RSS iconTwitter iconFacebook icon

The Trek BBS title image

The Trek BBS statistics

Threads: 138,381
Posts: 5,357,121
Members: 24,628
Currently online: 528
Newest member: suryaprabu02

TrekToday headlines

The Gene Roddenberry Project Kickstarter
By: T'Bonz on Jul 30

Moore: No Deep Space Nine Regrets
By: T'Bonz on Jul 30

Pegg Star Wars Rumor
By: T'Bonz on Jul 30

Borg Cube Fridge
By: T'Bonz on Jul 29

Free Enterprise Kickstarter
By: T'Bonz on Jul 29

Siddig To Join Game Of Thrones
By: T'Bonz on Jul 29

Sci-Fried To Release New Album
By: T'Bonz on Jul 28

Star Trek/Planet of the Apes Crossover
By: T'Bonz on Jul 28

Star Trek into Darkness Soundtrack
By: T'Bonz on Jul 28

Horse 1, Shatner 0
By: T'Bonz on Jul 28


Welcome! The Trek BBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans. Please login to see our full range of forums as well as the ability to send and receive private messages, track your favourite topics and of course join in the discussions.

If you are a new visitor, join us for free. If you are an existing member please login below. Note: for members who joined under our old messageboard system, please login with your display name not your login name.


Go Back   The Trek BBS > Star Trek Fandom > Fan Productions

Fan Productions Creating our own Trek canon!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old August 12 2011, 11:51 PM   #1531
JimTheBuilder
Lieutenant Commander
 
JimTheBuilder's Avatar
 
Location: In a van, down by the river in Vermont
Send a message via Yahoo to JimTheBuilder
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

T'Bonz wrote: View Post

I understand that you're new here (and welcome) but dredging up old posts from someone banned to attack that poster is really not acceptable.

The guy is gone, any trouble he caused here is history, and trouble he caused elsewhere as you reference is not our business and let's get back to discussing various fan productions.

Thanks.
Understood...and no harm or attack intended...just to clarify, as was pointed out, to my GREAT dismay, his actions were reflecting poorly on others from another forum, as some here had pointed out. I cannot stand guilt by association and I just wanted to make it VERY clear that we (the others) in NO WAY abide by those actions any more than you do. I had no idea he'd been banned here, being new and all. I just wanted all offended to know that the problem was delt with, not to attack, (heavens NO!) or rub anyone's nose in their mess, but in the spirit of keeping the peace. Fair enough?

Thanks!

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming!
JimTheBuilder is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 16 2011, 04:32 AM   #1532
JimTheBuilder
Lieutenant Commander
 
JimTheBuilder's Avatar
 
Location: In a van, down by the river in Vermont
Send a message via Yahoo to JimTheBuilder
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

Captain Robert April wrote: View Post
OH, SNAP!

Sorry, couldn't resist..
nyuck-nyuck...Ok..I get it...I did something stupid....lesson learned...
JimTheBuilder is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 16 2011, 04:37 AM   #1533
JimTheBuilder
Lieutenant Commander
 
JimTheBuilder's Avatar
 
Location: In a van, down by the river in Vermont
Send a message via Yahoo to JimTheBuilder
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

For those interested, the EXETER sets were pretty water damaged when the guys picked them up in TX. Not ALL of them...just the consols that had been stored in an open pole barn. Some of the countertops had almost totally turned to sawdust... could poke my finger right thru the stuff. Damn shame. Took quite an effort to bring them back. Half the overhead displays were in really sorry shape...good thing we came along when we did!
JimTheBuilder is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 20 2011, 12:58 AM   #1534
Professor Moriarty
Vice Admiral
 
Professor Moriarty's Avatar
 
Location: System L-374
View Professor Moriarty's Twitter Profile
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

^^^ I haz a sad.
__________________
My crappy blog
Professor Moriarty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 20 2011, 03:05 AM   #1535
JimTheBuilder
Lieutenant Commander
 
JimTheBuilder's Avatar
 
Location: In a van, down by the river in Vermont
Send a message via Yahoo to JimTheBuilder
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

Be not sad, for restoration is underway!
JimTheBuilder is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 20 2011, 03:44 PM   #1536
Captain Robert April
Vice Admiral
 
Location: In selfless service to fandom, on the road to becoming a Star Trek trivia god...
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

Just take a gander at the Starship Ajax thread, they've got lotsa pics of the restoration process.
Captain Robert April is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 24 2011, 12:28 AM   #1537
Bixby
Commander
 
Bixby's Avatar
 
The ATLANTIS INVADERS

Post-opening credits

The opening shot is a Star Trek staple, a Starfleet vessel orbiting around that episode’s alien planet du jour, with the Captain’s voice-over providing a short recap. This show’s commander, John Garrovick, mentions the reception of a high priority distress call from federation colony planet Atlantis VI. A subsequent cursory evaluation reveals no imminent threat and he readies to transport down.

