meaning the pilot had to plan in advance. But unlike the main engines, the MET's did not give off an easily noticed energy signature.

In the belly of the craft twelve Marines sat in silence. All wore black, armoured environmental suits. All carried EM-414 assault rifles, even Sandstrom, who normally carried something with a bit more punch. Reed didn't think that would be needed in this case. Underslung below each rifle barrel was an EM-119a Directed Energy Weapon. There had been some grumbles when Reed had ordered these be fitted. The lasers were not the most efficient weapon in the Marines arsenal, and not well loved. They were well suited for zero gravity however. No recoil.

"Approaching entry point. Two minutes." That was the pilot.

Reed responded with a quick acknowledgement. All internal comms were handled through each suits internal microphone and speaker system, routed through a cable that physically plugged into a socket in each chair. No radio transmissions, even inside the shuttle, would be allowed to give away their position.

The course they took had been carefully plotted, to minimise the chance of the black craft passing in front of a visible object. It couldn't be avoided completely of course, but the momentary occlusion of a faint star was preferable to a silhouette appearing in front of the Enterprise herself.

"Sixty seconds."

Across from Reed Corporal M'boto held up his scanner, and carefully released it. It hung in front of him, spinning slightly in the zero-gee. Then, as the pilot began braking manoeuvres, it begun to drift towards the front. M'boto grabbed it before it got out of reach. He smiled. That always amused him.

Reed tapped a couple of studs on his suits wrist computer. The helmet's head up display gave him a ghostly view from the shuttle's forward cameras. He winced at the damage to the station. From this vantage point it looked even worse than from the Enterprise.

The shuttle was on course to the entry point, avoiding the shuttle bay entirely. The bay was an obvious way in, and Reed was too good at his job to go for the obvious.

"Thirty seconds."

He flicked the HUD over to his people's medical status. All were showing increased heartbeat and respiration, though nothing too high. Pretty much as expected. There was a slight, but noticeable, increase in the amount of fidgiting. Everyone was getting ready.

The only exception was Woo, who sat stock still, expressionless. Reed knew for a fact that the man was as nervous as the rest of them, but in his capacity as sergeant Woo found it useful to embody the stereotype of the 'inscrutable Chinese'. It kept the lower ranks in line. When he had a spare moment in private he would practice in front of a mirror, staring himself down.

"Hard contact in five, four, three, two, one. Contact."

A shudder ran through the shuttle.

Reed hit the release on his safety straps. "Let's see what's in there."
The Badger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 23 2009, 04:32 PM   #80
Count Zero
Decidedly something
 
Count Zero's Avatar
 
Location: Land of Awesome
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

It's getting exciting. Looking forward to reading more soon.
__________________
"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates." Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi
Count Zero is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 24 2009, 08:39 PM   #81
Mistral
Vice Admiral
 
Mistral's Avatar
 
Location: Between the candle and the flame
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

Yeah, really like your military writing-considering things I probably wouldn't take into account. Like the means of egress, and the design of the shuttle. Well done!
__________________
...sf fandom is only a personality disorder if you do it right.-Klaus
http://www.adastrafanfic.com - archive stories! www.4rumboys.com for honest gaming

Mistral is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 26 2009, 03:57 PM   #82
The Badger
Fleet Captain
 
The Badger's Avatar
 
Location: Im in ur Tardis, violating ur canon.
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

Rexus Station interior.
27th April 2151.

There was a knack to moving in zero gravity, even with magna-adhesion boots. First, you made sure your leading foot was securely placed, wriggling it slightly to be certain it wouldn't come loose. Then, carefully, you brought your torso forward. It was convenient to think of it as putting your weight over your leading foot, even though concepts such as 'weight' and 'above' didn't apply in this environment.

The inertial effect of such a move made it easier to pull the trailing foot up off the deck without loosing contact at the front. You had to raise the back foot higher than you would under normal conditions, the adhesion field dropped off quickly with range, but it could still pull you back to the deck if you weren't careful. Then you brought that foot forward. Not straight forward, that could cause interference with the field around the leading foot, so you had to swing it out slightly. Practice taught you just how much of a swing was needed. You could always spot novices by the comical swaying from side to side as they walked with too much swing. Not enough swing, and their feet would slam together, or jerk painfully apart, or maybe they'd lose contact with the deck altogether as the adhesion field dephased.

