RSS iconTwitter iconFacebook icon

The Trek BBS title image

The Trek BBS statistics

Threads: 139,147
Posts: 5,402,029
Members: 24,748
Currently online: 561
Newest member: ChrisCrash

TrekToday headlines

Retro Review: Time’s Orphan
By: Michelle on Aug 30

September-October Trek Conventions And Appearances
By: T'Bonz on Aug 29

Lee Passes
By: T'Bonz on Aug 29

Trek Merchandise Sale
By: T'Bonz on Aug 28

Star Trek #39 Villain Revealed
By: T'Bonz on Aug 28

Trek Big Bang Figures
By: T'Bonz on Aug 28

Star Trek Seekers Cover Art
By: T'Bonz on Aug 27

Fan Film Axanar Kickstarter Success
By: T'Bonz on Aug 27

Two New Starship Collection Ships
By: T'Bonz on Aug 26

Trek Actor Wins Emmy
By: T'Bonz on Aug 26


Welcome! The Trek BBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans. Please login to see our full range of forums as well as the ability to send and receive private messages, track your favourite topics and of course join in the discussions.

If you are a new visitor, join us for free. If you are an existing member please login below. Note: for members who joined under our old messageboard system, please login with your display name not your login name.


Go Back   The Trek BBS > Lounges & General Chat > Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous Discussion of non-Trek topics.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old October 2 2008, 11:45 PM   #16
nevermore
Admiral
 
nevermore's Avatar
 
Location: The Land of Pleasant Living
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

PluckyNinja wrote: View Post
nevermore wrote: View Post
Pinghead wrote: View Post
I'm interested to know why you were suspicious in the first place.
And why you felt that the best reaction was to commit a gross privacy violation rather than having an honest discussion.

Though, frankly, it sounds like the relationship is pretty well shot. She's still pursuing other options for one reason or another and you don't trust her or respect her very much. You're both clearly unhappy to some extent and I'd just call it a day.
She told me she was talking to him. She said right off the bad that there was no emotional involvement and he was no threat to our relationship. She did not disclose the subject matter they discussed. I did try to have a discussion with her. She claimed there was nothing going on. I'm not sure why, but I didn't believe her.
She may not have seen it as a threat to your relationship. She may have never intended to have things turn out the way they did, but of course, if you two had an agreement of exclusivity, then she should have approached the situation differently. On the other hand, your violation of her privacy is just as bad in relationship terms as anything she did. You'll never trust her, with good cause, and she'll never trust you, with good cause, so, like I said, go your separate ways.
__________________
What is a country without the shackles of it's past?
nevermore is offline  
Old October 2 2008, 11:48 PM   #17
Pingfah
Admiral
 
Pingfah's Avatar
 
Location: Cornwall, UK
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Yeah, sometimes you just know when someone is bullshitting you though, and if they won't admit it you have little recourse but to satisfy yourself. You should have already made the decision to end it regardless of what you find by that point though.
__________________
So it goes.
Pingfah is offline  
Old October 2 2008, 11:51 PM   #18
M'Sharak
Definitely Herbert. Maybe.
 
M'Sharak's Avatar
 
Location: Terra Inlandia
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

PluckyNinja wrote: View Post
I say yes.

My girlfriend was talking to an ex of hers on the phone and somehow got on the topic of a "special" night they had once shared. He did his thing while he listened. My girlfriend is now mad at ME because I read about it in her email. She apologized for what she did (though didn't seem too sorry about it) and wants me to apologize for reading her email. I read her email because I was suspicious, my suspicions turned out to be valid. My point of view is that what she did was much worse, she doesn't seem to think so. Even if I'm an asshole for what I did, I'd rather be an asshole and know the truth then not be an asshole and be in the dark. Of course I'm very angry and upset at the situation so any views or opinions from unbiased sources would be very welcome.
I'd say you've both got issues which need to be addressed, whether you do it individually or do it together.
__________________
"Recently my 8 year-old cousin asked me, with a wicked twinkle in his eye, if I'd ever microwaved a banana. I'm terrified to try, but I'm sure whatever happens—splattering, abrupt, radioactive—sounds exactly like an Annie Clark guitar solo."
M'Sharak is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 12:06 AM   #19
nevermore
Admiral
 
nevermore's Avatar
 
Location: The Land of Pleasant Living
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Pinghead wrote: View Post
Yeah, sometimes you just know when someone is bullshitting you though, and if they won't admit it you have little recourse but to satisfy yourself. You should have already made the decision to end it regardless of what you find by that point though.
Well, yeah. What's the point of confirming your suspicions when doing so violates the relationship in and of itself? What would have happened if he had looked at her email and found nothing? Then he would have been guilty of a complete asshole move and by doing it would have been faced with the option of either lying to her by omission (same thing she's guilty of-violating trust and not admitting it) or telling her, which would have ended the relationship anyway (assuming this girl has any self-respect at all). It's a catch-22, so you're right, one would have to go into it with the understanding that the relationship is over regardless of what he found.

He could have just taken the high road, told her that he knew that she wasn't disclosing everything and ended it based on the fact that the relationship clearly sucked anyway.
__________________
What is a country without the shackles of it's past?
nevermore is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 12:13 AM   #20
Gertch
Admiral
 
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

PluckyNinja wrote: View Post
I say yes.

My girlfriend was talking to an ex of hers on the phone and somehow got on the topic of a "special" night they had once shared.
I agree. And such is one consequence of casual sex.

