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Go Back   The Trek BBS > Star Trek TV Series > The Next Generation

The Next Generation All Good Things come to an end...but not here.

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Old January 19 2014, 03:28 PM   #16
Bad Thoughts
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy


Riker: You say this is the Chief's special "Irish blend?"
Picard: It explains his marriage, wouldn't you say?
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Old January 19 2014, 03:31 PM   #17
Finn
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy

Belated thanks for my win two contests ago



Beverly:*growls*

Worf: *mutters* She's turning me on
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Old January 19 2014, 03:43 PM   #18
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy


Data: With the end of net neutrality, we can no longer afford to stream from Netflix. All we can get are blob animations.
Picard: Which means I'll actually have to talk to Beverly afterward.
Data: At least you do not have to hear stories of Tasha's troubled youth or her awkward moralizing about drugs.
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Old January 19 2014, 04:03 PM   #19
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy



Picard: I've just had my annual Captain's evaluation and lost points for having too many long meetings with my bridge crew. So, I've gathered you all here to have a meeting discussing how to have fewer meetings that last over 15 minutes. If you'll all direct your attention to the viewscreen so you can watch the Powerpoint I've created...



Crusher: I got here as fast as I could, what's the medical emergency?

Picard: I have a hangnail.

Worf: *muttering to himself* These humans and their petty problems...



Troi: Okay, gentlemen, you are here for your weekly mandatory sensitivity training. Captain, will you go first and explain to us why you're here?

Picard: I told Lt. Yar she had some real nice "Sweater Puppies."

Data: Query, Sir, what do you mean by "Sweater Puppies?"

Picard: It's slang for breasts, especially, um, firm ones.

Data: Ah, as in "boobies," "jugs," "melons," "gazongas," "milk bags..."

Troi: Data! That's enough! And, a perfect example of why you're here!



Picard: Well, Mr. Data, what has your investigation uncovered.

Data: Impossible as it seems, apparently you are correct, that due to my olfactory senses detecting the smell first, I must have been the one to discharge intestinal gases.

Picard: I understand you never had a childhood, Data, but believe me, there was more truth shared on the primary school playground than one would, at first, believe. Now, be careful in returning to your station. That last encounter with a Klingon has opened a crack in the bridge floor. You know what will happen if you step on it...



Picard: It's the simple pleasures in life, Will. This mug of Earl Grey, for example.

Riker: Some New Orleans jazz.

Picard: A good book.

Riker: The viewscreen showing the feed from the hidden cameras you installed in Troi's quarters.

Picard: Quiet, Will, she's going to take a shower!
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Old January 19 2014, 04:50 PM   #20
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy



Picard: Will, these Blu-Rays are amazing. The quality is first-rate. For example, you can really see that awkward move you always do when you hunch your shoulder and slink out of the room like so.

Riker: Hey!!
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Old January 19 2014, 05:36 PM   #21
Holdfast
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy

That Picard/Troi 'shop is truly frightening.






PICARD: OK, so it's agreed. We blame it all on La Forge.





CRUSHER: And the really weird thing is, I found traces of Klingon DNA at the murder scene.





PICARD (rapping): I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh






PICARD: FMV Laserdisc games really are the future, aren't they.





RIKER (thinking): Drugs taking a long time to kick in today.
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Old January 19 2014, 06:30 PM   #22
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy


PICARD: Welcome to this firs meeting of Geordi Mocking Clu....NUMBAH ONE! YOU'RE NOT FUNNY AT ALL YOU RACIST PRICK!
RIKER: You think you're better with your pieces of rug on your heads?
DATA: I am his """BEST""" friend.
PICARD: And I'm bald...so go put on a visor and remove this revolting **sniff** chocolate!!!
Troi: Chocolate? Can I go with him?
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Old January 19 2014, 06:45 PM   #23
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy



Crusher: "I've got Ten Forward's room service menu and tapes of The English Patient and Bridget Jones's Diary. Wanna make a night of it?"
Worf: "Yeesh!"
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Old January 19 2014, 07:17 PM   #24
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy

T4WLH!



Picard: Then it's settled. When Wesley comes onto the bridge tomorrow we'll all wear beards and convince him his impure thoughts have ruined this timeline.




Beverly: Come on, Captain - the wrestling, the bondage and pain sticks, the tentacle ravaging, the platform boots, the tea and poetry - all goes to show you the superiority of the Klingon warrior -
Worf: Ohhh?
Beverly: - at being totally gay.
Worf: Awwww.




Data: Sir, I do not believe that "Sid the Invisible Sentient Slinky" is a legitimate alien life form.
Troi: To be fair, Data, I often sense a desire to push something down some stairs.
Picard: Quiet! She's sleeping.




Data: No sir, I was not aware that giving sappy Italian names to photon torpedo yields would cause them to be overcharged.




Picard: Do you know why the anomaly got a trophy, Number One?
Riker: Sir?
Picard: Because it was spatial.
Riker: Yes sir.
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Old January 19 2014, 09:40 PM   #25
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy


Crusher: Looking at the tests, IVF would be our best option.
Picard: Well, then, I want my son to be tall, strong, athletic, with luxurious long hair, perhaps mocha skin, and the ability to kick Wesley's arse.
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Old January 20 2014, 02:09 PM   #26
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy

Nerys Myk wrote: View Post


PICARD: Since Crusher and Yar aren't here, we can make fun of them. I'll start...
Picard: "How many Tasha Yars does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Worf: "What's a "light bulb?"

Data: "Since we're tell jokes about Tasha and screwing ..."



Picard: "What have you discovered Data?"

Data: "Sir, these lights keep blinking out of sequence."

Picard: "Well get them to blink in sequence."

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Old January 20 2014, 04:26 PM   #27
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy



Riker: "I must say, Captain, I'm very impressed with your new crew evaluation procedures."
Picard: Thank you, Number One. Now, Ensign, you've done very well in the question-and-answer and talent portions of the evaluation."
Riker: "Nice song, by the way!"
Picard: "Indeed! And now it's time to move on to the swimsuit competition!"
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Old January 20 2014, 05:16 PM   #28
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy



Picard: So you all know why I called this long overdue meeting.
Riker: Where are all the green chicks, sir?
Picard: Where are all the green chicks.
Worf <grumbling>: I too have been doubting some of the promises the Starfleet recruiter told me.




Plus he's gross, and his stomach is always making noises; he smells like dead fish and prune juice, and the nurses all request a day off when it's his turn for a physical - and - <looks around, steps closer> - he's standing right behind me, isn't he?




Picard: - and then you do the Picard Maneuver.
Data: You mean yawn and stretch your arm around her, sir?
Troi: I have a bad feeling about why I was asked here.




Do you know why Counselor Troi left Earth, Number One?
Sir?
She saw the ring around Uranus.
Yes sir.

Last edited by Triskelion; January 20 2014 at 06:29 PM.
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Old January 20 2014, 08:52 PM   #29
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy


PICARD: Great, Bullocks to Stan, I like so much this episode!
RIKER: I don't know sir, why would Hayley would sleep with an old bald dude?
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Old January 21 2014, 12:44 AM   #30
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Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy



Picard: What do you say to Deanna?

Data: I apologize for my experiment with Betazoidity. I realize announcing that Earth is a Class M planet when we returned to the Sol system was not necessary as it is well known and obvious to all of us. I hope you are no longer offended, Counselor.
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