When the raised foot was in place, and the wise Marine checked visually before proceeding, it was lowered firmly but carefully to the deck. The whole process was then repeated with the other foot.

Progress was slow, but steady. It was with a certain amount of pride that Reed could say his squad held the record for fastest time around the outer hull of Schofield Station, averaging only slightly less than walking speed under normal conditions. They were going slower now. When investigating an alien space station attacked by an unknown force, caution was the watchword.

For convenience, the squad all walked on the same surface. It would have been easy to use the ceiling or walls, but by sticking to the floor everyone kept the same orientation. A faint green arrow in his helmet's HUD helpfully pointed 'down', ensuring he wouldn't lose track. It was easy to do, even for the experienced.

A blinking yellow warning light in the lower left of his HUD caught his attention. It indicated a loss of communications with the landing craft. He paused. So did the other Marines, who'd received the same warning. After a few seconds the light went out as contact was re-established. He sent he quick status report to the lander, got one back, and proceeded down the corridor.

The Line Of Sight, Infra Red system they were using for communications had a tactical advantage over conventional radio signalling. Radio waves were penetrating, making them easy to detect even through the hull. It would, quite literally, broadcast the presence and location of the Marines. The LOSIR system would not go through the hull. It could be stopped by thick enough paper. Unless there were sensors actually in the areas they were going through, the signals wouldn't be detected. And if there were such sensors, the Marines would be spotted whether they signalled or not.

The problem with the system is that it only worked, as the name suggested, when there was a clear line of sight. You didn't have to be able to physically see the person you wanted to talk to, but there did have to be a clear uninterrupted line between you and them. Or, if not them personally, something that could relay the signal. Another Marine, placed so he could see you both, would suffice. Each suit had sufficient pass-along capability to ensure that a squad could still communicate efficiently if just one Marine could draw a LOS to all the others, even if none of them had direct contact with anyone else.

In addition, as they progressed thought the station, Reed's people made sure to leave small relay units adhered in appropriate locations. About the size of a pack of playing cards, these linked back to the landing craft. Once docked with the station, the crew of the lander had used a powerful plasma torch to make a small hole in the hull. A probe was extended through, to check on conditions inside. The plasma torch then opened up a large enough entry point. With the Marines disembarked the lander crew shut their hatch, but left the probe extended. With a relay unit in sight, this allowed real time communication between the lander and the boarding party.

The trouble was that there was so much debris floating round within the station. It was unlikely to damage the relay units--they were sturdy little machines--but was dense enough to temporarily degraded the signal as it zig zagged back along the corridors to the landing craft. It had happened four times so far, only for a few seconds each time, but it was enough to make Reed jumpy.

Sandstrom's name came up in green on the HUD, letting Reed know who was speaking. The LOSIR system tended to compress the sounds of a transmission, making it difficult to recognise voices.

"Sir, I've got...oh..oh God, it's a body."

Moving forwards, Reed could see why Sandstrom was so put out. The body, a Vulcan woman with greying hair, hung at a grotesque angle near the ceiling. The right arm was missing below the elbow.

Up until now the Marines had been using night vision, but that had it's limits. Reed activated his helmet's flash light.

A green stain was spread across the chest of her tunic. Blood. Moving carefully around the body, he saw the cause. A deep hole, blackened and charred, was gouged in her back.

"Looks like a plasma weapon. High output, probably overcharged to get that level of penetration. Very short range." he mused.

Dumont, the medic, made his own examination, nodding in agreement.

"Look, sir. These splash patterns on the floor, and the scorching. My guess? The artificial gravity was still on. She was shot, probably loosing her arm, and fell. She was then shot in the back."

"Clearly someone wanted to make sure she was dead." Reed said. Overcharging a plasma weapon would make it a lot more powerful but risked a burn out of the pulse emitter. He and his people did it often in the border war with the Axanar, though they'd still been using the EM-400 then. Supposedly, the EM-414 would be powerful enough not to need it. He'd scrounged up a few spare pulse emitters, just in case.

A thought struck him. "Hang on, if the gravity was on then main power must have been on, right?"

M'boto said "That's right sir, assuming Vulcan systems are anything like ours."

"But it looks like the generators were destroyed by weapons fire from another ship. So whoever did this--" he gestured to the body "--got on board before the station was attacked. In fact---"

He was interrupted by Corporal James. "Contact left! Six meters! Single..AAAAaah!!"

