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Old May 3 2009, 11:14 PM   #1
USS Triumphant
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JLTrek - Thread 1: Origins

WARNING: This Thread May Contain Spoilers About ANYTHING!!!!

By way of explanation: Many moons ago, there was a BBS-like Internet service known as GEnie (General Electric Network for Information Exchange). Buried deep within its myriad menus was a forum known as the Comics Roundtable, and found within was a series of threads where the ongoing adventures of the JLGEnie were described by way of round-robin posting - one poster would pick up where the last left off, taking the story through another chapter.

The JLGEnie existed on Earth-H, the Earth where some supervillains and rampaging anti-heroes like the Hulk could be stopped by putting Hostess cupcakes and fruit pies in their path. But not all could, and heroes like Writer Guy (who had the typewriter that made things come true from the old Twilight Zone episode), Rich Lather (who possessed an armored suit that could fire a variety of creams and lotions), Ultra-Tight-Mini-Skirt Lass (who wielded the power of ... well, distraction), Chain Smoker (who flew on a cloud of cigarette smoke, and flicked explosive cigarette butts), and Slow-On-The-Uptake Lad (more on him momentarily) heroically faced down those who used their powers for evil.

About a decade ago, a harbinger of doom came to ... harbinge ... of an ancient threat in deep space, moving slowly toward Earth-H. Many of the heroes of the world, and even some of the villains, gathered together and went to meet the threat. None have been heard from since, but about five years ago, the planet was bathed over the course of three days with a variety of strange radiations from the direction they left in - and some of those radiations matched the energy signatures of the powers of those who had gone. The worst has been feared for all of them.

In the meantime, some of those exposed to the radiation have developed strange and usually ridiculous powers of their own. Also, the governments of the world have begun preparations to defend against the ancient threat, which they have no choice but to assume is still coming.

Our story opens with Slow-On-The-Uptake Lad sitting on a park bench, suddenly taking notice and looking all about himself....


"Where'd everyone go?!"


"So, at the behest of one of the members of the JLGEnie who remained behind ten years ago, I've called you all together in the hope that you will agree to undertake a mission. We want to finally find out what, exactly, happened to the other supers. And we want to send you to do that."

"But I thought that we determined the location in space that the radiation came from was too distant for NASA to reach, Bub," said Captain Faceplant, semi-psychotic master of the trip attack, from the gathered group.

"It was. But we've recently acquired access to some technology that has changed that situation. If you'd explain further, Ambassador Spork?"

From the back of the room, a figure emerged from the shadows, and pulled back the hood on his cloak to reveal pointed ears, and a perverted twinkle in the eyes.

"Certainly, General. Ordinarily, the government of my planet, Vulgar, declines to provide technological assistance to less advanced races to avoid undue interference in their development. In this case, however, we have decided to make an exception, and we are helping your NASA build a starship. This is both because one of our Vulgar priestesses was amongst those who have gone missing, and in recognition of certain other concessions your government has provided us with."

"Concessions?" asked NinKey, mistress of Ninja perversions.

The general looked embarassed for a moment, and then quietly admitted, "We had to trade them Zoe Saldana, Jolene Blalock, and Hugh Jackman."

"Ahem. Anyway, those of you who agree to undertake this mission will be inducted into the ranks of a new supergroup - the Justice League "Trek", named for the deep space trek you will be making. The ship will be ready in two weeks. Inform my staff of your decisions, and if you require any assistance in preparing. Thank you all for coming."


A rocket-assisted bicycle floats across the Iowan countryside, and stops within easy view of the massive starship NASA and Vulgar technicians are busy building. It is easily the one of the most impressive constructions that mankind has ever undertaken.

"Eh. Well, I guess I'll check it out. If I'm not doing anything else that day," the Nonchalant Kid said to himself, as he peeled onward down the road.


Next writer, please.

Oh, and feel free to comment in the thread - just as long as everyone can tell it isn't meant to continue the story, which isn't usually a problem.
As the brilliant philosopher once said... Everybody, have fun tonight. Everybody, Wang Chung tonight.
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Old May 5 2009, 01:17 AM   #2
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Re: JLTrek - Thread 1: Origins

I'll post tomorrow, I promise.
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Old May 6 2009, 12:54 AM   #3
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Re: JLTrek - Thread 1: Origins

Hilarious stuff!
Visit for original fan-fiction e-books for your preferred e-reader.

Now with a complete United Trek story archive.
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Old May 6 2009, 06:06 PM   #4
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Re: JLTrek - Thread 1: Origins

Plecostomus wrote: View Post
I'll post tomorrow, I promise.

As the brilliant philosopher once said... Everybody, have fun tonight. Everybody, Wang Chung tonight.
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Old May 7 2009, 05:06 PM   #5
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Re: JLTrek - Thread 1: Origins

Elsewhere on the following morning, at the offices of the Justice Society of Chicago, a mystery was afoot.

Kathleen O’Gratin, the superheroine who went by the moniker Tater Baby, was missing. It was her turn to watch the Trouble-A-Lert monitoring station – as it all too frequently was, due to her being the only female member of a team of misogynistic jerks. Captain Confederate, in particular, was fond of saying that the job, which also involved working the reception desk, was “woman’s work”. He was also fond of rearranging the schedules, and the rest of the guys let him get away with it.

Tater Baby had passed many an hour at the desk in consideration of filing a complaint with the Society’s international headquarters, and many a daydream with thoughts of how C.C. would look running from the spray of her Potato Gun with that fancy shield of his shoved right up his….

Anyway, she wasn’t there this morning. All that was there was a note, beautifully written in gold on lilac-colored and -scented paper -

Come 2 C me in the Park
I Will Send 4 U a car
Chanhassen isn’t very far
Baby, U can B A Star!

- and the A-Lert going off, with indications that a local grocery store was being robbed by a mob of people in colored robes.

After examining the note for a moment, Mr. Fix-It – a hero with a passing resemblance to Bob Vila and none at all to the long-gone Hulk – decided, “Captain, take Crotch Rocket and Drunken Master and see to the robbery. The rest of us will find out what has happened to Kathy.” (Tater Baby hated being called “Kathy.”)


By way of some explanation here: Crotch Rocket is a teenaged boy who can morph into a self-controlled motorcycle that can shoot frikkin' lasers from its headlights, and Drunken Master is a master of movie-style (NOT real style) martial arts who gets better as he gets drunkier.

Again, anyone who wants to, feel free to jump in. Pick up from one of mine, or start a 'C' plot. I'm not propietary with any of this.
As the brilliant philosopher once said... Everybody, have fun tonight. Everybody, Wang Chung tonight.
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