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Go Back   The Trek BBS > Star Trek TV Series > The Next Generation

The Next Generation All Good Things come to an end...but not here.

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Old September 15 2014, 02:02 AM   #1
LeadHead
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TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow

Hello everyone, new contest time!




First up to the plate, we have the "No-bid contracts Fail again" Award, going to:

Jonas Grumby wrote: View Post


Picard: "So...why isn't Geordi here?"
Data: "Commander LaForge is waiting on the observation deck. He refuses to be on the hangar deck with the doors open and only the force field containing the atmosphere."
Riker: "Since when?"
Data: "Since he discovered that the same company that designed the force field emitters also designed the holodeck."
Crusher: "Oh my God! Is that true?!"
Next, we have the "Security Breach" Award, going to:

Nebusj wrote: View Post


Riker: ``And … the cybersecurity breach left everyone's holodeck programs open to public scrutiny, you say?''
Next, we have the "Artistic License" Award, going to:

JirinPanthosa wrote: View Post


WESLEY: Interesting painting. What's it called?
GEORDI: Let's see. ...Riker's colonoscopy.
WESLEY: Your turn to talk to Data.
Next, we have the "Hope it's a 'Goldshirts die first' episode" Award, going to:

Bry_Sinclair wrote: View Post

Riker suddenly felt very uncomfortable, being the only redshirt on the Planet of Unspeakable Horror.
Next, we have the "So this is why Picard never gets invited to anything" Award, going to:

Avro Arrow wrote: View Post


Hostess: Which one of you gets the bad news?

Picard: My Klingon friend. It *is* your turn, Mr. Worf.

Worf: Ordering the most expensive wine on the menu is NOT honourable!
Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Nerys Myk wrote: View Post


PICARD: This guy is from the 25th Century. Maybe you've heard of him.

RASMUSEN: Damn.


shivkala wrote: View Post


Picard: Captain's Log, Supplemental. Unfortunately, due to an unfortunate incident in which the paint used was invisible to Geordi's VISOR, he did not heed the "Caution: Variable Gravity Area" warning. I may need a new Chief Engineer, assuming we can't scrape Lt. LaForge off the ceiling without causing him further damage.


2takesfrakes wrote: View Post


"You must be the Captain's wife. It's good to finally see him in an age-appropriate relationship ..."

"... Mister Worf!"
Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

And now, the moment you've been waiting for since I didn't get the contest going yesterday... a new contest!











Enjoy!
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Old September 15 2014, 02:08 AM   #2
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



Picard: Thank you for your analysis, O'Brien
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Old September 15 2014, 02:10 AM   #3
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



La Forge: As you can see from this graphic, if we let Deanna drive, the ship will be destroyed.



Picard: Welcome to my ready room. Please make yourself at comfortable. (quietly to Riker) Code 3.

Riker: Aye, Sir. Ensign activate the "Lovetorium" program in the Ready Room.




Picard: I find this, overbearing, rude and pathetically incapable of commanding a starship.

Lwaxana: It's Chateau Jellico.



Transporter Chief: I'm sorry, Sir. I don't know where O'Brien is. According to these internet cartoons, he never leaves this room.



Riker: Why did none of us think to grab a phaser before beaming down?
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Old September 15 2014, 03:20 AM   #4
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



GOLDSHIRT: When are we going to tell him it's Molly O'Brien on stilts and wrapped in a old rug?



PICARD: Yes, we all love synth music from the 1980s. Can you beam us down now, crewman?
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Old September 15 2014, 03:26 AM   #5
Mr. Laser Beam
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



Picard: Yes, very funny, Mr. Kosh. Now will you please step aside and allow me to reach my ready room?
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Old September 15 2014, 03:33 AM   #6
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!




Geordi: Huh, you know, I never really thought of it, but I don't think I've seen the ship from the outside. I mean, seriously, that's what this ship looks like? It's goofy looking!

Picard: Number One, about that "promote Geordi to Chief Engineer" idea I had...I've made a huge mistake.




Even with a costume like that, Picard still has to attempt to check out "'dat ass."



Lwaxana: Something wrong with the wine, Jean Luc?

Picard: Yes. It's not poisoned.



Transporter: Huh. According to this, the transporter destroys your body and creates a replicant that appears when the process is complete. Kind of makes you think, huh? Anyway, up on the pads, I'll beam you down to the planet now.



Riker: First Officer's Log, Sometimes, I like to believe that we're fictional characters in a story where, from time to time, the writers get lazy and just insert other, famous, fictional characters into our stories because they were up late doing drugs the night before.

Mr. Laser Beam wrote: View Post


Picard: Yes, very funny, Mr. Kosh. Now will you please step aside and allow me to reach my ready room?
Kosh: I have always been here.


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Old September 15 2014, 03:39 AM   #7
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow

shivkala wrote: View Post
Mr. Laser Beam wrote: View Post


Picard: Yes, very funny, Mr. Kosh. Now will you please step aside and allow me to reach my ready room?
Kosh: I have always been here.
Picard: MISTER Kosh, if you do not move aside precisely right now, I shall employ my right foot in such a manner that will make you dearly wish you were an incorporeal being.
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Old September 15 2014, 04:20 AM   #8
JirinPanthosa
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



DATA: Second officer's log, supplemental. My attempts to explore the human concept of 'Practical jokes' by putting a large magnet behind the console has had the unintended side effect of shattering the cartilage in Geordi's nose. Will adjust practical joke program accordingly.



