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Old October 2 2008, 09:34 PM   #1
PluckyNinja
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Is phonesex cheating?

I say yes.

My girlfriend was talking to an ex of hers on the phone and somehow got on the topic of a "special" night they had once shared. He did his thing while he listened. My girlfriend is now mad at ME because I read about it in her email. She apologized for what she did (though didn't seem too sorry about it) and wants me to apologize for reading her email. I read her email because I was suspicious, my suspicions turned out to be valid. My point of view is that what she did was much worse, she doesn't seem to think so. Even if I'm an asshole for what I did, I'd rather be an asshole and know the truth then not be an asshole and be in the dark. Of course I'm very angry and upset at the situation so any views or opinions from unbiased sources would be very welcome.
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Old October 2 2008, 09:37 PM   #2
Koinek
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Let the internet decide who to blame:
SideTaker

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Old October 2 2008, 09:37 PM   #3
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

If one feels the need to conceal it, then yes, it's cheating.
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Old October 2 2008, 09:45 PM   #4
Captain Intrepid
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

If it's something she wouldn't be comfortable doing in front of your Grandma, it probably isn't good.
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Old October 2 2008, 09:51 PM   #5
Jethro Elvis
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

It's only cheating if you charge it to her credit card.
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Old October 2 2008, 09:52 PM   #6
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Yes, that's cheating. Dump her. She did it once, she'll do it again.
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Old October 2 2008, 09:52 PM   #7
auntiehill
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

While I disagree with reading someone's email (it's a violation of privacy), I would say that engaging in phone sex with an ex would constitute cheating, especially if she did this while you two are still together. Which I gather was the case.

While it is not the actual sex act, it is an act designed to give her ex-boyfriend sexual gratification. I think that clearly indicates that she is still somehow involved with him, and you should have her hit the proverbial road.

It's not right to snoop, but neither is it right to let someone believe you are exclusive when you obviously are still emotionally invested in someone else. So, as a completely disinterested married person, I would say YES, she's cheating.

PS...a very common technique to differ blame is to turn the argument back onto the their accuser. She is totally caught red-handed, so she tries to save face by pointing out YOUR faults instead. A dead give-away of guilt, in my opinion.
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Old October 2 2008, 09:54 PM   #8
Danoz
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

This is very simple, though it may not feel this way from your perspective right now.

You don't trust her. GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
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Old October 2 2008, 10:01 PM   #9
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

I'm interested to know why you were suspicious in the first place.
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Old October 2 2008, 10:26 PM   #10
J. Allen
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

My personal opinion of course, but yes. I believe that phone sex with someone other than your wife is cheating.

J.
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Old October 2 2008, 10:40 PM   #11
cultcross
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Yes, I'd say that was definitely cheating.
The way I see it, if you wouldn't do it with your other half in the room too, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
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Old October 2 2008, 10:50 PM   #12
Saul
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Dump her.

If you are suspicions you'll always be. Relationships like that never last and you'll just make yourself miserable.
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Old October 2 2008, 11:01 PM   #13
nevermore
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Pinghead wrote: View Post
I'm interested to know why you were suspicious in the first place.
And why you felt that the best reaction was to commit a gross privacy violation rather than having an honest discussion.

Though, frankly, it sounds like the relationship is pretty well shot. She's still pursuing other options for one reason or another and you don't trust her or respect her very much. You're both clearly unhappy to some extent and I'd just call it a day.
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Old October 2 2008, 11:26 PM   #14
PluckyNinja
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

nevermore wrote: View Post
Pinghead wrote: View Post
I'm interested to know why you were suspicious in the first place.
And why you felt that the best reaction was to commit a gross privacy violation rather than having an honest discussion.

Though, frankly, it sounds like the relationship is pretty well shot. She's still pursuing other options for one reason or another and you don't trust her or respect her very much. You're both clearly unhappy to some extent and I'd just call it a day.
She told me she was talking to him. She said right off the bad that there was no emotional involvement and he was no threat to our relationship. She did not disclose the subject matter they discussed. I did try to have a discussion with her. She claimed there was nothing going on. I'm not sure why, but I didn't believe her.
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Old October 2 2008, 11:31 PM   #15
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Re: Is phonesex cheating?

Engaging in phone sex is cheating and is therefore wrong.

Rooting around in someone's private email is a gross invasion of privacy and is also wrong.

Sounds like this is a regular match made in heaven.
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