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Go Back   The Trek BBS > Star Trek TV Series > The Next Generation

The Next Generation All Good Things come to an end...but not here.

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Old December 24 2013, 10:26 PM   #1
LeadHead
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TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit

Hello everyone! Sorry I missed the weekend, but I have today off too, so it's all part of the weekend for me. Okay, I think my popularity score just plummeted. Better get the winners going!




First up to the plate, we have the "Security Alert: Cancelled" Award, going to:

TresKings wrote: View Post


Riker: Stand down, everybody. She was just approaching the viewsreen, not the helm.

Troi: Hey!

Next, we have the "Healthy Competition" Award, going to:

Bearded Bloke wrote: View Post

Picard: And the winner for best gold shirt is...
Next, we have the "Klingon Case Study" Award, going to:

Pel the Yeshiva Ferengi wrote: View Post

Riker: Isn't throwing furniture a prelude to lovemaking in Klingon culture?
Next, we have the "No wonder Admirals are so unpopular" Award, going to:

JirinPanthosa wrote: View Post


ADMIRAL HARTFEL: Yes Jean Luc, I know you helped establish that Data was a person with individual rights. That's why we are summarily taking his daughter away from him without appeal, just like we would do for ANY human being!
Next, we have the "No Miracle on Deck 34" Award, going to:

Holdfast wrote: View Post


PICARD: Noooo... I fell asleep and missed him again!
CRUSHER: I'm sure you'll see him next year, Jean-Luc. But look, he drank the brandy, ate the mince pie, and left you lots of presents!
Our Photoshop Award (and with North Pole Myk's permission, maybe my new avatar after we switch back from Holiday names) is:

North Pole Myk wrote: View Post


DATA: Careful, Captain. The Botany Department warns that this planet's flora has psychotropic properties.




shivkala wrote: View Post


Picard: Captain's Log: Data is close to introducing us to his "daughter," what will, perhaps prove to be the greatest advancement in cybernetic development since Dr. Soong created Data, himself. The crew and even Starfleet is teeming with questions: If an android can create another android, does that make the first android a god? Will this spell the end of human beings exploring space, when we can just send out some androids? Do androids have a soul? Is it ethical to allow Mr. Data to create another android? What if his "daughter" ends up like Lore, his brother? However, I, personally, am most interested to learn the answer to a question my first officer, Commander Riker, asked, "Is she hot?"


Avro Arrow wrote: View Post


Riker: ...so then the next morning, I saw Ensign Monroe coming out of Ensign Carlyle's quarters!
Troi: Really? Those two? I never would have thought...
LaForge: Um, could you two focus for a minute? Shields at 20%, and the Warbird is circling for another attack run!
Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Anybody know what I changed recently? I didn't see anyone post a guess last time around.

And now a new contest!











Enjoy and have happy holidays!
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Old December 24 2013, 10:31 PM   #2
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



Picard: Q, I appreciate the thought, but the computer can play a recording of Feliz Navidad.




Picard: Excellent, lets hit the pub!

Data: Captain, what about Doctor Pulaski?

Picard: You're right, Mister Data. You wait outside.



Data: I see you standing there, no peeking at your Christmas gifts.

Wesley: You're holding a disembodied foot, I'm walking away and calling security!



Riker: Worf, you really could've done a better job wrapping this.




La Forge: And after you've all opened your presents, you can store them in my state of the art vault...
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Last edited by LeadHead; December 25 2013 at 07:57 PM.
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Old December 24 2013, 11:25 PM   #3
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



Data: "Wesley, should I surmise, by the captain's reaction, that the standard mariachi band is not the traditional instrumentation for the Troggs' 'Wild Thing'?"




LaForge: "Captain! Commander! Look at this bitchin' model of Deep Space 9 I assembled!"
Riker: "Uh...that's supposed to be Deep Space 9?"
LaForge: "Well, it's from an AMC kit, so there are bound to be a few inaccuracies."
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Old December 24 2013, 11:44 PM   #4
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit

TFTW!! And Merry Christmas to all TNG fans.





PICARD: I hate office Christmas parties.





PICARD: New Year's Eve, all dressed up and nowhere to go.
DATA: At least you have me, Captain.
PICARD: That means this much to me.





DATA: One moment, Wesley. First I need to lubricate my pistons. Then I'll be with you.





RIKER: Well. It's big, isn't it... OK, OK, New Year's Resolution: no more impulse eBay buys.





GEORDI: Yours doesn't have batteries included.
PICARD: Sorry Will. But it's Christmas morning and all the shops are shut. You'll have to wait until tomorrow.
RIKER: I want to play with it NOW!!
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Old December 24 2013, 11:58 PM   #5
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



Geordi:...well, guys?

