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Old January 23 2015, 12:05 AM   #1
Anwar
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Voyager Redone, my version.

EDIT: Maybe I made the first post too long.

I was posting this in bits in the other thread but figured since I got the first episode done I'd just post it as one thread dedicated to my own redo efforts.

The first episode isn't all that different, but with a few changes (a couple of them major).

Introduction

The Series Premiere would be the season finale. We’d be introduced to various characters that have already formed rivalries, friendships and romances amongst themselves; Established characters already well into their stories.

The episode itself would be:

-VOY is fighting one of the massive Kazon Carrier ships engaged in an all-out attack to keep VOY from leaving the Periphery/Wasteland and making it to The Central Core. The Carriers usually don't fight even though they're the best armed Kazon vessels because they have families, children and other non-combatants living on them (they serve as mobile “Homeworlds” to define Kazon space) but they thought there was no other choice but to use its heavy weaponry.

Voyager has it badly damaged, and Janeway is faced with a choice:

-Destroy it even though she knows there's more non-combatant Kazon on it than combatants

OR

- Just running away.

Tuvok tells her that if they don't destroy it, it'll transmit their coordinates and likely they'll face all the Kazon in the area in a swarm attack before they leave the Periphery/Wasteland, and they can't survive with the damage they've taken. So Janeway gives the order to destroy the ship.

Janeway leaves for her quarters to retire for the night. Chakotay stops by her quarters to tell her that she's gained more respect from the Maquis and proven to be at least a capable captain to the last of her detractors in the Fleet crew. With entry to the more stable Central Core things seem to be getting better.

The last scene would of her making a log entry of how "today I got lucky, I destroyed an Key enemy vessel and did major damage to the Kazons’ pretense of an Empire...I probably killed a lot of Kazon who weren't soldiers...families…children...and I've been congratulated for it. Maybe I'll get luckier, next time I could destroy more ships and kill more people..." with her trailing off after that.

As she falls asleep the entire scene would flashback with a caption reading “One year ago” with Lt Cmdr Janeway, recently promoted science officer of the Starship Voyager arriving at Earth for the beginning of her current mission. Thus the second episode onwards would be the beginning of a season long flashback to explain how things got to the point they were in the first episode.

Caretaker- Series Premiere


The year is 2371, the United Federation of Planets has signed a Peace Treaty with the Cardassian Union to end decades of hostility due to contested space and worlds. A product of the Treaty is that a Demilitarized Zone has been created as a Border Buffer area that encompasses worlds from both sides that were contested.

Unhappy with this arrangement, colonists within the DMZ form their own militias. Federation Colonists form a group called the Maquis and Federation Starfleet Personnel also unhappy with the Treaty defect to join them to battle the Cardassian forces. The Maquis take to assaulting and stealing equipment from Federation forces who try to intervene.

A group of Maquis led by a man named Vetus Bellator (who is actually a retired Starfleet Commodore named Chakotay), disappears while being tracked by the Federation in an area where other vessels had been reported as missing as well. A member of his crew is a Vulcan named Tuvok. As it turns out, Tuvok is really an undercover Starfleet agent reporting their movements. Tuvoks’ ship, The USS Voyager commanded by Captain Cavit, is ordered to investigate and apprehend the Maquis as well as find out what happened to the other vanished ships. To this end, recently promoted Lt Cmdr Kathryn Janeway is sent to Earth to release a Maquis Prisoner who served with Chakotay, Nicholas Locarno, to serve as a consultant.

Janeway is the ship Science Officer who was put in the Command Track due to the prior 3rd in command being killed in battle and her being the only available replacement on such quick notice. She actually had put in a request to be transferred to a planetary research center that was approved; she is getting ready to transfer when this mission suddenly came up and figured she’d end her tour on Voyager with this mission. She’s an old friend of Tuvok, which explains her staying for this final mission.

Her replacement as Science Officer is being picked up by Janeway as well, Ensign Harry Kim.

Upon entering the area of space the Maquis disappeared in, Voyager is caught in some kind of teleporting beam that wreaks havoc on the ship and pulls them to an unknown, uncharted region of space inside a giant Nebula. The long-range sensors have been damaged and as such they can’t tell where they are. The Nebula is very dense and makes it impossible to pinpoint exactly where they are because there are hundreds of Nebulas like this all over charted space.

Captain Cavit has also been killed in the teleportation along with the Chief Medical Officer. Because this was supposed to just be a short mission, the rest of the Medical Staff wasn’t onboard and was waiting for them back at base. They have to activate the Emergency Medical Hologram to make up for the loss.

The ship is then dragged to a massive Space Station known as “The Array” and beamed onboard by the operator, a being known as “The Caretaker”.

More to come soon.

Last edited by Anwar; January 23 2015 at 01:05 AM.
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Old January 23 2015, 03:22 PM   #2
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Does anyone want me to continue this?
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Old January 23 2015, 11:09 PM   #3
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Yes sure, I'm always interested in "what ifs". I just notice you deleted the parts with Kes and Neelix? Did you change your mind about that?