A red light pulsed on Reed's HUD.

James' suit was no longer signalling.
The Badger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 26 2009, 04:08 PM   #83
JJohnson
Captain
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

Good job so far - I'm only on the first page, but I like it. Can you give a list of actors whom you'd imagine in the roles, if only to give a face to the characters?
JJohnson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 26 2009, 05:52 PM   #84
JJohnson
Captain
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

The Badger wrote: View Post
Thanks for the input, Admiral2. You've raised some good points.

In retrospect, the Travis Mayweather situation was somewhat over done. In the TV series young Travis practically disappeared. I wanted to give him more to do.
Looking back on it though it is unrealistic, and were I too re-write it I'd certainly tone it down somewhat. As it is there will have to be a confrontation along the lines you suggest sooner rather than later.

Personally, I find what I've written so far to be satisfactory....for a first draft. Lots of room for improvement I know.


Regarding the inefficiency of the ship, that's deliberate (on my part, not the ships designers). Obviously I didn't explain it well enough in the narrative, but Earth's current vessels are too small, too short ranged, too lightly armed and simply too old to do their job. The Declaration class was supposed to solve that problem, but everything ran over budget and behind schedule. It was a choice between an imperfect solution now, and a perfect one far too late.

As to why Earth feels the need to have new warships now, you'll have to wait and see...

As to your casting suggestions...
Tricia Helfer, well, I first thought she was 'just' eye candy on BSG, but she surprised me at times with just how good an actress she was.

Brandy Ledford I must admit I'm not familiar with, but a quick GIS revealed her to be hot with a side order of 'daaaamn'.

And as for Jeri Ryan, well I must admit I had considered eventually marrying Polly off to some one with the surname 'Hansen' .

Thanks for the input, keep it coming, it's the only way I'll get better!
Brandy Ledford over Tricia Helfer any day. Tricia is pretty, but too skinny. Brandy is actually curvy. Jeri is already used on Voyager, but you could get away by having her be an ancestor.
JJohnson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 26 2009, 06:48 PM   #85
The Badger
Fleet Captain
 
The Badger's Avatar
 
Location: Im in ur Tardis, violating ur canon.
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

I'm glad your enjoying it so far, and hope you continue to do so!

As for a cast list, all those characters who were in the proper series would be played by the same actors. Whilst some were inconsistently written, and others badly underutilised, that was the writers fault. The actors themselves did fine, IMHO.

There are a few changes, such as Reed speaking with a Yorkshire accent rather than the upper class one, but nothing major.

I always pictured Michelle Rodriguez as Maria Hernandez. She looks right for the part, and has a tough edge that would be right for the role.

I didn't have everyone in particular in mind for Haleh Moshiri. I was simply copying Gene Roddenberry, putting a Klingon on the Enterprise-D to show that today's enemies could be tomorrows friends. At the moment the middle east is perceived as the enemy, so I took that on board. As it happens a little after I came up with the idea I saw, on TV, the Iranian British stand up comedian Shappi Khorsandi, and have had her in mind since then.

Philip Locke, as my Phlox replacement, should really be played by John Billingsley. However, whilst writing for him, I found him gradually transforming into Dean Stockwell. Undoubtedly I was influenced by his role as Cavil in nu-BSG.

I see, JJohnson, that like many others you have taken up the challenge of casting Mary Sue, sorry, I mean Polly Partridge! I was originally inspired, if that's the right word, by Jane Fonda in Barbarella. Brandy Ledford looks great for the part, though I'm not sure a devout Christian would feel comfortable playing a total Atheist (though,as a professional actor, she should be able to). Tricia Helfer could manage it with appropriate padding.

Jeri Ryan could be perfect for the role. So could Chuck's Yvonne Strahovski. She has some experience with a suitable outfit...
http://godump.gameon.co.uk/tehdump/5304875305ys.jpg

Kate Beckinsale has the looks and the accent, and her Underworld costumes are definitely right for Polly. I wonder how she would look as a blonde.
The Badger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 26 2009, 08:46 PM   #86
JJohnson
Captain
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

I'm not too familiar with the differences in Yorkshire vs. RP, but I can assume it's something like the Ninth Doctor's accent "every planet has a north!"

As for Polly, perhaps part of her character development would be that she gradually grows into a faith, perhaps aided by Maria? Could give the two an interesting interaction dynamic, and continue Maria's little bit about interest in the Catholic services on board.