Picard: Um...It worked...with Bev...Vash

Riker: Sure, Geordie. It'll help you get a date

OR



Riker: ...But you can't make a program to get yourself laid

Geordi: It worked for Data
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Old December 25 2013, 01:50 AM   #6
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



DATA: You didn't see nothin'

@ Leadhead: feel free to make that shop into an av.
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Old December 25 2013, 04:30 AM   #7
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



Picard: Wrong human holiday, Q.



Fans who thought that the wait for Sherlock series 3 was too long, won't be happy to learn that the wait for series 4 was so long, Picard and Data took to making their own, fan-made version, to tide them over.



Data: No, Wesley, I can not give you a hand, however, I would be glad to give you a foot.



Worf: I must protest, Commander, the Captain has expressly ordered us not to peek at our gifts early!



Geordi: It's a hyperspace tesseract folded into a three-dimensional model.

Picard: That's great, Geordi, but what's it for?

Geordi: Oh, uh, you put your weed in there.
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Old December 25 2013, 04:37 AM   #8
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



RIKER: But what does it do?

LAFORGE: It's a hand warmer.
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The boring one, the one with Khan, the one where Spock returns, the one with whales, the dumb one, the last one, the one with Kirk, the one with the Borg, the stupid one, the bad one, the new one, the other one with Khan.
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Old December 25 2013, 12:27 PM   #9
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



Captain's Log Stardate 43908.4: I'm beginning to seriously regret agreeing to Mr. Cowell's request to let the Enterprise host the regional heats of The Galaxy's Got Talent.





Picard: Hmm... looks like dog poo. *SNIFF* Smells like dog poo. *LICKS* Yep, it's dog poo.





Data: I hope the Captain likes my daughter, but I worry he might give her THE BOOT.

Because this is her foot you see. That is a joke or play on words.





Riker: Remember, what happens in the space shanty-town brothel stays in the space shanty-town brothel.




Geordi:... And one day all special effects will be done this way.

Picard: Nonsense!
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Old December 25 2013, 01:39 PM   #10
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit


Troi: Captain, I'm sensing an alien presence.



Picard: Yes, well..Let's skip searching the Dentist's office and move further along in the program shall we Data? Computer!


Touch my shit again and I will end you!



Worf: Commander, get your hand off my ass!



Geordi: "Holo-Doll... you can't tell she's not real!" ...And it has its own propulsion system.
Riker: Whoa!
Geordi: Yeah, Barkley and I are retiring next week
Picard: Merde
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Old December 25 2013, 02:40 PM   #11
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



Data: "I suggest we have the computer's auditory sensors upgraded. This is not the villain I selected for my Sherlock Holmes holoprogram."



Picard: "I think we were meant to find this double-headed penny. The evil Mariachi surely came this way..."
Data: "Metathesis is one of the more common pronunciation errors, sir..."
Picard: "Shut up, Data!



Data: "You should not be here before Christmas, Wesley. I haven't finished assembling your sex-droid yet."



Riker: "Okay, here's the net. Why do we need the phasers?"
Worf: "You haven't seen Klingon fish, sir."



Captain's personal log. When it comes to engineering, I find that I'd much rather the damned thing work, rather than spend fifteen minutes each briefing having it explained to me in words I don't understand. However I must remain sensitive to Mr LaForge's sense of professionalism and not attempt to limit his right of expression. I wonder if a blanket ban on jazz hands will be tactful enough to shut him up before I die of bordedom...
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Old December 25 2013, 03:24 PM   #12
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



RIKER: We've checked every gin joint, flop house and brothel on this planet, but still no sign of the Captain.
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The boring one, the one with Khan, the one where Spock returns, the one with whales, the dumb one, the last one, the one with Kirk, the one with the Borg, the stupid one, the bad one, the new one, the other one with Khan.
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Old December 25 2013, 06:37 PM   #13
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



Picard: Guess what I'm doing, Data.
Data: I don't care.
Picard: I'm fondling someone's pence.
Data: Now I know why Scotty is still beaming himself up.



Data: After experimenting all night, I must conclude that Commander Worf's threat was meant figuratively. <waddles off>
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Old December 25 2013, 07:01 PM   #14
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit



Data: Wesley, I must request that you leave my lab at once. I am assembling a sentient being, not a sexbot.
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Old December 25 2013, 09:42 PM   #15
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Re: TNG Caption This! 339: Holiday Spirit


Geordi: How about this? We could do it as a musical and I can play him as a Jamaican.

Picard: No Mistah Laforge.

[a few hours later]

Geordi, singing with mock Jamaican accent:


Picard: I said NO Mistah Laforge.

Geordi, over communicator: Screw you slaphead!
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