If you can't trust someone and have to start snooping you might as well hang it up or work together on building trust.
Gertch is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 12:15 AM   #21
Pingfah
Admiral
 
Pingfah's Avatar
 
Location: Cornwall, UK
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

nevermore wrote: View Post
Pinghead wrote: View Post
Yeah, sometimes you just know when someone is bullshitting you though, and if they won't admit it you have little recourse but to satisfy yourself. You should have already made the decision to end it regardless of what you find by that point though.
Well, yeah. What's the point of confirming your suspicions when doing so violates the relationship in and of itself? What would have happened if he had looked at her email and found nothing? Then he would have been guilty of a complete asshole move and by doing it would have been faced with the option of either lying to her by omission (same thing she's guilty of-violating trust and not admitting it) or telling her, which would have ended the relationship anyway (assuming this girl has any self-respect at all).

He could have just taken the high road, told her that he knew that she wasn't disclosing everything and ended it based on the fact that the relationship clearly sucked anyway.
Well yeah, but if it's over anyway you might as well find out for sure. If you are convinced enough to do that, assuming it's not the sort of thing that you do at the drop of a hat, then presumably you are past the point of caring about the privacy of someone you think is screwing you over.

The fact that he reached this point now doesn't necessarily mean he did anything to push the relationship to that point. Or maybe he did, with only one side of the story available we'll never know.
__________________
So it goes.
Pingfah is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 12:16 AM   #22
nevermore
Admiral
 
nevermore's Avatar
 
Location: The Land of Pleasant Living
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

^True.
__________________
What is a country without the shackles of it's past?
nevermore is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 01:46 AM   #23
thestrangequark
Vice Admiral
 
thestrangequark's Avatar
 
Location: thestrangequark
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

It's not cheating, in my opinion.
__________________
The Enterprise is my TARDIS.

View my art!
thestrangequark is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 01:49 AM   #24
Mr. Laser Beam
Fleet Admiral
 
Mr. Laser Beam's Avatar
 
Location: The visitor's bullpen
View Mr. Laser Beam's Twitter Profile
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

thestrangequark wrote: View Post
It's not cheating, in my opinion.
Why do you think so?

Now as I understand it, she just sat there and listened while the guy on the other end of the line did his thing. If that's the case, then *maybe* that's not cheating. But if she was actively into it, then that does seem like cheating.
__________________
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
Mr. Laser Beam is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 01:54 AM   #25
thestrangequark
Vice Admiral
 
thestrangequark's Avatar
 
Location: thestrangequark
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Babaganoosh wrote: View Post
thestrangequark wrote: View Post
It's not cheating, in my opinion.
Why do you think so?

Now as I understand it, she just sat there and listened while the guy on the other end of the line did his thing. If that's the case, then *maybe* that's not cheating. But if she was actively into it, then that does seem like cheating.
I suppose it is a combination of my having more open attitude towards sex, and thinking that phone sex is about the silliest thing in the world. I couldn't take it seriously enough to consider it cheating, and I wouldn't consider dating a guy who would take it so seriously. In either case it is nothing compared to reading some one else's email.
__________________
The Enterprise is my TARDIS.

View my art!
thestrangequark is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 01:56 AM   #26
Mr. Laser Beam
Fleet Admiral
 
Mr. Laser Beam's Avatar
 
Location: The visitor's bullpen
View Mr. Laser Beam's Twitter Profile
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

thestrangequark wrote: View Post
thinking that phone sex is about the silliest thing in the world.
Your ideas are interesting and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

In either case it is nothing compared to reading some one else's email.
I'm cool with that too.
__________________
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
Mr. Laser Beam is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 02:07 AM   #27
Count Zero
Yeah, I know...
 
Count Zero's Avatar
 
Location: Land of Awesome
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

I wouldn't consider phone sex cheating. Just weird. I mean, it's like having sex in your thoughts and no one would think that that's cheating.
That said, you seem to have serious troubles in your relationship and violating your girlfriend's privacy like that is a no-go.
__________________
"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates." Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi
Count Zero is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 02:19 AM   #28
thestrangequark
Vice Admiral
 
thestrangequark's Avatar
 
Location: thestrangequark
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

^I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks applying the label of "cheating" to phone sex is a bit of an overreaction.
__________________
The Enterprise is my TARDIS.

View my art!
thestrangequark is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 02:30 AM   #29
Spot's Meow
Vice Admiral
 
Spot's Meow's Avatar
 
Location: California
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Yeah, I think it's cheating. You were right to be suspicious obviously. Looking at someone's email is nowhere near as bad as cheating.
__________________
Time present and time past
are both perhaps present in time future.
And time future contained in time past.
—T.S. Eliot
Spot's Meow is offline  
Old October 3 2008, 02:31 AM   #30
PluckyNinja
Lieutenant Commander
 
PluckyNinja's Avatar
 
Location: Canada
Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Babaganoosh wrote: View Post
thestrangequark wrote: View Post
It's not cheating, in my opinion.
Why do you think so?

Now as I understand it, she just sat there and listened while the guy on the other end of the line did his thing. If that's the case, then *maybe* that's not cheating. But if she was actively into it, then that does seem like cheating.
She talked him through it.
__________________
Not in Cruelty,
Not in wrath,
The reaper came today;
An angel visited this gray path,
and took the cube away.
PluckyNinja is offline  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
boyfriend, cheating, girlfriend, ma bell's night job, phonesex, relationships, trust

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:31 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
FireFox 2+ or Internet Explorer 7+ highly recommended.