So far:

Positives:

- I like the "Periphery/Wasteland" and "Central Core" terminology, I'd be interested in you explaining it a bit more. It sounds like you mean the outer and inner parts of the galaxy? Why is the Periphery the "Wasteland" why is the "Central Core" more stable?
-Neelix as a huge, demonic-looking soldier? Interesting... Can see him as a military adviser.
-Actions seem to have consequences.

Neutral:

-With the log entry scene and her being thrust into command Janeway reminds me a lot of Roslin from the re-imagined BSG series. Of course that is a unique take o of the character and offers a lot of possibilities. However everything that smell of the re-imagined BSG makes me take a few steps back. If I divorce the analysis from my personal feelings I can see the merit of a conflicted Captain. Just don't have her suddenly blurt out to Harry that she has cancer.
-This seems to be a much more series take on the concept. If that's right, will the EMH still be that opera-singing, Stepford family creating weirdo? That might prove a bit jarring.

Negatives:
-Kes as a child... I can see where you're coming from. However if she is still a main character I'd age her up to at least teen. Or better yet have her played to look like a young teenager, but be really much older?
Children are just difficult to cast and there are all those restrictions about how long they can work and that might dis-encourage the writers from featuring Kes too prominently. And what is a child supposed to do all day on board the Voyager? Wouldn't she just get in the way and possibly earn the disdain of the audience?
-Not a big fan of Ron Pearlman, at all, he seems too "B Movie" for Star Trek.
-This is a bit nitpicky, but: The Log entry scene is described a bit weirdly, I can deduce that you mean Janeway to regret what she did, however you give little indication of it and it can just as easily be read as SFDebris' "Psycho Janeway" boasting about it.
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Last edited by Orphalesion; January 23 2015 at 11:19 PM.
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Old January 28 2015, 05:07 AM   #4
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Orphalesion wrote: View Post

Negatives:
-Kes as a child... I can see where you're coming from. However if she is still a main character I'd age her up to at least teen. Or better yet have her played to look like a young teenager, but be really much older?
I figured a better way to show the accelerated aging of the Ocampa would be for Kes to be introduced as a kid, and then have her be a teen by season's end and then keep aging her every season until she finds a way to stop her aging once she's a young adult.

-Not a big fan of Ron Pearlman, at all, he seems too "B Movie" for Star Trek.
He was in Trek though. He was one of the Remans in Nemesis.

-This is a bit nitpicky, but: The Log entry scene is described a bit weirdly, I can deduce that you mean Janeway to regret what she did, however you give little indication of it and it can just as easily be read as SFDebris' "Psycho Janeway" boasting about it.
Well, I based it off of a scene in Farscape where Crichton breaks down after using a nuke to blow up a Scarran world to escape, and regrets all the killing he's done up til then.
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Old January 28 2015, 06:47 AM   #5
Kobayshi Maru
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Anwar wrote: View Post
Orphalesion wrote: View Post

Negatives:
-Kes as a child... I can see where you're coming from. However if she is still a main character I'd age her up to at least teen. Or better yet have her played to look like a young teenager, but be really much older?
I figured a better way to show the accelerated aging of the Ocampa would be for Kes to be introduced as a kid, and then have her be a teen by season's end and then keep aging her every season until she finds a way to stop her aging once she's a young adult.

-Not a big fan of Ron Pearlman, at all, he seems too "B Movie" for Star Trek.
He was in Trek though. He was one of the Remans in Nemesis.
...
He has an interesting face.
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Old January 28 2015, 07:27 AM   #6
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Anwar wrote: View Post

I figured a better way to show the accelerated aging of the Ocampa would be for Kes to be introduced as a kid, and then have her be a teen by season's end and then keep aging her every season until she finds a way to stop her aging once she's a young adult.
Ah so you meant to keep the accelerated aging. I probably misinterpreted because that is the aspect of Kes I'd throw away first in order to keep her on for all seven seasons.

He was in Trek though. He was one of the Remans in Nemesis.
Oh? Didn't know he was the viceroy. And he was the Beast in that old Beauty and the Beast show as well? I suppose if we put him under heavy make-up like that so that he looks less like a stereotypical action flick character, it could work.

Well, I based it off of a scene in Farscape where Crichton breaks down after using a nuke to blow up a Scarran world to escape, and regrets all the killing he's done up til then.
I have never seen much Farscape. All I really meant was that you perhaps should have included some indication to her feelings or have her "lie awake in bed, unable to sleep" after doing the log entry.
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Old January 29 2015, 04:05 AM   #7
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

As it is, the Caretaker is ill with some disease that’s killing him and he’s experimenting on various aliens he’s brought to his Array over the years to try and see if he can develop a cure for himself. He has groups of various Alpha Quadrant species there for his tests (Klingons, Ferengi, Romulans, Cardassians) with their ships “impounded” elsewhere.

He experiments on the lot of them; When they all wake up they find out he took Harry, Torres and the Voyager’s XO (now in command) somewhere, leaving 3rd Officer Janeway in charge (reluctantly).