Kate is nice, though she doesn't fill out the outfits as well as perhaps Michelle Ryan might, or a Page 3 girl like Sophie Howard, Keeley Hazell, or Michelle Marsh might. And a good actress, you're right, can get into a role, so I think Brandy would work.

I kept thinking of the Doc in nu-BSG myself - a curmudgeon, but still with a nice heart and a very human view of things...I hope we get to see a softer side of him at some point.

As for the ship, I kinda liked the NX class - it grew on me, but it does fit well with that vessel seen in TMP. For warp speed, are you using TNG scale, or the TOS (w^3) scale? And is the bridge the same or similar as in the TV show?
JJohnson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 26 2009, 09:58 PM   #87
Count Zero
Decidedly something
 
Count Zero's Avatar
 
Location: Land of Awesome
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

Great chapter! I liked how it was written from a military point of view. You obviously put a lot of thought into the details of this universe. Very nice.
__________________
"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates." Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi
Count Zero is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 27 2009, 01:34 PM   #88
The Badger
Fleet Captain
 
The Badger's Avatar
 
Location: Im in ur Tardis, violating ur canon.
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

JJohnson wrote: View Post
I'm not too familiar with the differences in Yorkshire vs. RP, but I can assume it's something like the Ninth Doctor's accent "every planet has a north!"
Similar, but not quite the same. Reed's accent is rather soft. Think Sean Bean in Goldeneye, Sharpe or Lord Of The Rings and you'll be fairly near the mark!

JJohnson wrote: View Post
As for Polly, perhaps part of her character development would be that she gradually grows into a faith, perhaps aided by Maria? Could give the two an interesting interaction dynamic, and continue Maria's little bit about interest in the Catholic services on board.
An interesting idea, but unlikely. Cards on the table, I'm a non-believer myself. I wanted to use Polly to present a positive Atheist character who didn't fit the 'Hollywood Atheist' stereotype (see http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.ph...llywoodAtheist). Hopefully without getting too preachy.

That said, I think Polly and Maria's conflicting viewpoints do have a dramatic potential, rather like TOS's Spock and McCoy. Two people who eventually develop respect, even friendship, but still argue.

Also, If I continue beyond this initial story, I can see Polly and Maria in a reimagining of "Shuttlepod One". Seeing how these two different people cope together in the face of certain death could be interesting.


JJohnson wrote: View Post
For warp speed, are you using TNG scale, or the TOS (w^3) scale? And is the bridge the same or similar as in the TV show?
Real answer? Ships move at the speed of plot. I tend towards the TOS scale at the moment. It seems to fit.

The bridge is similar to the TV show, except that it's darker, there are several support struts, lot's of exposed piping, and as of yet there is no dedicated science station. For the trip into the Rexus system Polly used the computer monitoring station next to the sensors station. Sensors, at this point, is prioritized for military applications, hence it's location next to gunnery.

Count Zero wrote: View Post
Great chapter! I liked how it was written from a military point of view. You obviously put a lot of thought into the details of this universe. Very nice.
Thanks. I once read an essay by Kingsley Amis called 'The Fleming Effect'. It explained how Ian Fleming's James Bond novels gain realism through the use of details. Gene Roddenberry did something similar. He could have gone with a flying saucer or rocket ship design for the Enterprise. He realized that, by putting a bit of extra effort (and, this being television, a lot of extra money) into the design, he could make things seem more real. That's what I'm trying to emulate.


Oh, someone I forgot from my cast list. Corporal Autumn James is of course played by Summer Glau.
The Badger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 27 2009, 01:57 PM   #89
JJohnson
Captain
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

Can't stand Summer Glau....ugh. (One of a string of anorexic-looking actresses to me). Lexa Doig? Monica Schnarr? Sarah Roemer or Laura Ramsey? Just a few options...but definitely keep up the timeline. Quite interesting.
JJohnson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 27 2009, 06:38 PM   #90
The Badger
Fleet Captain
 
The Badger's Avatar
 
Location: Im in ur Tardis, violating ur canon.
Re: Starship Enterprise "Broken Bow" (Alternate version)

Well, I like Summer (see my avatar!) so she's in my version, but you're free to imagine whoever you like in the role.

Mind you, now you've mentioned Lexa Doig, I'll have to find something for her to do.
The Badger is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:51 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
FireFox 2+ or Internet Explorer 7+ highly recommended.