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The Next Generation All Good Things come to an end...but not here.

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Old September 16 2013, 05:34 PM   #16
The Laughing Vulcan
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King

Mistral wrote: View Post





Picard: "OK, I want to know-Who threw the first punch?"
Data: "That would be you, sir. You got, and I quote, 'totally rat-arsed' on a bottle of Chateau Picard 2312, and called Ensign Henley-Smythe in Botanical, a festering pus-pit of a ros-bif, insulted his mother, suggested that he was his own father through illegal use of time-travel, violently broke wind over his beloved geraniums, causing them to wilt by 57%, and then punched him to the ground, before repeatedly kicking him in the genitals. It took Lieutenant Yar and five security guards to pull you off him, during which time, and in full restraint, you still managed to make sexual advances to Lieutenant Yar, Ensign Lynch, and the control panel to holodeck 3. You were then taken to the brig, where you fell asleep while singing a previously unknown pornographic verse of Frere Jacques."

Picard: "Ah, the 2312, an interesting year."
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Last edited by The Laughing Vulcan; September 16 2013 at 05:44 PM.
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Old September 16 2013, 08:35 PM   #17
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King


Picard: Gah! Indian food and wine don't mix. My colon is on warp five.
Riker: For the fifth time, Sir, that is not the bathroom.
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Old September 16 2013, 08:37 PM   #18
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King


Picard: What do you mean I was drunk on wine and I shat in the turbolift? I don't remember a thing.
Riker: Believe me, Sir. It happened. I stepped in it.
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Old September 16 2013, 08:40 PM   #19
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King


Crusher: Why does the turbolift smell like an outhouse loaded with Indian food?
Picard: Don't say a damn word, Mr. Data.
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Old September 16 2013, 08:45 PM   #20
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King


Geordi: Did you hear what the Captain did? I'll be having cleaning crews scrubbing that turbolift until next Wednesday and the smell will never come out. I wonder what made him want to eat Indian food with red wine, and why he got so drunk.
Troi: Uh..yeah...I wonder, too.
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Old September 16 2013, 10:57 PM   #21
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King



Geordi: - So after we arrive in Sector Twenty, we'll transfer the shipment -
Troi: Quiet - someone is about to lose their virginity. Oh never mind. It's just Wesley's left hand.



Picard: Number One, set a course for the easy bake oven cupcake.
Riker: He's baked again.
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Old September 17 2013, 01:03 AM   #22
Geoff Peterson
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King



RIKER: Computer, play "Love In An Elevator". Authorization: Riker 0025942.
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Old September 17 2013, 02:09 AM   #23
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King



Picard: Damn it, Wil! I told you not to let her drive again!
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Old September 17 2013, 03:53 AM   #24
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King



Cast: all thinking this episode is going to suck.
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Last edited by Mutai Sho-Rin; September 17 2013 at 02:19 PM. Reason: Correct bold coding.
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Old September 17 2013, 04:55 AM   #25
Insp.LeStrange
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King



Data: Watch out for his bishop! He'll have your King in seven moves! Use the 4D Zuckertort Reversal! The 4D Zuckertort!

Picard: Our Science Officer started out as a Gameboy CD.
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Old September 17 2013, 05:03 AM   #26
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King



Picard was not amused when Wesley streaked through Ten Forward.
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Old September 17 2013, 03:51 PM   #27
IzzyAtWarp9
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King



Crusher: Look at me! I've got no neck!
Picard: Doctor Crusher, stop that at once! We have serious business to conduct with the representatives from this world
Representive-braided-hair-woman: Look at me! I'm a chess table!
Picard:... OK then, carry on



Troi: Geordi, before I give you any type of counselling I would feel more comfortable if you put some trousers on



Picard: Numba One, help! Someone's been messing around with the superglue!
Riker: Oh this is going straight on Spacebook



Geordi: Captain, help! I'm stuck to you!
Riker: Worf, help! I'm stuck to you!
Data: Captain I appear to be stuck to the computer console
Picard: DAMN SUPERGLUUUUUUUUUUE!!!



Picard: Hmm... those buttons remind me of a song... (starts humming)
Data: Captain, are you about to start singing?
Crusher: (bursts in) Am I late? Did I miss it? (starts beating tiny drum and dancing)
Data: Captain, is this really-
Picard: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old September 17 2013, 07:11 PM   #28
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King

TFTW!!




CRUSHER (thinking): Oh God, he's eyeing up the chess set again, isn't he? I hate having to play that game with him... is it too soon to fake a headache again?





TROI: I'm going to look away and pretend I didn't see a Goddess of Empathy screensaver on your laptop there.





PICARD: I know I say it every time, but that really is the last time I party with the Duras sisters.

EDIT - whoops, I see Velocity already beat me to - essentially - this punchline. How about instead:

PICARD: I don't know why you're laughing, Riker. You're due in sickbay next.





PICARD: It's simply unacceptable, Mr Data.
DATA: Aye sir, I'll have the carpet relaid immediately.





CRUSHER: I love you.
PICARD: I know.
<carbonite freezes her in place>
DATA: Well, that was weird...
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Old September 17 2013, 08:58 PM   #29
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King

Thanks for the win!



Crusher: A stable wormhole?
Picard: It leads to the Gamma Quadrant. Just think of the exploration the Federation could do there.
Crusher: What if there's a vast xenophobic interplanetary empire behind it that wants to invade?
Picard: War? What a primitive concept. That will never happen.




Troi: Women trouble again? -sigh- I'll clear out three hours next week.



Riker: Problem sir?
Picard: Oh no, Number One. I've just been making it so. That's why the inertial dampeners have been shaking, I've been rocking the boat.



Picard: I don't know who you people think you are, but I want to know why masking tape is on my clean floor. Mr. Data, clean this up.
Data: Aye sir, switching from blow mode, to suck mode.





Picard: Ah, Dr Crusher, good. Please wait in my ready room. Number one, you have the bridge. I shall be making a.... log entry.
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Old September 17 2013, 09:33 PM   #30
Insp.LeStrange
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Re: TNG Caption This! 327: False King



Picard: Launch a probe into the anomaly.
Crusher: Did someone say anal probe?
All: NO!
Data: It is statistically improbable that she misunderstood.




Geordi: I feel that women ignore me.
Troi: Hm? Has that fish always been there?
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