PICARD: PERSONA!



PICARD: Nope. Can't think of any non-urine jokes for this picture.



PICARD: Lieutenant. What happened to Dr Pulaski?
GOLDSHIRT: Umm...
PICARD: You accidentally rematerialized her out in space, didn't you?
GOLDSHIRT: I don't see how that could have happened.
PICARD: Riker, see if we can get Dr Crusher back. And don't let Chief O'Brien out of the transporter room for a second. Nobody else can be trusted with it.



RIKER: I have to admit, Mr Barcalay's holoprogram is kind of fun.
MUSKETEER PICARD: Now, shall we begin the orgy?
RIKER: SHUTTIN' IT DOWN!
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Old September 15 2014, 04:33 AM   #9
Jonas Grumby
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow

TFTW, LeadHead!



Lwaxana: I'm really looking forward to after dinner, Jean Luc! I Spacebook with Vash, and she told me about that thing you do with your thing while shouting 'Make it so! Make it so!'"




Picard (exasperated): "Yes, yes, we're all very impressed that you can operate the transporter with one hand behind your back."
Worf (sotto voce to Troi): "Geez, this guy is a bigger douchebag than Leland T. Lynch."




LaForge: "Musketeers?! Goddamned holodeck! I asked for Mouseketeers!"
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Last edited by Jonas Grumby; September 16 2014 at 02:48 AM.
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Old September 15 2014, 05:42 AM   #10
Avro Arrow
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!



LaForge: Wait a minute... what the hell? Is that a giant rubber duck?



Picard: And on behalf of the United Federation of Planets, I'd like to welcome you aboard the flagship. I hope that this meeting will foster a deeper understanding between our two civilizations.

Ops: *snicker*

Conn (whispering): Commander, is someone going to tell him he's talking to the ambassador's backside?

Riker (softly): Eyes on the console, ensign. Eyes on the console.



Transporter Operator: Don't worry, sir, I know I've just started here, but I've got this. It'll just be a minute. Ah, here we go... "How to Transport Someone in Seven Easy Steps"!
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Old September 15 2014, 11:03 AM   #11
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



Riker: The captain always gets so overly formal when Gandalf visits.
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Old September 15 2014, 05:44 PM   #12
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



LaForgery: I'm telling you, our warp nacelles generate enough power to open a stable wormhole! All we need is some sort of bipolar directional singularity housing a hyperspatial buffer, maybe a ring-shaped device, creating an event horizon on either end! We could call it a "StarAnus" and put it right here in Ten Backward! We could seed these things all over the galaxy, on every planet! We could even weld an actual metal anus on it!
Picard: Mister Data....
Data: Obviously high on Windex, sir.
Picard: Bloody glass consoles!
Geordi: Open the anus, Close the anus! Open the anus, Close the anus!





Helm: Sir? Sensors are showing a Romulan on the bridge.
Ops:
I'm reading it too.
Riker: If that's true, then it could be any one of us, Ensign. Or should I say, SUBCOMMANDER! Kirk chop!




Picard: What is this, Phyrox Plague mixed with Klingon trenchfoot?
Lwaxana: It's Chateau Picard.
Picard: Ah, the '76. Nice. Now, the '77? Pure Bolian sewer scum and hemorrhoid dribblings. But this '76, very nice indeed.
Lwaxana: Oh save the sommelier shtick, we both know I'm open for business like a Seven Eleven.




Data: The transporter appears to need a diagnostic of the Heisenberg compensators. We should purge the buffers.
Troi: I think the Transporter's compensating for something, all right. Like an impotent slider and a big ol' gay imager.
Worf: I'll purge the transporter's buffers right now. With a fucking mek'leth.
Transporter Chief: You people know I'm not called "the Transporter," right?
Riker: Awesome movie.
Picard: Now that was a kick-ass Transporter.





Riker: We're, uh, very tolerant of you Gay Musketeers in the 24th century.
Troi: Will, we've been over this.
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Old September 16 2014, 02:19 AM   #13
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow

Thanks for the win! >: )



"Sacré bleu! That's the last time I try a STAR TREK-themed beverage!"
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Old September 16 2014, 02:32 AM   #14
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



TRANSPORTER OPERATOR: "OK, after Chief O'Brien beamed you down, you all say the transporter worked fine. But when I beamed you back up, now you all have something wrong with your bodies, yes? Alright, one at a time, tell me what's wrong. Then, I'll enter the corrections manually and we'll try this, again."

PICARD: "I'm supposed to have a full head head of hair, ensign."
RIKER: "This is embarassing, but ... my tool seems to be about 4 inches shorter than it was."
DATA: "My skin tone was more flesh-like in appearance."
WORF: "I had short, black hair, before."
TROI: "My breasts were a cup size larger."
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Old September 16 2014, 03:02 AM   #15
Nerys Myk
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Re: TNG Caption This! #377: Future Starts Slow



RED SWORD: Witches! Burn them at the stake!!!!!

RIKER: Who's idea was it to remake "All Our Yesterdays"?



ZARABETH: Mr. Atoz, this is not the Library.

RIKER: I see the Captain brought back a souvenir from Sarpeidon.
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