Since she’s been trying to leave Starship duties behind she doesn’t have that much animosity towards the Maquis and figures getting their missing crewmembers back is the important matter (while members of her crew are still up for a fight with the Maquis rebels).

Unfortunately, she has trouble accessing the Higher Command Systems on Voyager since she’s not a proper Line Officer.

Chakotay reveals his identity as a retired Commodore to everyone present (this stuns most of the Maquis, since only his closest comrades knew who he was). Since Starfleet was unaware of his defection his own access hasn’t been revoked so he’s able to access the systems Janeway can’t, but he’s also willing to let her stay in charge (for now).

As Voyager is a larger (but outdated) Heavy Cruiser, they just park the Raider on it and travel as one ship to the Ocampa Homeworld since they’re detecting Warp Engine trails leading there (where the other Alien ships were deposited).

The planet has a shield around it generated by the Array to keep anything the Array recognizes as hostile away but they run into an Alien Soldier named Neelix (played by Ron Perlman) of a species known as Talaxian (they resemble Gargoyles) who claims to know how to get by the shield.

He helps them in exchange for them helping him rescue an Ocampan friend of his and his daughter, Kes. They’re being held at makeshift detention center run by alien Raiders known as the Kazon who use Ocampa as a Supply Depot world since they also can get by the shield and know how to hide behind it. The Kazon have an Interstellar Protection Racket going on where they protect worlds and allow interplanetary commerce/transportation in space they control in exchange for Tribute. They’re collecting Ocampans as part of their Tribute to sell off as Slaves to other worlds.

Kes (a little girl) and her father explain they live in underground cities that the Caretaker made for them and that for as long as the Ocampa can remember he protected them. But in the last few decades he’s become weaker which allowed the Kazon to come to their world. He used to just send the people he’d bring back home but sometimes he can’t and they come to stay on Ocampa until they either leave or are killed by the Kazon.
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Old January 29 2015, 06:57 AM   #8
Kobayshi Maru
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

So you'd make the caretaker a villain?
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Old January 29 2015, 02:41 PM   #9
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

I have to admit, I like your general structure of starting with the season finale and then flashing back, it does give the show a more contemporary feel in terms of its narrative style.
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Old January 29 2015, 02:51 PM   #10
Anwar
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Kobayshi Maru wrote: View Post
So you'd make the caretaker a villain?
He WAS a villain. The guy was pretty much an intergalactic rapist looking for someone he could impregnate.
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Old January 29 2015, 03:04 PM   #11
Kobayshi Maru
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Anwar wrote: View Post
Kobayshi Maru wrote: View Post
So you'd make the caretaker a villain?
He WAS a villain. The guy was pretty much an intergalactic rapist looking for someone he could impregnate.
But he needed someone to look after the Ocampas and was about to die. "The needs of the many..."
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Old January 29 2015, 03:16 PM   #12
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

^ Exactly, he tried to make up for his and Suspiria's mistake that caused the Ocampan homeworld to lose its water and for making the Ocampa completely dependent on him.
It might not have been the best method (and I have no idea how he ever imagined that plant to work) but he did what he did to protect the Ocampa.
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Old January 29 2015, 03:26 PM   #13
Kobayshi Maru
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Orphalesion wrote: View Post
^ Exactly, he tried to make up for his and Suspiria's mistake that caused the Ocampan homeworld to lose its water and for making the Ocampa completely dependent on him.
It might not have been the best method (and I have no idea how he ever imagined that plant to work) but he did what he did to protect the Ocampa.
Yeah, and since he's gone, once their reserves were depleted the Ocampas likely died of inanition...

Evil Kes came back to a dead world.
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Old January 29 2015, 08:11 PM   #14
Anwar
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Kobayshi Maru wrote: View Post
Anwar wrote: View Post
Kobayshi Maru wrote: View Post
So you'd make the caretaker a villain?
He WAS a villain. The guy was pretty much an intergalactic rapist looking for someone he could impregnate.
But he needed someone to look after the Ocampas and was about to die. "The needs of the many..."
He didn't seem to care about all the people he killed by experimenting on them or died being brought there or killed by the Kazon.

And it never occurred to him to just ask the people he brought for help.
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Old January 29 2015, 08:53 PM   #15
Kobayshi Maru
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Re: Voyager Redone, my version.

Anwar wrote: View Post
Kobayshi Maru wrote: View Post
Anwar wrote: View Post

He WAS a villain. The guy was pretty much an intergalactic rapist looking for someone he could impregnate.
But he needed someone to look after the Ocampas and was about to die. "The needs of the many..."
He didn't seem to care about all the people he killed by experimenting on them or died being brought there or killed by the Kazon.

And it never occurred to him to just ask the people he brought for help.
I didn't say he was perfect but I see him more like a misguided do-gooder than someone truly evil. And his mate was even more misguided and confused than he was. It must be a common trait of their species. Powerful but a bit clueless.
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