The next sequence begins immediately at planetside.

Dramatically speaking , the preceding sequence fails to follow the previously-established situation logically. Why tease the audience with the possibility of a huge space battle (Code Factor One as an analogue for an alien invasion is mentioned and explained 3 times on pages 9 and 10), if you step on the brakes immediately after and have Garrovick and a small landing party beaming down as though all were well?

More appropriate, in my opinion, is to start back from commercial on Exeter’s bridge, all personnel at alert stations with the red alert klaxon still blaring. Intercut with viewing screen shots as the starship approaches the Atlantis star system at full warp speed.

Now would be a prime opportunity for Commander Harris as the Spock/science officer stand-in to be Miss Exposition and fill the audience in as to what is coming up:

(1) What is Atlantis VI, anyway? You would think Garrovick would want to be prepared for the very serious situation ahead of him, but it is only on page 22 that someone finally gives him a bit of background on the planet. It’s supposedly a water planet, does that mean there is absolutely NO surface land mass? (Earth has about 29% land mass, does Atlantis have 0%, and if so is that scientifically possible?). Also, I would assume Starfleet would do massive biological surveys on Atlantis before allowing a private company to set up for business. I’m pretty sure Starfleet would not want civilians to be annihilated by a horde of facehuggers and chestbursters...that’s a different movie universe

... Of course, doing so greatly complicates how the Amphibians manage to remain a surprise when they encounter the miners and Garrovick...

(2) Just what company is exploiting and mining Atlantis VI for ‘’scurvium’’, is it Starfleet-related, privately-owned...? It’s mentioned the mining installation has been established for 12 years. So is it the ONE offshore platform, where most of the action takes place, or are there many of them? Only one in 12 years to mine what is supposedly a deeply vital natural resource for the Federation seems odd, so it might be better to explain the company has been there only a year or less.

(3) I really dislike the name ‘’scurvium’’, by the way, but this element should also be explained more fully. Page 12 describes it as particle-form found in bodies of water, or found far beneath a planet’s crust...So, does that mean all alien worlds have Scurvium in their water, or only some planets such as Atlantis VI? Dramatically, it would mean more if only Atlantis VI contained this element in its oceans, making the planet valuable enough for Starfleet to immediately intervene, instead of simply sending a lesser intervention team, such as merchant marines or even just research vessels. However , by making the planet so valuable makes it hard to explain why the planet didn’t already have a locally-based army...

Now armed with this information as explained by Harris, it would make tactical sense for Garrovick to have a discussion with Starfleet Commodore Jennings back on Earth, get his feedback, and surely ask for reinforcements (one starship against a possible alien invasion fleet? Come ON!). He should at least have B’fuselek send a coded message. Then when within the Atlantis star system, he should have Harris and the helm officer futilely scanning for enemy ships, and B’fuselek immediately contacting the mining installation administration for a status report.

Last edited by Bixby; August 24 2011 at 01:33 AM.
Bixby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 24 2011, 01:27 AM   #1538
Bixby
Commander
 
Bixby's Avatar
 
The ATLANTIS INVADERS

I want to thank DS9Sega for his input and the recollection of his involvement with The Atlantis Invaders for the Johnson Brothers. It's interesting that we made many of the same observations, but it appears we have different solutions.

I still think the overall story is mostly salvageable, but only if an actual theme is found, the characters act logically, and some real emotion is found...

Were it my job to write a Star Trek script from start to finish, I would try as hard as I can to insert at least one moment in my story that has some of the poignancy as my two favorite TOS moments: the first is the speech by Matt Decker in THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE as he tells Kirk about the final fate of the Constellation's crew. The second is at the end of A PRIVATE LITTLE WAR, where Kirk's childhood friend Tyree desperately fights off the enemy villagers who killed his wife...

DS9Sega rightly points out how complicated and near-unmanageable The Atlantis Invaders is at the 3rd draft stage, and I've decided for the sake of sanity (and so that I won't still be writing this in 5 years), to try instead to analyze according to the 4 major players in this story: those would be Garrovick, DIRECTOR/ Callahan, the amphibians and Tri'tillya. To find a clear direction for all 4 within this story.

...So off I go back to my little exercise, and as before all input and opinions are welcome...

Last edited by Bixby; August 24 2011 at 01:58 AM.
Bixby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 24 2011, 05:01 AM   #1539
Captain Robert April
Vice Admiral
 
Location: In selfless service to fandom, on the road to becoming a Star Trek trivia god...
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

Maybe instead of making up yet another mystery element of the week, howzabout having them mining dilithium directly from the seawater? Weird planet, lots and lots of dilithium on the ocean floor, and thus unreachable by conventional means, but the dilithium leeches into the water, and can be collected and easily processed, in surprisingly large quantities, making it a very valuable resource for the Federation.

The dilemma comes in with the native animal life feeding on this sea dilithium ("sealithium?" ), and the sentient amphibian population feed on the animal life, which suddenly isn't doing so well now that this bunch of dilithium miners is sucking all the dilithium out of the water.

Natives attack, production drops, Starfleet panics and sends in Garrovick and the Exeter. Peaceful solution: Miners agree to extract the dilithium at a more sustainable level, so as not to threaten the native animal life, everyone goes back to their corners, and everyone's happy again.

I'd also suggest making "Atlantis" the name of the mining company, since these guys seem to specialize in oceanic operations. Name the planet something less cheesy, like Sigma Draconis III, or something like that.
Captain Robert April is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 24 2011, 09:48 AM   #1540
Maurice
Vice Admiral
 
Maurice's Avatar
 
Location: Maurice in San Francisco
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

Identifying the problems with a script is the easy part, figuring out how to fix them is where it gets hard. Calling Starfleet and talking to Jennings and asking for reinforcements are exactly the wrong approach, because that way you end up having characters talking about what to do and seeking outside assistance, when narratively it's faster and better to simply change the problem to make it something the characters can deal with by themselves.

For instance, the Jimm & Josh script featured a flock of bad guys. There was the Director of the colony, Drident, AND a mysterious hooded figure who was buying the miner's product. That was three antagonists, plus this rogue from Garrovick's past: Callahan. My making Callahan the Director both cut down the number of major characters and made the tension between him and Garrovick a bigger part of the story. I almost threw out Drident, but I decided I needed him to complicate the situation for the Atlanteans. I junked the hooded pirate figure, who came across like a cut rate Darth Sideous and was a narrative dead-end. Besides, the miners don't need an evil customer because what Callahan's doing is bad enough.

In Jimm and Josh's script the planet was Atlantis VI; however that implied that it was the 6th planet of a star called Atlantis, which didn't sound right. I actually fought for a different name for the planet because I thought the name was too much of a giveaway. Jimm was adamant, but I got to drop the VI.

As to the mining company, in my version it was called POLARIS. No relation.

Likewise, I thought the title was too on- the-nose. My suggested working title was "Doth Not the Sea Wax Mad?", which is a swipe from Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus:
When heaven doth weep, doth not the earth o'erflow?
If the winds rage, doth not the sea wax mad,
Threatening the welkin with his big-swoll'n face?
But Jimm liked titles that have a B-movie flavor, so "The Atlantis Invaders" stuck. I worked on making the title have a twist meaning, though.

Yes, in the Jimm & Josh script the miners were harvesting something called Scurvium: which sounded like a disease rather than an element. For the sake of narrative simplicity, I invented a substance (dilithium bidroxiline) related to the dilithium crystals repeatedly established on Star Trek. Once you say it's dilithium whathaveyou, the audience just buys that it's valuable and you can move on without explaining it.
__________________
* * *
"If you wanted to get a good meeting... just go in and
say 'darker, grittier, sexier' and whatever."
—Glen Larson, 2010

Last edited by Maurice Navidad; August 25 2011 at 02:30 AM.
Maurice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 24 2011, 02:10 PM   #1541
Admiral Buzzkill
Fleet Admiral
 
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

I've always wondered where dilithium falls on the MacGuffin Periodic Table relative to elements like unobtainium.
Admiral Buzzkill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 24 2011, 03:57 PM   #1542
CorporalCaptain
Vice Admiral
 
CorporalCaptain's Avatar
 
Location: Kentucky
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

Dennis wrote: View Post
I've always wondered where dilithium falls on the MacGuffin Periodic Table relative to elements like unobtainium.
Well, in its periodic table, the Star Fleet Medical Reference Manual assigns dilithium an atomic number of 119. The reference is copyright 1977 Paramount Pictures Corporation, but I doubt it's canon.
__________________
John
CorporalCaptain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 24 2011, 05:26 PM   #1543
Captain Robert April
Vice Admiral
 
Location: In selfless service to fandom, on the road to becoming a Star Trek trivia god...
Re: Whatever happened to Starship Exeter?

I like the Shakespearean title. Not only does it make the whole thing seem classier, you're no longer locked into using "Atlantis" in some form.
Captain Robert April is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 29 2011, 02:07 PM   #1544
Bixby
Commander
 
Bixby's Avatar
 
The ATLANTIS INVADERS

The ATLANTIS INVADERS analysis by character (pages 9 to end)

(1) Captain John Quincy Garrovick

In his mid-30’s, the nephew of the deceased former Captain of the USS Farragut. Was marooned following a doomed Starfleet Academy training mission, with fellow surviving cadets on planet Tingaruu for two years. There, the very harsh living conditions left many emotional scars that remain to this day. Today a capable and intelligent commanding officer, he is nevertheless unsmiling, sarcastic, and dour.

Beaming down from the Exeter, Garrovick with Commander Cutty and 3 crewmembers arrive at the offices of Atlantis VI’s administrators. Beckoning the 2 security men to wait outside, the other 3 meet the Director.
Investigating a possible hostile incursion, especially atop a large offshore installation seems a LOT of work for only 5 men. Frankly speaking, if Kirk could bring down 10 people including himself in the TOS episode ‘’The APPLE’’ for what was originally a simple survey mission, then I think more armed personnel is definitely required in the instance of a risky interplanetary invasion. So the four security men from page 28 should be included along with Freeborn and D’Agosta on this trip.
There is a Doctor Fu in ATLANTIS INVADERS, a character that was mentioned but unseen in the SAVAGE EMPIRE, and seemingly replaced with Dr Azzato in The TRESSARIAN INTERSECTION. For this episode, he seems more of a xenobiologist (or astrobiologist) instead of a general practitioner. A sort of M’benga type to Azzato’s even surlier version of McCoy, perhaps? If so, it would then make sense to have such a physician among the original landing party rather than remaining aboard and away from the action.

Flustered when told of a false emergency call, Garrovick interrogates the DIRECTOR. Brian Callahan, one of the DIRECTOR’s assistants and a former acquaintance of Garrovick’s, joins them. Garrovick and Cutty question Callahan, but get no clear answers from him either.
As was mentioned by myself and DS9Sega, it really serves NO discernible purpose that we have 2 different characters that basically play the same part (stalling the Captain and outright lying to him, scheming against workers & amphibians to escape at the end). The nameless DIRECTOR and Callahan should be folded into a single character, one that will then have an actual clear-cut personality and motivation. Removing the completely useless and inconsequential childhood link to Garrovick can’t but improve this episode (the ‘academy acquaintance’ crutch was as overused as the redshirts as cannon fodder bit in the old Star Trek, to the point where you had to wonder if there was ANYONE Kirk hadn’t gone to school with. That gimmick clearly jumped the shark in ‘’The APPLE’’ when Mallory, one of the clone-like security men gets blown up and has Kirk soliloquizing on how Mallory’s father helped ol’ J.T. get into the academy. Cheap heat!)

Garrovick and science officer Watkins go to the docks and question the workers. Garrovick instructs Watkins to use his tricorder as a lie detector.
I guess since they don’t have a Vulcan around, they need some way to find out what the truth is? I’m pretty bothered by their casual reliance on a technique that even today is far from 100% reliable. What’s worse is Garrovick or Harris aboard the Exeter never really investigate or try to gather any hard evidence throughout the episode, and instead base ALL of their actions on the probability that some of the suspects have lied...If I did that, I could probably win a court case proving George Bush was on the grassy knoll when Abraham Lincoln was shot

Last edited by Bixby; August 29 2011 at 02:31 PM.
Bixby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 29 2011, 02:17 PM   #1545
Bixby
Commander
 
Bixby's Avatar
 
The ATLANTIS INVADERS

At the cargo shuttle docks, Garrovick now interrogates Jenkins, the lone survivor.
My feeling is, Jenkins should still be the dock worker who sends the Priority Code One alert to Exeter out in deep space, but he should have done it covertly and gotten thrown in jail for it. The whole bit where he intimidates the Director into sending the Alert, where he is scared enough to convince his fellow miners to help him do so, only to be bribed off-screen into falling in line with the company just never really works. More on this in the DIRECTOR/Callahan’s section.

Getting no results, Garrovick returns alone to the Exeter. Walking to the bridge, he meets with Dr Fu who briefs him quickly on Atlantis’ sea life.
Reaching the bridge, Garrovick is briefed by Harris on Atlantis VI’s origins and recent history.
Being informed that Cutty and his men were attacked on the planet, Garrovick goes back to the transporter room.
Basically, Garrovick wastes TV time by transporting back aboard his ship, walking along some corridors, talking to two of his officers and then going back down when something cool finally happens. While the conversations with Fu and Harris may be valid, the same thing could be done more economically by having Garrovick talking with Harris on his communicator, and Fu on the planet surface (since I decided to have him be a part of the landing party).
I would also remove the clunky theory elaborated by Harris that survivors from old Earth Atlantis managed to travel billions of light years at the time of its sinking and ended up on a water planet. With absolutely no follow-through to this plot point, it is about as useful to the narrative as having a random character explaining that Garrovick is actually Wolverine’s grandson.

Back on Atlantis VI, Garrovick rejoins Cutty and questions his prisoner, the amphibian Drident. Dr Fu informs him the prisoner is amphibian and needs a water-based environment to survive.
This episode has an overabundance of captured characters that soon after are released (Drident here, then 3 times for Garrovick). I would change this to Tri’tillya being captured instead for these reasons:

(A) That Drident struggles in any way against D’Agosta, and is quickly overcome by a single phaser stun blast by Cutty makes him appear weak, and lets us wonder why Garrovick at the end has so much trouble overcoming him.

(B) Being a captive brings no insight on Drident as a character, only the general appearance of the amphibian creatures and their breathing troubles when long out of the water (a characteristic that is never again touched upon).

(C) When Tri’tillya first appears she freely commits violence against Captain Garrovick. Again if this were Kirk who has ABSOLUTELY no trouble feeling sexual desire towards aliens who murder one of his crew (such as Kelinda in the episode ‘’BY ANY OTHER NAME’’), we could buy into Kirk and Tri’tillya falling in lust when next they see each other. But Garrovick as a character is another matter, and the two need to meet under different circumstances. (see Tri’tillya’s section for more details).

Then suddenly, they are attacked by 3 new amphibians with energy-based weapons. A fourth one, a female, knocks Garrovick unconscious.
I’m not a scientist, so I’m unclear on the possibility of a underwater race developing energy weapons. That whole thing about electricity and water...

Also, it was the Johnson brothers’ intention that Garrovick and Tri’tillya experience an adult romantic relationship in this episode, but as those of you who have followed my series of analyses know, their relationship never gets beyond the completely superficial.

To begin with, let’s examine two other famous girl-chasing icons of the 1960’s. The first one, Sean Connery’s James Bond relentlessly bedded girl after girl, whether she was innocent bystander, ally, or sometimes even enemy. However, his many sexual trysts existed only to satisfy his physical urges, and the girls were only a means to that end and very disposable. His charm was as much a weapon as his Walther PPK. Bond, to be as coldly successful a secret agent and killer as he needed to be, had to completely shut down any and all emotional responses. And that included love.

William Shatner’s James Kirk was a ‘walking book with legs’ until his early adulthood, until he finally allowed himself to fall in love with Carol Marcus. She became pregnant and left him, devastating him to a point that he overcompensated for years by basically becoming a man-whore, his libido supercharging as he fooled himself into thinking sex was love. Needless to say, such behaviour usually results in extremely short-term relations.

Finally, Jimm Johnson’s John Garrovick...whether or not the portrayal was intentional, his overly serious, unsmiling, stern characterization fits well with the few background details offered in the first two episodes. Basically, he pushes away most friendly interactions and all women especially for the simple reason that he was abandoned. The two-year trauma as he was marooned in deep space, the shock as the woman he loved had given him up for dead, the uncle who had died during his absence...he has abandonment issues.
He is not Bond or Kirk, who eagerly hunt after women for their respective reasons. He is very wary of them (notice the open hostility towards his female yeoman in the TRESSARIAN INTERSECTION).
In simpler terms, for Garrovick to allow himself to feel any emotional response towards any female, such as Tri’tillya... she needs to NOT abandon him.

Last edited by Bixby; August 29 2011 at 02:33 PM.
Bixby is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 08:08 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
FireFox 2+ or Internet Explorer 7+ highly recommended.